Yep.

Le_Lotus_bleu · 2020-08-04T05:30:15+00:00

Funny (as in "Interesting")

I would have gone on the ...

"I would rather chose a boy first, so when the younger sis is in HS and Uni he can defend her from creeps and bad guys bf wannabes"

applestorm · 2020-08-04T08:01:25+00:00

It's remind me of the tweet "are you happy or are you the oldest daughter?"

trettles · 2020-08-04T09:02:32+00:00

Ugh. I was put in this position as a teenage girl with a brother 10 years younger. I also have a brother 3 years older, but he was never asked to babysit.

I credit this experience with the biggest contribution to me being childfree. This seems to be very common on the childfree sub. If you want grandchildren, do not make your eldest daughter babysit your younger kids.

royaldetour · 2020-08-04T05:32:24+00:00

Ugh. Oldest daughters are totally expected to take on the responsibility of being second mom. Reminds me of a meme posted here a while ago asking if you had a good childhood or were you the oldest daughter.

Pahapan · 2020-08-04T09:25:40+00:00

My oldest sibling is my half sister from my mom's first marriage and she was basically forced to raise her 5 younger siblings when my parents separated, because my dad only had us on the weekends and our mom had to work so much. She moved out asap when she was like 19 or 20. I'm honestly surprised she went on to have kids of her own after having her childhood stolen from her like that, having to raise a bunch of bratty little half siblings because her PickMe mom wouldn't stop marrying dickheads.

Pahapan · 2020-08-04T10:25:44+00:00

every family I ever observed growing up saw their daughters as built in baby sitters. even if she was the youngest, if the oldest child was male, it was up to her to look after her siblings. it's so fucked. tho I'm an only child, I experienced the same at church when mothers would ask me, a, what, 7/8 year old? to watch their child while they ran to the bathroom or something...even if the child's fucking father was right there...I always said no or my mom would step in, but that left a huge impression on me. other times women would ask me to play w/ their younger kids + my mom would get mad at me when I refused. thank god I did lmfao we love boundaries. anyways, that's why (among other things...like logic) I'm childfree + don't want to be married (unless he meets every standard, which would never happen...still would be childfree in marriage regardless)

and yea he definitely meant harm lmfao

typeadhd · 2020-08-04T06:30:15+00:00

As an oldest child who is a female this is what I was told and constantly live up to

iruoma · 2020-08-04T05:46:48+00:00

that’s honestly embarrassing. he can’t just raise his son to be the same way?

MakeURegret · 2020-08-04T11:42:12+00:00

“I know he meant no harm” okay sureeee, but it’s still pretty harmful.

CloacaDiddler · 2020-08-04T11:57:14+00:00

I would like to see a book full of shit like this - reasons why sexism is the sometimes invisible root of our world. Some of it is so obvious, but others can be surprising. Would just be an interesting experiment to see how damn thick a book full of such examples would be, and how many anyone is even aware of or actively contributing to.

daisy_0720 · 2020-08-04T13:28:41+00:00

It's amazing how fucking insidious misogyny is. Like it's woven into every cell and fiber of our being from the moment we're born.

Sometimes it really feels like we're fighting a losing battle.

veruscka · 2020-08-04T14:53:13+00:00

Oldest daughter = third parent. And often she is the “parent” to the actual parents too.

2020-08-04T17:24:25+00:00

In my sociology class, my professor made damn sure that his students knew that parentified oldest siblings ended up in poverty compared to their younger siblings. They don’t get time to take care of themselves, and I’m sure there’s other issues I don’t understand fully. Fuck this. It’s not your kids job to parent your other kids. Be prepared to care for your own kids or don’t have them. Don’t plan for one to get fucked over for life. This makes me want to scream. What a horrible parent in the making. I feel for any kids he ends up having. This shit shouldn’t be their problem.

Aly00ps · 2020-08-04T14:45:37+00:00

Yep. I was in this position as the youngest child.

You read that right, at 10 years old, I was expected to clean up after and cook for my 13 and 16 year old brothers.

detikripur · 2020-08-04T13:18:35+00:00

I was asked to be an example to my younger sibling. Everything I did my father would criticize because my sister would copy me and I had to be perfect. Also I was in charge of things I didn’t do for myself, like make her eat vegetables. In fairness my our older brother has been asked to babysit us time to time. But the moment my sister was born I was put in charge of her and he was in charge of us both but at the same time he could just ignore us. It was complicated. Never understood it. My sister grew to became a head strong woman and the process was ugly. I was told off because of her. Never did I made any mistakes, had no time.

balleballe111111 · 2020-08-04T15:08:58+00:00

I really hate the whole idea of older siblings parenting younger ones regardless of gender. As a youngest sibling I experienced how this damaged my relationships with my siblings, because they felt responsible for me so they were controlling and limiting of me. Only a few years apart, we could have been friends, but instead this power dynamic was set up. They didn't have that much more life experience than me, but I felt like all my experiences were preprocessed and spoon fed. When it involves older brothers and a younger sister it teaches both the brother and the sister that a male should be in charge (this is what "protective" is code for) of her body and choices. When it is an older sister it is unfair burden on the older sister. Parents should parent. Siblings should be taught to love and care for each other mutually as equals.

the_researcher_ · 2020-08-04T11:39:25+00:00

A bullet was dodged, I see.

BabyGothQ · 2020-08-04T15:11:35+00:00

For me it extends past family. I don’t know how many times complete strangers have just.. handed me their children and walked away.

