Last week I made a post about my 6 years of experience with women which got quite some positive responses so here's a follow up on what I learned from going on all those first dates. There's some mindset tips and some more practical tips.

  1. You're probably both nervous. You're both hoping it's gonna be a fun date if you show up and want to have a good time. While you're nervous the other person is secretly also your cheerleader cause that person also wants you to be fun.
  2. Try to do something a bit more fun than drinks at a bar. I used to go for picknicks, slacklining or other sports if she was sporty. Else there's also options like going to a boardgame bar, airhockey, an arcade. Just something that's a bit more fun than the usual bar which most people use for first dates. Do something where you can connect with eachother, don't go to the cinema or something where you're just silent together.
  3. If you do go to a bar, make sure you're at a spot where you don't have to sit directly facing eachother. Find a bar with sofa's where you can chill on or go to the psychologist seating of 90 degrees. Feels a lot less confrontational.
  4. When talking during a first date make it fun! Don't go into interview mode. Don't ask her lots of questions. Also if she asks you a lot of questions, same problem. Make it chill vibes, like you'd have with a good friend. If you're with friends you also don't tend to fire questions at eachother. Something I used to do was create stories about the other people in the bar with my date which was a fun way to set the vibe.
  5. Know what your goal is of the date, do you want a quick lay? Do you want a relationship? Do you just want to have fun? Do you want to practice dating? There's many options, but be aware of that. Different kind of goals have different date approaches, plan according.
  6. Is your goal a quick lay? Plan a date close to your house, I had a few bars around 5 minutes walking from my house so I went bar hopping and ended in my house if that was the goal. Also, late night dates tend to work better for this.
  7. Is your plan to get a relationship? Find a spot that's not too loud and where you can hear eachother properly.
  8. Want to have fun? Just pick something to do that you think is cool. (This also tends to work for all the other options though.)
  9. During a date you're both figuring out who the other is and if you're gonna choose for her or him. Have some standards, you're not getting lucky if you get a lay. You're BOTH getting lucky.
  10. If your date keeps asking questions and the date becomes quite stale because her questions are only about very basic stuff. There's 2 options to solve this, 1 delve into a story so you can get a better frame and set fun vibes. Or option 2, a tip I give often when I train people who appear in front of the press, answer the question you wished you asked. It might feel weird a bit, but just look at politicians, they do it all the time and most people don't even realise they do it.
  11. Show passion, if she asks what you do in life and you say "well uhm, I do computer stuff, I work in IT you know?" Screw that, you choose that career for a reason, show how enthusiastic you are, that's a lot better. Passion and enthusiasm are contagious.
  12. Making the paying moment less awkward with a sentence I used a lot was: "I'll pay for this date and you'll have pay for the next" Quite often there wasn't really a next date (either side didn't want to) but it made the process really chill.
  13. Dress like yourself, don't dress down, don't dress up. Let her get the real you. Do please groom though, she probably spend quite some time in front of the mirror. Reciprocate atleast a bit.
  14. Don't go for expensive dates like restaurants, that generally shows you value her a lot and want to invest a lot. Unless ofcourse you want to date girls that have that mindset and want guys that spend a lot of money on her.
  15. Keep her warm before the date, send some fun texts. The days before, you can't just set up a date, be silent for 5 days and then expect her to show if. She'll probably find a reason to not come if you didn't make her feel comfortable in the days before. The day self I usually send a text along the lines: "This is prettylittlepenguin's secretary, confirming our date for tonight at xx:xx. Wear something cute so we match."
  16. Be doing something when you're waiting, I used to have a few places where I was a regular so I chatted with the staff working there. If I went to a new spot I generally took a book with me and read it if she was later than I was.
  17. If you're more in college vibes, parties can be a good first date aswell. Especially if you host parties yourself. I had a few roommates and quite some parties back in the days. Just invite a girl, tell her a lot of random people are coming and tell her to bring a friend which makes it more low key for her.
  18. No phones on a date, I can't believe I have to type this. But quite some of my less experienced male friends randomly take out their phone on a silent moment. Just embrace the silence which is okay because you're both a tad nervous and pick it up with a new topic.
  19. Instead of asking questions you can sometimes use the statement game, don't overuse it. See if you can guess correctly what she does or a part of her to let her open up. "You're probably the oldest of your sisters right? You seem like a more caring mature person" Can be a way to compliment her and get her to open up more, ofcourse make your own observations which you feel are true and don't use that canned line.
  20. Don't go all aboard on the alcohol, a bit is cool but don't drink enough to become drunk. That tends to massively kill the vibe.
  21. Don't go for the kiss on the good bye. Go for it earlier on the date or don't. Going at the last moment is a sign of weakness. It communicates: "we had a date, I will now go for the kiss in the hope you like me, if you don't go for the kiss I can quickly walk away and say bye, hoping to save a bit of face" During the date there never will be a perfect opportunity for a kiss but if you feel the vibes are somewhat there, go for it.
  22. Things that were fun as you were a kid are still fun now. Thumbwrestling, silly games and all that are good ways to have some easy fun. Try to segment them in, not gonna tell you how, find your own way.

And there's probably a lot more tips, please add to them in the comments!