Men Who Have Been on These Forums and Have Dated - How do you manage?

MikeArrow · 2023-12-24T05:40:31+00:00

Here's the neat part, you don't.

Dating is incredibly stressful and anxious at the best of times.

You have to understand people will go on dates just to see if the vibes match, it's not a commitment whatsoever.

You're not 'home free' by any stretch of the imagination, so you need to never invest any sort of hope in the outcome. Always, always be vigilant to see the signs of disinterest and be prepared for them to just disappear at any time.

Try to enjoy the brief, fleeting moments that you do get with them, that's all you can do really.

illusoryfindings · 2023-12-24T06:38:38+00:00

You just have to date anyway, in spite of them. All of us, men and women, have these types of thoughts when we start to like someone, so it's fairly normal.

You'll only self-sabotage if you allow them consume you, which'll look like seeking too much reassurance from the girl you like, or keeping her at arms-length emotionally, to either soothe or avoid pain respectively.

I haven't figured out what to do with them yet, though. For now, I just try to observe them when my mind throws them at me. This 'muffles' them a bit, because I'm not getting swept up in thoughts themselves, but I'm instead anchored to the 'me' that notices the thoughts that float around inside me, if that makes sense at all lmfao. So far, this is the best solution I've found, it prevents me from self-sabotaging at least.

I don't like talking about these anxieties with friends, because they'll, in all their good-intentions, give me platitudes and examples of what a great guy I am. I'm mostly at peace with myself, so I genuinely believe and agree with them, but these anxieties are irrational things.

I also feel that as a man, I can't talk about these things and seek reassurance from the women I'm seeing. It definitely feels like if you express the smallest little shred of self-doubt, it kills all the magical feelings she's ever had for you in an instant. Even if she genuinely believes she wants you to communicate so openly, I still feel she'll subconsciously start to admire you less, completely unintentionally.

I think a lot of men share this feeling, like we have to keep these delicate parts of ourselves locked away because women are repulsed by them.

If you're a neurotic as fuck and sensitive dude, like I am, I think you have to screen for women who are naturally very loving, affectionate and expressive about how they feel. That way, she'll end up soothing your doubts without even knowing you have doubts that need to be soothed.

Between that, and quietly observing your thoughts, it's certainly one way of managing.

stats135 · 2023-12-24T05:39:05+00:00

I go through the 5 stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I've reached acceptance for most things here. Once you accept reality as it is, there's no anxiety. This is true with life in general, not just dating.

Accept that we will always have competition for what we want in life, sex is no different. Accept that we live in a capitalist society, and money is gonna play a huge role in life, relationships included. Accept that there are limited opportunities, and limitless risk with everything, women are the same.

Zabadoodude · 2023-12-24T07:48:47+00:00

She's not your one and only chance. There's plenty of women out there and seeming desperate and paranoid like that makes most of them dryer than the Sahara.

Early on the stakes are low, which is what makes it manageable. Some women will find someone else they like better, some will use you for a free meal, some are just nuts. It's not the end of the world. Keep it moving and don't put up with women that won't respect you or treat you well. There's some great girls to date, but you have to sift through a bit of shit to find them

RedditIsCensorship2 · 2023-12-24T13:31:38+00:00

You realize that women are nothing special. They are just humans. And you live by the redpill wisdom that: "she is not yours, it's just your turn".
Respect yourself, realize women are nothing out of the ordinary and know that there always will be another one, when the current one is gone.

In fact these forums are very helpful. The fastest way to knock the whole gender of women off their pedestal, is to spent time on PPD.

blarginfajiblenochib · 2023-12-24T10:59:27+00:00

PPD may boast over 120k members, but I usually see less than 200 likes and comments on most posts, so I always remind myself that the unhinged nonsense I see from some people on here is exactly that and take all of this with a grain of salt. There’s no shortage of traumatized women who want to dunk on lonely men, nor RP dudes spouting their whacked out theories on “women’s true nature”, and neither of them are representative of the general populace lol

How do you guys stay positive and not let these intrusive thoughts cause you to be endlessly anxious or self-sabotage?

I think it’s largely dependent upon your own values and beliefs - do you believe you are enough? Would you choose to stay with a partner who makes you walk on eggshells or she’ll threaten to leave?

