On incels.

stehmer3 · 2026-05-05T08:09:57+00:00

Today I saw a guy talking about issues he had with women during sex.

A lady responded and called him an incel.

He was literally talking about having sex and they called him an incel. It's just a meaningless insult at this point.

Argumentium · 2026-05-05T08:27:26+00:00

Society in general seems more interested in talking about men's behavior and beliefs as if men are these weird, unusual, and unknowable creatures, with people speculating on what men are like based on their pre-existing biases and experiences rather than just... asking them. It's especially annoying because people will sometimes just decide what men's opinions are even when the actual opinions of men contradict it.

As an example, when Roe v. Wade was overturned in the USA, many people decided it was simply because men hated women and because they were overwhelmingly against abortion rignts and women's rights. When looking at the actual stats however, a person's gender is unironically one of the least relevant factors for whether someone would be for or against abortion; political affiliation, age, and education all play much bigger roles in determining whether someone is for or against abortion.

It's just so dehumanizing... People are so constantly concerned and worried about what all these big bad evil men will do but won't actually talk to men to get a better understanding on men's beliefs and feelings. They treat men like these wild, unpredictable beasts who will attack others at a drop of a hat rather than actual human beings with reasons for why they are the way they are. This constant fear-mongering about what men are supposedly like is probably a big reason for why so many people just don't understand men as well as they think as they do.

Former-Dragonfly2226 · 2026-05-05T08:21:51+00:00

Incel is usually a misandrous slur, and can only be truly used in self identifying, although I question how many self identify informed by propaganda.

lifebeginsat9pm · 2026-05-05T08:37:42+00:00

The definition of incel has totally changed. A married man will abuse his wife and he will be called “incel”. And then people will say “incels are abusive” referring to the single men who haven’t hurt a fly.

intothewild72 · 2026-05-05T09:38:16+00:00

Incel as a concept has lost all meaning since they separated "involuntary celibate" part from it's definition.

Now it's just another insult to say "I do not agree with you"

RMAPOS · 2026-05-05T08:03:09+00:00

Many incels are disappointed about putting effort into not being the kind of assholes women are vocal about hating, while having a less active romantic life than said assholes do. With the stories women share about how the men they chose treat them, it can feel quite hurtful to a normal human being who's not a psychopathic abuser to be repeatedly second, third or no choice.

These men feel betrayed by the delta in what women say they want (rational wishes for e.g. long term stability and safety) and what they end up chosing (primal instincts about what makes a person attractive e.g. expectation of approach disproportionately favouring men with an ego problem or a Dunning Kruger idiot naturally being more charismatic than someone who knows better than to talk with conviction on matters he doesn't understand).

When incels voice this frustration, women interpret it as them saying "I was nice to you, so you have to have sex with me". Which is obviously a manipulative reframing to smear the intentions and moral character of the person critizising them in an attempt to shut down the argument. But those men are complaining about a behavioural pattern that does not line up with set expectations. Not about a particular lady not wanting to bone them. This is about being mislead and then villified for being angry about it, not about kindness>sex transaction. This is about dozens of experiences following a set pattern, not one particular woman simply not being attracted to one particular man. Meanwhile society likes to create a strawman about transactional demands and then calls it a day because "you don't need to argue with people who think they have a claim to someone sleeping with them".

It's obviously completely absurd to reward a behaviour A with affection and sex while "punishing" behaviour B (behavioural punishment type 2: not giving rewards) with emotional distance and loneliness and then wondering why the majority opts for doing A. After all, if the men who put effort lose out (and get scolded for being frustrated about it) while the men who behave like pricks have the time of their lives with the women who allegedly loathe them, then what incentive is there for men to act like the former? Moral superiority at the cost of one's own happiness, shot down by those who demand it? Moreover, aren't women giving young men role models with their choices?

That's not "I was nice to you, you have to have sex with me" as such critizism is quickly, defensively labeled. That's "You say you want A but then continuously chose B AND are mad that so many people prefer to be B rather than A because they want to be chosen every bit as much as you do - I feel lied to and believing your lie has caused me a lot of pain".

