Should I get a restraining order?

drakgremlin · 2022-02-04T00:12:26+00:00

Before paying anything ensure there is a paternity test ensuring you are the father.

Electrical_Access604 · 2022-02-04T00:19:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-02-03T22:39:05+00:00

Heh she wants you to sign away your parental rights so that she can have uncontested custody and still have the law force you to pay her child support $$$.

Get a lawyer and figure out what to do.

SweatyAdvance · 2022-02-04T00:49:20+00:00

You need to file a complaint against those officers too. That's a clear cut trespassing. You told them to leave. They didn't. That's trespassing.

Dynged · 2022-02-04T03:21:40+00:00

File a restraining order and a complaint with the local PD for refusing to stop an ongoing home invasion and for gender discrimination.

You can bet your sweet ass that if you invaded her apartment and refused to leave like that, you would be spending a few days in jail waiting on a hearing.

duhhhh · 2022-02-03T22:29:13+00:00

Talk to a lawyer. It is a lot harder for a man to get a restraining order against a woman than visa versa but it should be doable with a lawyer and those videos. It will have no impact on your custody arrangements except handoffs will likely need to be done at a police station which sounds like a good idea in this case anyway.

ABBucsfan · 2022-02-04T02:42:00+00:00

Y'all keep talking about him paying child support but I'm assuming he wants to actually.have time with his kid. Getting paternity test seems like a no brainer and then push for parenting time. I'd go for the restraining order since you have proof.

EricAllonde · 2022-02-04T00:18:15+00:00

Definitely get a restraining order. You have irrefutable evidence of violent behavior by her, that can definitely give you an advantage in any upcoming court battles.

vague_obscenity · 2022-02-04T02:15:06+00:00

Getting a vasectomy seems more and more appealing each day. Get a good lawyer, and take it from there.

syro23 · 2022-02-04T01:54:21+00:00

Since I haven't seen this mentioned yet, get a paternity test as soon as you can. I don't know your situation or intentions but find out if you are the father before you sign any birth certificate or anything else. I know this seems backwards since she is asking you to sign away rights, but I've seen weirder things happen. Good luck.

the-first12 · 2022-02-04T03:07:17+00:00

Are you sure it’s your kid?

Raychao · 2022-02-04T03:21:29+00:00

As others have said, this requires immediate legal advice.. Don't sign anything and don't apply for a restraining order yet.. Just continue to document.. Talk to your solicitor.. All correspondence with her be in writing, don't speak to her without a neutral witness present.. Make sure all changeovers (when the child is born) occur in public..

If you go for a restraining order, and you want to be in the child's life, I've seen plenty of examples in case law where the Family Court decided that because the parents are basically unable to communicate with each other, therefore shared custody would be problematic which would cause decision making paralysis, therefore one parent needs to have all the time and all the parental responsibility, therefore this needs to go to the mother because the child is young and breastfeeding (or some other logic)..

If she wins that then you can kiss your chances of seeing the child goodbye..

Believe it or not on my first read, I assumed this may be her legal strategy to win custody (to just be so difficult that the Court is forced to give her everything she wants)..

You need to keep demonstrating that:

You remain open to communicating with her, but it needs to be in public, and that you are concerned that everything be written down so it is clear for both of you..

Frosty-Gate-8094 · 2022-02-04T06:33:56+00:00

They sat in my apartment for 25 minutes until the police showed up, admitted they came in uninvited and refused to leave, and the police told me there was nothing I could do.

What?
Isn't going to a pvt property uninvited and refusing to leave when told to do so, amounts to 'trespassing'?

I'd record the name and badge number of the police officer and complain about him to the department for failing to 'perform his duty'.

What does he mean 'there is nothing you can do'?
File a trespassing charge and proceed accordingly.

