"Don't judge a book by his cover"?

Pola_Lita · 2024-08-16T08:38:55+00:00

Frequently, but to be fair the impression is always based on some prior knowledge, even just watching them interact with others around them for a few minutes. It's generally enough in the case of a strong (negative or positive) impression.

mobjack · 2024-08-16T12:24:25+00:00

Giving job interviews taught me to not always judge a book by its cover.

Some people are better at bullshitting than others. Those who are really talented can be modest about their accomplishments.

Over time I picked up on some biases and adjusted the way I judged candidates but I still get things wrong.

VWGUYWV · 2024-08-16T13:37:51+00:00

My favorite response to this is

“That’s why books have covers”

The publishing house designs the cover the way they do because people are going to see it. When you craft your “cover” (your look and behavior) you should also know people will see and judge it. If you don’t care, then that will show and is also a signal you are sending.

For instance, I’d never hire someone with hand, neck, or face tattoos. Not because I think ink changes the person at a chemical level that matters. But they knew that people would judge their spider neck tattoo and they did it anyways. So they make bad decisions, are impulsive, and don’t care what people think. All bad traits in an employee. Of course, someone here will say “maybe they changed”. Ok, how can I sufficiently prove that to myself prior to taking at least a small risk regarding this person?

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-08-16T08:42:51+00:00

If I judge someone to be a “douchebag” on my first impression, then I generally avoid further interaction

DietTyrone · 2024-08-16T13:38:52+00:00

Normally, "don't judge a book by its cover" means not to judge someone based on external appearances but on their character. Sounds like you noticed a character flaw but chose to ignore that.

but gave him a try.

My question is, what motivates you to "give him a try" when you're first impression is that he's a "douchebag," rather than walking away and dating one of the countless people that aren't douchebags? There must have been something that pushed you to want to try despite your instincts telling you he would be a problem.

wtknight · 2024-08-16T11:11:40+00:00

My first impressions of people are usually correct. I'm rarely surprised by people. Sometimes people end up being somewhat better or somewhat worse than what I originally thought, but overall I get accurate impressions from people from the beginning.

This extends online somewhat, as well, although this is a bit more difficult to determine. I don't considering it "judging a cover" at all. There are all kinds of cues and behaviors that people give off when interacting with them that people both consciously and unconsciously pick up even when first interacting with a person.

attendquoi · 2024-08-16T12:39:19+00:00

If we're talking specifically about dating, a majority of guys will reveal at least one thing about them that's a deal-breaker within their first 5 minutes (usually the first time they open their mouths).

SnooMarzipans8221 · 2024-08-16T11:40:57+00:00

I'm not the best in reading others, I might also not have the strongest instincts except when it comes to danger, so I just try to never have expectations in meeting people. If they're nice it's a pleasant surprise. If they're awful then there would be no disappointment.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-08-17T00:25:46+00:00

In high school I learned that a lot of my first impressions were completely wrong, so I try not to judge. Also people have prejudged me in bizarre extremes to the point where I think people are practically hallucinating throughout their days.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-08-17T01:07:45+00:00

Actually I was right almost everytime, it feels like douchebags have a certain look to them. The same goes for smart people, stupid people, bad people and good people.

IdiAminD · 2024-08-16T09:54:08+00:00

In general It's pretty easy for me to read people after seeing them for a few minutes and usually I am not mistaken much. The way you look like and your body langauage quickly reveals who you are. Men sometimes have a hard time understanding that their appearance or some specific behavior may be off putting for women, or simply boring, not sparking attraction.

Avocado-Toast-93 · 2024-08-16T10:34:06+00:00

Frequently. To the point where I’ve been trusting my gut a lot more, it’s rarely wrong.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-08-16T08:32:55+00:00

I don't usually bother to form opinions about people that early on.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-08-16T09:04:21+00:00

Hot Take: most book covers are specifically designed to help us quickly judge whether or not we will like the book.

But what OP describes is not what I would call "judging a book by its cover." It's not so much based upon outer appearance (cover) but more of a gut instinct.

