The reason high-functioning autists struggle with attracting women is that they don't conform to the rules of hegemonic masculinity as women generally like bravado men

AngeCruelle · 2023-10-28T17:28:21+00:00

The autistic guy I knew who struggled most with dating was actually quite hypermasculine. He was a power lifter, extremely talkative and outgoing. But the thing is, he couldn't read the room and would talk on and on about weird conspiracy theories. He would use cringey internet speak (like "based" and "cucked") during casual conversation. Just absolutely no filter, and you could see girls' interest in him drying up like a desert as they listened to him talk. And talk. And talk.

If anything our other autistic friend who was more quiet and reserved was more attractive to women. Also attractive, also an athlete, minus the cringe.

BaiKingu · 2023-10-28T15:26:10+00:00

Or you know, them not reading simple social signals often.

Ectoplasmic1984 · 2023-10-28T21:14:21+00:00

men need to be able to understand social cues or social boundaries better than women do

wonderifatall · 2023-10-28T15:26:13+00:00

As a high-functioning masculine/fluid autist I'll say the sensitivity for me is a two way street. I don't think the critical lack is as rampant as you may suggest here, the spectrum of most people is being somewhere in the middle and receptive to the relationships they meet ... -but, at the same time, hegemonic femininity and tropes are specifically what I find attractive to the extent that women who don't exhibit stereotypical 'hyper feminine' traits aren't as attractive to me. Gender tropes are real and significant for many people.

EsotericRonin · 2023-10-28T16:51:44+00:00

You just wrote a whole lot of gibberish I fear.

" it's much simpler, autistic people are commonly socially inept or at least display some socially awkward and tone deaf behavior. that is, they're "weird", which neurotypical people don't like "

This.

ROBYoutube · 2023-10-28T15:40:44+00:00

That's weird. I'm a high functioning autistic. I left highschool with very few social skills, and it took me three years before I became a competent social actor. I did it. It was uncomfortable and took a while but I did it.

We don't fail to understand things. We receive, process and internalise stimulus differently. We are absolutely capable of mastering the art of socialising, achieving massive amounts of charisma and confidence, and anything else a woman could ever want in a man. We just have to find a work around.

Femcelphobic · 2023-10-28T15:50:55+00:00

No, it’s because they have a harder time understanding social cues and are generally lacking social skills. This isn’t necessarily their fault but it matters a lot.

nonplussedminus · 2023-10-28T17:11:09+00:00

Most autists can't attract women because they are obnoxious weirdos who blame everything on their autism. I've known sooo many autistic guys who knew exactly they were being rude and obnoxious but still acted like that because "I'm autistic I can't help it" (gloating)

jamie29ky · 2023-10-28T18:52:18+00:00

Its just that attracting a woman is a very delicate thing, and autistic people suck at social interaction. Its that simple. It has nothing to do with how masculine he is. There are dudes who are very feminine who attract women. It all boils down to social skills.

Yomzie_hun · 2023-10-28T17:29:00+00:00

You just gave me the ICK

Cool_Relative7359 · 2023-10-29T01:15:22+00:00

I'm autistic and so is my male partner. I also work with autistic kids and their parents. The autistic men that I wouldn't talk to for more than 5 minutes were hypermasculine and into "alpha" bs and red pulled rhetoric. They just weren't as aware of the subtext as allistic men and didn't figure out they were suppose to hide that from women. So they become easy to avoid in a very wide berth.

Bright-Personality70 · 2023-10-28T15:26:09+00:00

women find intellectual self-reflective humor

What is that, exactly ?

Veloci-Tractor · 2023-10-28T15:39:53+00:00

anecdotal but im high functioning (i mean not really lol) autistic, very chameleon like, spent my whole life learning how to mask. didn't figure it out until mid 20s and even then, im both great and terrible at it. before coming out i dated exclusively women (still mostly do)

my "body count" was over 30 pre hormones, i mean i stopped counting at 30 (neurotic of me to even still count until 30 tbh). i was never tough or masculine, didn't develop "tough hobbies" until after i was out and able to be comfortable enough with myself to do that.

i'm 5 foot 5. poor, trashy parents, weird living situations, shitty jobs. i live in a big city tho.

just try, stop telling yourself it's a failing game and get out there and try, learn and adapt. use your autism stop running from it. if you can study something and learn its in and outs and apply it, why can you not apply that same logic to life and socialzing? yes you are going to fuck up and it's going to hurt. as with most things that aren't on the computer. still, try

stop not believing in yourselves.

MaleficentSun3923 · 2023-10-28T15:50:45+00:00

Am autistic but I consider myself masculine. Mainly because of weightlifting increasing testosterone and such. I love to dominate.

I'm quite a reserved guy when I'm not around people that I trust/know. But in familiar circles I'm quite relaxed and even loud.

The reserved fella isn't appealing, but the relaxed and loud fella is appealing quite a lot.

It is quite weird to me but I can't really control who gets to see which of the two. It very much feels like two different people. It depends who I am talking to as to which of the two shows up. Mainly depends on me trusting someone completely.

Either way, that latter personality is what I have been using to get relationships and it has been working quite well.

Lazyhermit96 · 2023-10-28T19:30:45+00:00

true not to mention conforming to some idealistic view of what a man is fucking exhausting.

Enzo-Unversed · 2023-10-29T13:16:01+00:00

I'm going to be blunt. Most Autistic men struggle because they are likely to dress and act in a way that raises red flags. Another major issue is many are just outright rude because they can't understand the social ques.

