[CMV] "Love isn't everything"

Lysa_Bell · 2022-05-28T05:07:50+00:00

This can also be read in the reverse way: he was tortured. So he grasped for everything. If you have nothing left, emotions are what you focus on. Some people choose faith and hope for god, some people choose hate and want to survive for revenge, some people focus on what they have left of a positive emotion which might be love. And in that moment everything seems like the truth.

Thats why sometimes the relationships that actually survive a bad crisis are the strongest. It's the choice of what we focus on.

Some people may never experience the epiphany that he describes there. Which is okay. We are complicated humans. Lots of us strife for the transcend love but only few will ever reach it.

Patrickstarho · 2022-05-28T04:56:10+00:00

Love is universal. Like if I was in his position I would think of my brother if I didn’t have a wife or my mom or dad.

SmurfESmurferson · 2022-05-28T05:36:55+00:00

Despite not being Jewish, my grandfather was in a concentration camp. My grandmother was sent to “work” in Siberia

They were teenagers at the time, but from the stories the tell … love was a luxury that was very far from their minds during their ordeals

Pure survival, looking out for weaker/younger people, and avoiding being noticed were their priorities. Combined with a really fucked up version of Stockholm Syndrome. All of that, in no particular order

I don’t doubt that some people over-intellectualized their experience, but I would wager that most people tried did not. They just tried to avoid being noticed, and (therefore) survived

Please, never be frustrated by not being subject to torture so severe and fucked up that it literally changed to course of modern medicine

mandoa_sky · 2022-05-28T05:25:03+00:00

it doesn't always mean romantic love. could be the love you have for your family too.

he gives other examples.

ummizazi · 2022-05-28T04:54:02+00:00

My grandfather was a pimp in his earlier years. When I was a kid he told me that a man will move heaven and earth to be with you. He also said that the love of a woman is like having wind in your sails, you can go anywhere.

If you haven’t been in love it might seem like it’s foolish or overrated. But if your ever had someone that sees the absolute best in you, who sees sees half your flaws as benefits and will work with you to fix the other half, and is genuinely ecstatic at the chance to spend time with you, you know how powerful it is.

MrMushySauce · 2022-05-28T04:41:44+00:00

Firstly to be a dick your title means the opposite of your thread

Secondly

In some ways, yes. I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about life's meaning, existence, why we're here... that sorta thing. I think the most important thing to have is a sense of purpose if you want to feel complete. And I mean a strong sense of purpose--you're not floating around aimlessly, but instead there's something tangible and achievable you want. Not even material--it can be as simple as, you want to be respected for your skill weaving baskets. But it has to be real, and tangible, to you.

In terms of "purposes," a family, loved ones, GF/Wife, etc--yeah, it's a low-hanging fruit of the hierarchy of purpose. Lots of people want this one. Some people set it as their only purpose. Some have other purposes in addition to it. Etc. Neither of these options are inherently wrong or right, just different--and personal preference.

So all I can really say to a thread like this is: you have two options. This can be your sole purpose, or among your purposes, and you can do everything you can to reach it, none more, and take pride in that alone--however it turns out. Or, you can see value in other things and pursue those instead. There's not a right or wrong choice here. Just think about it.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2022-05-28T05:18:48+00:00

For him and myself, love is a powerful motivator since it inspires us to do better and be better for the sake of another.

I've never learned more about love and relationships than from my partner. That said, Id still be single than be miserable or abused in a relationship.

Healthy relationship >> single >>>> Bad relationship

gofigure62 · 2022-05-28T05:46:45+00:00

Human affection and love isn't just romantic.

Romantic love is ONE form of human intimacy.

If you never felt the love of a friend, a family member, a pet, or love from any other interpersonal closeness, then you may not be capable of feeling interpersonal relationships at all.

Romantic and sexual intimacy is one aspect of human existence. Humans as a species survived through multiple interpersonal relationships that involved love and loving behavior towards one another.

If humans only needed romantic and sexual relationships, we wouldn't be a social or troop species. Non romantic and nonsexual intense interpersonal connections with other humans is required for survival and required for how we evolved to function.

So many people are mentally and emotionally fucked up because they have no interpersonal connections in addition to having no romantic or sexual relationships. They have no connections or bonds with others, which is why they have mental and emotional issues.

As accounted through the trials of multiple people in horrific times, their survival was attributed to community and romance. Sometimeone romanticizing their ability to survive off of ONE romantic connection during a horrific time, is more than likely embellishing. As group cooperation is required to survive in extreme circumstances such ad that. Dig deeper into the reality of these situations and somone considered a comarade was rationing them food and water to SHARE with a lover. It was never and couldn't realistically be solely two people in romantic love solely surviving alone off of the emotions of one another.

It sounds better and sells better when two people say that they survived starvation and execution because they were dating. Instead of omitting that a community of people pulled together and shared resources and the protection that they could, so that some could survive or have a better quality of life in those circumstances.

urukshai · 2022-05-28T04:15:58+00:00

I do believe love is the most important thing, but not romantic love.

Plenty of people love their country, family, God, career, etc. with no need of romantic love.

We all need some form of love, just not necessarily romantic.

neolib-cowboy · 2022-05-28T04:18:01+00:00

"Your eyes are full of hate, Forty-one. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength." Hawkins, Ben-Hur (1959)

There are plenty of emotions that can give someone the strength to keep fighting against insurmountable odds. Greed, anger, hatred etc. can be just as potent as love.

learn2earn89 · 2022-05-28T05:28:39+00:00

It’s interesting that you quote this specifically. I read this book when I was at my lowest (as an ugly woman) the love I have for my mother, father, and siblings keeps me going. Romantic love is not in the cards for everyone.

