If men will intentionally not hold a conversation while on a date because they’re not interested in the date, that proves most of men’s problems are self-inflicted.

pleddyd · 2026-01-17T17:22:06+00:00

intentionally not hold a conversation while on a date because they’re not interested

It occurs unintentionally because the conversation is boring

McNutty0 · 2026-01-17T17:32:55+00:00

Most men can’t even get a date, how do you sabotage something you don’t even have? And even if this was the case this isn’t the only problem that exists how does this prove anything?

kartu3 · 2026-01-17T17:30:21+00:00

proves most of men’s problems are self-inflicted

Blatant, shameless, ubiquitous anti-male sexism. In a world where men hating bunch of "ikwality fighters" have "figured" that all problems of the planet are because of men. Yeah, sure sure...

men being unable to hold a conversation on a first date

Dull ladies want to be entertained. Woman not entertained - baaad man.

Know your freaking privilege.

RaidenTheBlue · 2026-01-17T17:20:00+00:00

As a man who dates from time to time, as long as I’m talking I’m interested. If you can hardly engage me or get me to talk I’m just counting the minutes or the bites of the meal until I can dip

No-Rough-7390 · 2026-01-17T17:40:46+00:00

Says: “talk about themselves”

Then says: “barely talk at all”

Something ain’t adding up here.

I will say that women love to talk about themselves, so dates in this regard are easy. Ask questions, follow up, neg a bit, everyone wins.

Jetpine9 · 2026-01-17T17:35:18+00:00

men’s dating problems are 99% self-inflicted

Nah, cause there's plenty of guys (much more than 1%) who are aware that conversation is a give-and-take, and they still have dating problems. I agree with you that he can't monolog or sit there like a clam but that doesn't prove the sweeping generalization above.

And for a whataboutism, I've seen women who can't carry a conversation who still do fine. But that's just how it goes. Guys gotta curate the experience for women. Are there men who disagree, or haven't got that message yet?

Zabadoodude · 2026-01-17T17:25:20+00:00

Some people are just bad at holding a conversation. I've definitely encountered women that do this too. Also, sometimes you can tell you don't click, but there isn't an easy opportunity to leave right away. E.g you just ordered food.

If there are two people on a date that arent good at maintaining a conversation and usually rely on the other person to drive it, then you get awkward silences or one person just rambling. Why didn't these women fill the silence themselves? Why didn't they jump in to the men rambling with something related of their own?

Kingcrow33 · 2026-01-17T18:52:02+00:00

It seems to me that most people can't hold a conversation. And the real issue here is women want men to put more effort into the conversation than themselves.

Capital-Donkey-2576 · 2026-01-17T18:52:39+00:00

Women are the ones who don't talk on dates. They rarely ask me things, they NEVER make me laugh or joke.

They sit there, waiting to be entertained.

Then if you don't make them giggle and laugh compared to some other guy they say you are "boring". Then they take their boring ass over to another guy, say "hey heres my pussy, maybe if you make me laugh you can get some" and rinse and repeat.

At no point are THEY entertaining, funny, or engaging to the man, because they know their leverage is simply possessing a pussy and being able to trade you out like a pokemon card for someone else

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-01-17T17:22:31+00:00

I don’t agree with using TikTok as an example, but I will agree I’ve been on some dates where it’s like getting blood out of a stone to get a conversation going or worse when they don’t care that what their saying is offensive or rude. and this was before the redpill movement, I wouldn’t even tolerate a guy that asked me my body count like he’s checking how many previous owners I’ve had

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PuzzleheadedGrab8375 · 2026-01-17T17:36:37+00:00

And the dumbest excuse I hear is “well clearly he just didnt like her” which definitely proves that men’s dating problems are 99% self-inflicted

I don’t think thats fair. I doubt that all women immediately end dates upon realising that they don’t like the other person. So why do you expect this from men?

And how does the circumstance that some men are non- conversational on dates proves that 99% of mens problems are self inflicted? I can’t follow this chain of reasoning.

Just-Path-5838 · 2026-01-17T18:26:48+00:00

I find it so hard to believe this is a real problem. Men are usually the ones leading the conversation I've found.