0DarkFlirty · 2023-10-28T15:30:20+00:00

I'm an autistic woman and have only ever been the most sexually attracted to autistic men. Not Chad. Imo, if you're an autistic man it makes sense to find other autistic women.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-10-29T00:43:53+00:00

As an autistic man, I feel like I was born the wrong gender. If I were a woman, there's no way i'd be a kissless virgin past the age of 22. If I were a woman, i'd be a hoe.

FatefulMender89 · 2023-10-28T17:30:20+00:00

Women talk a good game about how they want an emotionally mature guy but at the end of the day they hate weak men and need somebody who’s gonna bring in a good income and be able to do repairs around the house. When they’re young they focus mostly on looks and as someone who always looked older than his age, it didn’t help. Only certain types of men are cut out for this shit and I am not one of them nor do I wanna be

Prior-Cloud3431 · 2023-10-28T21:53:39+00:00

This again no

Gitsumrestmf · 2023-10-28T15:11:38+00:00

Idk man.

As a guy, I've never been pushing myself to "perform the right set of masculine behaviors to appear desirable". I've just been myself, though of course, the "myself" kept changing and growing through the course of my life. But I can say for sure, that I've never willingly pushed myself to appear... masculine. I'm a dude. I'm that naturally.

And as for crying, and vulnerability in general...

Well, a man is supposed to take up his natural role in a relationship, right? Instead of breaking down at every problem, he needs to be the support his woman/family rest upon. He needs to provide security, stability. Is it easy? No. But that's precisely why WE have gotta do it. It's our duty, as men, to take care of our families and (if we can) others too.

mvnnyvevwofrb · 2023-10-28T17:22:26+00:00

I agree. High-function autistic men can't conform to gender stereotypes. They don't even understand the "logic" behind it. Because there is no logic behind it, it has to do entirely with a women's primitive lizzard brain. The sad part of this too, is the women that push gender stereotypes the most are also the same women that cry the loudest about "patriarchy". They make the biggest deal out of "patriarchy" and cause huge problems for everyone. Autistic people are not going to understand the "reason" for any of this, it's just going to fry their brain.

Extension-Inside-826 · 2023-10-28T15:39:28+00:00

If you’re really good at masking you can pretty much convey that type tho

SmallSituation6432 · 2023-10-28T16:17:06+00:00

Wow. That is a lot mate. Let me just say, you have a clear pattern of language that is in itself pretty damn problematic. You are switching between colloquial general language and highly categorical language all throughout this, and it is a mess. Not only that, the words you use and the context is its own thing.

I get your trying to put forth an opinion here, but the framing of it all is just comically absurd, not because of any specific part, but because as a whole it so clearly rejects any idea that would qualify as criticism or seek to disprove the premises inherent (I can't even tell what those are, another problem).

Wow.

Safinated · 2023-10-28T16:28:09+00:00

Social ineptitude affects more than strictly masculine behavior

LillthOfBabylon · 2023-10-28T18:42:07+00:00

Plenty of scrawny dorky autistic guys get women. It’s that:

He needs some semblance of social skills.
Atleast other autistic people have to find him likable.

You’d be shocked how many guys cant do it.

ironpony88 · 2023-10-28T17:11:49+00:00

I'm autistic guy and have a gf. However, I do things that might be considered more masculine such as going to the gym and I am in martial arts if that helps?

Sadsad0088 · 2023-10-28T22:47:36+00:00

Usually autistic men cannot conform to social norms and behaviours, you’re not high iq because of your “self reflective humor”

meangingersnap · 2023-10-28T17:42:28+00:00

love an autistic femboy

PrestigiousCheck7374 · 2023-10-28T21:38:41+00:00

Masculinity especially traditional masculinity is not attractive to women.

NYY15TM · 2023-10-28T22:22:54+00:00

On paper women are all for dismantling "the patriarchy"

That's the thing: they aren't. Attractive women are perfectly happy with the patriarchy and the status quo in general. That's why attractive women tend to lean right and unattractive women tend to lean left.

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AverageSmashPlayer · 2023-10-28T21:58:32+00:00

Speaking as an autist, the biggest problem with autists is that they're too scared to try. They tend to lack social prowess because they're too busy collecting Genshin waifus instead of going outside and practicing social skills with real live humans.

Many women are actually quite charmed by my ability to rattle off random facts. It just has to be done in a way that's funny, interesting, and relatable. And with some intonation in your voice.

OutlandishnessPlus40 · 2023-10-29T16:19:31+00:00

Online dating is a boon for “high-functioning” (outdated term/idea) autistic people. I met my fiancée online and, yes, ignored social cues often times, but it was usually to do something nice. For example, she would be talking, I’d see a flower I know something about, info dump about it for a few minutes while picking it for her.

Annoying that I cut her off? Sure. But it was at least something sweet.

It created some awkward situations that made us laugh, brought us closer together.

Our relationship isn’t perfect, we both came from toxic households and we are both trying to improve, even if we sometimes drag one another down, but it’s entirely possible for autistic people to find love in the modern day. Maybe does that mean that certain people won’t like you? Sure. But as long as you do your best to be considerate of your partner, and you can make it past that initial stage, it can work out just great.

Downside: our children are DEFINITELY going to be autistic, which isn’t really like all that awful, but I don’t really wish this condition on anyone because it is a hindrance

Title	The reason high-functioning autists struggle with attracting women is that they don't conform to the rules of hegemonic masculinity as women generally like bravado men
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	37
Comments	118
Date	October 28, 2023 3:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17ifloi/the_reason_highfunctioning_autists_struggle_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-reason-high-functioning-autists-struggle-with.1236669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236669

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