What are your Top 10 Red Flags?

Bottom0ftheBarrel · 2017-08-28T14:16:08+00:00

My only red flag is if she's actually interested back. Major dealbreaker.

wtknight · 2017-08-28T15:19:32+00:00

Likes to party too much
Has had a lot of casual sex in the past
Not good with saving money
Too good of friends with an ex (better friends with him than with me)
Has cheated on someone before
Tries to purposely create drama in a relationship
Treats strangers rudely
Too many guy friends
Smokes, abuses alcohol, or is into drugs that are not used medicinally
Likes to swear too much

ArthurMacArthur · 2017-08-28T13:20:21+00:00

Hmm.

No boundaries, pissing and moaning all the time, nothing is ever their fault, no work ethic, tolerates drama (this is prob. a sub-bullet under "no boundaries"), wants to be "captain" (barf), xSxx.

GroovyEFS · 2017-08-28T15:32:59+00:00

Getting ultra clingy very quickly. This is #1 from experience, learnt the hard way. If a girl acts like this it's not "cute" it means she's Bad Crazy and you should run before it gets too deep.
Has rapid mood swings (usually goes hand in hand with above), everyone has bad moods and I even accept depression etc but being suicidal one minute then euphoric the next just means you're Bad Crazy.
Wants or has kids. I want nothing to do with them. I'd drop 'em like it's hot.
The obvious lying, dishonesty, disloyalty.
The even more obvious being fat.
No interests, no hobbies, no ambition.
No communication. When I have XYZ problem I communicate it. If I ask what's wrong and she just says "I'm fine" then this ain't gonna last.
Puritan attitude. I don't just mean in terms of sex, I mean looking down on "alternate" things in general like tattoos, drugs, etc. I know puritan girls are the dream girls of many here but not for me at all. I need a tatted up girl I can sesh with.
Too extroverted. I obviously don't mind if she has her own social life and she don't need to be a shut in, but I like chilling at home and don't wanna be sitting there alone while my girl is at a party.
Bad with money.

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2017-08-28T13:27:24+00:00

Crazy
Criminal history
Violent
Major drug or alcohol problem
Doesn't take care of his health
Estranged from his family (unless they deserve it)
Long history of bad and dysfunctional relationships, a liar or a cheater
Lazy, no career
Cheap and boring, has no long standing friendships, no hobbies or interests
Feels like the world owes him something
Introverted, has terrible table manners and you can't take him anywhere because he doesn't now how to act when he gets there
Doesn't like dogs

That about covers it I think.

GinSmokeLies · 2017-08-28T22:45:36+00:00

-All his exes are "crazy"

-Estranged from/doesn't get along with his family (not always a red flag; depends on the reason and his part in the rift)

-History of many short-lived relationships

-Spotty job history

-Gross/dirty living quarters (messy is fine, dirty is not)

-Doesn't like kids or animals

-Wants to spend a lot of time together right away; starts talking about marriage/the future really early into the relationship

-Lacks a self-deprecating sense of humor; can't take a joke

-Ignores boundaries (ex: keeps tickling me when I tell him forcefully to stop)

-Few or no friends; no social life

Ultramegasaurus · 2017-08-28T13:22:45+00:00

Single mom
Smoking
History of cheating
High N-count
SJW
Morbidly obese
Substance abuse
Criminal record
Golddigging
Being overly aloof and passive

inb4 TOO HIGH STANDARDS!!!111

YetAnotherCommenter · 2017-08-28T14:04:50+00:00

I'm not in the dating market but I think I do have a big red flag: Cluster B Personality Disorders.

shoup88 · 2017-08-28T18:07:05+00:00

-many back to back short term relationships

-really into dogs

-religious

-very involved in politics, like campaigning

-doesn't have very many friends

-has never tried any kind of drugs

-is proud of staying in on Friday nights and being "old"

-picky eater

-doesn't travel

-really likes USA

snailypop · 2017-08-28T15:33:46+00:00

Has had casual sex or has a desire for casual sex.
Unhealthy relationship with his parents.
Tries to move too fast or tries to make the relationship sexual right away.
Cold approached me.
Calls me names during arguments. Not actually a red flag, more like a deal breaker.
Has not had a long term relationship that's lasted 5+ years.
Smokes weed or gets drunk.
Wants anal.
Has a preference for younger women or asian women (unless he's asian).
Lifts.
Was in a fraternity.