As I’ve learned to set boundaries for myself, I’ve realized what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship. I am in a happy relationship, and while I’d miss her if we broke up, I also know that I would be okay if I became single again (I actually enjoy it lol).

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-24T07:48:08+00:00

Understand that you manifest with your thoughts everything that you bring into your life. If your thought is "why is she even dating me", your mind will generate a million reasons not to date you. Try it right now. Close your eyes and say "why would any woman in her right mind date me?" and your subconscious will come up with "well, yeah, you are a loser, you are ugly, you are only 5'9", you don't make six figures, blah blah blah".

Now try this on for size. Close your eyes again and ask "what can women love about me?" What? What? Silence you say. Repeat the question again. Maybe it will take your subconscious a couple of minutes but it will come up with something like "well, I'm smart". Ask it again. Maybe it will say "I'm actually a good guy, attentive and caring". Well, keep asking it that positive question and your subconscious will dig deeper and deeper to get you an answer.

The other thoughts you have, let's see. I have to be perfect. She maybe the last vagina on earth for me. She has other guys interested.

That's scarcity thinking. That's what slaves think. You need to change your thinking. Look At yourself in the mirror and think about all the things you dislike about yourself. All the things you obsess over. Your cantal tilt, your height, your receding hairline, your belly. Take all of these things and reframe them to a positive. I love my height, Im just the right height so a girl doesn't have to get on her toes to kiss me. My hairline is sexy because hair loss is a sign of high testosterone. I will shave it and be bald and proud and sexy. Girls love to rub my belly. My huge nose is so sexy. I love it.

Learn to love yourself as you are. If you are okay with your "flaws" so will be women. If you are worried about what's wrong with you they will also be worried about what's wrong with you.

The other stuff? There aren't enough women out there. Someone else will get her? Stop thinking like a slave. There are plenty of women to go around. They keep making them. They are out there looking for you not the other way around.

I'm gonna level with you brother. If you don't love yourself and hype yourself up, nobody will be able to love you. They will see you the way you see yourself. I have proven that to myself over and over and over.

Gravel_Roads · 2023-12-24T05:58:03+00:00

A lot of dating is about self-control and setting REALISTIC expectations.

You can't get "used" if you don't do anything you don't WANT to do. This does mean you will be screening out women who want you to do thing for them... but you don't want to do the things they want you to do, so that's a self-solving problem.

throaway2s1fsfsf4 · 2023-12-24T08:56:59+00:00

I've (soon 30M) never dated, but I'm in a relationship. Met my gf at 26 online (on reddit), we talked for about one year straight and became a LDR couple along the way. Then we met irl and she quickly moved in so we never really dated.

I manage because despite being low SMV (I'm autistic and below average height, face and body), I can see the qualities that I have that made my gf fall in love with me. I don't think she'll stay forever with me, but every day I spend with her is one more happy day.

I don't mind these forums. Being autistic dating is pretty much my biggest concern in life. I know I need to have a partner in order to be happy (I have no friends irl since end of middle school and in general touch is extremely important to my well being) so anything that can shed some light on dating and gender dynamic is interesting for me.

If my gf leaves me I know dating will be hard for me, but I think some of the knowledge I've gathered on the internet might be of help. I realize it's easier to have this stance considering I'm currently in a relationship. "If it happened once it can happen twice" is a moto I live by.

Back when I was a kissless virgin at 26 I was already terminally online and I couldn't stand most of these forums. They were just too depressing for me.

AidsVictim · 2023-12-24T10:21:48+00:00

How do you guys stay positive and not let these intrusive thoughts cause you to be endlessly anxious or self-sabotage?

Most men that have trouble with those sort of thoughts (sans evidence of some type) are simply overanxious. It's a very sad plague on younger men and women in the modern world. Younger people are under socialized which contributes to their anxiety around social-sexuality.

I can't give much advice advice about it because "be less anxious" doesn't really mean anything (much like "just be more social").

