Why do western men marry?

RMU199 · 2024-11-21T11:55:53+00:00

They think divorce won’t happen to them. Every divorced guy I know has said he didn’t think it would happen to them.

A coworker recently asked me why I wasn’t married. I told her it’s a losing proposition for men. Every “benefit” she stated I could counter with how that really wasn’t a benefit to me.

Eventually she gave up. (I consider that to be a win).

Grimmjow18 · 2024-11-21T11:37:12+00:00

Two main reasons are:

1) Humans are a gynocentric species, meaning our default is to prioritize the protection and provisioning of women over ourselves. A side effect of this is we tend to disregard the negative effects of women's agency (women are wonderful effect).

2) Part of male psychology that allows us to be less risk averse has been evolutionarily beneficial to us, literally allowing us to essentially conquer the world to make it as safe as possible for women and children. A consequence of this is men tend to have a "I'm built different" complex. Men going over the top in WW1 knowing they'll probably die but... I'm built different. The same thing happens with relationships, yeah odds are she'll cheat and leave me homeless with the help of the state but...

walterwallcarpet · 2024-11-21T12:02:52+00:00

...financially destroyed by their wives over a divorce that the woman initiates for being "unhappy".

Here's what was happening, over 80 years ago: "American women are inculcated with a distorted version of a Cinderella fairy-tale, that conditions them to expect material wealth, not because of virtuous activities, but merely because they are female. This has defeated husbands in America, making homes into centres of disillusionment. It long ago became associated with the notion that the mere act of bearing children entitled women to respite from all other physical and social responsibility."

Philip Wylie 'Generation of Vipers' (1943)

Lorn84 · 2024-11-21T13:34:04+00:00

Well... the truth is men have woken up and aren't marrying anymore for that exact reason... whether or not society will acknowledge that current business rules are outdated and will shift course... idk

Rolaid-Tommassi · 2024-11-21T11:18:30+00:00

I'm old but if I was a young man today there's not a chance would get married.

SidewaysGiraffe · 2024-11-21T11:37:22+00:00

You can absolutely blame women for cheating; hypergamy is a genetic reality, yes, but so is men dumping their women after they age out of reproduction. Women are not, I repeat NOT, unreasoning beasts incapable of thought, logic, or morality.

Pushing THAT nonsense is the last thing we need!

bigsquid69 · 2024-11-21T11:54:06+00:00

Because women will hold it over your head and give you an ultimatum. Either marry me or I leave

chortle-guffaw · 2024-11-21T13:57:51+00:00

> why do western men marry when the laws are stacked against them?

A lot of men are asking the same question. A lot of the guys I know who are in long term marriages also have a dead bedroom, so they don't even get sex out of the relationship. They exist to support their spouses lifestyle.

don_Mugurel · 2024-11-21T13:30:08+00:00

Social pressure. Same reason why people who hate medicin become doctors, or lawyers. Older family members insist that “this is the way”.

Other people just can’t “live alone”. And as such have something akin to “codependence syndrome” and would rather stay in a bad relationship than be alone. The finality of this is often times marriage followed by divorce eventually.

United_Reality4157 · 2024-11-21T11:16:57+00:00

Stupidity and illusion

mr_j_12 · 2024-11-21T12:37:56+00:00

In australia, married or not its the same by law when it comes to breakups. So not marrying would end up the same as being married anyway.

9chars · 2024-11-21T12:31:29+00:00

only idiots get married these days

vikingbear90 · 2024-11-21T13:45:16+00:00

I got married to my wife because I just genuinely love her, enjoy her company, and knew from the get go she would be a great caretaker to kids and gives me unconditional support. The main reason though is that she is the only person I have ever encountered that did not ask or expect me to change for their benefit or preference and just made me genuinely feel like I was good enough the way I was and if I wanted to change or try to be a better person that she would be there for me to help in anyway she can.

I knew I wanted to marry her after a year of dating, but I have heard and seen too many horror stories like what OP describes that I stayed patient and observant about our relationship for about 5 years before proposing, and then due to COVID marriage plans got postponed and we were more or less just locked in together to really see how our relationship stands with all the complications of that time frame.

