Immediate disqualifying factors are viewed as something negative by the person disqualifying

Accomplished_Pack527 · 2026-07-24T11:37:33+00:00

It’s largely dependent on the disqualifying factor whether it’s viewed as something negative or not. The why is important.

I won’t date men who work out a lot or are too outdoorsy. Do I think it’s a negative? Not at all.
In fact, I kinda wish I could be like that. But I solely disqualify them because I physically can’t keep up with that lifestyle.

Not every rejection is a value judgment. Sometimes it’s just an acknowledgment that two people are likely incompatible.

Lysa_Bell · 2026-07-24T11:44:00+00:00

I didn't want to have children. So a potential partner that wanted to have children was a disqualifier. That doesn't make them bad. They can find someone that wants to have that. It just doesn't align with my idea of a relationship and how I want my life to look like. That's not negative or positive. Its just incompatibility.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2026-07-24T13:21:49+00:00

So the red pillers who say they would never date a woman over 40 view living past 40 as a negative?

If having cats is an immediate disqualifier cuz I’m allergic, that doesn’t mean all cats are a negative. Just that I don’t want to have an allergy attack when I’m trying to live my life

MobileSugar2589 · 2026-07-24T11:04:03+00:00

I, as a straight man, do not want to date other men. I don't view being a man as something negative.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-07-24T12:12:35+00:00

I think it's possible to say that you wouldn't date someone without thinking that person is morally corrupt or deserves any less dignity as a human.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2026-07-24T12:25:12+00:00

Men who get rejected view the reason for their rejection as a negative judgment on them, whether the woman thinks that or not.

Just because someone doesn’t want to date you doesn’t mean you’re morally failing.

Expensive_Lion1807 · 2026-07-24T11:51:44+00:00

I don’t want to date anyone who lives more than a 20 minute drive away from me. That’s an “immediately disqualifying factor”

Does that mean that everyone outside of my area is somehow bad? Of course not.

That’s just goofy.

waffleznstuff30 · 2026-07-24T13:22:02+00:00

I am not religious. I don't want children. A die hard who wants to have babies Christian would be a dealbreaker for me. We would have a lot of friction in the relationship. Due to religious differences. And reproductive differences. Does this mean every Christian is a bad. Does this mean men who want children are bad?

It just means there is a base incompatibility. And they can and should find someone who shares their values. We would be a dead end because those frictions and lack of compatible factors and one person would significantly have to compromise more than the other.

I don't find beards physically attractive like it's an immediate no for me. But I see plenty of men with girlfriends who have beards. So.... Not wanting to date someone it's not negative.. it's just not what I am looking for.

It would be like... If you have a skill set for a specific job? And you applied to a job that isn't what your skill set is. Is that place viewing you as "negative" or are you just not a fit for that specific job. Like an industrial welder tried to apply to be an RN? They have no nursing degree they never studied nursing? But they want to try their hand in nursing because it's time for a career change. They would be disqualified as a nurse? But are a damn good welder. Dating is the same kind of thing.

wideHippedWeightLift · 2026-07-24T11:44:51+00:00

Politics doesn't belong on this list, it's the opposite of shallow to want to date someone with the same moral and cultural beliefs.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-07-24T11:07:34+00:00

Technically, it is something “negative” in terms of ideal partners.

There is nothing less attractive to me than someone who finds me unattractive. I have zero interest in ever pursuing a relationship with that person.

We could be friends, absolutely. I’m also not attracted to a lot of my friends. But there’s no appeal to having a relationship with someone who doesn’t like my body and doesn’t want to touch me.

The thought produces a feeling of disgust.

the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-07-24T11:31:28+00:00

"Not right for me," and, "bad," are not the same thing. I don't date ppl who wanna have kids, bc I don't wanna have kids. There's nothing wrong with either side. We just aren't right for each other.

Being incompatible is neutral.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-07-24T15:15:45+00:00

Nope.

If a man rejects me because of my politics, race, age, looks, etc, that’s good.

Because I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me

Lemon_gecko · 2026-07-24T11:08:44+00:00

Define negative? Because the way i see it - it's negative in the meaning that i don't like it, but it might be neutral when i don't evaluate for dating.

