The Positives of Divorce?

Zealousideal-Let1344 · 2024-12-17T04:38:35+00:00

Well it's going to be different for everyone. For example, for me, I'm not interested in another relationship ever. I have so much life to live in so many things I want to do I really don't want the time myself down with somebody else that requires too much of a compromise.

So, given that context, what is so great for me is that I get to do whatever I want. I can go anywhere I want, I can do whatever I want, I can change plans at a moment's notice. And I don't have to answer to anybody,. And most importantly I don't have to feel guilty that the things that I want might conflict with what somebody else wants.

Ok_Individual6763 · 2024-12-15T00:53:57+00:00

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want. I was pretty busted up to start with, but when I realized the worst thing I thought would ever happen to me happened, and yet I was still ok, the world fucking opened up.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-12-14T23:49:46+00:00

Divorce was the best thing that happened to me.

I now get to parent how I want. My relationship with my two kids is better than ever and the three of us are thriving.

Financially I am free and no longer have to support a wife who did not want to work. Holy shit is it easy to stack cash without that dead weight.

I am now going on trips and adventures that I never would have got to experience still being married. The women, the sex, the good times.

Being a single dad gets women of all ages wet. You are treated like a unicorn for doing what every single mom does. The double standard is complete BS but im taking it :)

Having a friendly and flexible co-parent is awesome. Free daycare from someone who loves my kid as much as I do while I get to go play with other women.

I am not seeing a single negative from divorce and would thoroughly recommend it to all men if they have got their kids. Knock your wife up early, enjoy the family time while your kids are young and you and your wife are still into each other, and then enjoy the freedom once one or both of you fall out of love.

HereinPA1 · 2024-12-14T21:51:40+00:00

My relationship with my kids has greatly improved. They’re older, 17 & 19, but I feel like myself when with them and there’s no competition with the ex. My ex didn’t grow up with her Dad and I always felt like she didn’t appreciate the role of a father and it was this constant push and pull with her.

I took all the blame as to the reason for the divorce and was told what a terrible person I am, I’m a narcissist and she questioned if I even liked myself. If I’m that bad of a person, why do I have primary custody of my daughter because she wants to live with me? Our life is so peaceful and I’ve shared more laughs and good conversations with her in the last 18 months than we had in a long time. My son also lives with me when he’s home from college so no matter what she took from me financially I’m a wealthy man.

The next best thing is I can now save money, it’s fucking fascinating. We both worked and she makes good money but it’s like we were living paycheck to paycheck. With her gone, all the utilities are down, UPS deliveries are no longer a daily occurrence, my bank account keeps growing and all the pre and post divorce debt is now all paid off. Things that were impossible while with her. I’m totally in control of my own destiny and that’s a feeling I hadn’t had in a very long time.

NC_Geezus · 2024-12-14T20:26:49+00:00

No one creating agendas for me. I don't have to declare an itinerary every morning on the weekends. I don't need to "entertain" someone. And lastly, a hell of a lot less drama/stress.

DoughnutObjective806 · 2024-12-14T20:21:27+00:00

Not dad related but...a women can spend years with a guy knowing the entire time they'll divorce. Like I'm talking years

As Cormac McCarthy said "you'll never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from".

Guys post on here all the time: "shit, it all went wrong so fast and she left, maybe if we'd only had 2 things go wrong instead of 5 we'd still be together." Yeah maybe ..and then the wife leaves a decade later anyway. And while she's walking out the door hits you with the: "it was just not the same after x and y happened 10 years ago, toodles"

Truly, better now than years from now OP. That is a positive.

69manu · 2024-12-14T19:30:54+00:00

Good post and good to remind ourselves - I’m a year post divorce and reading this definitely helped remind me of why we are where we are. Many positives came out of it, all of which have been mentioned - mental well-being, control over one’s destiny, freedom, physical well-being, re-establishing relationships with friends and family, financial security, all positive. Without doubt moments of sadness and questioning the past but that’s why these posts are so valuable, taking stock and reminding yourself of why.

azskaht · 2024-12-14T18:16:59+00:00

I'm a better dad... when you go from full time dad to half time you become more intentional with the time you have. Also, since I control my finances now, My credit score is excellent, and my net worth is far far higher. I am happier and healthier. I'm 7 years in.

