CMV: Dating for hetrosexual men isn't about getting a girl it's about finding someone who you are compatible it

Historical-System972 · 2022-10-02T16:21:05+00:00

It's about finding a woman who will have you.

xzpw · 2022-10-02T19:01:34+00:00

Trying to find a partner like yourself is a surefire way (as a man at least) to end up posting in foreveralone.

I think if you instead look for someone who compliments you well (while not hating you) then you’ll be as close to your ideal personality wise. For most men - I think you need to just lower your standards to the floor on all accounts. In general - women aren’t gonna want to play Escape From Tarkov with you, they don’t want to clean an AR-15 every week, they don’t want to go riding sport bikes in the canyons, they don’t want to swap the engine in their car, they don’t want to weld a go kart frame, they don’t want to make some furniture in a woodshop, they don’t want to solder some RGB LEDs onto their sweet new gaming rig, they don’t wanna play ultimate, and they probably don’t wanna do any of the other bullshit that you’re interested in. Unless you got traditionally feminine hobbies like yoga, cooking/baking, sewing, etc. you’re not gonna find a woman who is like you. You’re gonna find a woman and hope you can both just get along.

Yeah - some do pop wheelies and fiddle with explosives. They’re not typical. So give up on finding someone like you and just look for someone that fucking likes you. That is all you can ask for these days, boys. You can’t ask for a women who is going to have all the personality traits you do and will enjoy the same shit you do. At best - you hope you can just endure each others company for the decades to come.

I don’t agree with you. Sounds like “be yourself and they’ll come” blueshit.

wtknight · 2022-10-02T16:32:51+00:00

This is "be yourself" advice and doesn't work for a lot of men. Men need to learn how to market themselves better, which involves putting effort into convincing women that they are an attractive option, unless that man is either naturally attractive, or is lucky enough to be able to attract a woman who he is spending a significant deal of time with. A lot of time in the latter instance, though, this woman will be below the league of a woman whom he could attract if he put some effort into attracting a woman.

But sure, you have a point that many men spend a good deal of time trying to attract women whom they don't have much in common with. Men need to realize at a certain point that that woman just isn't compatible with him whether it's because she is way above his league or has a completely incompatible personality, and try again with a woman whom he might have a better chance with.

Topfet30 · 2022-10-02T22:01:44+00:00

If you can't get a date in the first place how can you find who you are compatible with? It gets to a point with men where we have to take what we can get, it doesn't get any easier for us when we get older.

Regular-Loser-569 · 2022-10-02T16:03:24+00:00

I wouldn't want to date someone like me.

yamb97 · 2022-10-02T18:49:50+00:00

You’re getting your goals confused with other mens’. You might want to be in a relationship with an actual person that has feelings and thoughts and that’s awesome for you! But the men you are talking about really just want a bang maid. They want to get laid, maybe have children, and have a woman to do their cooking and cleaning. They do not want a person with feelings and thoughts. So it’s really no wonder that they can’t find anyone, no woman (or at least very few) want to be treated that way and that’s their right.

Tramelo · 2022-10-02T16:09:25+00:00

Sounds reasonable

darkvalleys · 2022-10-02T18:38:42+00:00

“But how will I get laid?!”

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-10-03T02:30:11+00:00

Getting a girl and finding someone you are compatible with are not the same thing?

CameronJohns88 · 2022-10-02T16:10:39+00:00

That’s well and good, but men don’t have those options

Men don’t WANT a girl who’s pretty, but not at all compatible, but they can barely get a decent looking girl to like them back, let alone a pretty good whose also emotionally compatible

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NockerJoe · 2022-10-02T16:09:04+00:00

Sure, but theres still inevitably going to be a process where that person is a stranger and you'll have to find it out. A lot of the time you'll have to find it out while still going on dates with that person and finding it out at the time. There's also inevitably going to be a process where you go from a stranger to somebody she has some level of actual emotional investment in.

You have already failed at this process and shouldn't be giving advice. You aren't dating your crush. You don't know everything about her because you probably haven't spent much time with her, especially compared to what you'd spend in a relationship. She's a crush and theres no guarantee she has any sort of feelings in return at that point.

The better approach will always be to try to make it work until/unless there are deal breakers. I didn't know most of my last girlfriends hobbies for a bit. Before that our common hobbies didn't come up until the third or fourth date with the one before that. I had to figure that shit out during the dating process while also trying to secure the emotional investment it takes to even get to that point.

iPatrickDev · 2022-10-03T00:42:28+00:00

What in hell are you talking about? It is NEVER about getting a girl it's aways been about finding someone compatible, this is obvious for men, aways've been.

