The Dying Art of Conversation

millennialpink2000 · 2021-11-09T01:58:33+00:00

About 10 years ago I had a female friend who was about 20 years older than me, single, no kids, never married. She used to tell me all the time that men are boring. She went out with lots of guys in her 80s heyday and dumped a bunch of them because they couldn't carry a conversation. At the time I didn't believe her but it didn't take too long to know she was right. Men couldn't carry a conversation if they had a bucket.

The other thing she was right about is that women are the ones who buy tickets and go to things. Women will see an art show for example, call their friends, buy tickets and go. Men won't. Men complain they can't meet women but they play video games every waking moment of the day. Hmm a tough thing to figure out

whitefox00 · 2021-11-09T00:18:12+00:00

AMEN. I guess because I’m quiet and introverted, I attract the men that love to monologue about themselves. There have been several (first only) dates where the guy legitimately just talked about himself the entire time. Even when I tried to interject he would just interrupt me to talk about himself more. Conversations should be like a tennis match-each person takes turns.

The most horrific aspect is that these men couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to see them again because they felt like “we had a real connection”. They never noticed that I barely said 5 words and they literally knew nothing about me. SMH

jupitarianrise · 2021-11-09T00:51:18+00:00

Yeah, it’s exhausting.

I attempted to have a nice conversation with a man, and he never bounced off what I said. I was really helping him out. He was just talking about himself, and ignoring what I said about me, as if my messages were never delivered.

Imagine what it must be like talking to him in person… might as well go to the theatre and watch a monologue from a professional actor.

I don’t even bother answering him anymore. 😑

ceramicunicorn · 2021-11-09T04:26:20+00:00

When he asks not a single question about me.

I’d ask “why are we even here”, but I already know it’s generally just an expectation that things will naturally transition to sex if I just sit in the proximity of his magic long enough. Like his presence is a solar charger, I’m the device, and it’s just a matter of waiting side by side until I’m juiced up enough for usage.

I don’t know what’s happened to men, I really don’t. They used to at least have the skills to fake it.

sofiacarolina · 2021-11-09T02:27:48+00:00

It literally feels like I have to converse for myself and the man and it’s so exhausting. it feels like a one woman show 🤦🏻‍♀️ I saw a meme the other day alluding to this about how every single man this woman has been with has been so boring she’s done all the work so rly she’s fallen in love with herself. lmao. youre spot on about how men interact with us as if we’re men (men with vaginas) bc the way men bond is very interesting: they don’t talk. like they don’t have deep conversations, they don’t get into anything in depth with one another. most of their friendships are based on shared interests/activities they do together rather than mental compatibility and rapport.

edit: actually on second thought it’s not that they interact with us like we’re men bc if they did they’d respect us..lol..I honestly feel that they’re just socially stunted and don’t have the capacity for more due to this being their norm within their closest relationships (which are usually with men)/socialization

drslvtr · 2021-11-09T01:32:21+00:00

A great conversation is a foreplay. When it's done tastefully, evoking curiosity and playfulness, there's nothing like it. I have come across only a few men in my 33 years of life who have mastered this art.

I've met men who couldn't listen. I could see they were preparing their lines in their head as I talked. I've met men who loved to listen to themselves. They were so in love with themselves, I was only a wall that their words bounced back. I've met men who claimed to be good listeners. They thought saying nothing was all they had to do, making me feel uncomfortable and obliged to fill the silence.