Busy_Investment1104 · 2024-12-14T15:45:21+00:00

You do have a lot of life to live Brutha. That right there alone is worth holding onto and saying she may have broken or hurt me in other areas, but she WONT take this.

The positives? The positive in this is that while you navigate through it the other side is truly something of beauty. It’s hard to see but there is a light at the end of this tunnel and once you bounce back, full of life, you’ll see that your beautiful journey continues.

techrmd3 · 2024-12-14T15:35:09+00:00

positives? one main one for me is not being responsible for a boat anchor wife's retirement

Now in my plans for how retirement goes... I really only have to worry about myself.

My financial affairs are better now that I don't have a spender spending money as fast as I make it.

There are a lot of negatives for a man post divorce. Statistics show that divorced men have more mental issues, more substance abuse issues, more loneliness etc etc

But frankly it IS ultimately a very good thing for men to jettison the financial dead weight. I find it curious as to the midlife to retirement divorce dynamic.

These little dears are on the doorstep of retirement and all they want is to eject from a marriage where they are pretty much set for a decent retirement. Granted they have to put up with the husband but from a purely utilitarian standpoint women are crippling their retirement income.

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-12-14T14:59:14+00:00

All the time to myself. Read, work out, walk, run, camp, and all the other things to do. When there's no one else to worry about, it's so easy to just do the things you feel like doing. Important point though is do it.

Unhappy-Nail-9281 · 2024-12-14T14:55:28+00:00

For the first year and a half I had a chair, a bed, and some dishes. No TV (watched everything on my phone), no nothing.

Then I realized that this wasn’t how I wanted to live and starting watching FB marketplace and Craigslist and started to make it my space, with my stuff, the way I wanted to decorate and live. It’s my space now and I love being there and being single, is pretty damn great. It’s not until then that I realized how much of myself I gave away.

Slowloris81 · 2024-12-14T13:58:09+00:00

Not being married to my abusive ex.

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2024-12-14T13:51:23+00:00

My time with my daughter is peaceful. She has not seen a single fight or argument in my care. Are relationship is better.

I've purchased a home that I have always wanted. Accidently met a much younger woman who is outstanding person and wonderful with kids. I'm blue collar, she knows I'm no sugar daddy. Her family is wonderful and very accepting of me and my daughter.

Exwife is constantly causing issues and keeps taking things back to court. But that will not stop.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-12-14T13:44:21+00:00

she pulled the pin and you moved out? i hate hearing that. i think whoever wants to punch out, needs to be the move out.

that was my positive, her GFTO of my house because she was so toxic and mean….oh and had a side guy.

dont take me wrong, i’m not bitter at all. in fact very glad she made the decision to leave. for some reason it hadnt crossed my mind.

not_easy_to_be_green · 2024-12-14T13:20:42+00:00

My positive is my peace. I have my own peace. I don’t have anyone undermining me with my kids. I don’t have someone bitching at me because I have to work one something during work hours. Lastly I can go out with people again and be social.

Are there negatives oh hell yes, but I feel that a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and genuinely happier.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2024-12-14T13:14:05+00:00

Why do you still have that trash?? Will do you no good getting worked up about the past, let it go and throw it out!

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2024-12-14T12:20:49+00:00

Avoid alcohol and drugs.

You will have ups and downs, but at least in my case, even though I have far less money every month I still have enough for all my needs (sometimes it’s a bit tight) but I have a very simple and happy life.

I think that’s the way most dudes are.

Do I have a place to sleep? Do I have food? Am I more or less comfortable after work?

It’s enough.

Snowbirdy · 2024-12-14T09:37:01+00:00

Take some time for yourself. I wouldn’t get into anything serious for a year or two. But when I got divorced, as the papers were being served I was on a plane with a girl heading to Napa. Live life.

My kids were 4 and 2 at time of divorce. Now the oldest is in college. Both doing amazing. Oldest excelling in a tough STEM curriculum at an Ivy League school, younger leaning in similar directions. Ex(#1) and I get on fine, a dozen years later.

I made stupid mistake of going back for seconds (well, she hunted me down while I was vulnerable post divorce) but she’s completely paid off as well, 5 years later.

Turns out, when you don’t have a toxic corrosive force tearing you down and belittling you every single night, your career flourishes. I’m doing interesting work and getting well paid to do it. Finally have retirement savings when (as another poster put it) the financial vampire is gone. Not yet where I need to be but a lot of potential.