The reality is you just have to date and try to control your anxiety. Most people are flawed and will let you down at some point (like you will let down your partner at some point) but it's certainly still possible to have good relationships. Accept those flaws and do the best you can - if something fails, it fails, you move on to a new relationship eventually. The less you worry about such things, the better your outcomes will be as your anxiety levels decrease.

abaxeron · 2023-12-24T09:30:57+00:00

Same as I deal with other fears. Some of them are false, some are inevitable. Fears, you get used to; risks can be managed.

BootyMessiah · 2023-12-24T15:03:50+00:00

Why is she even dating me?

Why would you date you? Who are you? What do you want?

I have to be perfect; one mistake and she’s gone.

You don’t have to be perfect. A woman who is genuinely attracted to you will let you get away with many mistakes.

She might be my one and only chance ever.

No she won’t

Is she going to use me for money?

How would she know you have any money if you don’t lead with it and you only focus on what you want from her?

She probably has like 5 other guys she’s talking to.

Who cares if she does? You should have other women you’re talking to. All you should be concerned about is if she respects you, is genuinely attracted to you, follows your instructions and adds value to your life.

What if someone taller/fitter/more handsome is interested in her and starts talking with her?

How do you want her to respond? If she responds in a way you don’t want her to, leave her.

How do I know she’s not cheating behind my back?

You don’t, all you can know is whether or not she respects you, follows instruction and adds value to your life.

What if she changes her mind and leaves me because she thinks she can do better?

Then you charge her to the Game and you find someone else.

How do you guys stay positive and not let these intrusive thoughts cause you to be endlessly anxious or self-sabotage?

Because I only focus on myself and what I want. I don’t make my life about women. I know who I am and what I want. I have confidence. I have conviction. I am driven, ambitious, direct, assertive, positive, sociable, charming, knowledgeable and self-sufficient. I have boundaries, discipline, style, and am self-reliant. I like who I am. I like what I do. I’m good at what I do and I take care of my people. I stand on my square. I stand on business. I view myself as a company or a country. I value compliance, respect and acts of service above all other things. I look for value in other people. I expect and sometimes even want the women I deal with to leave and move on. I am not afraid to lose a woman. I often break up with most of the women I deal with and they have a difficult time losing me and not having me in their life.

wtknight · 2023-12-24T15:41:40+00:00

Abundance mentality. This is what Red Pill preaches, and I don’t see why it doesn’t apply to Blue Pill men, as well.

bikerider6969 · 2023-12-24T23:46:00+00:00

How do you guys stay positive and not let these intrusive thoughts cause you to be endlessly anxious or self-sabotage?

Oh my sweet summer child

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-12-24T09:55:26+00:00

You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. - Marcus Aurelius

Reasonable-Watch857 · 2023-12-24T07:00:08+00:00

Don't think women have the ability to love anyone but themselves and maybe their child to some extent, so if I need sex, I'm getting a hooker. They're more honest about relationships being transactional.

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RevolutionaryOkra679 · 2023-12-24T14:23:17+00:00

I’m a solid 7 on a good day and I have a harem of 5s that I keep in rotation, usually 6 or 7 of them.

As soon as I stumble across a girl who’s a 7 or a high 6, I drop the harem and enter a ltr with this new girl. And yes, every girl in the harem probably believes that she’s the only girl that I’m talking to

tonotbemarry · 2023-12-24T12:20:51+00:00

Why is she even dating me?

Because I add value to her life

I have to be perfect; one mistake and she’s gone.

Then she will lose all the value I provide to her life

She might be my one and only chance ever.

Nope, she will get older while I will get richer.

Is she going to use me for money?

Yup, trick is to make sure that you dont give her money unless she is providing value to your life

She probably has like 5 other guys she’s talking to.

You should be talking to 10 girls and plating her first, until she proves her worth. If you cant do that, you are not valuable enough,

What if someone taller/fitter/more handsome is interested in her and starts talking with her?

Does not mean he will commit to her. World is filled with 40 yo soccer moms who left their husband because Chad swooped her away then used her body and threw her away.

How do I know she’s not cheating behind my back?

This is tricky.Fuck her good and be good to her, dont be a push over but you should always start with a nice card. Be capable and willing to replace her with younger woman at moments notice. That means keep lifting weights and dont let your game become rusty. Its just that she will lose you if she cheats and most importantly some other woman will get you straight away. If you are a man who is worth it, she will think twice before cheating.

