Negging, let's unpack it.

GinSmokeLies · 2018-03-01T20:04:47+00:00

I can't relate to people who don't do playful teasing. I've talked about this before, but I grew up with two older brothers who teased me mercilessly, and as I got older I was able to dish it out too. That just became sort of the norm for me when interacting with guys. I would lose interest quickly in a guy who didn't know how to tease and be teased.

I don't think it makes someone an asshole, but I can see how it could come across that way to someone who's less socially savvy or who finds teasing disrespectful. To me, it's just fun and games, nothing to be taken seriously.

apube · 2018-03-01T20:28:06+00:00

playful disposition

This is the key, really. It's the difference between friendly teasing that fun and sometimes flirty and some weirdo insulting you because he's got some problem with you.

I grew up in a family of razzers, and my dad is the #1 ballbuster. So teasing is incredibly natural for me (though I will say it has gotten me into trouble with some more sensitive souls) and tbh, if I haven't teased or been teased by someone then I probably wouldn't consider them to be close to me. And being teased in a fun way instantly makes me more comfortable with someone.

I don't think it's an extro thing exclusively, but extroverts probably do it more often and sooner with people they've just net.

The danger with teasing is when people use it as a weird, covert way to air out their real grievances with you. That's the danger with people who aren't socially savvy trying to "neg." If the negger has ulterior motives besides just having fun, and that's sensed by the recipient, it'll probably be a turn off.

Also delivering negging/teasing with confidence is key too. If someone teases me with ease, like they're sure I'll just find it funny and won't take it the wrong way, I'm more likely to realize that they're just being funny and appreciate the joke.

Artpop_ · 2018-03-01T20:21:42+00:00

Negging isn’t jokes and banter, it’s trying to bring down someone’s confidence in a backhanded way. There’s nothing playful or good willed about it.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-03-01T20:25:14+00:00

those are examples of push-pull and DHVing imo, not negging really

damaskrose · 2018-03-01T20:14:21+00:00

What are your thoughts on "negging" or what many of us refer to as playful banter?

Depends how they do it, I've been straight up insulted by guys who thought they were negging. Also that instagram dude seems obnoxious.

Do you find that people who are comfortable with one another naturally do this?

Yes, but friendly banter with people who aren't actually your friends seems awkward and presumptuous. It's like taking fries off someone's plate without asking. My husband and close friends are allowed to do that, but I'd be put off if someone else did.

wtknight · 2018-03-01T20:10:41+00:00

I don't mind it when somebody I know well negs me and I'm sure I do my fair share of teasing too. I don't like it when someone I don't know negs me, though, and I'd never neg a woman in an attempt to pick her up.

JustAnotherOmegaMale · 2018-03-02T12:21:42+00:00

Negging is a deliberate attempt at making someone feel a little insecure. Playful banter, on the other hand, is fun and without ill-intentions.

haunting-you · 2018-03-01T20:27:46+00:00

going to use your posted examples as reference to answer these questions...

What are your thoughts on "negging" or what many of us refer to as playful banter?

if that is playful banter, i guess i don't really enjoy it after all. i like having fun conversations that can involve jokes (and being sort of silly), but that are sparing with the jokes at or about someone. instead of silly and fun, the kind of approach shown in the videos would just seem kind of mean-spirited to me. i'd feel more like he chose me to be the butt of his joke to someone else, and not really get why. i might laugh, taken aback, but i'd probably just look/feel bewildered and put off.

Do you find men and women who razz to be "assholes"? And if so what constitutes "asshole" to you?

in the manner shown above, yeah, i probably would. i guess there's a chance he could have a follow-up that saves it, but those chances seem slim. in this context, a guy like the one shown in the video would seem like some ass with nothing better to do that just wanted to go around messing with people and giving out false compliments just to ditch.

Do you find that people who are comfortable with one another naturally do this?

i think so, yeah. there are things i say jokingly to my husband because we have an established rapport and he knows not to take it seriously (but occasionally someone in earshot will give us a funny look, because it sounds harsh or whatever to strangers).

Is it an extro thing?

probably.

Is it a thing only humorous men and women enjoy?

no, but there's certainly a group of people who are okay with this, and a group that isn't. not being okay with it doesn't automatically make you humorless, your sense of what humor is just varies.