DashneDK2 · 2017-08-28T13:24:29+00:00

Is this supposed to be only non-physical flags?

Being fat.
Smoking, drugs.
Not liking children.
Being a slut.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-08-28T16:30:05+00:00

wears a cross
had hair dyed blond / blond highlights
terf bangs
open about lying and being manipulative
has a stick up their ass about something
can't take a joke
cannot even humor socialism
don't believe in global warming
wants to move to the south
is a-political

Il128 · 2017-08-28T13:43:23+00:00

Mental illness. Any form. Anything else can be dealt with.

DemonConsulting · 2017-08-28T14:02:19+00:00

Smoking/ drugs/ addiction of any kind (from alcohol or porn to caffeine)
No work ethic, ambition or passion in life
History of cheating
Committment issues
Financial irresponsibility / debt (really any type of debt, including student loans etc.)
Overly extroverted ( Will just personally drain me and we won't be compatible, doesn't make them a bad person, just not the right one for me)
Overweight/ doesn't take care of himself
Mama's boy (because not only will you be expected to be the new mom but his mom will also be jealous and interfere with your life)
Not wanting marriage and children

WhiskersNT · 2017-08-28T15:05:05+00:00

I mean in order to completely drop her, the flags have to be the reddest of red. If she's just a garden-variety low quality woman, but still has a fun personality that's a great friend-with-benefits potential right? You can call her up every couple weeks to say hi, no big deal

Temperfuelmma · 2017-08-28T16:48:06+00:00

Lots of male friends.
Crass personality.
Bigger, masculine body.
Doesn't kiss my ass.
Don't laugh at my jokes.
Insecurity.
Controlling.
Indirect communication.
Disobedience.
Doesn't cook.
Entitlement.
Non religious.

writingtoc · 2017-08-28T18:05:40+00:00

boring
stupid/not thoughtful (and I don't mean thoughtful in the 'thoughtful about ME' context, here, I mean generally thoughtful/curious)
emotionally frail
no self-awareness
can't laugh at self
womanly hips
can't deal with conflict/disagreement
not curious, generally uninterested in ideas/things/people/the world around him
lips that are always wet
smells weird

damaskrose · 2017-08-28T19:26:51+00:00

Inability to say "I'm sorry"
Controlling
Needs to be center of attention
"I'm just being honest"
Female "best friend"
Bad hygiene
High N-count or fuccboi reputation
Being divorced
Having kids

HopefulAboutADHD · 2017-08-29T03:06:04+00:00

For each of your first 3 bullet-points, can you (A) elaborate on what exactly it is and also (B) say why exactly it's a bad thing?

Your other 7 bullet-points make total sense to me.

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ggbeauty · 2017-08-28T14:18:08+00:00

Financially unstable
Mental illness
Resentful
Uses drugs or alcohol
Difficulty showing affection or interest
Mean/ Rude
Poor communication skills
Poor hygiene
Impulsive
Extremely high expectations out of me.

funny_lyfe · 2017-08-28T14:38:55+00:00

Feminist. Not a rational one but crazy tumblr reading crazy, men hating feminist.
Overweight. Meaning has no self control in other parts of her life.
Daddy issues.
Treating friends poorly.
Manipulative.
Golddigging. Likes my money more than me.
Single mom. Just no.
Says things like "I deserve blah"
Drug user.
Credit card debt

Tyler_Gatsby · 2017-08-28T15:35:09+00:00

Being an "ex addict" of any substance other than marijuana/nicotine/caffeine.

Having less than 3 partners

Being on any psychotropic drugs to "stay normal." I don't want her to run out of meds on a holiday or something, and assault me.

Not consuming marijuana

Being vegetarian/vegan/etc.

