Age-Gap Relationships (Remixed)

krackedy · 2024-06-05T15:49:00+00:00

I don't think many people are trying to make age gap relationships illegal, they just don't like them.

Demasii · 2024-06-05T16:10:50+00:00

Many decisions that young people make are less optimal. It's part of growing up and learning. So yes I do think it's "wrong".

We can give a heads up to young people the mistakes that we made in the past and hope they stir clear of the same mistakes.

EulenWatcher · 2024-06-05T15:31:59+00:00

I think young people shouldn’t get loans, join military or sign any long-term contracts without any legal help from a professional, but I don’t think it should be illegal for them to do so. Ideally at this age they still should have a supporting family and close parental figures who can give them good advice.

Just as I don’t think young people should date older partners, but I don’t see much point to make it illegal either.

Just to make things clear I don’t believe that any age gap relationships are inherently predatory, but these relationships often aren’t the best choice for a younger party for various reasons. Also people pursuing barely legal teens always make me concerned that they’d pursue minors as well if they could. Or maybe they already do it.

I do think that teenagers shouldn’t drive cars btw. They have much higher car accidents rates.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-05T15:38:43+00:00

If there's something wrong with an eighty-year-old dating an eighteen-year old should the eighty-year-old also not be allowed to vote? If there's something wrong with me dating my mum should we not be allowed to vote? If there's something wrong with my friend going back to his abusive ex and dating her should he not be allowed to vote? Saying there's something wrong with some people dating each other doesn't mean they're less adult or less deserving of any rights.

RubyDiscus · 2024-06-05T17:46:26+00:00

Oh god I don't care, if they are an adult it's their choice

ta06012022 · 2024-06-05T16:20:19+00:00

If it's "wrong" for someone significantly older to date a college aged person due to their lack of maturity and life experience, are you also against allowing 18 year olds to; vote, join the military, join the entertainment industry, own property, take out bank loans, sign long term contracts, etc?

I don’t think it’s wrong, but I think there are going to be differing views from different people, because there’s no universal standard in the US for when someone is old enough to make all their own decisions.

Depending on the state, our country has decided that someone is old enough to consent to sex or drive by 16 or 17. Then 18 is old enough to vote, join the military, etc. Then 21 is old enough to make the decision to drink or smoke. Then 25 is old enough to act as a member of the legislature. And so on.

Legally speaking, it’s fine for a 40 year old man to date a 10th grade girl in a lot of states, but even though it’s legally “old enough”, not everyone will agree with the decision. The concept of adulthood isn’t a bright line.

complete_doodle · 2024-06-05T16:23:57+00:00

I don’t think that age-gap relationships where both parties are 18 or older should be illegal - I just don’t like them, and wouldn’t recommend them to others. It’s the same for 18 year olds joining the military, taking out large amounts of debt, etc. I don’t think it should be illegal, but I would advise against it. Simple as that.

SlavePrincessVibes3 · 2024-06-05T19:13:51+00:00

I don't think 18 yr olds should be able to do any of the things you mentioned. They're children.

Military recruiting is NOTORIOUSLY predatory. NOTORIOUSLY. If anything, it grooms kids more than human being groomers do.

I don't think adults should fuck teenagers and I don't think adults should fuck someone whose brain is still developing.

berichorbeburied · 2024-06-05T15:55:58+00:00

This stems from people who believe everyone’s the same.

That’s what is the origin of everything.

A younger person with an older person is a difference. It’s not the same.

That’s essentially all it is.

For instance if 2 young people who are immature are together. it’s ok:

Why?

Because they are the same.

The only problem is they don’t do this with everything.

So they still want a man who’s taller. Still want a man who is more of the initiater:’/risk taker.

Idk why these posts keep being made.

It’s obviously a plea to women to accept it.

But time again they verbally disagree with every post here.

You can’t appeal to emotions or logic on this topic

PercentageForeign766 · 2024-06-05T17:52:04+00:00

I've lost track of the age gap discourse, because whilst it's one thing to find an age gap relationship gross and disgusting (think of the most bog-standard example), it's got to the point where sexual maturity and experience are tossed aside as well as tiny age gaps now being grouped in with large age gaps. Inherent power imbalances come down to more than just age. Whilst I agree that considerable age gaps are off-putting, the equivocation to joining the military is incorrect because the military is a job, not someone who may fetishize your age sexually.

I think a case by case basis is wiser.

How are you going to replace generalisations with this?

superlurkage · 2024-06-05T16:14:17+00:00

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should

And its better to enter the military young — both for the recruit and the institution

AcephalicDude · 2024-06-05T16:26:05+00:00

To me the issue isn't really manipulation or the potential for abuse - those things are possible in an age-gap relationship, but relatively unlikely. I think the bigger issue is that an exclusive preference for younger partners implies that they might be either too insecure to handle a relationship with an actual peer that has the same level of life experience or independence as they do, or they might be too shallow to be attracted to people beyond a certain age. Overall I just think it reflects poorly on a person's character.