Prior to marriage we both experienced some of the worst moments in each other’s lives together but also some of the best. She lost her sister, I almost died (statistically should be dead), her mom had a severe stroke, and had an unplanned pregnancy. Thankfully we were able to get married before our daughter was born.

I know our marriage is still in the earlier years, but tomorrow is the 10th year of our relationship as a whole.

Now that personal reasoning is out of the way, my personal belief is less an answer to the question of “what do western marry?” And more an observation of why 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and 80 percent of divorce is initiated by women.

A lot of guys just undervalue themselves for various reasons. Men need to “vet” their perspective partners more than what I continually observe. I see so many kings looking for or settling for a princess when they deserve a fucking queen.

What I mean with that analogy is that “princesses” typically have a sense of entitlement, overvalue themselves, usually immature, make the world about themselves, and expect to be serviced and taken care of with minimal effort on their own part in a relationship. You can date a princess, but don’t marry one unless she becomes a queen which is a natural process and can’t be forced.

“Queens” in my eyes are partners that put in equivalent levels of work into the relationship. They can take care of business and take care of you when you need it. Men deserve a partner that can support them when they need it. They know more or less who they are and are upfront and honest about it.

It is entirely possible to also find a queen but she might not be YOUR queen. That’s fine, but also don’t marry her either. Find your queen, your partner, your complimentary who fills in for your weaknesses but also makes what is good about you better. Value yourself in the same way modern society has told girls/women to value themselves.

Find the woman who tries to maintain an overall 50/50 balance because relationships don’t work unless they are consistently at 100% or one side is constantly having to put in over 50% into it. Someday you are going to need to give 80% but other days when you are at 10-20% then your partner needs to compliment that, and if they can’t then they aren’t worth it.

And if a guy has any doubts prior to “I do” then just “I don’t”.

Also people need to pay attention more to whom they vote for when it comes to the laws, politicians and judges making rulings. Vote towards a true balance/equivalency between men and women.

I spent way too long to write this.

Automatic_Example_79 · 2024-11-21T16:25:15+00:00

It's a detriment to the institution of marriage that most people consider it an expression of love and attachment rather than the economic arrangement that it actually is. No one should marry because they love their partner. By all means, marry someone you love, but not because you love them. Marry because joining your assets, goals, and decision making powers is a sensible extension of a relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and growth. Or don't marry, if that's not a situation you want

Adventurous-Ruin3873 · 2024-11-21T14:01:11+00:00

As a happily married man, my advice to young men is this:

[1] Don't get married.

[2] You're probably going to ignore [1]. So if you're going to get married, make absolutely sure that you're making an informed decision about your partner. Anything that you dislike about her, whether it be chronic tardiness, frequent rudeness, fiscal irresponsibility, or materialism, is going to get much worse after marriage.

[3] It is better to be unhappily unmarried than unhappily married.

Cactus2711 · 2024-11-21T18:43:31+00:00

I’m 36 and feel blessed to live in a time where women show their true nature on social media. It makes my natural desire to provide for and protect them almost disappear.

I still enjoy connecting emotionally and physically every week or two. Their nurturing side is absolutely magnificent. But 95% of my focus is on my own life - happiness & fulfilment, close family, friends, businesses, hobbies I all put above a relationship with a woman. It wouldn’t improve my quality of life. I enjoy peace, quiet, stability, consistency. Women are so chaotic and disruptive - they constantly need the highs and lows in order to feel alive.

I’m glad to understand this about life already, and not have to go through an emotionally and financially devastating divorce to learn this.

IamAwesome-er · 2024-11-21T15:17:59+00:00

You dont think about things being stacked against you when you are young. We tend to approach life with an "I'll do it better" or "it will never happen to me" mentality.

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-11-21T11:26:30+00:00

Mainly because of kids! The best outcome for a child is for both parents to live together! I’m happily married to a great woman and mother but if I didn’t want kids no way I’d get married.

The alimony thing is exaggerated as it’s only paid in 10% of cases. If you have a prenup they are very rarely thrown out. If your country doesn’t recognise prenups and you are a significantly higher earner/wealthy you should in general avoid marriage.

