Love doesn't exist

2023-05-27T14:01:43+00:00

Love is what you make it.

What you're talking about is unconditional love.

All love is conditional. All love will eventually end.

Doesn't mean you can't enjoy it while you've got it.

My pets will die one day, and I will be distraught over it.

However, knowing that our lives are finite, I enjoy our time together anyway, and do not worry myself with what the future holds.

My attitude to romantic love is the same.

Mentathiel · 2023-05-27T09:30:15+00:00

Why do people here conflate love with unconditional love? There's no such thing as unconditional love, not even in parent-child relationships. That doesn't mean love doesn't exist.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-05-27T11:40:08+00:00

love does exist. it’s one of the most defining human experiences. even ancient societies understood and grasped the concepts of love and attempted to define them as they were so powerful and drove humans so intently- as they still do.

parents love their children, brothers love their brothers, people love their god, etc. your first mistake is talking about love as if only the romantic kind exists or matters.

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-05-27T10:52:42+00:00

No relationship can last being one-sided, supposedly, "love" would outwork the technicalities of a relationship, but that's not true.

No, this is only a problem for some people.

People with no (or very little) relationship experience are either fed or choose to swallow the lie that "love conquers all" and end up bitter and jaded when — shocker! — they realise that relationships take work.

There's no such thing as unconditional love in a relationship/friendship, as you're meant to put effort into communicating, reciprocating affection, finding compromises, sharing a mental workload... etc. These are all things that people that swallow the "love is a fairy tale" pill are pretty shit at.

Love definitely exists — but it's easier to find for people that actually have the maturity to love someone, as opposed to the overgrown children that end up jaded when their one-sided demands for "love" are not reciprocated.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-27T11:06:08+00:00

Believing in love it's also giving false hopes to young men

Young men are unreliable reporters on love. They claim to be “in love” with disinterested women, claim to be in love with platonic friends, claim to be in love with classmates who barely acknowledge them.

Love requires caring as much about a partner’s happiness as your own; selfish, one-sided desire is not love.

EugeneCezanne · 2023-05-27T14:14:54+00:00

Sorry, but how do you define love? It's unclear what you even think you're talking about.

Relationships are nothing more than a trade of feelings, emotions, favors, and support.

So? That sounds nice. What else are they supposed to be?

supposedly, "love" would outwork the technicalities of a relationship

Lol, no one with any dating experience believes that, except John Lennon.

LiveWallaby233 · 2023-05-27T11:00:48+00:00

Love exists in so many forms - I love my family and friends, I’ve also held love for previous partners of various amounts (love is a spectrum after all)

It’s a shame you don’t seem to experience this?

Maybe your understanding and expectation of what life is is simply extremely warped.

Bureaucrap · 2023-05-27T13:43:22+00:00

Altruism is a natural instinct, evolved in the wild. It is related to love and we see it in whales and elephants. Love exists because it helps overall survival, but humans are multifaceted creatures and live in harsh times. Most units are isolated as opposed to forming tribes.

If you were happy, you wouldnt even be looking down this path of thinking.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-05-27T14:10:28+00:00

Love definitely exists. As others have stated more eloquently here than I could, it’s not unconditional and you do need to put in the work to make it last. It’s not always hearts and flowers and sometimes it is not pleasant. But it’s very rewarding when it works out. Communication helps.

Due_Box3639 · 2023-05-27T14:36:57+00:00

Are you on the spectrum? No shade I am too, but I’ve noticed that a lot of people who think like this lack the emotional depth to really understand and appreciate love - and they’re usually autistic or have a personality disorder.

Love absolutely exists. You can still be cynical and demystified and say “it’s just a chemical reaction to form bonds in communities” but to say it doesn’t exist is way out there. Best of luck in life, I hope you feel so loved one day that this post will make you giggle to yourself.

pleasantldar · 2023-05-27T10:20:10+00:00

I agree with you in spirit, but will try to CYV. It’s not that love does not exist, exchanging the benefits of social / familial / romantic attachment IS love. The whole reason love evolved is because we are social animals who survive and reproduce better when we bond and cooperate. Same can be said about morality, btw. But to many, this type of love seems “fake”, because they feel like there is “real” love out there somewhere, in which someone will love you no matter what for the rest of your life, accept you as you are, won’t try to change you into what they want, forgive all your mistakes and always help you when you need it. People who long for it often complain about real love not existing, but they can’t even give that kind of love to someone else, due to their neediness. You can’t love unconditionally when you need, because then not getting what you need makes you unhappy, putting a strain on the person you love to change for you. On the other hand, people who are strong and self-assured can come closer to this kind of love, because they need nothing from you and nothing about you will perturb them to their core. Basically people can’t even give what they ask for, and if they realized it, they would not long for the fairy tale love quite so much.