That's a clear case of dereliction of duty on behalf of the officer.

bobert3469 · 2022-02-04T11:53:23+00:00

I had the cops tell me that, when my ex brought a literal gangbanger to my house to "collect money I owed her" (didn't owe her anything, just a shakedown). When the cops told me they wouldn't get them out of the house, even after threats to me, as they were leaving I told them "Fine. Don't do your job. Don't go too far guys. In 5 minutes you'll be getting a 911 call that I just shot 2 intruders who were threatening my life.". After 10 minutes of arguing with me whether it was legal or not (it was. turned out dude DID have a gun on him. I saw it under his jacket when they pushed in my door.). They finally arrested them both but only after dude swung on a cop.

firemx828 · 2022-02-04T03:13:58+00:00

Lawyer specializing in family/custody matters. Restraining order. Paternity test. Start stashing money in protected accounts; retirement, life insurance, etc… ask the lawyer how to reduce your reportable income and start doing it.

nacholibresGF · 2022-02-04T03:38:30+00:00

Definitely get a restraining order. Just start it, even if it’s denied. Clearly message her after she messages you which I’m sure she will and say you are not welcome to my home and I don’t want you to come near my house again or I will call the cops again. Then start keeping dates. And then you can always show these text message exchanges to a judge. Keep being clear that you expect to be a huge part of your child’s life, set up a baby’s room if you can, get a crib, tell your family, get them to reach out when baby is born and see if they can see their grandchild. These are all things that will show a judge how much you mean what you say about being a dad.

AnOldSchoolVGNerd · 2022-02-04T05:08:43+00:00

Get yourself a lawyer.

Only speak with her via text or an app recommended by your lawyer. Barring that, record any interaction, preferably audio and video. Make sure this is legal in your state. Again, lawyer.

Absolutely get a restraining order if possible to legally prevent her from just walking up into your home and the cops not doing a goddamn thing. Jesus Christ that makes me mad.

Don't sign anything unless it is drawn up by an attorney and, if it wasn't your attorney that did it, your attorney looks it over.

Think long and hard about whether or not you truly want to sign rights away. You can be a good parent and keep contact with the ex down to a minimum. Do not let her force you into anything.

ZrXTra0 · 2022-02-04T03:09:21+00:00

First I'd just call the PD and ask them how long it would take because you hate the hassle and just wish to ignore her.

Heavy_Grand2526 · 2022-02-04T06:13:07+00:00

Get a lawyer. Don't give up your parental rights.

Killersmile60 · 2022-02-04T06:19:37+00:00

I'm with all the other men on here. You should absolutely get a restraining order if possible, and try keep notes of everything. It's well worth the money you'll pay. This woman sounds devious, and I wouldn't trust her. Get yourself a lawyer.

SporkTornado · 2022-02-04T05:45:48+00:00

Go to a law firm that specializes in family law and get a consultation. You need professional legal advice.

Unwisemonkey · 2022-02-04T10:00:54+00:00

Everyone said it, get a lawyer.

Bring up the fact that the police officer did nothing, there might be a reason to file a complaint against the responding officer but again see what your lawyer says. You want the cops on your side, but it may also be of value to a judge to show that you didn't get support from the police. Sounds fishy to me that he said there was nothing he could do. I don't know VA Law but seems to me if you want someone out of your home you can tell them to go and if they don't comply the police can make them go.

Something else to consider is, is it your child? By signing away your rights it is almost like pre-emptively signing the birth certificate declaring you are the father and thus responsible for the child. In which case like these guys said you could end up getting fleeced down the road, possibly for a child that isn't even yours.

MarcusOReallyYes · 2022-02-04T14:29:33+00:00

Lawyer up. Like now. Today.

The lawyer will help you sort this out and protect you.

You’ll probably need to get a paternity test.

She wants you to sign away the rights to use as proof you are admitting you were the father for child support. You may be the father, but make sure.

If you want to be in the child’s life (if it was mine I would) so you need to protect yourself, and your child.

Misses-Misery · 2022-02-04T07:59:07+00:00

I saw your post in legal advice. I definitely agree with someone who said to get your hands on the police report for record of the event and I also think you should talk to a family court lawyer

Samurai-Andy · 2022-02-04T10:33:28+00:00

Someone here is lying, either you, or the police... Because what you have said is "breaking and entering" if she didn't have access via a key or the door was locked...

thetruegardenhobbit · 2022-02-04T13:41:16+00:00

Get a lawyer, start the fight for full custody. Once you show that you're OK with less then you will absolutely never be given more. To be quite honest it's a shit situation to be in. However, your child needs their dad.

Best of luck, just remember that you're not the first dad to struggle against this.

Reasonable-Worker-47 · 2022-02-04T05:09:08+00:00

She's planning on an early retirement. Sorry to tell you this, but I'm sure she is just going to kidnap the baby and do everything she can to remove you from the child's life. No justice for fathers in western countries. If I were you, I'd get saving because at some point, you are better off finding a new country that isn't so rigged against men. Ie find a non western country somewhere and make sure it's a non reciprocating jurisdiction for child support purposes

asdf333aza · 2022-02-04T05:24:30+00:00

You must live in the north. In the south, home invaders get their heads blown off.

tieredbeard · 2022-02-04T06:49:22+00:00

What good would a restraining order do if the police said they wouldn't do shit when they forced themselves in?