Men should be willing to entertain marriage also if the woman out-earns him or has significantly better earning potential.

stjimmycat · 2024-11-21T16:28:51+00:00

Even if men don’t marry they potentially face the same risks with cohabitation (palimony, common law marriage) and child support if having children (both baby-trapped and consensual).

Gonzo48185 · 2024-11-21T17:42:27+00:00

I’ve been with the same woman since high school. Were together for 10 years, 8 of those living together, before getting married and will be celebrating our 20 year wedding anniversary next year. My point is too many men jump into marriage without really getting to know the other person.

dirtyYasuki · 2024-11-21T19:45:52+00:00

To sum up what everyone else has stated in one word. I believe that Western Men marry because of Hope. The hope that they are the exception. The same hope that drives men to conquer the perils of the world for all of human history. That same spark of life that shouts its defiance against all odds, even in the face of certain doom; men, not merely Western men, have hope.

MegusKhan · 2024-11-21T12:03:16+00:00

If I were young, my passport would be involved in finding a wife. If I could not travel, there is NO way that I would marry one of these selfish western harpies.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2024-11-21T12:42:01+00:00

Cause they drinking to much of the brain wash cooled and often can only get women and family prospects after being married. While honestly for many there is zero reason to marry much of the values that where in it got pulled out. You might as well not wrote a paper and make some made up ritual and keep the government out of your relationships as much as possible cause if you don't you will have a women that might love you. But any moment she is not happy or disagree with something she can leave and take half your shit no questions asked. Its not that she wil but she always could if she wanted to. And of there is more to gain leaveing a relationship then staying in it. Its not a contract worth going in.

But bet most do it cause of government pressure or pressure from churches or faith they grow up believing.

But at the same time many grow against marriage cause they saw uncles. Or fathers. Of frends. Or other people being raked over the coals of even end up off them selfs by how often unfair the "justice" system seems against men. Cause even if women do have to pay men it's oven like a 1/5 if the roles where reverse and men would have a child for example.

So honestly keep the government out of your bedroom business. They gain more from fucking you over then fucking women over. Cause women often fall flath and go for government suport programs.

There is almost no demand or push on women like it is on man to create there value. So it's always them men being punished to most and the hardest.

Why the men lay flat moment became a thing. Cause women getting special privileges and men special punishments for the same thing makes many men not wanna put value in a society that treats them like 3de rate citizens.

And marriage is part of that package. Especially if things like children if it lives or dies. Is fully up to the mom what is fine. But even of the child is removed or born she needs zero say of the guy. What is fine. But at the same men always also forced to take responsibility.

So she gets many options and choices he gets none. As more of those dubbele standards pile up in many parts of society it's the big reason men are not motivated anymore.

When you remove value. But demand even more on the other side. It makes a lot of people on that other side not interested anymore.

Especially if you look at how little people realy are together with children and married and that it does work out. Last I seen it's like 16.7% so less then 1/5 to keep what you build up and can say prenup but there books over how to easily get that shit thrown out.

So uts often just not worth it. To much responsibility and to little gain. And being married really does not change the relationship dynamics all that much. Just makes women more entitled cause they know they have a gun pointed at your balls and make you have less power to put your demands or standards you value. While it gives women more ammo to make everything go there way.

There is very little fair and equally value and respect to each other. Just cause how it empowers one side and imprison the other side. So honestly so so so from fair in the western world. It should be seen as a curse word the word marriage for men.

Cause it's enslavement for men and more freedoms for women. Cause men are always the one being punished and caring the responsibility. Even for the things the women does.

Winnertony · 2024-11-21T18:04:02+00:00

I never made enough money or was tall enough to attract a woman stable enough to marry. The ones I dated cheated, or were immature and/or bipolar. (I was immature also,) but I never dated one that I trusted enough to marry or have children with.

DifficultPapaya3038 · 2024-11-21T13:38:30+00:00

“Love is the worst curse of them all”

We’ve all thought we could make it work

Islanderwithwings · 2024-11-21T12:36:18+00:00

10,000 years of Simping, that's why.

I feel lazy today so go fact check the sources. There's a tribe in Papa New Guinea that was given smartphones. They got addicted to p9rn immediately.