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-06-05T18:22:16+00:00

I had short relationships with both significantly older and younger women. In both cases people with an artistic background: the cultural connection was so deep and strong, that the gap had very little significance

Older: ~15 years older than me in my early 20s. Due to my life experience (higher IQ, history of abuse) I was already “grown”, in a time when the world was a way more cheerful place and people my age were carefree, I had an introspective, artiste maudit vibe. The dynamic of the relationship was obviously “unconventional”, and both knew it would be short lived, but we enjoyed a tender, perhaps bookish but also extremely passionate connection
Younger: ~10 years younger in my early 30s. I was at the top of my shape, but not looking for someone younger. I connected with this other musician, once again over artistry, she was also way more mature for her age and despised the insta-cretins of the same age. This could have worked as a relationship, but I couldn’t help thinking that the age gap would have felt worse later on.

That’s only my experience, and it’s influenced by my niche. Without an artistic connection, I could only consider ONS/FWB with people with a noticeable age gap.

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-06-05T18:25:49+00:00

Age-gap relationships exist for the same reason all relationships exist: Because the woman decided it.

If she didn’t want the old man in question, she would have had zero problem telling him and his swollen prostate to fuck off just like she does to men her own age every single day.

harmonica2 · 2024-06-05T19:02:32+00:00

People should just go for who they connect with best. If an 18 year old and a 30-year-old happened to connect best then so be it. But once you start to go over 20 years it starts to get to iffy perhaps I would say.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-06-05T19:40:05+00:00

I think it's always fine if it just happens by chance, if you just happen to fall in love with age gap. It's fine if you are young in heart and you just have better understanding with younger people.

But it's wrong to look for it on purpose with intention of using power imbalance of any kind and manipulating the person in mind.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2024-06-05T15:58:29+00:00

As a culture we decided to draw an arbitrary line for age of majority because we had to. The anniversary of your mom pushing you out of her vajeen, doesn't always correlate with mental maturation. I have dated women in their 20's that have the maturity we associate with those in their 40s, and I've also dated the inverse. The problem is that some people are dicks, and the arbitrary line provides a buffer zone that the adolescents need.

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ColbyXXXX · 2024-06-05T15:38:23+00:00

I think age gap relationships are really not that bad in most cases. There are plenty of cases where a person is groomed by some older person and then they “start dating” right when they are of legal age.

At age 18 you have responsibilities and joining the military at that age can set you really well in life. I joined at 18 and it helped me escape pretty much surefire life of poverty.

Sex Work at 18 is another one. Sure there may be pitfalls that come with it but I know at least 3 women who started sex work at or around 18 and it set them up nicely in life. I do know other women who are not doing well after.

So in conclusion I would say it varies between good and bad and we shouldn’t ban any of these things outright.

harmonica2 · 2024-06-05T19:10:06+00:00

Why it it when it comes to relationships with age gaps, people who are against them always use power dynamics as the reason when in today's age a woman can leave the guy and replace him just like that, especially with no fault divorce?

Salt_Alternative_86 · 2024-06-05T21:19:21+00:00

Two consenting adults are two consenting adults. Period. I don't see this as a serious issue, however, as such instances are rare and typically based on sugar baby dynamic (the morality of which is a separate topic) that most women cannot afford and would not be interested in. Men are attracted to fertility, while women establish relationships (not mating) based on nesting aptitude of males via resources acquisition, and find most men (80%) below average. That makes such partnerships largely incompatible based on their inherent desires, nothing more than a "we can do it, too" fad.

RandomCentipede387 · 2024-06-05T21:24:09+00:00

He was almost 30, I was 17 almost hitting 18. I thought I wanted it but I was just stupid and immature. Took a decade to untangle this shit. You just don't get a chance to develop like a normal kid.

Never again. I also try to discourage girls from doing these relationships but I know that my effiectiveness is going to be minimal. I used to be one of them.

It's really hard to put in words how harmful this was. The power imbalance was WILD, even despite the fact that he was probably trying to make me feel safe. But it just doesn't work if you're essentially an underdeveloped kid still in high school being courted by essentially a working, property-owning, independent adult.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2024-06-05T21:41:27+00:00

The other things you mention are all things that allow young people to support themselves financially. Most age gap relationships are not sugar baby relationships. So yeah people are probably more risk-adverse when the consequence of not doing the thing is "doesn't date some old person" vs "unable to support self/in a much worse financial position either now or in the future."