What if she changes her mind and leaves me because she thinks she can do better?

I mean, women are hypergamous so they may leave, BUT thing is as they get older their Romantic Market Value along with their SMV decreases. But thats not the case for you(given that you lift weights regularly and are financially sound). There are MANY men who are better than you, but that does not mean that aging woman will be able to secure commitment from them.

So whats the solution? Value.

Hit the gym and get that six pack

Do the cardio so that your heart health is good.

Eat good food so that you remain youthful for long time.

Drink enough water

Get a good skincare routine and try to avoid sun or wear sunscreen(women are far ahead in this and they openly share their secrets)

Work on your social value and game

Focus on your career

If she does not leave you, you will be a financially successful man with six pack abs, excellent health, good social skills and game married to an aging woman with loose skin, cellulitis, wrinkles etc

If she does leave you, you will be a financially successful man with six pack abs, excellent health, good social skills and game and you will be free to date a younger woman with tighter skin, less fat, less wrinkles more energy etc etc.

BatemaninAccounting · 2023-12-24T11:43:46+00:00

Why is she even dating me?

She likes you more than other guys at that moment.

I have to be perfect; one mistake and she’s gone.

Ok from this and previous question, you're showing some limited signs at having attachment disorders. No one is perfect and your partner understands this.

She might be my one and only chance ever.

On average globally low 90% of all people will have multiple LTRs by the time they die. You will, statistically speaking, have multiple "ones".

Is she going to use me for money?

No, unless you're uber wealthy you don't need to work about gold diggers. If you are very wealthy, then yes you may have to worry about it and develop methods of sussing this out.

She probably has like 5 other guys she’s talking to.

For some women, yes. For others, no. Regardless if she's with you and demonstrating she's with you, those guys don't matter.

What if someone taller/fitter/more handsome is interested in her and starts talking with her?

The vast majority of women won't give a fuck. Most women globally are monogamous and do not cheat.

How do I know she’s not cheating behind my back?

You get to know their psychology and personal morals, and see them demonstrate these consistently through actions and scenarios that come up in life.

What if she changes her mind and leaves me because she thinks she can do better?

Then you and her are going to be happier, and you should be glad this happened. It means you weren't meant to be with each other long term.

DesertShifter · 2023-12-24T23:05:37+00:00

many of us wonder if we will get dates/a gf but i have all these neurotic questions about my self worth and her relation to me

Literally just you being schizo and ruining yourself.

how do you not self sabotage?

I literally do not think about that shit at all when I'm on a date.

i rue the day i stumbled on these forums

This shit is not why you're not dating, its a convenient excuse but the fact that you use it just goes to show why you're failing in the first place. You have no social skills, you spend too much time online and you do not approach and take risks.

lovestocomment · 2023-12-24T06:30:06+00:00

Talk to fisher man. Ask him how he catches specific fish. He'll tell you the does and don't. He'll tell you about the tools you need to catch specific types of fish.

I think this comes down to a lack of focus. Either due to an overflow of information, emotions and rhetoric. Pick a type of woman you want, physically and mentally. Figure out the traits that will suit you long term. Depending on what those are, you then focus on approaching those types of women. Yes, that means "catch and release" the women you are not interested in. If you realize that you are not equipped to get those women and or keep them. Then you need to figure a method and get the necessary tools and resources that will allow for you get the type of woman you want and keep her if you get her. This of course requires patience and discipline. If you don't have those, then You might need to focus on developing those traits first.

SeveralLiterature980 · 2023-12-24T08:35:38+00:00

It's easy to stay positive when you have reference experiences. These days I'm teflon to any attempt from a woman to shame, reject, or otherwise even presume to judge me. Knowledge is power. Knowing yourself and your strengths in this game is key. Understanding that there are different strategies that you should be open to pursuing in different situations.