North Korean soldiers that got deployed to the Frontlines of Ukraine. Got addicted to p6rn immediately. I'm not kidding. YouTube probably banned the videos but I'm pretty sure you kind find it on Twitter/X.

This is why I believe, the creator of the universe, God himself. Is a comedian. If you ask God the same question you asked here, he will probably laugh at you as a joke.

God: "Yeah I created family court to screw over men. But you know you can get pussy for cheap overseas haha".

quasarlantern · 2024-11-21T11:18:27+00:00

big dumb dumb

Aggravating-Long9877 · 2024-11-21T14:04:18+00:00

I don‘t and I‘ll never will 🤷‍♂️ just decide for yourself.

Weak_Working8840 · 2024-11-22T05:21:06+00:00

First of all, I believe divorce rate is declining and 50% was more or less an overexaggerated myth that got spread around.

Second of all the answer is very simple. Sex and companionship.

Men want to have regular sex, men want to procreate and have a family. Men want a steady rock at home they they can count on to avoid the immense loneliness problems we face.

Often time, this requires marriage.

I believe divorce disproportionately hurts men and those laws should be changed, but let's look at some precautions you can take.

Make sure your kids are your own before signing a birth certificate.
Sign a prenuptial agreement
Make sure your girl is truly someone that's trustworthy. If she lies to others she lies to you.

Lastly there are SOME advantages men have in divorce if they play their cards right.

They can start dating younger chick's if they can increase their wealth post divorce.
Biologically they could arguably start a whole new family compared to women with all the time they won't be spending with thier kids due to evil child custody laws.

So it's not all sunshine and roses for either side and ultimately, you have to take risks in life. You may lose your money in the end, but she could end up giving you her entire fertility window.

h1ghpriority06 · 2024-11-21T11:41:16+00:00

Because we want children, and a two-parent home is advantageous for children. Although surrogacy might be a cheaper option for a man who wants children. I'm considering selling that as an option for my sons when they come of age but not entirely sure I think that's a great option.

DerBandi · 2024-11-21T11:40:11+00:00

And 80% of the devorced remarry. Can't be that bad then.

ScaleEarnhardt · 2024-11-22T22:28:25+00:00

In a ‘vibes’ society where women are absolutely bombarded by other women to hate the men in their lives, regardless of their actual circumstances, marriage has honestly become something to mindfully avoid. It’s so sad, to be blunt. This circumstance of diametrical opposition, when we should be mutually supportive, is a disease

Puzzleheaded_Hope524 · 2024-11-23T20:57:25+00:00

Best financial decision a guy can make. 😬

nvpc-1990 · 2024-11-24T11:19:13+00:00

Simple answer, vagina

WINTER334 · 2024-11-21T11:45:06+00:00

Because we are individuals. Not all woman are same. You just need to find one modest woman.

HaIoSmith · 2024-11-21T14:16:42+00:00

Because some of us wish to hope for the best even despite the odds

Jiggly_Love · 2024-11-21T15:04:38+00:00

We always think that we would never find ourselves in these situations. That we are the top 10% caliber of men that we trust our loved one not to betray us. Sometimes it takes men 2-3 marriages to figure out we're all fallible and equal opportunity to grifting women.

Finlander95 · 2024-11-22T01:12:59+00:00

We are risk takers. The marriage also is not as big of a risk in every western minded country. Child custody cases often are though. The marriage scam is way worse in US than here in Finland. Prenups actually work here from what I have seen so far. Married people are also happier than unmarried folks. https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/09/health/marriage-happiness-wellness/index.html

Rionat · 2024-11-22T02:28:21+00:00

Every chump who got taken to cleaners all reply that they thought it couldn’t happen to them.

IlIIlIIIlIl · 2024-11-22T06:59:48+00:00

Only 20% of first marriages end in divorce.

arup02 · 2024-11-21T12:53:46+00:00

It's called love, brother. What's up with y'all?

Former_Range_1730 · 2024-11-21T18:43:37+00:00

Because some of us men are heterosexual, knows how to find awesome women to marry and avoid the man hater types, and desire to continue the family line with a generational family structure.