I don't necessarily think it's good that we allow people to enlist in the military or take on massive student loans at 18. I just think the consequences of not allowing those things are worse, under the current system. I think the current system is bad, to be clear!

I genuinely don't think people should get married before 25, but there are reasons I don't think it should be illegal. Pretty much all of them pertain to economic benefits -- you typically have to be married to get on your spouse's health insurance, and there's a whole bunch of stuff you get if you're in the military. I think it's bad that the military strongly incentivizes people to get married very young and very fast but taking away the option without providing an alternative seems worse.

Give us free healthcare and free college and young people will probably do these things much less.

BatemaninAccounting · 2024-06-05T22:22:28+00:00

If it's "wrong" for someone significantly older to date a college aged person due to their lack of maturity and life experience, are you also against allowing 18 year olds to; vote, join the military, join the entertainment industry, own property, take out bank loans, sign long term contracts, etc? Because all of those decisions can have potentially life long negative consequences (e.g. PTSD, being maimed or killed via the Military).

Everyone I've seen that are hardcore anti-large age gaps in dating are absolutely also for banning or restricting younger folks from doing those things as well. They don't view someone that is 18 as an fully fledged adult, morally speaking. Legally obviously things are different but if we made that person a dictator, they'd ban/restrict such things.

I've never met someone anti-age gaps that was hardcore pro-those things you outlined.

CoyoteSmarts · 2024-06-06T04:48:21+00:00

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7183572/#:\~:text=Intelligence%20can%20be%20defined%20as,and%20subject%20to%20continual%20change.

Naivete and stupidity are two different things. The first is a lack of wisdom (life experience), the second is insufficient intelligence (cognitive function).

So when people take issue with age-gap relationships, they’re not declaring the younger partner stupid (unable to make reasonable choices when it comes to career, politics, or contracts) - they’re declaring the younger person unwise (disadvantaged in knowing themselves and human nature due to lack of life experience).

This is why people who marry over the age of 25 are 24% less likely to divorce.

As an older person dating someone barely out of childhood, you're absolutely leveraging a power dynamic - even if it's done without ill intent. (But there frequently *is* ill intent - in the form of wanting someone "moldable" to what you want.)

There’s an old Taylor Dayne song about a stereotypical age-gap dynamic - “You Meant the World to Me”:

And yes, it happens to men. Patrick Dempsey, for example. His first wife had been his manager. They met when he was 18 and she was 44. They married when he was 21 and she was 47. (Emphasis mine.)

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12725227/Patrick-Dempsey-love-life-relationships-marriage-wife-Jillian-kids.html

Optimal-Breakfast567 · 2024-06-07T01:34:32+00:00

In the 70-80s age gap of 10-20 years was fairly common and a lot of those couples are still together. It’s less common now simply because society has changed, but there are still plenty of non sugar daddy age gap couples that aren’t part of the statistics. The only place you’ll hear anyone crying about it is Reddit and maybe if you ask some far left feminists on the street lol

HomeworkFew2187 · 2024-06-05T15:36:54+00:00

its done as a control method. Older people are more wise, and will put with less bullshit usually. and they have their money somewhat in order. While a younger party can be susceptible financial and emotional manipulation. its why you never leave your job for a man.

the vote doesn't really matter it's the same, two parties.. same bird.

entertainment industry and military are known for being manipulative and rotted to the core. it's money and control they want. morality doesn't even factor in. war is a racket as Major General Smedley D. Butler used to say.

own property, take out bank loans its something most people need to be able to control their lives.if they cant they will be subject to control by outside forces, their parents or "guardians" etc

"sign long term contracts", you think people who make these contracts care about ethics ? this isn't faust you can escape a contract.

Bandit174 · 2024-06-05T15:53:55+00:00

I think a lot of it just boils down to the "ick factor". A young person signing a contract is not going to illicit the same "ick" as them getting the mental image of an older guy having sex with a early to mid 20s woman.

I bet if we ever find a way to halt aging such that a 30 or 40 yo man has the same skin and hair quality as a 20 year old man then age gaps won't be as stigmatized as they are now.

Will some still take issue, sure but I still think most of it comes down to the looks. All this stuff about power gaps and brain development are just post hoc rationalizations for the ick. I also think there's a certain power or influence younger women can have over the older guy but they either ignore that or in some cases cheer it on like "yass queen rince that old creep for every cent he has"

FreitasAlan · 2024-06-05T17:53:04+00:00

If you're old enough to go to war, you're old enough to date a woman of any age you want.

Title	Age-Gap Relationships (Remixed)
Author	valerianandthecity
Upvotes	0
Comments	121
Date	June 5, 2024 3:30 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1d8sryd/agegap_relationships_remixed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/age-gap-relationships-remixed.1520645 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520645

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