I will just tell you what your answers to all these questions should be:

Why is she even dating me?
- You offer her a benefit or several benefits in her mind. If you do not know what these benefits are, you are at her mercy. If you correctly deduce what needs of her you meet and how, you are in the driver's seat.
I have to be perfect; one mistake and she’s gone.
- This situation only occurs when you have failed to personally brand yourself and distinguish yourself meaningfully from the competition. You likely also have falsely assumed that because you and her are in a certain relationship stage that there is no competition. There is no escape from competition --- no matter what she says. You need to understand why she's there and how you can influence her perception of what you offer as unique to you. Without this knowledge and ability, you are indeed correct.
She might be my one and only chance ever.
- In some situations this may well be true. For example, a 5/10 guy who managed to land an 8/10 woman in an LTR or for a lay. Yup. That might be part of the life highlight reel at the pearly gates. The blackhat way to capitalize on this and behave in a manner that will ensure that it is not your one and only chance ever is to flip the script and push the boundaries of that relationship. For whatever reason, the more you push the envelope and the more you can get away with, the greater the returns to your boldness, coolness, popularity, and "swagger."
Is she going to use me for money?]
- A question you only ask if you are ignorant of what you bring to the table.
She probably has like 5 other guys she’s talking to.
- At least. If the woman is past 6-7/10 there are probably many more. You need to learn how to utilize this universal phenomenon to your advantage. All these men, hot or not, can become wingmen to you.
What if someone taller/fitter/more handsome is interested in her and starts talking with her?
- People in general are predisposed to backward rationalize whatever choices they make. Effort justification is the boyfriend's greatest superpower in warding off everyone --- if he understands how to activate and use it. Think about women in abusive relationships --- they get approached by these men too, yet they're not interested. Why? The trauma bond abuse cycle involves insane investment from them, and that insane investment invites insane rationalization.
How do I know she’s not cheating behind my back?
- You don't. When men cheat, we generally are sloppy and run our fucking mouths to someone, and it is often eventually the wrong person, or we leave some kind of trail, or whatever. When women cheat, generally, unless they want you to know, that shit will go to the fucking grave. Statistically, it's highly likely that if you've been in more than a few LTRs, you've probably been cheated on at least once.
- I have said it before and I will say it again --- nothing will protect you from infidelity. Not being Chad, not being Alpha, not being "a sweet guy," nothing. Storytime: an attractive woman met a man who meets the Chad and TRP alpha definitions simultaneously, 6'3, good looking, great in bed, aggressive, macho, etc. they start dating. He leaves town to visit his parents and tell them that he thinks he's found a great girl. At that same time she fucks both his best friend and another guy she knew from some class she took --- at once. 6 years pass during which they get married. Two kids. Mr. Alpha dog cheats, gets caught cheating, and then she finally drops this bomb. Point being: you have no fucking clue what goes on. Proceed accordingly.
- It is hard to care that much about someone cheating if you yourself are cheating or at least have cultivated many potential options to activate if the relationship goes nuclear.
What if she changes her mind and leaves me because she thinks she can do better?
- You are always vulnerable to this but if this happens it is usually due to you failing to present yourself in a manner that causes her to perceive you in a sufficiently powerful way.
- You shouldn't really give a shit. With enough experience it's easy to see through the tough facades women present and just react impassively to whatever they do.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-12-25T01:15:39+00:00

Why is she even dating me?

I don't approve of this mentality. She should be wondering why are you dating her.

I have to be perfect; one mistake and she’s gone.

Not exactly, but men do have it harder. Women seem to get icks for any random reason and pretty easily. Your best strategy is to not give a fuck. Abundance is king here.

She might be my one and only chance ever.

Again, this is why men need abundance. If you're afraid to lose her, you WILL lose her because you will act desperate.

She probably has like 5 other guys she’s talking to.

Not always but yes, a lot of times women are talking to many different guys. But here's the thing, I'm talking to many different girls also. And I wouldn't accept a woman who was talking to multiple men. When you have abundance, you can do this.

What if someone taller/fitter/more handsome is interested in her and starts talking with her?

Then she's probably going to go for him, unless she's in love with you.

How do I know she’s not cheating behind my back?

You weed out cheaters by dating low bodycount women, women who've never cheated before, women who don't constantly seek male attention, etc

What if she changes her mind and leaves me because she thinks she can do better?

Then who cares, she did you a favor.

macone235 · 2023-12-24T07:42:21+00:00

Why is she even dating me?

Because you're the best she can get. Stay that way if you want to keep her.

I have to be perfect; one mistake and she’s gone.