The majority of incels are lefties, btw. Which kind of ties in with the "the guys who treat women with respect are not attractive to them" narrative as well as the explanation that they are frustrated by having their ideals backstabbed by their comrades.

(also for people who constantly sleep with men who don't even view them as people they have pretty strong views on what moral paths someone is allowed to take to get laid)

volatile-solution · 2026-05-05T07:18:39+00:00

"incel" is a slur targeted towards men, which actually emasculates them. all slurs used against men like "short dick", etc.. are used to emasculate men, to denote that those men to whom these slurs are targeted are short on their masculinity, basically hitting them at their fragile insecurity.

there is no common slur that is used for men who are "too much" of a manly masculine men. they are still respected across all genders.

using "incel" slur is even problematic because indirectly it is denoted that women are just piece of meat who needs to be taken by men.

Mickenfox · 2026-05-05T12:13:45+00:00

Imagine if you just went up to a depressed person and just told them "you deserve to be sad because you probably don't shower, lol stop being so entitled (kys btw)".

And then when some of those people get radicalized and start joining Nazi groups or something, you put all the focus on them and be like "see? I told you they were bad people!!" to not have to talk about all the other lives you ruined.

You'd be the bad guy, is what I'm saying.

Aardwolfington · 2026-05-05T11:42:23+00:00

Anytime for any cause the argument is: "You just..." "You want..." "You think..." "You actually..." etc, the argument is a bad one, period. It requires mind reading and a refusal to accept what the other person says they feel or desire and replace it with bad faith twisting of their words and made up shit. No real discussion can be had that way. Now we're all imperfect and do this, but it's still true. No arguments like that can be had in good faith, because the other side is not allowed a voice and anything they say will always be taken in the worst possible way and prescribed emotions and intent that may not actually exist.

Exavior31 · 2026-05-05T07:56:55+00:00

As I see it, Incel is just the modern day spinster.

SvitlanaLeo · 2026-05-05T13:13:07+00:00

I’m just glad that the “you’re an incel” argument towards men’s rights activists stopped working. Men do not need sex with misandrists, men need equal rights.

AmicusStyli · 2026-05-05T15:00:14+00:00

Both sides of the political spectrum hold the women-are-wonderful bias and believe that women are the arbiters of morality in society. Incels are a direct challenge to that belief by showing that women make the exact same types of superficial decisions in dating that men do. The cognitive dissonance that creates would be best dealt with by those people re-examining their preconceived notions about the genders, but as is often the case with deeply held beliefs being challenged the much more common response is a backlash where they strawman and re-define the thing creating the cognitive dissonance so they just don't have to think about it anymore.

DreamTheaterGuy · 2026-05-05T15:48:41+00:00

Im a gay dude who has had sex with more men than most feminists, and even I get called an incel sometimes when I disagree with them.

AdOtherwise3824 · 2026-05-05T15:07:56+00:00

Yes. It's extremely bad journalism lol

It is just code for "man I don't like, but I want to make everyone else not like him"

cowman_007 · 2026-05-05T09:17:33+00:00

Yeah this tends to happen with these big signifiers. Everybody gets pushed under this label and it has also become an insult to throw at everyone.

I do think a discussion can be had on what actually falls under the definition of incel. Is clavicular an incel when he streams women being interested in him? The terms of ‘looksmaxxing’ etc do find their origin in the incel community.

I guess this is why academic journals are filled with debates about definitions because they can take on any meaning.

BhryaenDagger · 2026-05-05T19:08:33+00:00

“Incel” as an insult entails, “Haha, you want sex and can’t have it…” which sounds like the taunt of an adolescent who never had sex in their lives. It’s like the Monty Python “Nudge Nudge” sketch where, after waxing sex-expert by merely shaming the shagless, the taunter ends w, “So what’s sex like?”

senescenzia · 2026-05-05T07:37:10+00:00

The phrase you're quoting is true and descriptive, but it's framed as such bc "having a normal affective life" tends to betray the fact that there's a legitimate claim underlying the whole thing.