Am on my way to the airport with my hot digital nomad girlfriend. Life is good.

It does get better. Gym, friends, travel, therapy. Be selfish for a bit and invest in yourself.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2024-12-14T08:22:34+00:00

Not a dad, but my ex wife went from living with me, a multi millionaire by the time I was 40, and left me for a man who’s 12 years younger than I am, and they ended up having a baby during our divorce.

I just say that as I saw her today in court and he is struggling with life and it’s made her hate me even more because she knows I’ve recently done very very well for myself (bitcoin price). She went from living with me who had plans to buy a 7k sq ft house, to living in a 1500 month apt w her new man. I know my life has gotten drastically better since the divorce.

TonyPlush2 · 2024-12-14T07:23:03+00:00

I’m only a few months into my new single life but here’s my positives. I’m 41 with two kids, 9 & 6:

I set my own expectations with no regard for how she feels. I was married to an exhausting perfectionist who claimed to be simple (as long as I knew exactly what those simple pleasures were without her explicitly telling me what she wanted or needed). It’s so freeing to not have to worry about disappointing her anymore
I’m more interesting. I talk more to new and old friends. Not having a safety net of a stale and boring partner motivates me to be more engaging. I have struck up a few new friendships via a dating app and have felt invigorated to be more engaging with people
I’ve discovered the benefits of therapy. It’s very powerful to be able to talk with someone in a judgement free zone and get your feelings out and verbalized. Personal growth, self awareness, introspection, enlightenment…all have been an outcome of therapy
I’ve taken the time to really consider some simple and fundamental questions:
What do I need?
What brings me joy?
What do I want? These are simple questions to ask that are difficult to answer
I’ve watched so much more football and love it
I’ve gained back a lot of free time that used to be spent putting energy and effort into trying to make her happy. It was an inefficient use of time - what I was doing was not what she needed.

My biggest regret is that this didn’t happen sooner. I was so unaware of how unfulfilling my marriage has been for years. I’m so excited to just be me!

Commercial_Music_931 · 2024-12-14T07:18:32+00:00

Best piece of advice I got during my brutal divorce - we were together from 15 to 26 - was to find some skill to obsess over. Something to keep the mind busy. Drinking won't help. Drugs won't help. Fking randos won't help. Find something that is a skill you can hone. Dancing. Piano. Woodworking. Fking PC Gaming. Gym. Anything that you can actively work towards being better at every single day. Find something new you've never done and go insane. Meet new people through this hobby. Friends.

I was in a dark place. Fresh out the VA hospital. And that small bit of advice kept me going. I didn't have to think about the pain. The betrayal. My own mistakes. What I could've done better.

Eventually it kinda became a sick joke. It was funny. How bad I got screwed. How bad id done on my end. It's been 5yrs now and life is never better bro. I wouldn't go back and change a thing.

There's light at the end of the tunnel. There's better women out there for you bro. Trust me.

Left-Signature-5250 · 2024-12-14T06:46:15+00:00

I can tell you that my life has vastly improved since that money and energy vampire no longer leeches on my back. I found a sweet girlfriend who is really fond of my kids. Maybe it helps, that I only got them every other weekend, the rest of the time they are with their mother - she made sure of that, when she moved two hours away to her affair partner. You know how family courts are 🤷🏻‍♂️ But it has its upsides - as I said, my life is great. The time I have with the kids is always fun, and everything else I can just be my own man.

My approach to relationships has changed a lot. I am not about to ever let a broad dance on my nose. There are clear boundaries and strict rules now. Of course, another marriage is out of the question, and she knows that if she does not provide what I need in a relationship (emotional and physical), it will be over. That sort of implied knowledge gets wiped out with a marriage certificate. Suddenly, there is an implied threat of financial loss (for the man), and therefore, women just stop showing up little by little.

Well, I guess that lesson had to be learned the hard and expensive way - but it was worth it. I am 43 and feel like my life is my own again - I love it!!

BTW: it has been two years since the divorce, the kids are 7 and 9

Title	The Positives of Divorce?
Author	Wedditwong
Upvotes	54
Comments	59
Date	December 14, 2024 6:29 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hdww6z/the_positives_of_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-positives-of-divorce.1538444 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538444

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