Depends on the competition. Your value is relative to other people. You can not even make a mistake, but if another guy is better, then you will still lose. You don't need to strive for perfection - you just need to win.

She might be my one and only chance ever.

Maybe, maybe not. Work harder if you want more opportunity.

Is she going to use me for money?

Yes.

She probably has like 5 other guys she’s talking to.

Probably.

What if someone taller/fitter/more handsome is interested in her and starts talking with her?

Then you're probably fucked.

How do I know she’s not cheating behind my back?

You don't. You can make a good guess based off the power dynamics, and how she's treating you, but that's why you simply don't care. Not in the sense that you'd allow it though, but in the sense that you it would not hurt you emotionally. Focus on maintaining frame, and don't focus on simping, and you'll decrease her likelihood of cheating, and be in a good mindset if she still does.

What if she changes her mind and leaves me because she thinks she can do better?

Then she leaves.

You're trying to chase something that doesn't exist. You're not going to fly, you're not going to lift things with your mind, and you're not going to fall in love. If you want a relationship, then you need to learn to temper your expectations, and realize what a relationship is for. It's not for carrying out your fairytale daydreams; it's for having some sex, assistance, and companionship. If she leaves, then you go find someone else to talk to and fuck - very simple. Stop making relationships harder than they need to be.

How do you guys stay positive and not let these intrusive thoughts cause you to be endlessly anxious or self-sabotage?

Because I don't let myself believe in dumb shit anymore. At a certain point, you're going to have to grow up, and learn how the world works and what to expect from it. Yes women are shitty, so deal with it. Stop pedestalizing them and stop trying to acquire something from them that they're not going to give you. Fuck them, get some free housecleaning, and maybe a mother for your kids and call it a day.

I don't sit there and worry about a woman leaving me if I lose my job, because I know she will. That's why you work as hard as you can, and stay indifferent as insurance. You shouldn't need anything from a woman, you should want something from a woman. That motivates you to be successful, but also allows you to easily separate. Prioritize things that matter (and that a woman can actually give you) like sex, housekeeping, etc. and you won't be crying when she leaves - you'll just be bummed that you have to go find someone new to fill the job.

Phantom-H · 2023-12-24T07:07:08+00:00

For a long time I have thought as you think.

These days I've realized if I want to be absolutely sure that none of those bad things of your list will happen to me the only thing I can do is to take the path of celibacy.

On the other hand, if I really want to have romantic and sexual experiences, the only thing I can do is to accept that all the bad things you list could happen to me. It's a matter of taking the risk.

I don't know if the above is a new pill but it has been a revelation to me.

In any case, if a hypothetical woman is just using you for your money you'll be able to quickly realize that and walk away, don't you?

If she cheats on you, don't feel guilty or ashamed (that's how she should feel). With your knowledge of the pills you might also be able to figure it out relatively easily before you get too involved.

DumbWordsmith · 2023-12-24T13:42:08+00:00

I discovered this subreddit in the winter of 2013, I believe.

When I dated, I had to convince myself that the woman was different. I let myself fall for the illusion they presented. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been motivated enough to bother.

I was able to convince myself to buy into it then, but I can't convince myself anymore. As a result, I've lost interest in dating. However, the same might not happen to you.

I think everyone who suffers from what you're describing needs to let go (while exercising some common sense about marriage) and see what happens. If they end up back in the same spot, so be it, but if they don't try, they'll always be wondering "What if?"

grillopie · 2023-12-24T13:53:19+00:00

all of your questions are valid at first except two. you dont know this person very well at all. dating should get you comfortable with the rest of these questions.

the two i think dont make sense are:

“i have to perfect…” there is no perfect. you dont know her, you dont know what she thinks are red flags.

“she might be my one and only chance” if you landed a date with her, you can do it again with someone else. you should NEVER feel cornered into one option only. if she dumps you, or if you don’t like her, move on.

Overall, i would suggest assuming the best of this person, and have fun, until she shows you a red flag. if she does, decide how bad it is and whether you need to dump her. dont worry about answering these questions constantly.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-12-25T17:59:36+00:00

You seem to be putting the cart before the horse as far as worries goes.