If you don't marry a man hater, and you know how to meet the right kind of women, there is no divorce happening.

Don't believe me? Lets talk about Jonny Depp, Joe Jonas, Liam Helmsworth, Will Smith, Brad Pitt, and all the rest. Guess what kind of women they all married and got ruined by divorce by? Non hetero feminist women.

When you see the pattern, they are easy separate out from the hetero traditionist women who tend to like men.

Awkward_Buddy7350 · 2024-11-21T13:15:45+00:00

Women give us an ultimatum. Marry or leave.

Droidy934 · 2024-11-21T12:15:39+00:00

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved.

AndrewAffel · 2024-11-21T12:34:33+00:00

For Love of course.

FordBull2000 · 2024-11-21T19:56:31+00:00

Because we still believe in love .

themfluencer · 2024-11-21T12:15:09+00:00

Because they love the women they're with, hopefully. :)

thunder89 · 2024-11-21T21:40:56+00:00

To start a family.

People continue to do such bc the reward is worth the risk.

You got a bunch of men in here acting like the very whinny women they're complaining about.

JackHoff13 · 2024-11-21T16:21:46+00:00

I guess sometimes there is more to marriage than what is stacked against you. Idk. I love my wife

Shagcat · 2024-11-21T21:02:13+00:00

“I got to know right now before we go any further, do you love me, will you love me forever?”

musicnote22 · 2024-11-21T21:32:21+00:00

I can’t wait to get married honestly, it’s important to find someone genuine not just for looks or money or anything, build trust in a relationship and set expectations for the future. A prenup never hurts and if you guys can’t work it out before marriage move onto the next one. I know my girlfriend is the one because ever point in my life when I’ve been down or had struggles she holds me up

blitgerblather · 2024-11-21T21:42:22+00:00

Because I want someone to share my life with

TeddyMGTOW · 2024-11-21T21:45:47+00:00

I've scene some progress with divorce law in certain states. It's really a mixed bag.

PacoBedejo · 2024-11-21T21:57:15+00:00

I got married at the age of 21, in 1999 and did so because codependency is a helluva drug. We've stayed married for 25 years. It hasn't been a joyride. But, we're here and better than ever. I'm not sure I'd like to have lived life single. But, it's tempting to think that the grass is greener on the other path.

NorskChef · 2024-11-21T22:54:05+00:00

Because many Western men are Christian and the Bible promotes marriage.

Iamscaredofpeople69 · 2024-11-21T23:53:43+00:00

Is it possible to have the traditional ceremony I guess with none of the legal stuff

Wonderful_System5658 · 2024-11-21T23:56:27+00:00

Because we're too stupid to learn from our parents' mistakes.

Hot_Influence_5194 · 2024-11-22T00:34:45+00:00

If the richest man in the world, Jeff Bezos had his ex file for divorce, then no man safe. I personally think that marriage ruins the relationship because the passion and love goes away very fast.

Comprehensive_Plum34 · 2024-11-22T02:08:04+00:00

beta cucks get married in 2024

thestrucguyYT · 2024-11-22T04:22:10+00:00

I used to live in the US for 11 years and I could have gotten my citizenship there if I wanted but dating in America is honestly horrible that I decided to leave home to Asia. Most American women are raised by social media and have ridiculous expectations of their man while offering absolutely nothing to the table. Also, lots of liberal women have become masculine and in love with the modern feminism that they become undatable. Heck, even being friends with them is hard. Conservative women aren't great either. They tend to be close minded and racist and not well educated. That's why I left the US among other reasons like gun violence, health care, taxes, politics and other things. I wouldn't wanna get married in the US unless you find someone worth it. My advice to you all is get your passport and travel if you can. I know it can be expensive but it is very rewarding and you can find yourself a wife abroad. There is a Facebook group you should absolutely join, it's called Passport Bros. Hope this helps.

Capable-Mushroom99 · 2024-11-22T04:42:05+00:00

50% of marriages don’t end in divorce. That’s a misleading statistic based on statistically invalid estimates and outright guesswork. Even 20 years ago the actual rate was about 1 in 3 and divorce rates have dropped steadily since then. If you are an educated person and get married this year you are much more likely to stay married for life than get divorced.