Steakman1 · 2023-05-27T13:37:58+00:00

It seems like you just personally define love in an idealistic way. Not that love doesn’t exist. So sure, an idealistic version of love doesn’t exist. And I think believing in that version of love enables men, or even women, to be lazy in their relationships.

Relationships are nothing more than a trade of feelings, emotions, favors, and support.

There obviously has to be a benefit to your partner being with you. You shouldn’t be getting into relationships just because your partner looks good or something. Even if you’re getting into a relationship because your partner is a really good person, you’re doing it because that goodness in them would benefit you. So I don’t really see the problem with your statement here besides trying to word it in a way that sounds really negative. It just seems like you believe love isn’t real unless it’s unconditional. And that has never been the case even in the traditional era or 20 years ago which you appear to cite as a better time when love was real.

CountC0ckula · 2023-05-27T09:15:37+00:00

Love absolutely exists, for example your parents love you, although it's not the best example because their love is unconditional while loving your partner unconditionally is unrealistic. The problem is most people conflate love with infatuation, a short term burst of hormones you get from interacting with a new person and lusting over their looks. True love in my opinion is a genuine desire to make a good person happy, where "good" is obviously solely related to their personality and character traits. The problem is, good people are less likely to be physically attractive because looks are usually enough to find a partner.

LiveWallaby233 · 2023-05-27T13:48:12+00:00

You’re just outing yourself as a sociopath

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Freethinker312 · 2023-05-27T11:56:59+00:00

Love doesn't exist.

What do you mean with "love"? What is the concept, whose existence you deny?

Relationships are nothing more than a trade of feelings, emotions, favors, and support.

Why do you see feeling, emotions, favors and support as unrelated to love? Could love not be expressed in such ways? If love would exist, how would you think it would be expressed? Or do you think expressions of love should be unnecessary if love is real? If yes, it seems reasonable to conclude that experiencing being loved by the other is not necessarily for love, because how would you be able to experience it, without the other expressing it in some way? And if there is no way to express or experience love, what is love? How does love exist?

No relationship can last being one-sided, supposedly,

It is because it is not healthy to only love others, but not love yourself. Also, there is a difference in causes of one-sidedness. If your spouse becomes very ill or gets into a severe accident, your spouse may have less possibilities to express his/her love for you, but that does not mean that the love no longer exists. It may seem one-sided, but it is not really one-sided, or at least not by choice. However, if your spouse is able to, but consiously chooses to not express love to you, it may be reasonable to conclude that the cause is that they have no love for you. That is real one-sidedness, by choice. Why do you think that love only is real if someone will love you infinitely forever, without you ever loving the other? No one is able to do that, not because love does not exist, but because everyone needs love, especially from the person with whom they are the most intimate. You are not the only one who needs love, if you are in a relationship, your partner also needs your love. If you want your partner to love you, but don't want to love your partner, you are abusing your partner. (Note: I did not claim that for real love, it is necessary that two partners express their love for the other in exactly the same way and exactly the same frequency.)

"love" would outwork the technicalities of a relationship, but that's not true.

Why do you think that "the technicalities" are totally unrelated to love? Some "technicalities" are caused by a lack of love. Also, some "technicalities" can make it impossible to express or receive love in certain ways. So of course "technicalities" may influence the experience of love between people.

Society has drastically changed for the past 20 years and that narrative that you will find your significant other is just unrealistic.

So do you believe love existed 20 years ago?

Willow-girl · 2023-05-27T12:35:41+00:00

Have you ever met a person who is so cool that you never get enough of them? And that feeling doesn't go away?

That's love, friend. Don't say it doesn't exist just because you evidently haven't experienced it.

literaryhogwartian · 2023-05-27T15:44:54+00:00

Love does exist. I love my husband beyond words.

Love is a choice. We choose to love each other every day

Grand-Inspection2303 · 2023-05-27T16:58:56+00:00

I think the problem here is that you're creating a binary between one-sided and transactional, when these aren't the only two options. Transactional means the immediate motivation is selfish: for example, I do something kind to you and in return I expect sex. It's wrong to think all interactions in a relationship are always this way - it's entirely possible to be motivated to be kind to your partner because you want to see them happy and not because you're thinking about what you get out of it. However, that love and desire to see them happy will likely grow cold and turn into resentment, if they don't also act out of love toward you and do things out a genuine desire to see you happy. Sure it may be transactional on some macro level, as you both expect to get something out of the relationship, but that thing you're both getting is the other person acting out of a desire to you happy, so it's not transactional in a meaningful sense of the word. Not to say a normal relationship won't have any of the selfish quid pro quo transactionalism in it as well. The problem with a lot of red pill thinking is that operates in a world of black and white, either/or binaries; in reality most relationships probably have a combination of unselfish desire for the other peson's well-being and selfish quid pro quo transactionalism.