Wanting to have more kids

AllRolledUp · 2017-08-28T16:25:41+00:00

Dealbreakers:

Lack of self-awareness

Lack of self-respect

Not a critical thinker

Religious

Excessive drug use or drinking

Isn't curious about the world around him

Is a bad sparring partner

Isn't willing to communicate clearly and rationally

Discounts my expertise due to gender

Values/worldview don't match

notworthmuch20xx · 2017-08-28T16:36:45+00:00

um lesse

smoking/other drug addiction lack of fiscal responsibility past history of lying or infidelity doesn't seem interested in me

that's probably asking for too much though

Unabummer80 · 2017-08-28T16:44:31+00:00

Early red flags:-

being flakey on the first few dates.
taking too long to arrange meeting (red flag that she is probably seeing a few guys, or even that she is too busy with work etc for a relationship right now).
playing with her phone too much. Taking pictures of food and drinks.
seems to just want a boyfriend rather than being interested in me.
(living in Asia red flag) stereotypes foreigners. eg "Americans are______".
has to have a strong opinion on anything. always has a better story about something than you.
has shit taste in music etc
if we met online, anything that was obviously obscured during that part of it. Eg- Lying about age, using old pictures.
lives with her parents (this is a red flag that she might be looking for a live-in boyfriend/ she will be moving fast if you start getting serious).
doesnt take any interest in using condoms.
thinks overelaborately when suggesting ideas for dates.

Red flags for when dating more seriously:-

trying to look at your private shit, like texts and social media accounts.
any sentence that begins with "you are the man so you should____________________".
always complaining about her job.
bitches about her friends too much.
thinks that sex can be used as a bargaining tool.
starts to make plans for the weekend without telling you or asking you first.

LewisCross · 2017-08-28T17:19:13+00:00

--has ever had an abortion

--has ever been treated for a mental illness or an addiction

--emotional instability. Emotional lability. Flies off the handle for no good reason.

--high N.

--inability to forge and sustain a relationship with a man

--has a lot of male friends

--sexually selfish and stingy

--financially irresponsible

--has ever used illegal drugs in more than isolated instances

--lying/manipulation/deception

D3ATH94 · 2017-08-29T00:35:57+00:00

Smokes (including weed)
Expects me to carry the relationship
Drinks casually.
Promiscuous Past
Morbidly Obese
All her ex's are "Crazy"
Can't critically think for herself.
Lying
SJW
Single mother

Butt-Factory · 2017-08-28T20:22:01+00:00

1-9 Is whining and/or not being accountable for themselves, their choices, and their outcomes

10 is a lack of healthy stable relationships in their lives

frosty147 · 2017-08-28T22:06:29+00:00

History of cheating is my A1 dealbreaker.

Politics that are very different from mine.

Clingy. Wants to be around me ALL the time. Wants to come along even if it's to hang out with my guy friends.

Entitlement.

Mental gymnastics to absolve themselves from blame.

Sexual hangups

rpwthrowaway2016 · 2017-08-28T22:27:00+00:00

I like your list, and I'd add:

Unmanaged mental illness
Asshole behavior (which can probably be a superset of pressuring boundaries, lying and disloyalty)
Any kind of addiction or drugs other than weed
High levels of aggression or anger

Lyanina · 2017-08-28T23:38:28+00:00

I'm not going to include obvious dealbreakers like lack of physical attraction since the question is if you had an interest in them. When I'm already interested in someone there are many things that thrown up warning flags, but few things that would be an automatic dealbreaker. That said, once I'm interested or we're dating:

A mental illness they don't have "under control" and don't follow formal treatment for. I will admit this is probably hard to filter for and I haven't adhered to this one too strictly. I do believe one of my exes, while possibly not ill, would have benefited from at least therapy, given the shit she's seen.
Has kids or an ex they're not over, or has at any point been married or engaged. I'm too young for that shit.
Inability to communicate openly in a relationship (lots of passive-aggressive behavior, for example). Inability to disagree without fighting.
Frequent consumption of drugs. That includes weed, and overconsumption of alcohol or cigarettes (though my tolerance level for the latter is higher). For "hard" drugs, even infrequent consumption is a dealbreaker.
(Too much) jealousy, lack of trust in me, or neediness.

