Why is commitment so important for so many women?

Ppdebatesomental · 2022-11-02T12:49:27+00:00

After being hurt in an earlier relationship, I truly, honestly thought I never wanted commitment again. Never. Then I started looking at my life and realized that a revolving door of short term relationships is too much drama, and it gets no better as you get older.

If the man leaves you can get another guy.

People who say things like this kind of worry me. You realize that people get attached to each other right? I wouldn’t even say this about a dog, lol. If your dog ran away, would you say “I can just get another”?

Brilliant_Look4387 · 2022-11-02T12:39:54+00:00

Sex is a different experience for women than it is for man, apparently. You can have the best sex of your life, but if the guy doesn't treat you right outside of it, you start to view that sexual experience as negative. Sex is just one aspect of an emotional bond witch is what women actually seek. For most, to have a satisfactory sexual relationship they need to have emotional security. It is just easier to find that in a committed relationship.

Chemical-Fish6773 · 2022-11-02T12:36:47+00:00

because romantic love feels nice

Blissina · 2022-11-02T13:39:39+00:00

something akin to "love" or some shit.

😂 The way you describe it like that.

Yes, it's about love.

Barneysparky · 2022-11-02T12:23:17+00:00

When humans grow up they leave their family home and go out into the world to create their own families.

Cat_Lover259 · 2022-11-02T12:33:29+00:00

Maybe it’s nice to feel wanted and to have someone who won’t leave you in 5 minutes to go hit someone else up and leave you feeling like a pile of trash. And people don’t get in committed relationships just to have kids, they actually want to be with just each other and not catch every disease out there…

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-02T12:14:47+00:00

Maybe I want to continue having sex with someone I like and have an actual connection with? Maybe I see the value in being with a very close friend and supporting each other through life? Maybe I actually form emotional connections with people and don't want to live on my own? Maybe I fell in love and don't want that person to leave? It's not like you'll get much money, protection (lol) or company from someone who isn't even committed to you and they aren't, along with sex and children, the only reason someone could possibly want a relationship.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-11-02T12:38:25+00:00

When you like someone, you want only them and you don't want to share them.

pinktuliplover · 2022-11-02T14:19:41+00:00

Women crave stability, comfort, and protection which relationships bring. At a certain age societal pressure also plays a role.

You don’t get many benefits from casual sex. Most guys aren’t giving money, comfort, or protection to hookups. There is no stability at all. Casual sex is worse for women because they are risking pregnancy with a man who does not want them. Also casual sex is usually more enjoyable for men because women are less likely to orgasm.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-11-02T13:44:02+00:00

Sex is not the same as love. Building a life together, travelling together with someone special. Having someone to come home to when you have had a bad day, someone to laugh with watch tv shows together. Someone to help and be helped:

You do t get that from fucking a random

belladonna_nectar · 2022-11-02T13:37:27+00:00

Where is my downvote button?

chingu_not_gogi · 2022-11-02T14:03:35+00:00

From the relationship angle:

My boyfriend is my partner. We are a team and it’s taken years to get to the point where we are now. We trust and confide in each other and it’s comforting to know that we have each other’s back.

As to why I’d rather be in a committed relationship, I might not need a partner to climb a mountain, but it’s nice to have someone there to talk to and help me over the hard parts. That kind of trust and teamwork doesn’t happen overnight.

As for sex:

At this point, we’ve spent years learning about what we like and dislike. We’ve shared intimate moments and desires that make sex fun for both of us.

Why would I need another dick? My partner’s is great and he knows how to use it to make me happy.

No guarantee other guys will know or care about my pleasure, and what would be the point of hooking up with guys for possibly lackluster sex? It’s a whole lot of risk for very little reward, and none if I don’t get off.

toasterchild · 2022-11-02T14:52:28+00:00

My husband could still just leave me even though we are married. It tells the outside world that we are a unit and in it together. It honestly wasn't that important to me, we could have just lived together forever as far as I was concerned. It became important to him because he wanted our relationship taken more seriously by other people. It sends the message that we are a unit and that was important to him. I don't feel trapped by the marriage he wanted, I was happy to give it to him because I love being with him and will choose to be with him over and over.