Suspicious_Zebra8837 · 2023-05-27T09:15:21+00:00

What made you come to that conclusion ?

AdOpen432 · 2023-05-27T14:52:55+00:00

You ever questioned you're aromantic?

Safinated · 2023-05-27T14:31:05+00:00

Unconditional love doesn’t exist. Love, which is based on feelings and brain chemicals, definitely exists. And can definitely be one-sided

And I assure you that most people know this. Its logic

q_dice · 2023-05-27T14:34:45+00:00

Who wrote this? Obito Uchiha? Or was it shadow written by Madara?

So the love I have for my mom is not real? Man I’ve been deceived by those old tv shows we used to watch.

All joking aside yeah that is simply not true. U say it urself a relationship can’t be one sided. The thing I also greatly disagree with is that is a JUST a deception to young men and not young ppl in general if that’s the mindset u r going to perpetuate. The thing would be is that it can still be love, but if it gets to being one sided then it is still love, just the feelings are not returned and maybe it is just not to the same level. Y does this sound like Nice Guy rhetoric, where someone is in love has no idea what it means to b in love and not in Lust with some girl on his Facebook or insta?

The other thing I don’t understand is the second line. Could you explain what else you hope to find out of a relationship? Hoping love will work everything out? U no to keep a functional relationship takes more than love right? Communication, understanding, patience, and willingness, are some of the tools to keep one going and to keep it less toxic and one sided. It’s like a car, if love is the engine to make it move, u gotta account for the brakes, rotors, brake fluid, oil, battery, alternator, etc to help keep it moving.

(I had some work done on my car in the pst few months and I no nothing of cars so all this was new to me)

angelicasinensis · 2023-05-27T14:37:21+00:00

This may be the issue if your single! Of course love exists.

Ex_Machina_1 · 2023-05-27T18:53:23+00:00

Someone must of hurt you bad my mans because this is too far from the truth.

wtknight · 2023-05-27T13:26:15+00:00

My wife and I are in love with each other and have been in love with each other for a long time and it's a great life. Love is something one is either capable of feeling for other people or it's not, and I feel kind of sorry for those who aren't capable of it.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-05-27T16:20:04+00:00

When you grow up and get over the Disney woo-woo definition of love, you realize that it's not some mysterious force that is bestowed upon you by the heavens. And it's also not "just brain chemicals" or some transactional calculations of favors and gifts and support.

Love is a choice. It is a decision you make every day when you wake up. You look at your person and say to yourself "I'm going to put in the work for them, because I want to keep them in my life." You buy their favorite snack at the grocery store. You put on a movie you don't particularly like but you know they'll love.

One of the most loving things you can do in a relationship is sit down with them and discuss what isn't working for you, because what you're actually saying is "I want to stay here with you, I want this to work, and I need your help."

People HATE to think of love as work. But it is. It's the only job you choose, not out of survival, but pure simple desire.

You can say it's not real all you want, and for you it won't be, because you'll never unclench your asshole enough to let go and experience it. Somebody might try to choose you, but you'll never be able to choose them, because you're afraid. Sounds like a miserable way to live if you ask me.

TrueNeutral10 · 2023-05-27T09:37:42+00:00

Love can be clearly defined as the arising of virtue through humilation of the self.

In camaraderie, with friends and in moments where sacrifice and bold leadership is required, or where people do irrational and beautiful things , in great works of art and music, love is almost always involved.

Love is a relationship with either (God) or (Self), for the less esoteric and more simplified thinking process - love is the rise of virtue through humilation of the self.

The mistake people make is false idolatry. That is believing that love for a woman is love. Women are narcisstic and enjoy being false idols. So they see the virtue that arises from love as utility which should be exploited for their benefit and vanity. "If a man loves me, and is willing to do this much.."

This exploitation of love is what allows a woman to harvest love for her own vanity. It's the degradation of love and the degredation of virtue. Love becomes meaningless, because the virtue which arises from it is dismissed. Women will dismiss the virtue which arises from love because they care mostly about resources. So your virtue means nothing. However, this is a fault of men too.

Men falsly equate love with love for a woman. That's false idolatry and is encouraged all around , by men and women.

Loving any person puts you at the mercy of their ego. Many egos will feed on your humility. In spiritual traditions, this is why the master has to be egoless, because it is the only way not to insult the ones seeking enlightenment for their virtue.

Love exists but it has nothing to do with "the other". Unless you close your eyes and let the world drift away, then the other you are with is one you can devote yourself too and through sacrifice to, experience the exaltation of virtue through self humility and being faced with the simple truth that "I don't know anything, I don't know anyone".