I was at a fucking nude hot springs once and some couple shows up with their young kids, they immediately take a liking to me (as kids usually do with me) and the parents just meandered off to go set up camp or hike or what the fuck ever. I have no idea because they were completely out of sight of me, a stranger, at a public nude hot springs.

BigConfusion2 · 2020-08-04T11:41:29+00:00

Also boys tend to generally get away with shits girls wouldn't because we are supposed to be that elegant nature... My bro literally barfed like a dwarf... I did same .. everyone in the room ewww you can do that girls don't do that .. exuce me for not having penis and yes I know it's gross but this is mater of principle...

heladosky · 2020-08-04T18:09:43+00:00

For real I’m sick of it!! Literally every time my older brother (he’s 17 years older than me) fights in the house (yes he still lives with my parents) my mom says it’s my fault because I didn’t listen to him, he has depression and anxiety and legit my mom wants me to be his psychologist, I can’t, I only help him as far as I can but it also affects my mental health, and my mom and my brother don’t want to seek a psychologist because they say it would be worse for him wtf, my brother has hit me and sent me death threats but my mom thinks it’s ok as long as I take care of him.

Blackishcat27 · 2020-08-04T15:11:12+00:00

Well that's both mysoginistic and misandrist of him. My ten year old son is so so loving, protective and paternal to his little sister it's crazy. I genuinely thought they would fight all the time or not get along but he's very nurturing to her. He definitely looks after his sister.

bootyandthebeet · 2020-08-04T10:20:09+00:00

My LVM-ex never wanted children but when he spent some time with my niece he all of a sudden loved kids and wanted to have children (I’m sure it’s because it was fun to be around kids as a man-child, not to you know, raise them). But he only wanted a girl because “all boys are shit” lollll way to call yourself out.

bunnehluver · 2020-08-04T15:31:05+00:00

Ugh if your parenting strategy is “I’ll just indenture my child to be the new caretaker” , you shouldn’t be a parent.

rivkadidit · 2020-08-04T17:21:36+00:00

And so he can use her to look like a born-again, feminist, "good" man.

xNayxNayx · 2020-08-04T16:25:33+00:00

He meant no harm, but that’s why this type of thought process is so insidious and extremely harmful. It’s expected that a CHILD has to operate in an adult capacity because of their gender. This child doesn’t get to live out the fullness of their childhood. That is traumatic for some girls. and I’m going to speak from the place of a woman of color, this is especially harmful for us because we don’t get to be children past the age of nine or when we get boobs and become a threat. I’ve seen parents go on to have more children than they can handle because they have daughters that they feel entirely comfortable placing the burden of coparent on.

roguepeachpie · 2020-08-04T09:49:29+00:00

I hate the idea that older siblings, especially girls, are expected to take care of the rest of the family and their siblings, often sacrificing their own childhoods.

I’ve seen it with so many friends growing up, and even my cousins.

I’m an only child and I always just got to be a kid, and I’m so thankful for that.

Meanwhile my aunt had 5 kids in total, with a massive age gap between the first and the others. At 16 my cousin was getting up on school days changing nappies, packing lunches, and basically parenting.

Then last year I saw a YouTube video pop up on “parentification” and it blew my mind.

https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/parentification/

I literally sent that article to so many of my friends and family members who experienced it, and they finally felt like their feelings were valid.

If I ever have kids they’ll be my responsibility, not my other children’s. That’s a promise I’ll be making and definitely keeping

80081E5_96_420 · 2020-08-04T14:07:11+00:00

Yeah I was forced to stay home all the time and watch my brother when he was younger so they could go out or when they were at work after school/weekends. They didn't want a babysitter because he's diabetic and I know how to take care of him. I'm also 7 years older so I resented him a lot for it. Now my mum wonders why I don't stay in touch with friends from school. Probably because I never got to see them outside of school.

girlwithouttattoos · 2020-08-05T01:51:42+00:00

He already gave her a mental illness (codependence) before she is even born. Smh.

Oityouthere · 2020-08-04T16:33:27+00:00

tell me about it

Wiggy_Bop · 2020-08-04T16:53:15+00:00

It’s true, speaking as the oldest of three. You are trained to be Mommy’s Little Helper.

Studies say that boys who are raised with an older sister become better husbands because they understand women better. Don’t know if it’s true, but my brother is the youngest of two sisters and he’s a chill guy, with his wife and two daughters.

TheOGJammies · 2020-08-04T09:00:40+00:00

[removed]

TheOGJammies · 2020-08-04T09:35:13+00:00

[removed]

touyajp · 2020-08-04T15:11:54+00:00

I'll probably get downvoted but I had an older sister who did exactly this. But nobody asked it from her, nobody expected it from her.

My older brother didn't give a fuck about either of us. Nobody expected or asked that either.

Meaning to say: I agree it's audacious to expect this from girls, but I also believe it's more likely to shape out that way.

waddamelone · 2020-08-04T11:56:47+00:00

Well first I always daughters. Now I would love to have a son first and then daughters. But we’ll see when it’s time! I might be blessed with only sons. I’ll make sure that they’ll never be like the guys I have had to encounter. Disgraces to society. 🤢

Title	Yep.
Author	plembb
Upvotes	2728
Comments	100
Date	August 4, 2020 5:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i3dfdg/yep/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/yep.721020 https://theredarchive.com/post/721020

Comments