The9thElement · 2022-11-02T15:36:55+00:00

Because people generally don’t want to become Petri dishes for STDS

Because People generally value feeling special and having someone that loves you in a way they love no one else

Because people want their kids to grow up in stable families

Lysa_Bell · 2022-11-02T14:44:21+00:00

Women can get all benefits of a husband by just having sex with a guy... money, protection, company, etc.

Lol no. If you just fuck a random guy he leaves when he's done. You don't have protection or company. Sure some will pay for dates but it's only to get access to sex.

I love being able to wake up next to my bf, kiss him goodbye for work, text each other about the day, come home to out shared place, cooking together, eating together, cuddling up while watching something, feeling his skin on mine, being able to explore our sex life together (which tends to get better and better in commited relationships because you build trust), going on trips together.

It's the experience of sharing your life with someone you trust. You become two sides of the same coin. You belong to each other. You are there to lean on each other in hard times and celebrate the good times.

If you don't understand how love works I get why you wouldn't understand commitment. I'm sorry you haven't experienced it.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-02T13:40:32+00:00

Imagine meeting someone who becomes your best friend in the entire world, who you trust more than anyone else and who you believe would never betray you. Now imagine you also get to have sex with that person as often as you like. Why would you not commit to that person?

mistressusa · 2022-11-02T14:10:33+00:00

"Women can get all benefits of a husband by just having sex with a guy... money, protection, company, etc."

^^ this is why you don't get it. Because ^^ is incorrect. When a man only wants you for sex, he is not giving you shit. Definitely no companionship (eg. when you need him), no "protection" (I don't know what that is). You get money only if you are a professional.

Therefore, if a woman wants companionship and to give her love to someone, she needs commitment.

NakedStreets · 2022-11-02T13:07:37+00:00

I’ve gone through long periods where I wasn’t interested in commitment, because I needed to focus on myself and wasn’t sufficiently emotionally available.

But giving up on the potential for commitment meant sacrificing a lot.

You can’t even decide to spend the holidays together or plan a proper vacation if you have to constantly prepare for the possibility that you won’t be seeing each other. Forget about sharing a home, splitting chores, splitting bills, taking care of each other when you’re injured, etc.

You spend a very small proportion of your life having sex.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-11-02T15:45:25+00:00

We crave stability and affection commitment brings. Casual sex we aren't going to have our emotional needs met we are going to feel used and discarded. Do you like feeling used and discarded? Like trash thrown out after everything is said and done.

Do you want to put in effort and affection to someone who is not going to think you are special? Probably not. I think having someone who values you and stays by your side is way more valuable. Most men are looking to nut but not a lot are looking to stay and be a partner to you. And that makes a man who wants to be your partner way more valuable than a dude just looking to nut.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-11-02T17:23:46+00:00

Women can get all benefits of a husband by just having sex with a guy... money, protection, company, etc

except no?

godandgoddess · 2022-11-02T18:15:04+00:00

Because when you really love someone you want to see them a lot, some would even say for life.

carlenvirgo · 2022-11-02T21:42:02+00:00

That’s just gross.. can’t enjoy it if the person doesn’t love me. There’s no point 👎

No, it’s unstable to have different people all the time. There’s a huge difference in actually making love to someone you have a bond with than random people that don’t respect you enough to stay. There’s no enjoyment in that. It just chips away at the soul.

Reasonable-Cold-69 · 2022-11-02T22:51:09+00:00

My brother, you are WAY off in your opinions of women

Electronic-Poet-1328 · 2022-11-03T01:11:07+00:00

What kind of question is this? Are you forgetting that people have feelings and a soul? A relationship isn't just a negotiation to see what you can get out of each other their about emotional connection and love.

lovelythecove · 2022-11-02T14:08:24+00:00

Shocking truth: men and women are not THAT different from each other. Women want relationships for many of the same reasons men do.

Consistent companionship, sex (relationship sex is sooooo much better than random hook up sex), someone to have dinner with and hold at night, someone to cheer you on and support you, someone to build a life with (someone to have children with if you want children), someone to make you soup when you’re sick, someone to travel with, someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to inspire your muse, someone to fill up frames full of photos with a lifetime of adventures, someone to help you when you’re stuck on a puzzle, someone to discuss your career moves with, someone to move to a new city with, someone to learn their favorite food so you can cook it juuuust right, someone to go on walks in autumn and enjoy the smell and color and crunch of the leaves with, someone to lay on the beach with and go back to your hotel sunburnt and covered in sand and giggly from an ocean-side mai tai with, someone you spend the whole year thinking of the best Christmas present for and then seeing them open it and loving it and your whole heart glows, someone to make tea for when they can’t sleep, someone to kiss every New Year’s eve.