LewisCross · 2018-03-01T23:16:55+00:00

Negging isn't the same as playful banter. Negging as a PUA concept is a backhanded compliment designed to bring a woman's self-regard down just a little, and to show her she doesn't intimidate him and he's not going to be a pussy beggar

Most men don't do it well. When most men neg, it comes off as a rehearsed line and sometimes downright mean.

To me, playful banter is just kidding each other around. It's not meant to equalize the man with the woman or demonstrate anything, and it's just talk and "getting to know" each other.

newName543456 · 2018-03-01T23:48:59+00:00

Quoted isn't even a neg.

An actual neg is a backhanded compliment.

Of course typical wannabes lack calibration to pull it off and straight up insult people instead.

GlibPerspective · 2018-03-01T20:11:18+00:00

those videos are retarded social media "pranks" and have no bearing on social reality.

Th 'negging' that works is just a dumb way of explaining playful teasing. The idea of sniping someone's self esteem to try and endear them towards you is an excellent mechanism to filter out emotionally stable people who are capable of setting boundaries with others. It's one of the reasons people say RP techniques only work on emotionally damaged women.

LSTW1234 · 2018-03-01T20:18:40+00:00

Teasing is so incredibly intertwined with flirtation, I barely separate the two. I’m sure most women remember being told as a child that if a boy is teasing you it means he likes you. We’re taught to interpret it as flirtation.

It’s interesting to me that the purported idea behind negging is to undermine the woman’s confidence because I feel like it does the opposite. If a guy makes a playful backhanded compliment I interpret it as flirtation, meaning he’s interested in me. That doesn’t undermine my confidence.

mistercheeez-o____O- · 2018-03-01T21:20:52+00:00

•What are your thoughts on "negging" or what many of us refer to as playful banter?

If it's done in a playful way, I welcome it. I'll dish it and I'll take it.

•Do you find men and women who razz to be "assholes"? And if so what constitutes "asshole" to you?

Not necessarily, there's a difference between teasing, and putting someone down.

•Do you find that people who are comfortable with one another naturally do this?

I usually do this with my friends, it's a way to show your affection. Especially between dudes, like what am I supposed to say? "Hey man, I really enjoy your company"? lol that'd be weird.

•Is it an extro thing?

maybe.

•Is it a thing only humorous men and women enjoy?

Definitely. It's also cultural. Western cultures are very big on irony, satire and sarcasm.

philomexa · 2018-03-01T22:28:35+00:00

HA! funny this should come up, I think, I'm pretty sure I was legit negged in starbucks this morning.

So there I am doing my thing at the sugar/cream station when this younger(?) African American guy saddles up and says "girl, you're too beautiful to be wearing all that makeup". I cackled at him, so he followed up with "I just know you got kissable lips under all that lipstick"

I continued cackling, so he spit a few more lines about just wanting to talk even though he knows I'm married (gestured to my wedding ring), and that it doesn't have to be about sex, we can talk about money, or diamonds and how he'd give them all to me, and that a pretty lady needs to be showered in jewels (wat?).

In any case, I was pretty annoyed that I 1.) instantly picked up on the neg, 2.) that he even negged me if the first place (9am in starbucks? come the fuck on guy) and 3.) he fell back on needless platitudes when I wasn't responding how he'd like.

Regarding your insta examples, that's a pretty charming maneuver and I'd react much more favorably to that than calling out my make up.

AstuteBlackMan · 2018-03-01T23:45:16+00:00

Playful banter is fine. I love it.

kandyapplez · 2018-03-02T00:46:17+00:00

my thoughts on negging summed up in a meme

Ordinate1 · 2018-03-02T02:02:56+00:00

when it goes from intuitive naturals bantering with an ease and ebb and flow.. to people treating it like an alien methodical process and accosting people with unearned "humor" and ill-timed conversation.

Welcome to Psychology 101! :)

grindlegrundle · 2018-03-02T04:35:49+00:00

Wasn't "negging" originally more like a backhanded compliment or veiled insult to get a girl to try to win back your approval? Re-characterizing it as "playful banter" just seems like another attempt to sanitize RP/PUA tactics to make them palatable to ~~non-psychopaths~~ normies.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-03-02T11:08:08+00:00

I'm not interested in conversing with anyone who can't join in with the bantz. Male or female doesn't matter. It's just no fun.

