Are men below being proposed to?

EulenWatcher · 2023-12-21T16:02:37+00:00

I don’t like neither the comments you’re taking about nor your comment. It’s a bit ironic that you have “think outside of what you’ve been raised” and then just list stereotypes about men in relationships. I’d argue that if a man is expected to lead, he’s expected to propose as well because it’s one of proofs that he’s actually invested and can do the job.

I do not agree with this attitude though. Most coupled are more egalitarian and men don’t hold any more decisive power or responsibility than women. Most couples have 2 working partners and they share responsibilities instead of just putting everything on men.

I see nothing wrong with a man or a woman making the proposal. As long as they’ve talked about it before and confirmed their intentions, who proposed doesn’t really make any difference imv. I like seeing couples pushing against gender stereotypes and expectations, I don’t mind couples who do it in a more traditional way. My husband and I just talked about marriage and we went with it. We didn’t even have a wedding, we spent money on a honeymoon trip instead.

SlothMonster9 · 2023-12-21T09:00:06+00:00

I think comments on social media depend enormously on the target audience. I would assume in this case, the audience was mainly comprised of either traditional women or spoiled entitled women. These type of reactions bother me too.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2023-12-21T07:01:33+00:00

It's kinda bizarre that the man who's expected to lead you, PROVIDE for you in these times, ensure your safety physically, emotionally, financially, not to mention if you already have kids and/or want kids in the future & everything that entails,

This is describing a traditional woman... not all women.

It's unreasonable to expect a traditional woman to be okay with proposing to her partner.

Like.... Come on.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2023-12-21T14:05:21+00:00

In most cultures (not just western for you passport bros out there), when a woman proposes to a man it’s seen as desperate or like she is unable to get the man to take a future with her seriously. Conventional wisdom says that if a man truly likes a woman, he will pursue her and be so excited about getting married that he will lead the conversation about marriage and arrange a proposal.

GlitterAndFireballs · 2023-12-21T15:29:14+00:00

In general, I think men who don’t propose simply aren’t interested in committing to marriage (or, at least, not to that particular woman).

If he were, he would propose.

So, when a woman does it, it looks like she’s desperate and trying to force a commitment out of him that he doesn’t actually want to give.

armpitpics · 2023-12-21T17:08:32+00:00

Many women derive their validation from being pursued. When another woman breaks this rule, they feel their values are getting questioned and devalued. That said, I don't like proposals at all and prefer when marriage is the result of a conversation between both partners, whether it's the man or the woman who brings the topic first. In other words, I didn't get on my knee to propose to my husband, but I didn't want him to do that either.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-12-21T10:50:24+00:00

I did it, and I also know exactly why other people don't want to do it. Unless there's some quite explicit understanding that your relationship doesn't work the way other relationships work, a man not following the common convention of proposing to a woman is an indicator he doesn't want to be married. You were talking about the services you think men are expected to do (which they quite frankly aren't any more) and how you think they're devalued by men not being proposed to, but I ask you to look at the other side and see how much women's services are devalued if their partners want to marry them yet don't see them worthy of being proposed to even when that's the conventional thing to do. Men often ask women to give up a lot with marriage, and having a conventional marriage without a conventional proposal is expecting a woman to offer herself up for more work with less gain instead of asking really nicely. And for a more equal relationship, you're comments about providing etc just don't hold water but there's still the default expectation that a man who isn't willing to propose doesn't want to marry, and if he thinks otherwise he must communicate that with his partner.

penndelnj · 2023-12-21T13:30:02+00:00

The only time women propose is when her man won’t do it. That’s what these women are mocking. Most guys don’t want to be proposed to.

AngeCruelle · 2023-12-21T11:50:38+00:00

I find that there's a significant overlap between couples who eschew traditional roles and not doing the conventional on one knee proposal or a typical wedding for that matter.

I mean have you really dismantled anything by simply applying a novel coat of paint in the form of a gender flip?

Mentathiel · 2023-12-23T09:49:36+00:00

I think men being proposed to is super-wholesome and should be normalized!

I think a lot of women find being proposed to very romantic and fantasize about it a lot because they're used to the social norm of them getting that and then they may be upset at the idea of that not being guaranteed. They just want the experience for themselves, selfishly. And they're trying to defend that status quo.