Examples are: 1) i don't want to date a man who is from different cultural background (for example). I think it will just lead to many frictions and miscommunications and issues when out cultures will clash. Not to mention language barrier that will probably also add to issues. But that doesn't mean i see all people with different cultural backgrounds as negative. I might like different aspects of their cultures, i might think that it enriches stories and movies, i might enjoy ideas and generally like them as people. 2) i don't want to date a man who thinks that women should serve him, and men in general, who thinks that they are less talented, smart etc simply because of genitals. and here i think it's negative for me, because our values will just clash and produce only fights and whatnot. And i think it's negative quality as a person, and i don't like those people.

myboobiezarequitebig · 2026-07-24T11:37:54+00:00

Sure, if you ignore circumstance.

I personally would not date somebody who’s not in the same tax bracket as myself or does not have the desire to achieve a similar educational background.

These are not negative characteristics/triats for individuals I am not planning to fuck or date. Why would they be?

Unless we are talking about traits that are universally considered negative. Like lacking hygiene, not being the most financially responsible, being rude, etc. I would argue most people differentiate traits based on whether or not they are looking to date.

I feel like you’re having issues with people finding this concept hard to understand because it doesn’t follow logically.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-07-24T12:15:46+00:00

“We don’t speak the same language, I’m not going to be able to date her” does not mean whatever language she speaks is a negative trait, even if it disqualifies her from your dating prospects

pie-mart · 2026-07-24T12:05:19+00:00

I guess a similar argument is asking men if they would date trans women and then asking if they view being trans as a negative thing. Someone can decide not to want to daye someone without viewing them in a negative light. I can decide i don't wanna eat cheese but it doesn't mean I think cheese is bad in general or that other people should also stop eating cheese.

Men also may not wanna date fat women, but also don't dislike ir view fat people negatively

Pnina310 · 2026-07-24T13:10:43+00:00

Unrelated but I read “Bichon” as “Bitcoin”

love_in_october · 2026-07-24T15:13:14+00:00

They're not viewed as negative, just not attractive. For example, straight women don't date women, but don't see being female as negative. Most people don't date people very far in age from themselves, but don't see that as negative either. I see serving in the army as something commendable, but I wouldn't date a soldier as we don't have compatible lifestyles. I think playing sport is great but sporty people just aren't my type to date. And so on.

Attraction is different from just finding something good. A lot of it is about someone being compatible and complementary to you (so you may not be interested in someone who is too similar to you and who you want to be), and some of it is just a bit random really.

ThatBitchA · 2026-07-24T15:29:59+00:00

I don't want children. I don't view someone wanting children as something negative.

Not wanting something in a partner doesn't automatically make that a negative.

Creation_Soul · 2026-07-24T11:07:22+00:00

what is there to debate here? yes, if it's a disqualifying factor then it's a negative one FOR THEM, not the whole society itself and other people don't have to view said factors as disqualifying or negative.

Look, when I had to buy a car, I didn't go for a toyota because I felt that for the money I was willing to go, the soundproofing of the engine was poor. Was it a disqualifying factor for me? yes. is everybody who buys and enjoys toyota cars an idiot? of course not.

TankfarmMurdock · 2026-07-24T11:30:26+00:00

I think this is an absurd argument. Your insecurities are your own problem to deal with, it’s not anyone else responsibility to compromise their standards to tiptoe around them.

Serahill · 2026-07-24T11:16:36+00:00

I don't date men so that is an immediate disqualifier, no I don't view men existing as a negative. Another example that is more along the lines you were thinking is polyamory, I've tried it, it didn't work for me. It doesn't mean I view polyamory as a negative, I just know I don't enjoy it myself

Some things can be disguslifiers without having a negative view of them

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Colt_Master · 2026-07-24T11:22:24+00:00

If you believe some aren't self aware enough or have hidden bigoted reasons why they don't date certain people then argue that especially instead of somehow trying to argue against the entire concept of Taste

Quiet-Lotus · 2026-07-24T12:45:20+00:00

I think the why is critically important for a lot of thing. If you make a lot of money and want to date someone with a lot of money, and would rather not date someone with much less money because the power imbalance is awkward... it doesnt mean they directly view someone not having money is bad, they just dont feel confortable with the power imbalance it brings.

On the other hand Bisexuality is a big one for me, a lot of women can't explain why they'd date a straight man but not a bisexual one without ending up saying something homophobic or dodging the question. They do see it as a bad thing even if they can't immediately explain why.

mooncake_bites · 2026-07-24T13:32:08+00:00

It can be negative. But more often than not, it’s a matter of knowing what I can and cannot handle and knowing whether I would be compatible with the person or not.