Both (book cover and gut instinct) are legitimate ways to judge someone.

It's when you let your judgement lead to treating them in ways that are dehumanizing or harmful that it becomes a problem

^edit ^typo

MongoBobalossus · 2024-08-16T09:23:24+00:00

I’ve found that your gut instinct read of a person is usually correct and that you shouldn’t ignore it.

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Good_Result2787 · 2024-08-16T08:58:31+00:00

When I just meet someone and have nothing to go on other than how they look, I have no opinion on their personality or attitudes.

It is possible that I might form an opinion before meeting someone if I observe said person interacting with others first, but I still tend to reserve my judgment.

MikeArrow · 2024-08-16T09:36:23+00:00

I'm not very good at reading people, so... I often ended up having to revise my opinions later on.

IronDBZ · 2024-08-16T12:20:03+00:00

I tend to have very charitable first impressions. It's more with men that I judge by their cover. I feel more comfortable with my assumptions about them, but I don't think it's fair and sometimes I get curve-balls.

I think intuition is partially a spook.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-08-16T13:03:03+00:00

I generally reserve judgments for after I get to know somebody a bit, provided they don’t behave in a particular unpleasant manner right away.

I work at a customer-facing job where most of the people who come in aren’t exactly thrilled to be there, so I’d say at work is the only time I feel like I can often get a glimpse at what someone is like right away. You can tell a lot about a person by how they act when they’re mildly inconvenienced. Some are very nice, some are straight up dicks. In other settings, most people will play nice so you can’t really tell.

Hoopy223 · 2024-08-16T14:39:05+00:00

Sometimes yes, sometimes no, really it takes a few months to get a feel for who most people are so you need to be a bit guarded at first whether work or romance.

Also you can inadvertently shape your own positive or negative opinion of someone else that will fly in the face of reality.

Lumpy-Macaroon-694 · 2024-08-16T16:22:24+00:00

People sometimes have pretty good intuition which is generally a subconscious pattern recognition.

One time I was attacked on the street by a normally dressed looking guy who gave me creeps before that happened. I was trying to analyze why, it's the way he was moving and the intense eye contact. It was nothing bad, just scary, and to this day I have no idea what his issue was, but it was validating to see how I'm not crazy when I have such a negative reaction to someone for apparently no reason.

So, it happens quite often, when my first impression was correct. Thing is, it's not really judging the book by its cover, because the first impression comes from a minimal interaction with them, or at least observing them move and interact with other people.

Plus, as I'm older, I'm more cautious of people in general and have a better judgement of people due to experience.

Electrical_Novel1156 · 2024-08-16T17:27:05+00:00

First impressions are usually correct. Most people aren't as deep as they think, but I'm also generally pretty observant as a person. Some people have surprised me over time in both positive and negative ways.

The cover is always important a lot of people give off bad impressions simply due to how they present themselves and it's not even like "omg they're ugy" it's their body language how they hold themselves etc.

WarpedEyes · 2024-08-16T17:38:25+00:00

Pretty frequent to be honest I end up always being right. It sucks though because I give them the benefit of the doubt, am good to them etc, then they wrong me.

Hot-Corgi-2457 · 2024-08-16T17:43:57+00:00

First impression when it comes to me is typically “What is wrong with you?,” because they see my awkward walk and my constant rocking and literally ask what’s wrong with me.

Alfred-Adler · 2024-08-16T18:08:48+00:00

The cover is part of the book. The day that people will start buying books with no cover, or iPhones without expensive one-time-use-only packaging we can revisit this issue.

Ikem32 · 2024-08-16T19:20:08+00:00

I judge a book by it's cover and then they have the chance to prove me wrong.

EugeneCezanne · 2024-08-16T19:56:22+00:00

All the time. I think most of us have some internal facility for semiotics: both in giving and receiving unspoken, unidentified symbols in social interactions. Often, therefore, our first impressions will be right. However, we should also consider that our impression-forming apparatus isn't perfect--it's subject to our own flaws, not the least of which is confirmation bias.