Moreover, I often wonder if male incel bashers actually have ever had to do with women. Like I've never ever met a man who has not got burnt in the dating/courtship sphere in some way. Finding a partner is a drudgery and tends to breed a certain kind of bitterness even when there's success; while someone might not go full "pilled" it's basically impossible to not see they have some points.

sonofasheppard21 · 2026-05-05T19:04:00+00:00

The word incel means nothing now, people use it to describe behaviors they don’t like

WackyConundrum · 2026-05-05T15:45:03+00:00

Ah, yes, argumentum ad incelum.

It should be common knowledge that the left uses tough-sounding buzzwords as insults and nothing else. "Racist", "misogynist", "incel", "Nazi", "fascist", "transphobe" — all of them mean only "I don't like you because you don't think like me" and nothing more.

FMWizard · 2026-05-05T18:57:43+00:00

It just struck me that Incel can also be applied to women if it's short for "involuntary celibate", which just sounds like another way of saying lonely?

EmpathGenesis · 2026-05-07T01:41:47+00:00

It's an interesting dichotomy that men are often framed by misandrists as only wanting sex (presented as morally unjust) and yet when women and some men want to shame a man, the go-to insult is genital size and/or how he's unable to get sex from women.

So, which is it? Is having lots of sex with many women good or bad? Or is it just another misandrist double standard? 🤷🏽

Local-Willingness784 · 2026-05-07T03:22:08+00:00

my personal grievance on that topic is that some if not most of the most vindictive, smug, stupid and ill-intentioned people using that word as an insult or as a way to make themselves feel better are men, and that really got me tripping, it do be your own people most of the time.

AbysmalDescent · 2026-05-08T15:09:49+00:00

"Incel" is basically just a slur for men at this point. It's used as a catch all term to put down or slender men. There have been plenty of other terms like it in the past. This is just the latest one, and it is only popular now because it's considered acceptable to hate men, especially sexless men.

BloomingBrains · 2026-05-06T05:32:09+00:00

There are genuinely radical incels that hate women and feel entitled to sex. However, they are a SMALL minority. And unfortunately the bad actions of this group are applied to all incels, and even just men in general.

The majority of men who use this term do not hate women or feel entitled to sex. They are simply using the term in the most literal sense (persistent lack of romantic success, i.e. involuntarily celibate). This is also how the term was first used by the woman who invented it.

And the sad reality is that these days, there are many more men in existence who could conceivably qualify for the definition of incel, but don't openly admit it for fear of receiving hate.

However, radical misandrists have begun using the term as a kind of buzzword for any person they disagree with and want to demonize, regardless of whether they actually hate women or are just lonely. Heck, I've even seen men who objectively do get laid (like Andrew Tate) called an incel.

Furthermore, one can question the philosophy of the word itself. How exactly does one define "involuntarily celibate"? Like, does it only apply to virgins who have never had sex? What about getting to second base? Does that count? What if you've had sex, but are in a 1 year or more dry spell? Is there a time limit? What if a man gets laid regularly, but suddenly gets horny on a night where no sexual partner is available? Is he an incel in that moment, and stops becoming one as soon as he gets laid again?

So as you can see, the term is ill-defined and has little consistent definition. Misandrists exploit this to sow discord, insecurity, and attack men. For example, I've been called an incel for saying something as simple as "Not all men want to rape women. I don't want to rape women, and I am a man". in response to people saying #yesallmen.

I used to call my incel in the literal sense, but not the hateful ideology sense, but I stopped using it. The word has been rendered ruined and meaningless. Nowadays calling yourself an incel and trying to explain the subtle difference is a losing battle.

Dark_Prince_of_Chaos · 2026-05-07T17:07:47+00:00

It's the DARVO manipulation women use because it works better than political propaganda.

Most women are good at manipulation. Don't let them shame you. Ignore the manipulators, block them, expose them, etc.

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FatboySmith2000 · 2026-05-05T13:05:58+00:00

These days, Incel just means man with a 1950s Maga mindset. Liberal white women really think 90% of white women are starving all men from having sex.

Title	On incels.
Author	GammaPhoenix007
Upvotes	172
Comments	149
Date	May 5, 2026 3:41 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1t4449i/on_incels/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/on-incels.1579627 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579627

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