Additionally, these are the men getting the dates, these aren't the men with problems. So no, this is not an example of men's problems being self-inflicted. These are the men who are doing fine.

lesliecarbone · 2026-01-17T17:32:53+00:00

A lot of guys seem to agree with Billy Joel:

I don't want clever conversation

I've never understood it. Clever conversation is fun.

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EugeneCezanne · 2026-01-17T17:52:40+00:00

And the dumbest excuse I hear is “well clearly he just didnt like her

We have no idea to what extent this is even true. I think it's largely rolled out as a defense mechanism. The thing is, you dont have to like someone to have an engaging conversation with them—if you do, it's a performance issue and a sign of underdeveloped social skills.

Two other explanations strike me as more likely. First, men are often attracted to the kind of women to whom they relate the least. This is especially true regarding traditionally masculine men and traditionally feminine women. Inability to relate isnt necessarily "dislike," though parsing the two may require a certain amount of introspection and emotional honesty.

Second, the combination of homosociality, anxiety and culture shock can make even the cleverest, sweetest men over-, or under, talk. This hits the less experienced men especially hard.

But option 1 makes you seem like an asshole and option 2 makes you seem like a coward. So a third option, "I didnt like her," is at least face-saving. Moreover, it's rarely issued by the actual man from the date. Usually, it's other men chiming in because they dont want to hear criticism of their gender or anything about "social skills"

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-01-17T18:08:58+00:00

I don't know what kinds of dates you've been on, but this strikes me as a dating apps problem or don't know each other very well/share nothing in common problem. This is why I think everyone should kind of know each other prior to trying to get a coffee one on one. Plus, it does sort of somewhat help take a little of the pressure off.

Can this still happen? Sure. But it's significantly reduced chances. I've been on 1 dates like this where all he did was talk about himself and be a little rude/dismissive and had one guy I dated long term who ended up being like this (either barely talking or only talking about himself and being rude and dismissive) because it turned out he'd kind of lied a lot about what he was interested in to get me (as I later found out when suddenly 5 months in we went from talking all the time to having nothing to talk about or fighting because of how rude he was being to me and it was extremely upsetting and bizarre).

But most of my dates have been extremely fun and enjoyable talking even if there wasn't a spark and it was all platonic by the end.

But mostly, I suspect this is you either going on dates with strangers or misreading a dude who is very nervous and blathering as if he's being purposefully malicious.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-01-17T20:12:25+00:00

If he’s on a date then he doesn’t have dating problems, men with dating problems aren’t allowed to do that.

shadowrangerfs · 2026-01-17T20:17:30+00:00

I think people over-think this. Most likely the guy doesn't want to say the wrong thing and blow his chance with the woman. Also, I've seen plenty of dating advice for men that says "let her talk more" so she views the guy as a good listener.

Logos1789 · 2026-01-17T20:43:17+00:00

This is the explanation: ”And if the excuse is “THOSE guys have options and just want sex”… okay, then why sabotage the first date? You cant turn women on if you immediately turn them off. — they flirt and build chemistry.”

I also disagree with your stance that lack of success is self-inflicted just because men don’t want to have sex with women they wouldn’t consent to, once they interact with them on a date.

Lack of success is self defined, and you don’t get to tell men that they should accept anything they don’t sincerely like. I thought we learned this lesson from women telling men the same thing when women’s standards were criticized.

Neglius · 2026-01-17T20:45:54+00:00

These are two entirely different groups of men...

Avanni24 · 2026-01-17T21:24:00+00:00

If I'm not talking I'm thinking of something to say.

Asleep-Pin-5664 · 2026-01-18T05:04:38+00:00

This isn't gender specific.

Best-Possibility-569 · 2026-01-18T05:40:26+00:00

You don’t leave long enough pauses for people to respond/want to carry on the conversation- you can tell by the way you write

Title	If men will intentionally not hold a conversation while on a date because they’re not interested in the date, that proves most of men’s problems are self-inflicted.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	164
Date	January 17, 2026 5:16 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qfix8g/if_men_will_intentionally_not_hold_a_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-men-will-intentionally-not-hold-a-conversation.1571357 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571357

Comments

Dull ladies want to be entertained. Woman not entertained - baaad man.