If you think men only date for consistent sex, or women have no reason to date, I feel bad for you. The full spectrum of the human experience is beautiful, wonderful, and full of all kinds of love, and it’s an incredible experience to share it with your best friend. (And yes, the sex is fun too! Even better when you marry your best friend!)

EulenWatcher · 2022-11-02T14:29:06+00:00

Because I want to have a partner, not a fuckbuddy. Yes, it is about love, partnership and companionship. Having a partner you live your life with is great, having connection, knowing each other more than anyone else, being there for each other, all of it is worth more than just a fuckbuddy.

Plus, even to have sex I need to trust a person, I can't just have it with strangers, I don't even feel sexual attraction to them. And I'm too squeamish and possessive to have open relationship.

Perfect_Sir4820 · 2022-11-02T13:27:45+00:00

Marriage is the extra step, not commitment. Having a long-term, exclusive partner has many benefits for both parties. Unfortunately the institution of marriage is a relic of a past age and hasn't kept pace with changes in western society.

BreezyBritt89 · 2022-11-02T12:31:23+00:00

Sure I could get another one. No,I’m not going to because we are in a committed relationship and we have other things going on in our lives besides worrying about babies. No,this does not mean we hate children. It’s just simply not part of the equation and we’re looking forward to the rest of our lives together and being able to enjoy life on our own terms.

No,I’m not interested in getting outside dick. The man I’m with right now is the hottest one I have ever been with and he’ll do almost anything I ask sexually so no,I’m not going to give that up for some random meat stick off the streets when I’m having a very good time at home.

No,I am not with him for money or protection (lol). I am the one paying bills and it was that way before him as well. Yes,I do enjoy good company and good sex. Yes,I plan to keep my best friend and lover for the rest of my life.

beleidigtewurst · 2022-11-02T14:29:06+00:00

As none of the answers actually touched the (obvious, in my opinion) reason, here it comes:

for 99.9% of our history as species, we lived in hunter-gatherer tribes, had no contraception.

So women were in vulnerable pregnant state most of the time (baby mortality was also crazy high).

Hence for anyone with vagina, it is important that she knows that the dude she's having that short intercourse with, won't knock her out for 9+ month followed by god knows how many years of having to look after a kid.

Alone.

That is it.

It is also true, that today, with governments (as usual) going full Gynocentrism, women are protected at expense of screwing up men, but our instincts do not change so quickly.

calfshrug · 2022-11-02T14:27:54+00:00

Women don’t seem to understand that some men are truly connected, dependent upon, in love with, etc, with them, yet still have sexual desires with other women .

I recently came clean to my woman, the one I love more than anything and anyone, of 6 years, that I have cheated and lied. It was obvious to both she and I that our initial lust had died off - we went from making out and sex daily to cuddling, hugging, kissing each other on the cheeks and forehead, and sex maybe once every 3 days, within 2 years of the relationship, and by 2022, sex once every 3-4 weeks.

We continued to bond, but for her, giving bjs stopped, and for me, I lost the intense interest in frequent sex, and it became a source of grief for me that 1. I no longer wanted to fuck as badly, 2. That she would no longer give head, and certainly not swallow (past3 years of no substantial BJ, definitely no swallowing), 3. neither of us was defaulting to French kissing as a pastime anymore - it became something forced, whereas the physical touch we shared was absolutely unforced. It was rare to mouth kiss, not always unpleasant, but rare for both of us to be seamlessly into it as you all know that it occurs that way - instinctually - in ravenous new lovers.

This woman and I were very bonded, have spent more time together than most married (EDIT- we were not married, my point is that we spent more time in each other’s presence then the average couple with 6 years of marriage, including dating pre marriage, IE, we cohabitated through COVID time) couples of 6 years probably have; but because of the weakness, trauma, and sexual compulsion issues that were allowed to / which I later contributed to in my teens and up to age 20, and my eventual realization to divulge the truth to her- sent all of this to shit.