Werevulvi · 2024-08-16T22:10:59+00:00

It's happened about half the time, I think. I'm quite often proven wrong, and that's why I often give second chances after a bad first impression. I get that people can just be shy, or caught off guard, have a bad day, or whatever, basically give off bad first impression for innocuous reasons. If they still turn out to be douchebags on second and third impression, then I can much more confidently ditch/ignore them when I'm sure of it, or got some actual evidence of it and not just a vague hunch. That feels better than ditching someone based on first impression. Obviously depends on how badly, and in what way, they fuck up their first impression.

Also, I about equally often encounter people who give a good first impression, but then later on still turn out to be douchebags. And yeah... I do realize that it's possible my gut instinct is just broken, and like a broken clock is still right twice a day.

Icy_Passion_2857 · 2024-08-16T22:14:05+00:00

First impressions are like survival instinct. If you’ve see a person with hood up lurking around an alley one night and then get mugged. After that if you see a person acting like that then you stay away.

NockerJoe · 2024-08-17T01:37:29+00:00

The thing is this is why I advocate for shorter, low effort first dates. If you just talk for a few hours in a coffee shop or get a movie and grab dinner after you aren't necessarily dedicating even a whole evening to someone, just seeing if you want to see them again.

But the thing is if someone gives off douchebag energy to you you aren't obligated to give them any time. First impressions are important for a reason after all. I'm definitely guilty of being hung up on women way too long after I should have dropped them myself as well.

IME the problem with people who give off a bad first impression is you're very often seeing their default state and your second thoughts are them temporarily pulling back. But once they're comfortable its right back to douche mode. I see this a lot in both women and men who say some crazy shit and then apologize for themselves and then a few hours later its right back to being an asshole.

flipsidetroll · 2024-08-16T12:17:36+00:00

Isn’t that exactly what so many women here say to men here when the men talk about women dating bad boys or chads? Nobody is one dimensional. The simplest fucking idea on the planet. Yet people want to label someone and that person can only be that label from now on. It’s juvenile.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-08-16T11:40:29+00:00

it depends. i watch their unconscious behavior but also have to observe them around others since some of this is a reaction to myself

Slipthe · 2024-08-16T12:23:16+00:00

My first impression usually picks up on their worst qualities, but that doesn't usually stop me from spending time with people. And I'm also aware that sometimes someone's worst quality is just social anxiety. If I spend more time with anyone I usually learn more redeeming things about them and find connection.

But I'm not courting or trying to be courted. So that changes things a lot.

Embarrassed-Tune9038 · 2024-08-17T12:00:43+00:00

That saying only applies for women.

Sadsad0088 · 2024-08-16T10:50:27+00:00

I’m hardly ever wrong with first impressions, from how you speak to others, the things you say and how you say them, how you move, how you choose to present yourself.

It happens very rarely

tonyghow · 2024-08-16T12:32:15+00:00

At work and the platonic: no cover judgement.

In seeking relationships: all covers judged.

Sophiatab · 2024-08-16T15:30:35+00:00

I would say 100% of the time when I thought a guy that was trying to chat me up was a douchebag, creep, potential rapist, etc., he turned out to be exactly that. The purpose of a cover is to tell people what a book is about. Frequently, this is the truth with people also.

SaBahRub · 2024-08-16T15:54:17+00:00

Very few people have surprised me

solstice-sky · 2024-08-16T17:35:38+00:00

My first impressions are correct 99% of the time. In the past, I found myself wishing I would have listened to myself sooner about everything - friends, jobs, dates, situations etc. Now I have intense self trust, it always steers me in the right direction.

Title	"Don't judge a book by his cover"?
Author	Parking-Coast-1385
Upvotes	16
Comments	58
Date	August 16, 2024 8:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1etjgmm/dont_judge_a_book_by_his_cover/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dont-judge-a-book-by-his-cover.1527463 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527463

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