Mrky859 · 2022-02-04T08:18:44+00:00

And also find a report on the police that's a lie they admitted to unlawful entrance

auMatech · 2022-02-04T08:56:14+00:00

Keep evidence of her unlawful and violent behaviour, file for sole custody when the child is born.

Also, get a good lawyer, not one who will just fuck you over.

ShitFauxBrains · 2022-02-04T09:18:22+00:00

yes. it might not stop her but it’ll look better for if you need to press charges. and you’ll need every bit of credibility you need. it’s amazing things are recorded

maluminse · 2022-02-04T09:42:25+00:00

Do it right now. Yes file a restraining order. It will only help in the future. Call the the district attorneys office and ask for domestic violence division. Ask then their opinion on police doing nothing.

Establish a dialogue with a 'victims advocate'.

GolD_WhisKy · 2022-02-04T13:02:14+00:00

Don't listen to Reddit get a lawyer

cdcollector23 · 2022-02-04T13:30:55+00:00

yes get one asap

ZenofZer0 · 2022-02-04T19:47:23+00:00

Alright man. You’ve gotta get a paternity test and a restraining order. You also need to take down the names and badge numbers of the derelict officers and report that. Idk if it’s city or county boys your working with but they have a long history of smashing dudes and not enforcing anything with wahminnz. You need to go ahead in the meantime while putting titter things together and also make sure you are preparing evidence, real evidence that displays behavioral issues she has or drug addiction issues she has and just about anything that makes her not the perfect princess she’s going to pretend to be when you have to deal with this in a court room. You also need to make sure that you’re asking questions if you don’t know already about due date, whether you’re allowed, etc. you have to set the stage. I wish you all the luck in the world

jdliberty2015 · 2022-02-04T20:27:02+00:00

Paternity test, bro.

Pigort · 2022-02-04T03:51:59+00:00

That's the police for you. Walk behind a woman on a sidewalk 15 feet behind them at night minding your own business, and those white knight fucks will be shaking you down. Touch a woman on her upper arm when talking to her, and be charged with assault and battery.

Women commit trespassing or burglary, and there is nothing they can do. It seems police protect mostly two types: women and the wealthy.

willbeonekenobi · 2022-02-04T08:11:42+00:00

Here's 3 things you should do.

If she still has the keys to your apartment/home then change the locks.
Get a restraining order.
If she's dead set on you giving away your rights to the child get a lawyer to draw up the contract so that she cannot claim any amount of money from you for any reason.

stackshockprism · 2022-02-04T04:54:28+00:00

It is good for you she is crazy unless somehow you're actually causing it. Call the police when she comes over and keep a journal of dates and things said and done. Write it all down. Yes get a restraining order, it will only help your case. You need to find some women who have experience to let you know what's up and you need a lawyer. The entire system is evil these days and it doesn't respect what fathers really are, it just bails out women who should be destitute.

haikusbot · 2022-02-04T08:44:54+00:00

man, get a lawyer asap. don't waste a second anymore

SwoopsTheIrishPotato · 2022-02-04T20:14:19+00:00

They won’t make a police report??? What the fuck?!

coming2grips · 2022-02-04T21:09:59+00:00

Yes you should. Yes this will affect the custody orders but if anything, in your favour. You need to be safe to provide a safe place to care for the child. To be safe you need to use the legal system. Attempting to solve this stuff by yourself looks bad in court

TFME1 · 2022-02-04T21:17:41+00:00

Yes. Get it on record what your stance on the whole situation is. We currently live in the "prove it" society. If you don't and have no proof? No one will care and you'll be the loser in any future court proceedings.

If you're a person who thinks of himself as worthy of being heard and "protected", a TRO is your first and best option.

derpdeederp84 · 2022-02-04T06:42:30+00:00

No report, no TRO. Sorry, bud.

Title	Should I get a restraining order?
Author	tathrow871
Upvotes	540
Comments	168
Date	February 3, 2022 9:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/sjv2g5/should_i_get_a_restraining_order/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/should-i-get-a-restraining-order.1099902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099902

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