Other factors also reduce your chance of divorce. Being a man; 30% less chance of getting a divorce. Yes, it’s true, women getting divorced multiple times inflate the overall divorce rate. White, or even better Asian; much lower divorce rate. Higher income = lower divorce rate. Married aged 20+, 30% lower rate of divorce. And while I don’t suggest you join a religion or vote Republican just to lower your chance of divorce, if you happen to be attracted to a Hindu or a Mormon who believes in free markets … well, you could do a lot worse.

False_Sample8703 · 2024-11-22T04:53:25+00:00

Because the people who do get married are sort of stacked against the traditional progression of life. (Get a job, get a place to live, get married, have kids, etc) people get married because that’s what’s culturally expected. However, marriage doesn’t actually provide a benefit to anyone who makes their own money.

Unable-Choice3380 · 2024-11-22T05:09:28+00:00

They think it will happen to them

They think by marrying the girl they will have unlimited access to the vagina

But once they are locked in, they will not have set access unless she allows it

And she will usually dangle it, like a puppy dog treat. And make the guy do all kinds of stuff for her. And then he still may not get any access.

They get taken in

Lilly_Rose_Kay · 2024-11-22T08:03:24+00:00

I know 3 recently divorced people. 2 women and 1 man. All three got the shit end of the stick in the divorce. So, really it goes both ways.

If you read the Marriage Reddit page on here, you learn what really drives both men and women to divorce. A lot of it is infidelity, verbal abuse, bullying/belittling, addiction, and not helping with household and child rearing tasks.

shdai · 2024-11-22T08:31:32+00:00

Ignorance mostly

Electronic_Cap_8126 · 2024-11-22T10:07:01+00:00

For me it was a matter of I was in love with her and dumb enough to think that I mattered to her. Two years later she showed me I was wrong when she basically told me that she was bored, wanted a divorce and wanted me out of the house that her parents owned and we were staying in. It left me homeless half way across the country from home and anyone I knew aside from our mutual friends and her family. Thankfully my current girlfriend and I have agreed that we are never getting married regardless of how long we are together. It is funny she was one of my best friends and my biggest help during my divorce then I later helped her get through hers.

the_woolfie · 2024-11-22T11:15:05+00:00

Het married in the Church, don't get married legaly.

ACLU_EvilPatriarchy · 2024-11-22T14:02:20+00:00

Dude in a lot of places now they can get you not just for common law marriages, but for living together for a couple of years with or without a "prenup" however loosely defined.... as among many, they don't want the marriages so much as they want the "lavish wedding" and its partying accoutrements.

As a form of social media oneupmanship before their gal pals.... as they already lassoed a thirsty dick already putting pipe to them... they aint saving nuthin.... its all for the BET or VH1 Lifetime Channel show the ceremony party.

As most will dump the dude later on for whatever makes her happy - a higher value man greener pastures.

hustlors · 2024-11-22T17:42:42+00:00

We re brainwashed.

MushroomTOBI · 2024-11-21T11:29:54+00:00

I do understand your point of view and under these circumstances I wouldn’t get married as well but claiming that women in general are hypergamous and cheat due to that „because it’s their biology“ is simply pseudo darwinistic sexism tbh. I get what you mean but that’s not biology my guy. That would imply that every woman cheats or at least has the urge to which is simply incorrect. Or am I getting sth wrong?

marchingrunjump · 2024-11-21T16:39:29+00:00

To me marriage is still the best bet for having a stable family with children.

Broad_Scratch_7249 · 2024-11-21T11:50:49+00:00

They are manipulated and controlled by their partners so their partners can feel validated by their parents and peers.

Paratonnerre_ · 2024-11-21T14:25:43+00:00

Why do men marry?

Excellent_You5494 · 2024-11-21T14:35:27+00:00

Because a 50/50 chance is still good odds, and the MGTOWS are stupid for insisting it's not, it statistically is.

Title	Why do western men marry?
Author	Material-Reading-844
Upvotes	406
Comments	183
Date	November 21, 2024 11:13 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1gwdvlj/why_do_western_men_marry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-do-western-men-marry.1536431 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536431

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