CatchPhraze · 2018-03-02T13:32:48+00:00

Playful teasing is not negging though. Negging is used to make the person doubt or self conscious. Like, "you're cute for a chubby chick" or "I think most redheads are freaky but your kinda hot" it's not ment to be a joke or entertainment. It's called neg as in negative for a reason.

Playful banter is never intended to hurt the other person and I think most of us practice it as humorous and basic social interaction.

GridReXX · 2018-03-01T19:59:34+00:00

What are your thoughts on "negging" or what many of us refer to as playful banter?

Hate it

Do you find men and women who razz to be "assholes"? And if so what constitutes "asshole" to you?

It often borders it

Is it an extro thing?

Mostly

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TarshishJupiter · 2018-03-01T23:17:34+00:00

I guess I've always understood negging to be about trying to lower someone's confidence so that they have to work to gain your approval, which supposedly makes them more interested in you. I don't think its just playful banter, but backhanded or conditional compliments. Like:

"Girl, you are the second hottest chick I've seen here tonight."

"You're cute for a fat girl."

"I wasn't expecting someone as hot as you to be smart."

"Wow, that dress makes your boobs look much bigger than they are!"

Basically it only works if it actually hits an insecurity, and I just don't find anything attractive about trying to make someone feel insecure.

rpwthrowaway2016 · 2018-03-02T05:58:04+00:00

I haven't been negged before, but based on what people quote here, a lot of them seem kinda obvious. And I'm always polite when conversing with strangers, so if a guy hit me with one, I'd be like 'uh what's his problem' since I wouldn't have said anything to warrant such a response. And I also dislike strangers being overly forward with me.

Banter among friends I'm fine with. I engage in it regularly, but reasonable limits so no one feels hurt.

Eastuss · 2018-03-02T08:42:32+00:00

Definitively not an extro exclusive thing. Intros are exhausted by long social interactions so they may want to find shortcuts.

I often have poor result with people because I dive in their personal space and intimacy and test them. With banters.

I'm pretty sure I don't neg consciously, I do it without wanting it because I don't get that most of what I say can be offensive or depreciating.

IrrationalIrritation · 2018-03-02T10:01:49+00:00

What are your thoughts on "negging" or what many of us refer to as playful banter?

If you're a buddy of mine (regardless of gender), I'd be fine with it. If you're some random female who tries it on me, its efficacy will vary depending on how sociable I'm feeling. At best, we'll strike up a conversation. At worst, you'll be irritating me, and I might just drop "Is your ass jealous of the shit that falls out of your mouth?" on you to shut you up.

Do you find men and women who razz to be "assholes"?

Depends on who's doing it to whoever else. Two buddies razzing each other? Knock yourselves out. Some random stranger just waltzes up to you and starts mouthing off? Fuck off.

what constitutes "asshole" to you?

I think you'll agree there are certain lines that people should not cross when cracking jokes at someone else's expense (cracking jokes about someone's dead parents/friends/relatives, for one). Cross that line, and you'll receive the label whether you like it or not. Dark humor is welcome with me. Making things personal is not.

Do you find that people who are comfortable with each other naturally do this?

Yep.

Is it an extro thing?

Sure seems like it.

Is it a thing only humorous men and women enjoy?

Don't think so. I know a fair few people who don't like razzing or being razzed who also have a perfectly fine sense of humor.

MisterJose · 2018-03-01T20:51:26+00:00

Teasing and putting women down, in my experience, totally works. I kinda outgrew dealing with people in general in that way, but as a college kid the women who were into me were basically exclusively women I would tease, rank on, and make fun of.

I had an ongoing thing with a girl where I would tease her about having no tits and being flat-chested. Really. She also had short hair, so I would say things like, "We're having a guys night out, want to come?" Totally into me.

I talked with another girl, obliviously, about how attractive I found her roommate. Into me.

I once even was in a shit mood and complained online about how no woman had a personality interesting enough for me to want to be with her for that reason. After she got done telling me what a horrible person I was, it slowly morphed, to my astonishment, into her wanting me.

In contrast, young me heard, "You're the most amazing, thoughtful, sweet, caring, guy ever...but I'm not into you," a dozen times as well. That literally never worked.

Title	Negging, let's unpack it.
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	10
Comments	136
Date	March 1, 2018 7:55 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/81860l/negging_lets_unpack_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/negging-lets-unpack-it.263416 https://theredarchive.com/post/263416

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