Once you get in the game, it is very possible that some of those things will happen. Other people are kinda squirrely and have their own agendas. You just have to take the bad with the good. The first break up is especially rough. There is a temptation to just wallow in your feelings too much, too long. The best thing for that is to do stuff with friends each day, just so you aren't sitting there thinking about it non stop. Your reaction is likely to be overblown, but, like learning to ride a bike, your first crashes are big and dramatic. Hopefully when you are done grieving you will have thought it was all worthwhile.

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-12-25T18:02:54+00:00

She she she, what about what you want or need? This is a game of finding a person you care about enough to fufill their needs and desires who also does the same for you. If any of these things come between your relationship then she’s literally not the person for you.

WhaleBiologistCILISI · 2023-12-25T18:34:00+00:00

"Enjoy it while it's there", done pretty well with that mantra. Works with 'most' scenarios in life not just dating. Ties in with the, "all good things must end.' If you have an issue with 2nd statement, you're not ready to accept/practice the 1st.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-12-25T22:06:21+00:00

You have to be secure in yourself before dating. If you're not in a good place, mentality, financially, physically, spiritually... you need to fix that. Otherwise, you will sabotage a good relationship. There is nothing worse than finding the perfect girl and realizing you're the problem. Speaking from experience. Work on those demons.

PM_ME_YOUR_MUSIC4FB · 2023-12-26T01:36:34+00:00

I'm fortunate because I don't have any desire for long term, serious, exclusive relationship. I enjoy being alone, I entertain the occasional FWB and hook up. I can't imagine how it would be to date as a man without being completely ignorant to reality.

PM_ME_YOUR_MUSIC4FB · 2023-12-26T01:53:05+00:00

I'm fortunate because I don't have any desire for long term, serious, exclusive relationship. I enjoy being alone, I entertain the occasional FWB and hook up. I can't imagine how it would be to date as a man without being completely ignorant to reality.

Why is she even dating me?

Is she? Unless it's been a few months and a discussion about exclusivity, she's not. You're just getting to know each other.

I have to be perfect; one mistake and she’s gone.

You don't. You just have to be "her type" and not do anything ridiculous. You will eventually find someone who clicks with you and it feels natural to be with but it requires putting yourself out there and getting through the numbers.

She might be my one and only chance ever.

She definitely isn't. Otherwise people who get divorced would never remarry, "one and only true love" is a myth. You're probably compatible with and capable of loving hundreds of women that you just haven't met yet or won't get to know.

Is she going to use me for money?

No. Especially if you follow the rules and don't spend a lot of money on first dates and shower her with gifts. If you suggest a coffee date and she's put off, next her. You guys aren't compatible.

She probably has like 5 other guys she’s talking to.

Always. That's okay too. You should have a few other women You're talking to. You might not get picked, and you might not pick other women. That's how dating works though.

What if someone taller/fitter/more handsome is interested in her and starts talking with her?

What if? If you matched with a girl on tinder on Monday, and on Tuesday this giy matches with her and he makes plans with her on Friday night and then you ask her out on friday after, she's gonna go out with him. He night chew with his mouth open and she'd be repulsed. Maybe he's perfect and you never hear from her again. You're talking to other women anyway, it doesn't matter.

How do I know she’s not cheating behind my back?

You shouldn't worry about this unless you see signs that she is. Also, you should manage your expectations in the early stages of courting and make sure you both are clear on whether or not you've established exclusivity or not. A lot of people get fucked up because they assumed the person they went on 4 dates with was their girlfriend just "because" they had four dates.

What if she changes her mind and leaves me because she thinks she can do better?

Despite how accurate the redpill is, it's not all encompassing and there is a lot of nuance to redpill theory. A well adjusted, mentally healthy women in a comm rel with someone they genuinely like/love is not open to meeting and developing relationships with other men. This could happen, but you need to und that it wasn't because you weren't good enough, it's because she has issues that you didn't see the signs of. She's not a well adjusted person, she'll do the same thing to the other guy.

Title	Men Who Have Been on These Forums and Have Dated - How do you manage?
Author	Disruptiionz
Upvotes	39
Comments	78
Date	December 24, 2023 5:14 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18po79e/men_who_have_been_on_these_forums_and_have_dated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-who-have-been-on-these-forums-and-have-dated.1241462 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241462

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