49M here. I'm seeing more and more women subscribing to the Burned Haystack system for dating, which advises women to systematically reject the vast majority of men (the metaphorical hay) until they find the needle (defined by the movement's founder, Jennie Young, as gentlemanly, highly literate, conventionally attractive, and professionally successful).

The cornerstone of BH is to block men instead of simply unmatching. Apps recycle the same people over and over, and for Young, blocking is an effective way to prevent wasting time on unpleasant men, or men who will never be a good match. So far so good.

But a lot of Young's teachings are counterintuitive at best. She encourages women to write a "bitchy" (her word, not mine) profile. This was hers:

I’m a writer (humor writer, self-supporting, not a starving poet), and I’m going to write this from a different angle. Here’s my Top 10 List of what I \don’t* want:*

  1. Hookups
  2. “Hey” messages
  3. “What’s up” messages
  4. “You up?” messages
  5. Anyone who’s “living life to the fullest”
  6. A 55-year-old man who “wants kids some day”
  7. Anyone whose profile is written in “second-person directive” voice that directs me how \I* should be. Here’s an example: “You should be fun-loving, honest, easy-going, and fit.”*
  8. Anyone who’s easily offended by dark humor (or this list)
  9. Texting maniacs. I use texting for logistics, not actual communication.
  10. Party boys, in all iterations. I’m a family-oriented grownup with my life together, looking for same.

Last thing you should know: I’m not a “cool girl” (if you don’t know the reference, read this).

If you can get past all that, and if you’re still reading, this could work.

Less prickly section of profile: I’m a runner and cyclist (more recreational than competitive these days), and I love hiking. I’m a fan of books, coffee shops, small towns, lakes, and mountains. I haven’t traveled much internationally but want to. I’m funny. I know everyone on here claims this, but I’m pretty well-published (internet satire) and sometimes even financially compensated to be funny, so I feel like I can claim it accurately? I guess?

I can’t be attracted to anyone who doesn’t know their homonyms. I’m sorry.

This is a terrible profile from beginning to end. It's braggy and negative and not remotely funny. I can't imagine one of Young's "needles" swiping right. Maybe a passive man, or a man who's looking for a female-led relationship. But those types of men aren't generally going to be handsome and successful and sensitive and smart.

Young also has strict rules about grammar, emojis, and the types of dates that men should propose, and tells her adherents to immediately block any man who breaks the rules of engagement. Young is preaching to huge numbers of women, and as far as I can tell, her primary audience is in their 40s and up, so the success rate of this strategy is going to be infinitesimal.

Young admits that she burned through every man on Match and Hinge within days of implementing her own strategy. She views this as a victory. I view it as self-sabotage. But I'm open to having my mind changed. I'm not on the receiving end of creepy messages and I don't see men's profiles, so I have huge blind spots.