All of the love I have for her? Awash, spilled. The painful knowledge of every single step I made with her, with her being the first woman I committed my life to, the woman I wanted to do everything with - over. The knowledge that every fucking piece of the initial attraction will happen with almost any new partner, that EVERY human is imperfect, that I WILL LOSE (probably) the intense interest sexually in any woman I’m with, and that the woman I spent a thousand nights with with will no longer likely accept me because she just can’t fathom the drudgery of sexual compulsion. The memory of every place, sound, item, each stage of falling in love. They can’t be replaced, and they shouldn’t.

I went out with a girl for the first time the other day and she was crazy for me until she asked if I was over my girlfriend and if I would choose her now. To see that immediate, sunken look flash over another girl’s face now, and to know that this is what I’ll be expecting from now on - it’s depressing as fuck.

All because I grew up with no guidance, a sexually repressive puritan culture, square and avoidant parents, constant fear of hell, high IQ, and neuroticism, physical trauma, a concurrently sex positive 🤩🥳 😈🍆☔️☔️ culture (IT’SSS OKAAAA SISTAAA) and having the elder kids, and coaches, on my sports team in middle school laugh off and normalize referencing coprophilia porn, nonchalantly make fun of me for being a dorky awkward kid…. And then for me to have to bear the high testosterone and the glow up in looks, and to have to learn how to socialize and flirt as an adult instead of having had the benefit of learning it as a kid, when I was too traumatized, introverted, and repressed to do it- just sad.

tonyrehmatdemir · 2022-11-02T14:21:06+00:00

Women love attention and can't be alone.

AutoModerator · 2022-11-02T12:05:31+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

No_Acanthaceae_1755 · 2022-11-02T14:00:46+00:00

If we had dicks, and no wombs, we would have sex like men too

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-11-02T14:38:09+00:00

The real answer: same reason men are so obsessed with sticking it in as many women as possible. Different sexual strategies which evolved over a long period of time.

The depressed answer: because we’re empty vessels who rely on more sophisticated beings to give meaning to our pathetic lives.

The in-between answer: an aversion to risk taking and low libido make the notion of settling down and staying settled attractive, because it’s consistent and comfortable.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-11-02T15:30:21+00:00

because stranger men are worthless

Prod_Ponternal · 2022-11-02T19:16:23+00:00

Im a guy but use your brain dude. They carry most of the weight in reproduction since they are the ones who give birth so they naturally desire security in a partner if possible.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-02T19:38:38+00:00

Fewer women are interested in long-term commitment now than likely ever before in human history.

Plenty of men are looking for commitment.

I think I cut my dating pool on the apps by about 70% by limiting it to men who did not want relationships.

New-Context831 · 2022-11-02T19:59:58+00:00

Most of women lie to build themselves up bro, they don't want to be single and alone, they just want what they want when they want it and they will do anything it takes to shame you into it and you shouls just feel lucky you get to be in their presence 😂

Novadina · 2022-11-02T23:13:50+00:00

I enjoy having a partner in life stuff. To own a home with me, spend lots of time together, go on adventures together, sleep in bed together, be a part of each other’s family, tell each other all the secrets, plan a future together, have an intimate bond, care for each other when needed…

Sex with men I don’t know well doesn’t really do it for me. I tried it when I was younger, and sometimes it was fun, but it’s nothing compared to sex with someone I’m in love with and have been bonded with for years.

And casual sex partners are not going to make retirement plans with me, or help pay for the mortgage, or be an uncle to my niece and nephew, or help my mother out when she needs it (or any other family), or invite me to their family events, or make long term plans with me to do big things…

I have literally never once gotten money just by having sex with a guy, so I don’t even get that comment. Are you suggesting women should just be prostitutes instead of getting a partner and that it would be just as good? I feel like being a prostitute would be even worse than just normal sex, plus I highly doubt the men I’ve slept with would have been willing to pay me, I’d have to search for a different kind of man, that I likely wouldn’t actually be attracted to.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-11-03T00:46:17+00:00

probably hate children anyway

Umm big assumption right off the bat.lol Most people, redditors included, do want a family. Even those who don’t, tend to want a life partner rather than constantly changing partners. There’s something to be said for having history with someone.

Title	Why is commitment so important for so many women?
Author	urukshai3
Upvotes	0
Comments	78
Date	November 2, 2022 12:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yk3fa6/why_is_commitment_so_important_for_so_many_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-commitment-so-important-for-so-many-women.1138426 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138426

Comments