I remember having great conversations with my ex husband in the beginning of our relationship, and a few men I've dated so far. A good, proper conversation should make me feel heard, satisfied and curious. And I think it's only possible if both parties are genuinely interested in each other.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-11-09T00:29:36+00:00

Out of curiosity, is this on chat, or in person? I’ve realized that I hate talking on the phone or video but do just fine in person lol

I can talk on the phone for work, but yeah: I’d prefer not to do it at all in my personal life

Men need to be able to at least maintain a face to face conversation

1x9x1x7 · 2021-11-09T04:23:06+00:00

Got, for real. A friend and I talk about this all the time - it's so fucking bizarre. They will start conversations with you online or in person in the most asinine ways. There's the men who asked you 20 questions but then give shitty/one word/no answers if you try to engage with them back and are like literal NPC's, head empty no thoughts, etc. Then there's the men who never shut the fuck up about themselves. I have overheard so many dates in the city with the guy literally talking nonstop, never giving the girl a chance to get a word in. And then they tell her she's such a good listener, lol.

feministcutie · 2021-11-09T05:48:15+00:00

Carrying a conversation is so simple. You literally listen to what the person says, say something in return that is related, and they say something that is related to what you said. If a man can't do that without you continuously pushing it along or they're giving very dry answers, exactly right as you said, just drop them.

If they won't even listen to you for the small things they won't listen when you have important or big things. And they pull the "I hate small talk" or "I'm introverted" or "I have social anxiety" like yeah so do I but it's just basic respect to try and carry a conversation with your date. And there are people who have those issues and suffer from it, not those men being dry af and uncaring and using it as a shield 🙄

scf21078 · 2021-11-09T05:00:18+00:00

This!!! I think it’s primarily because they lack hobbies. I was talking to some one the other day who said he had NO hobbies whatsoever. Blocked him… so boring 😂

pinkcorolla · 2021-11-09T05:48:20+00:00

I was talking to this guy seriously for quite some time (4 weeks which is a new record for me) I was really excited about him but alas, I’m always disappointed 🥲. He asked me a question about me but I remember covering the topic a while ago which had me questioning if he was even listening to me all this time. I proceeded to ask him questions about me which I’ve already talked about which concluded he wasn’t listening at all. I felt like such a clown, I ended it with him but oh my gosh, is it so hard to listen?!

Sunshine_Daisies2525 · 2021-11-09T01:22:52+00:00

This is a good one! Thanks for the reminder.

I had to learn this the hard way, as an extrovert who can spark awesome conversations with anyone. Just let the conversation die and experience the excruciating silence. If he lets the ball drop, you have to have an emotional memory of it. Don’t be tempted to fill the silence or give him ideas, or you won’t notice if he’s boring or dumb.

The_Oracle_of_Delphi · 2021-11-09T11:24:06+00:00

I used to enjoy conversations with my ex. Even though I did most of the “heavy lifting”, he agreed with everything I said, so I felt validated. Eventually, though, he would come home from visits with his friend - whose worldview is the polar opposite of mine - and he would repeat everything that guy said, and be in agreement with him, too. That’s when I realized that my ex just adapts to whoever he is talking to, but has no internal beliefs/moral compass to guide him. He was a “yes man”, not a partner with his own independent thoughts and ideas.

BasieSkanks · 2021-11-09T11:17:08+00:00

I noticed this as well. The number of men who cannot hold a conversation about anything besides sex. I remember being floored by a guy I met on OLD who could hold a civil conversation. We ended up speaking for several hours and it was so refreshing to have a conversation with a man that was insightful and engaging. The bar is in hell.

AstrydRyder · 2021-11-09T11:40:42+00:00

OMG especially these newcoming college kids.

I'm a junior. Had this freshman dude come up to me and ask for my socials. I give him one and the next day he slides into the DMs. Or, rather stumbles bc the BEST that he had as an opening line was "wyd".

VERY FIRST MESSAGE TO ME. No effort whatsoever.

I try to start conversations but he dodges all my questions and tries to get me to tell him exactly what kinda answers I wanna hear. Blocked and deleted, wasn't gonna waste my time. If I'm breaking my back to get you to engage you're not worth it😂

pukubr · 2021-11-09T02:54:06+00:00

I think it's not that they're "boring" but they're "self absorbed" and it's so funny that men used to say women are the boring ones without any thoughts when I can guarantee it's because they dont bother learning anything about the pwrson hes talking to.