I would probably never propose to a man though. First of all, it's a risk of getting rejected which I don't have to take since he's already expected to lol. Second of all, he may be upset at it as many men may feel emasculated or robbed of the chance to do it themselves the way they wanted to, since the expectation is that they'll be doing it. Like, which one of you is going to want to wear a pretty engagement ring? But like, it would be super-fun and romantic if I got to do it, I don't dislike the idea, I probably even like it more than being proposed to and put on the spot and having to look flawless and have nails done for pictures etc. etc. bullshit modern requirements.

apresonly · 2023-12-21T17:41:36+00:00

> “Well we know who’s the real man and woman between them….”

people of either sex who say "real men" or "real women" are stupid and shitty and not worth listening to

> “Sassy!!! He really covered his face and cried when he should be the one proposing!!”

same as above for people who shame others for not fitting into their gender role

> “I’d rather eat a Jean jacket and mop the ocean than propose to a man 🥴🥴”

just having a preference is fine

in general on this topic i believe that men don't show signs of love/interest very often. its usually through:

pursing a woman/asking her on a date initially
asking for commitment/marriage
money/providing

since these things are so rare, i'm not really interested in accepting less than the little that is being offered. but if other women do and it is a healthy relationship, that's great for them.

if i don't have these things... how would i know he even likes me? everything else has always been me doing the effort/making it clear that i like them. this is something i've ruminated over for decades so if there were other signs of interest i would have noticed them. I know some men are more loving/caring/romantic than others, but i haven't had the fortune of finding one of those men who wants to date me.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-12-21T09:03:37+00:00

Men being expected to emotionally ensure my safety...how hilarious 😂

Planthoe30 · 2023-12-21T12:30:57+00:00

I think my husband deserved to be proposed too but I probably would have just not done that. It was my dream to be proposed too and I don’t think my husband would have wanted the gender roles to be reversed he’s more of a traditional type. I think that would have bothered him.

RorschachRosettes · 2023-12-21T20:30:31+00:00

You're missing the point of why the type of woman who wants a man to lead and provide needs him to get on one knee and do the proposal - this is something HE has to actively want more than anything in this world in order for that type of set up to work out. You can't strong arm or pressure a man into providing, leading and protecting you and giving you a potential family, its going to be a lot of work and it is something he does because he absolutely wants to. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't feel this way, but I'm expressing the main reason why traditional women hold men to the expectation of proposing. I've met many men who thought like you did who were absolutely excited to get the ring and do the proposal because he met the right woman and something in his life or perspective changed.

Regardless, if you want empowerment and equality in your relationship, you have a conversation on marriage and effectively propose to each other.

Either way, I've been on this planet 37 years, its definitely a "type" of woman who not only proposes, but effectively brags about it as though its some sort of flex and there's a "type" of man who gets proposed to and when you look at his dating patterns, it makes sense. Is there anything wrong with it? I mean no, people should do what makes them happy, but I would certainly cringe so hard my spine compresses if I saw it happen IRL. Personally, I do not consider this an empowering move on the woman's behalf, but hey, good thing I'm not the one doing the proposing in her relationship.

basedmama21 · 2023-12-21T22:25:07+00:00

A woman should never propose to a man unless he is literally paralyzed and cannot fucking talk

Men are supposed to pop the question. Always. I’ll take my downvotes now, please!

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-12-21T17:10:49+00:00

That bothers me too. The number of posts I see on Reddit where women are asking “should I leave my BF because he hasn’t proposed?”

Propose to him!

Lysa_Bell · 2023-12-22T04:44:36+00:00

I am together with my fiance for over 5 years now.

On our 5th anniversary I proposed to him. He is nothing anyone online would consider a "high value man". But he is God tier for me. He's kind, caring, supportive and always puts others first.

When I posted on social media photos about us being engaged with the title "I like it so I put a ring on it" everyone was very happy and supportive. There were no comments about "he should've had proposed!" They all celebrated our love.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-12-21T11:40:21+00:00

I won't even call a man first. it's not about the man, a woman who proposes to a man is a female social matrix loser

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MistyMaisel · 2023-12-21T19:44:46+00:00

I'm interested in a largely traditional relationship is my reason. It strikes me as culturally bizarre for me to propose to the man. I'm at most supposed to make my intentions clear and push the man to propose. But the idea of buying a man a ring (men don't even wear jewelry that often in my parts) and get down on one knee is like suggesting a rooster lay the eggs. It's just not a thing to me.

I of course, have no issue with other people doing this or enjoying it, more power to them, but it's just not for me. And I don't think this means I treasure my man less.

I do however think you're a bit silly to say there's better things he could be doing with his time. Locking down a good woman who is in love with you has to be pretty much top of the list of "good things to do with your time". It's probably only exceeded by like getting your cancer treated essentially.

As for money, I'm not someone who really cares how much the ring costs so long as he thought well of me and wanted to get me something he thought I'd like. I would honestly hope he doesn't spend more than say $200 at most on this thing. And the idea that again, there's better things to be doing with your money than delighting your partner just strikes me as absolutely retarded. The only thing higher than that is again, survival.

Title	Are men below being proposed to?
Author	DevThaGodfatha
Upvotes	9
Comments	125
Date	December 21, 2023 6:38 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18nglc2/are_men_below_being_proposed_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-men-below-being-proposed-to.1241274 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241274

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