Pope_Lucious · 2017-08-29T01:59:06+00:00

• fat • victim mentality • does not like my penis

[deleted] · 2017-08-29T04:33:53+00:00

shes a feminist a blue piller rude or mean not smart shes a tradcon non monogamous materialistic weak unmotivated
plays games

slavicgypsygirl · 2017-08-29T06:20:37+00:00

I only date & just have three: anger + jealousy + possessiveness.

Entropy-7 · 2017-08-29T07:22:24+00:00

Rape victim.

SJW

Yourstruly777 · 2017-08-29T11:23:09+00:00

Party girl

Fat

Keeping male friends / orbiters

Flakey

Mood swings

Woe is me (good one)

Smoker / drugs

Frequent use of fb/ig

No savings/no job

Describes her exes as psychopaths

rulenumber303 · 2017-08-29T11:53:25+00:00

mother's boy

can't hold down a job

addictions

regular rather than occasional porn use

fat but thinks he isn't fat or fat but can't stand fat girls

holds other people responsible in an ongoing way for shit about himself he can fix

messy

lives payday to payday

doesn't make his bed or clean his toilet

displays of anger about trivialities

NewAcctEveryDamnDay · 2017-08-29T19:32:24+00:00

Trying to run game on me ("friendzoning",making me wait for sex/faking the "good girl")

Never answering my attempts to contact.

Waiting too long to respond.

Male friends who are smashing while I'm not.

Attempting to sleep in my bed and not fuck.

Wanting to spend my time on her while she hasn't earned it.

theother-side · 2017-08-29T19:37:51+00:00

Social media savant
"Trendy" personality
Heavy drug-usage, although a bit hypocritical because I used to be a heavy user myself
Big into 'sexual expression'
Impatient
Very obsessed with appearance
Fratboy/athlete past relationships
Actually a nice person but puts on front as a "bitch"
Fake personality
Inauthenticity in general

GoldPilot · 2017-08-29T23:04:39+00:00

Faking pregnancies (Biggest of all).
Rapid unjustified mood swings.
Obtuse regarding other people's feelings ("I don't get why they're mad, so I'm not sorry").
Constantly critical.
Racist (Sorta obvious).
Says "that's not funny" after hearing a joke (Gets it, but just wants you to know it sucked for some reason).
Aroused by weaponry.
A wedding ring falling out of her purse.
Hates children (I don't particularly want 'em, but it seems weird to mention a hatred of kids often).
Constantly mentions how much she loves black people (It's either annoying, I'm a novelty bang, or she wants to shove me in the face of her racist and possibly dangerous relatives. Might still do it if I'm only in town for a short amount of time).

couldbemage · 2017-08-30T14:06:07+00:00

An awful lot of the red flags here are things I actually seek out.

Three ex wives before forty...

Possibly related.

DerpyMcKittyFace · 2017-09-04T15:24:33+00:00

Feminism/SJW stuff, significant debt, massive weight, mental health problems, shallow and unintelligent, unaccountable, excessive use of illegal drugs, narcissitic/selfish, partner count in mid-high 2 figures or no track record of enduring relationships, and zero matching hobbies.

sittinginabaralone · 2017-08-28T14:40:41+00:00

Cares too much about social media
slut
"feminist"
"socialist"
doesn't self educate at all
likes bad movies/music
Too ethnocentric - this includes being overly tolerant.

Can't really think of 10.

Onna999 · 2017-08-30T21:16:49+00:00

he's a male
he's a male
he's a male
he's a male
he's a male
he's a male
he's a male
he's a male
he's a male
he's a male Menz are scum.

Title	What are your Top 10 Red Flags?
Author	Prince-Noctis
Upvotes	9
Comments	287
Date	August 28, 2017 1:16 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6wjbcs/what_are_your_top_10_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-your-top-10-red-flags.266300 https://theredarchive.com/post/266300

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