The thing is the girl that is compatible with you won't be necessary dating you because she now have (at her eyes) better options, so unless you fill some attraction niche you'll be in the middle of the pipeline.

This means you have to be the best option on top of being compatible.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-10-02T16:24:54+00:00

Men have to take what they can get because there is a shortage of quality women.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-10-02T17:37:08+00:00

What are women's moral values now? Their values are to go through a hoe phase then find a guy to settle down with sexually.

So men should just aim for having sex, rotating women, and forget about what you wrote.

python834 · 2022-10-03T02:58:39+00:00

Men want women who makes their dick hard, while being chill to hang out with.

Thats it.

The vast majority of women in america are obese, and will not make any dude’s dick hard. I promise you that most men would rather watch porn than being with an obese chick. However, it can be easy to find some chick to chill with based on hobbies.

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MBTHVSK · 2022-10-02T21:16:15+00:00

For most of us, going without a girlfriend is less debilitating than having no sex life, and having a sex life keeps our spirits high enough to feel like suffering through looking for a girlfriend. The motivation for sex remains undeterred.

tshifter · 2022-10-02T23:33:33+00:00

Doesn't matter how compatible you think you are if she doesn't want you. At it's heart dating for men is taking whatever you can get. You can argue that it's about becoming as attractive as possible to get access to the most attractive mate possible.

Fusiontron · 2022-10-02T23:40:17+00:00

The problem is a man you can feel emotionally connected to a woman who you think the most of, to whom you're of little note. The comparability you see, won't necessarily be seen by her.

trail22 · 2022-10-03T00:18:27+00:00

I think its about getting a guy they are attracted to, to liek them. Have you ever tried to date a women you werent attracted to? Its not fun.

gate18 · 2022-10-03T01:22:25+00:00

Technically that's what dating is.

I feel like the issue with modern dating is men are focused on trying to get a girl who doesn't like them to like them. More poetically it's about finding yourself in a girl.

I'm 100% it isn't a modern thing.

redback-spider · 2022-10-03T13:15:05+00:00

That is oneities, no women even if she likes you will make strong moves on you except you are like a superstar or extremely sexy top 5% men, then maybe but only maybe that could happen.

Also a women will not strongly like you if you are not likable by many women. There is no 99.9% of women find you discusting person that 0.1% really strongly feels you.

So by valueing and putting all your bets on one women, you make a way to big investment and by definitition you put them onto a pedestile.

You can only loose, even if a women like you and even if she get's not fastly disgusted by you for simping (pedestile) and signaling her that she can do better, chances are she will leave you eventually, and then you are devestated because you laid all your eggs in that one nest.

So no assume that every women will not be faithful or that even if she don't cheats is jumping to the monkey-branch to the next guy as soon as she finds them, then on paper not cheat because they do clean serial cheating with saying "it's over" before they go to the next guy without a gap.

You have to make her proof things if you want to become serious, over a better long time, otherwise I assume she can be gone every day and she will cheat. I don't even get angry about it, and I might be wrong, but I rather assume wrongfully that it's not serious than be suprised and hurt if I assumed she is into me.

Basically even if you want to take them serious eventually you signaling that you don't care about her to much makes her feel that she can't do better and you don't risk getting hurt.

Also your premise is wrong, man are evolutionary programmed to fuck as many women as possible not only 1 great one, that is the female breeding strategy, so yes fucking women you don't like is totally compatible with male evolutionary breeding strategy, and a good tactic to raise the chances to forward your genes.

Sure the sexist law system makes man suffer for forwarding their genes, but the idea would be to metigate that to still fuck the girls you have or who is not so compatible but check for contraception and stuff so that the sexist law can't fuck you.

OwOFemboyUwU · 2022-10-04T04:45:50+00:00

The reason men focus on getting a girl is because that’s the usual rate limiting step for them. Men impose very lax conditions for compatibility only because they have to in order to not significantly struggle with women - if they focused on compatibility and filtered more women out, that’s a sure fire way to almost never get any success considering female selectiveness.

dumbbitchcas · 2022-10-05T01:12:00+00:00

Dating for anyone of any gender or attraction is abt finding someone your compatible with, period.

Title	CMV: Dating for hetrosexual men isn't about getting a girl it's about finding someone who you are compatible it
Author	roseonyxa
Upvotes	47
Comments	70
Date	October 2, 2022 3:59 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-dating-for-hetrosexual-men-isnt-about-getting.1133095 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133095
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xtsb3p/cmv_dating_for_hetrosexual_men_isnt_about_getting/