So for example, if I’m disabled and I know I wouldn’t be able to keep up with someone who is outdoorsy and loves sports, that doesn’t mean I think that it’s a negative thing to love sports or the outdoors. It’s because I physically cannot engage and make someone who wants to do that with their partner happy.

Does that make sense?

Flaneur50 · 2026-07-24T14:04:09+00:00

You're really noting that women see more disqualifying issues in men than vice versa, and that's true. Many of them really do matter and in the long run they're doing the man a favor because an incompatibility would impact him even if he was willing to put up with it. One that really does matter.

Women also almost recoil from some stuff that really seems inocuous. I mean she knows best what she can deal with but if scuffed shoes really tell her all she needs to know about a man maybe we don't need to know that's how she operates.

But.......that's baked into the pie.

Motorcycles_r_cool · 2026-07-24T14:09:35+00:00

I mean yeah, most women don't like bisexual guys. The patriarchy teaches that being penetrated by a penis is degrading and for the "submissive" and is a role designated for the woman, so a man doing that is disgusting to a lot heterosexual women. Be grateful that women just show disgust instead of beating you to a pulp for no reason like straight men do hahahahaha

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-07-24T15:57:56+00:00

Just because I don’t find someone attractive doesn’t mean other people couldn’t. It doesn’t mean I think anything negatively about that person. I don’t necessarily think they are ugly. I’m just not attracted to them. Most of the time I’m neutral. I’m just not attracted to them. That’s not a positive or negative. I’m friends with lots of people I’m not attracted to. I can even find them attractive. In fact I’d say all my friends are attractive people. I’m just not attracted to them. There’s nothing negative about them. Just no attraction.

If I’m attracted to them but our lifestyles don’t match. Like they want kids or they are extremely allergic to animals or they want to travel the world or whatever that’s just not going to work with me. Again. Nothing negative. In fact the traveling thing is super cool and I wish them luck. But it’s not for me.

Tylikcat · 2026-07-24T18:14:19+00:00

"In public dating discourse with women and blue pillers this concept seems very hard to understand."

Because it's untrue. Trivial examples: I don't see people being married, too young, or too old as negatives. But they are disqualifying.

I'm unlike to date someone who is super into television and movies, and has a social life that largely revolves around those things. No shade, and I have a lot of friends who love that media, including more than a few who are professionally involved in it in some way. But it's not my thing and tends to lead to conflict. I probably can't have a serious relationship with someone who is big into the clubbing scene, especially with a lot of alcohol or other recreational chemical use - again, not really my thing, and these days I'm just too old for it. (Though it was equally not my thing when I was twenty. I like going out dancing from time to time, but constant involvement is exhausting.)

This is a totally different register than saying I am unlikely to date soemone who voted for Trump, or who regularly smells bad, both of which are traits I see as negative.

Talking about compatibility and talking about whether I see something as a negative trait are different things.

doggiedoc2004 · 2026-07-24T18:15:29+00:00

This is silly and reductive. Just because an individual may not like something or find it off putting say like sushi, does not mean sushi is bad. The item(sushi)or person doesn’t gain or loose moral or positive weight just because an outside individual doesn’t care for it.

anomalocarus · 2026-07-24T19:25:46+00:00

I wouldnt seriously date guys that dont speak spanish, but that doesnt mean i see non spanish-speakers as negative

101bees · 2026-07-24T11:16:58+00:00

So you go on a first date, let's say it's a blind date, and even though nothing alarming really happens and the conversation might even be pleasant, you don't feel any chemistry and you're not really attracted to the person physically.

None of those things are bad, but not having chemistry is a reasonable disqualifying factor.

Whiskeymyers75 · 2026-07-24T11:07:55+00:00

That’s why people need to keep it to themselves. The biggest problem with Gen Z is they can’t seem to STFU. As long as you plan on being monogamous, nobody needs to know about something like your bisexuality. Quit telling people shit that’s going to get you disqualified

Title	Immediate disqualifying factors are viewed as something negative by the person disqualifying
Author	BichonFriseLover
Upvotes	1
Comments	89
Date	July 24, 2026 10:59 AM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1v583o7/immediate_disqualifying_factors_are_viewed_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/immediate-disqualifying-factors-are-viewed-as.1585757 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585757

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