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-05-28T08:47:41+00:00

That's a very powerful book read by many people in times of need, but as I remember it, the message is not at all you need to have romantic love to have the strength to survive, rather that you need to find a meaning for your life that makes it worth living. Love is just one of the possible meanings, there are many others and it's up to each of us to find them.

If you take into account the huge number of people who are not in a romantic relationship, it's clear they have found different motivations: children, the elderly who are single or widowed, young men or women not having yet found love, men and women having given up on love, people choosing celibacy for religious reasons, etc. Add to that the many people living in sexless or unsatisfactory relationships. Probably, at any given moment, there's only a minority of people who are in a loving and sexually gratifying relationship.

From the Wikipedia article on Frankl's book:

"Frankl identified three main ways of realizing meaning in life: by making a difference in the world, by having particular experiences, or by adopting particular attitudes."

Lateralanouncer · 2022-05-28T10:01:29+00:00

One of the most life changing books ever written. It should come with a warning. You have interpreted the book differently to me. Didn't he also Say he new his wife was dead.

AelfredRex · 2022-05-28T13:25:42+00:00

It's not valid. You're only 21. You just left childhood. The chances of you finding love in the next decade are pretty high though. Just be chill and let it happen and it should go well. Go in too fast, too hard and it'll ruin the outcome.

capsaicinintheeyes · 2022-05-28T06:52:35+00:00

Well, I hope it's valid, because it sure bothers me. I like what others have said about needing a purpose to motivate you, and a partner/family obviously serve that role for a lot of people.

Without that, you have to turn that drive somewhere, just like the libido, and just like the libido, this can get warped into all kinds of weird, unproductive new forms, from (sorry to be morbid) kids who bring guns to school, to workaholics, to folks who get weirdly, creepily interested in politics but only find expression for it by tossing out a dogs' breakfast of inconsistent reddit posts in their spare time

^{..."hypothetically, I mean," said u\})^{capsaicinintheeyes}

Agree as well with those saying that hate can fill this role of a motivating purpose...but a victory there can feel hollow, because it gives you nothing to show for it at the end for all your troubles. Goes double if it's personal revenge, not that I'm saying there's never a situation that calls for it.

LouisdeRouvroy · 2022-05-28T09:30:18+00:00

The first problem is that the word love is very ambiguous because of all its meanings.

Greek helps to disentangle all its meanings:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek\_words\_for\_love

gate18 · 2022-05-28T14:19:51+00:00

I read the book a few years a go and I loved it (though I feel I have grown since then)

Unfortunately, in my 21 years of life, I have never experienced this. Is valid to be frustrated by this?

No.

Think about yourself and a married man/woman. You both have a gun on your head and pretty close to death.

The married person will beg to be kept alive because they have wife and kids.

Do you, therefore deserve to die?

Then gunman might think you do. He would be right, the married person has so many people that love and depend on them, you have no one

But, do you think you deserve to die?

And, I have not read the book since then but I know Viktor Frankl's book is part of his psychoanalysis, would he think you, therefore, have no worth?

Unfortunately, in my 21 years of life, I have never experienced this. Is valid to be frustrated by this?

If you ask a 35-year-old that married their high school sweetheart and had a baby at 18. Do they have the right to feel frustrated that they haven't experienced the freedom you have?

This is the "grass is greener" thing, nothing more.

Someone wrote

But if your ever had someone that sees the absolute best in you, who sees sees half your flaws as benefits and will work with you to fix the other half, and is genuinely ecstatic at the chance to spend time with you, you know how powerful it is.

Plenty of married people don't have that. We know they don't, and it can also be a best friend.

Hence, that passage glows bright only if you don't poke it

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-05-28T15:09:18+00:00

Never experienced anything like this ever. Except for maybe ME loving other people/things (nature, art). Good book though, I loved what he said about how children logically can’t bring meaning to a meaningless life.

sarkington · 2022-05-28T18:19:05+00:00

People are social animals and like the company of other humans. This is not abnormal

utopista114 · 2022-05-28T08:00:23+00:00

Romantic Love is everything.

Just think about Anthony Bourdain.

Best job in the world.

Loved by millions.

Didn't matter.

ruboyuri · 2022-05-28T10:38:57+00:00

Having someone care about you/caring about someone isn’t fulfilling?

SUPER_CUCK_BROS · 2022-05-28T11:54:53+00:00

i wouldn't know i've been living without it for quite some time now

and by that i mean a lifetime

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-05-28T21:57:16+00:00

Is valid to be frustrated by this?

Of course it's valid to be frustrated. But as a highly neurotic guy myself, fixating on it is going to just make you worse as a partner.

Additionally didn't you say you were obese? Or am I thinking of someone else? If I'm remembering correctly, I don't have much sympathy for your plight because that's a tangible issue you CAN fix and "find love" when you're more attractive.

If I'm wrong with the person then apologies. But if I'm right, then it's your own fault

dietwindows · 2022-05-28T04:17:33+00:00

Romantic love isn't the only form.

Hell, you can love God and achieve the same effect.

creekcrystall · 2022-05-28T06:46:36+00:00

Was he actually thinking about his wife and kids or did he just throw that in there to tug at hearts and get a bestseller ⭐️?

CrabMaster- · 2022-05-28T04:45:48+00:00

Unfortunately, in my 21 years of life, I have never experienced this. Is valid to be frustrated by this?

Most people don't experience that. Even the ones that are married. They just tolerate each other.

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Title	[CMV] "Love isn't everything"
Author	neolib-cowboy
Upvotes	46
Comments	165
Date	May 28, 2022 4:12 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/uzfgnp/cmv_love_isnt_everything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-love-isnt-everything.1118326 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118326

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