It's possible that misunderstanding love is one of the biggest issues people face.

Also, there are different forms of love certainly that add spice to life, but there is only one universal love really.

houstongradengineer · 2023-05-27T12:55:11+00:00

I fell in love first when I was 11. He broke my heart. We no longer speak. I'm now married to another man. I get no happy feelings from seeing this former love, as I don't see him at all. And yet, I still care for him. I wish his happiness, and I know that the world is a better place for having him.

My now husband, on the other hand, is affectionate and mostly present. We do so many things for each other, and our bond makes me feel good. Let him fuck up- let me find out about him doing the wrong thing behind my back in a way that this other guy never did- and I'll turn into a wounded animal. Maybe that's what you've seen, idk.

So, from my experience, I guess my point is this: You have to know the right person to appreciate them for unselfish reasons, and once that happens, it doesn't tend to fade away. Not all people will have my same view on love, but it seems pretty common for my family and I know it is real for us.

ciobanica · 2023-05-27T13:13:53+00:00

Love doesn't exist.

a trade of feelings, emotions

So do feelings and emotions exist or don't they ?

wes_bestern · 2023-05-27T15:11:03+00:00

We're living in a time of upheaval. In order for patriarchy to be smashed, we must tear down the curtain. The veil of dark romanticism that justifies male power. A generation or more of men must give up the dream they were once sold.

In order for the reins of control to be relinquished over to matriarchy, the entire established order, the status quo, must be upended. This process has been generations in the making. Really centuries in the making. But now, we're seeing the contractions, the birthing pangs of wisedpread dysfunction to wrest the mandate of heaven away from the world of men.

When the American Civil War was waged, the Southern aristocracy had already seen the handwriting on the wall. They knew chattel slavery was on its way out throughout the world, but for them it was worth war to be able to prolong their power for another couple decades or so.

Humans have short lifespans. When you're born into a dying established order, if you are selfish, you'll fight to preserve it just for your lifetime. You are not equipped for a new order. Your romanticized view of your culture is gone with the wind and you must throw away all the comfort of the life you knew. If you are unselfish, you self-sacrifice for the good of future generations.

We dont choose what place in society we are born into. None of it is really fair. So it takes great humility to give up your seat to someone else. And in the grand scheme of things, as forces greater than you clash in the conflict of your time on this earth, you must choose where you stand. You must not do this with the expectation of being rewarded with love. You must do this out of your own love.

duenebula499 · 2023-05-27T15:37:03+00:00

By this definition, feelings also don’t exist, nor do emotions. They’re biological responses if you really dig into it. Happiness is just dopamine.

Ofc this is bs, any human who has ever been happy knows innately that it’s real, same with sadness, and love.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-05-27T17:19:04+00:00

What is love if not a feeling?

Every relationship requires some work and you're not guaranteed a relationship if you drop the ball, no matter how much that person loves you. I had an ex who thought that love meant ''you have to put up with me and any bullshit I throw your way'' and expected love to work out any and all issues we had in the relationship (on my side, at least, he wasn't bound by his own rules). Big shocker to exactly no one, it didn't work out. Turns out that being a dick to your partner and expecting love to sustain the relationship is a stupid idea.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean they're good for you/good to you and you should know when to leave. And just because you love someone doesn't mean they have to stay with you if the relationship isn't good for them. It would be better if we taught young people that love isn't going to keep people around them if they're taking the other person for granted. We should also teach them that you loving someone isn't going to make them love you back and that they should not torture themselves thinking that if only they just loved a bit harder, a bit more, then the other person would stay. As Mark Manson puts it, ''Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.''

DapperDan1929 · 2023-05-27T17:48:42+00:00

Yes. I love the idea of healthy relationships and it would be ideal to have one. And they do exist. But for the most part they simply don’t seem…sustainable.

2023-05-27T23:23:18+00:00

I'd argue love does exist it's just highly conditional....

JelloMany9374 · 2023-05-28T02:40:46+00:00

Haha you really need to do more drugs.

I think you implied there are people you care about. So there are probably people who care about you too. Love is just the commitment to care about someone in a way that is special to them.

Your_client_sucks_95 · 2023-05-28T07:22:12+00:00

More often than not both people in the relationship have different definitions of love. So yeah it's quite difficult for love to exist in that situation.

bearsfan231 · 2023-05-31T16:31:16+00:00

As black pilled as I am, its real. I've seen it. Hopefully I can experience it one day, doubt it tho.

Title	Love doesn't exist
Author	LiveWallaby233
Upvotes	9
Comments	163
Date	May 27, 2023 9:10 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13t2lx7/love_doesnt_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/love-doesnt-exist.1220442 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220442

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