I think men absolutely deserve their loneliness, that's why they all want a girlfriend. Pretty much every woman is capable of listening and creating wonderful conversation. I doubt they get this kind of sensitivity from their bros, who are all self absorbed assholes like he is. If they want to dominate the conversation, they can do that with their fellow bros - except they realize how empty and pathetic that is which is why they all want a girlfriend because women understand the art of conversation. Conversation really just requires empathy and most men are narcissists by default. they get through life memorizing facts and numbers and manipulating people, taking advantage of what patriarchy has given them, or using their brute force, so they never had to learn about other people's feelings and interests.

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-09T11:50:34+00:00

It’s fuckinnh exhausting. Specially with introverted, shy men. I remember being in a brunch with his family and trying to keep up when he was all quiet and with his phone, as an extrovert i didn’t caren that much but when he pull the “you should make all the plans and tell me to do something to got out” Wtffff, i was so tired with the university + this scrote that all i wanted to do was sleep. So yes girls please find some real men that can stand up for you and his beliefs, and is an actual social being .

(The fun part is when things ended with this lvm, i suddenly got all my energy back lol)

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-09T02:55:08+00:00

My mom died of cancer in 2016. She'd been with my "Stepdad" (IE: she'd been his forever girlfriend), with two of his kid. She told me over and over.... "I hate your father (not my stepdad, my biological father), but he could have a conversation!"

I never really understood what she meant, but I do, now. My ex porn addict, my ex serial killer.... They were both narcissists, of course, but hey. They could have a conversation.

No wonder my dad could have a conversation. He was a narcissist, too. Fucking men. They either communicate too well and manipulate you or not at all and are total loser duds that no one wants to touch, let alone fuck.

hurtstobehuman · 2021-11-09T00:40:57+00:00

I am so happy against all odds you found this person!!!

Now I WAS married to a man who used me as a live-in therapist. NEVER AGAIN. Divorcing his ass currently.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-09T04:50:53+00:00

Their brains are damaged. Aside from porn, weed, and video games, I have a theory that even excessively interacting with other men results in a slow decline of their intelligence and social skills.

2021-11-09T11:44:44+00:00

Ugh dealing with this now and it took me a minute to figure out why his messages annoy me when I see them. At first it was cute and semi interesting but then it became “I would come rub your back” or something equally meh, like what do I say to that-I don’t know you so I don’t want you to come rub my back. So I tried to get him to talk about anything of substance. I ended up getting the résumé version of his college and work history and then he told me his favorite color. Idk it’s boring and feels like pulling teeth just to talk about anything not involving my bed.

radfem_babe · 2021-11-09T16:55:16+00:00

The entwives left because the ents couldn't hold a conversation.

Determinedblonde · 2021-11-09T08:28:42+00:00

I’m autistic and yet I can make better conversation than half of the neurotypical people I know.

I think a lot of people just cannot converse any more. I find conversations hard with both sexes, but when I meet someone who is socially capable, the conversation never dies or falls flat.

Don’t even get me started on people who haven’t mastered comfortable silences!

cinequefoils · 2021-11-09T18:41:28+00:00

I rarely have an issue with men who prefer to monologue, rather I attract men who have absolutely nothing to say so I just carry the conversation. I won’t accept it anymore but in my youth I definitely went on way too many dates with “quiet” guys who actually were just boring and uninteresting and looking for a woman to spice up their life.

On the rare occasion I get a long winded guy, I do have a lot of fun coming up with new ways to get him to shut up.

East-Willingness513 · 2021-11-09T00:38:16+00:00

I’m so glad I’m married. Now I just have no need to have mediocre conversations with men who will neg or use me as emotional labour.

Waste-Win · 2021-11-09T13:19:28+00:00

Honestly, they can carry a conversation it's just they are not interested enough.

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Title	The Dying Art of Conversation
Author	hurtstobehuman
Upvotes	761
Comments	76
Date	November 9, 2021 12:05 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qpqxti/the_dying_art_of_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-dying-art-of-conversation.1085137 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085137