[Q4W] Have you noticed different dating results across your average guy friends?

P1anth0 · 2025-10-04T17:20:21+00:00

My guy friends didn’t struggle to date and get hook ups in college they struggled after due to lack of shared spaces and not wanting to go to bars. They said they should have taken dating more seriously in college because now they believe they will die alone. People tend to underestimate how difficult it is to find a good partner and it’s easier to find that in school.

kmb218 · 2025-10-04T22:40:51+00:00

Yes, I noticed differences. Some guys allocate large amounts of their energy to constantly flirting with women / asking them out. While others do so more rarely. This creates a difference in outcomes despite similar attractiveness levels.

p_fulga · 2025-10-04T19:59:16+00:00

One of my friend groups of guys I knew in middle school / high school had three guys in it that were all pretty close to similar in terms of like how nice they all tended to look. I'd say any of the three had similar amounts of likeable features.

One is very feminine, calls himself a twink and dresses the part and he does flawlessly in meeting people. He's never had a problem finding women or men to date and has dated mostly women.
Two used to be fat, but he lost it all working out and getting jacked. He ended up growing into a pretty muscular build. Guy has not managed to land any dates. None. He's taken a step back at this point and is just going to wait until church events get him somewhere but otherwise focus on his career.
The third is kinda in between. He's had a few gals he's dated but they've almost all been pretty bad for him. Cheating on him, party girl types, really weird and jealous behaviours.

The first is a lot more social and progressive than the other two. More laid back and just kinda open to letting the wind blow. I think he's just better at standing out and being emotionally and socially interesting.

SousVida · 2025-10-04T17:01:21+00:00

My friend's husband and his best friend come to mind. They're very similar, average nerd type, Christian men mostly dating within the church or their various social groups. My friend's husband is, of course, now married and has a child. His friend has perpetually struggled to get a first date.

They tried to set me up with the friend. He rejected me after one phone call, citing the fact that he has "enormously high standards" and started on a "you probably wouldn't like me anyway" type of apology.

My friend's husband says this is an established pattern with other women. He has this defense mechanism of "high standards" preventing him from connecting with anyone who doesn't fit his very specific vision of what his life ought to be like. I think he'd make a great partner for somebody if he was just more open to actually trying.

So that's the biggest difference I see between them. Similar backgrounds, similar appearance, similar personalities but one guy was open to connections and succeeded.

(Please note: I think standards are great, but when they're the thing preventing you from attempting to date anyone you encounter in your peer group, you may need to step back and assess whether you actually want to date at all.)

stockingsinrainboots · 2025-10-04T18:17:53+00:00

The main difference has been charisma and how much time they spend socialising outside of school/work.

toasterchild · 2025-10-04T18:14:11+00:00

I haven't noticed a terrible difference based on looks alone. The biggest difference I've seen is between men who are comfortable talking to women and those who aren't. The more socially comfortable men who feel free to be themselves do well while the ones who are anxious and overthink every word struggle.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-10-04T18:51:46+00:00

Yes. I’ve never actually known a guy who couldn’t get a date eventually, but there is a noticeable difference between those who are more confident and sociable and those who aren’t. Especially in terms of how attractive and sane the women they ended up with were, as mean as that might sound.

half_avocado33 · 2025-10-04T22:24:20+00:00

3 guys

1 was an extrovert, social butterfly, never had a problem with women, is now married

1 was an introvert, insecure, had a few gfs in the past, but mostly because the women initiated. Was hit by a long period of dry spell, managed to get the courage to ask on a date a woman he met through his social circle, they're going 1+ years together and they are happy

1 was an introvert, very insecure, almost no social circle, had a gf in the past (she asked him out), he's looking for someone but no luck

Lemon_gecko · 2025-10-04T16:35:13+00:00

Yes. I have a guy friend who is ugly but he pulled off lots of successful cold approaches. I guess charm will go a long way. Another ugly friend was as successful as you'd imagine. On a contrary i've known more attractive but not that confident guy and he wasn't even close to success of the first one. Then there was this older guy (friend of a friend) who could attract model level women and young ones. He was the most chill, relaxed and super confident guy i knew.

NJFlowerchild · 2025-10-04T20:41:15+00:00

Only with cases of neurodivergence involved.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-10-06T13:49:14+00:00

Yeah, the biggest difference in results I've seen his is lifestyle. I know two pretty attractive guys who look very similar, both pretty shy, but one is always on diving trips and going to conventions and events, etc, and the other doesn't do any of that. The first one usually has a woman or two pining after him at all times, and the second doesn't. Both a friend and I occasionally joke about how we both have a crush on the first guy.

I know less attractive guys who get more attention than some more attractive guys as well for the same reason: He's actually out doing things for the sake of doing them, not for the sake of finding a partner.

RelativeYak7 · 2025-10-04T16:30:24+00:00

Some were Jewish and others were not. Jewish guys have rizz.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-10-04T16:45:09+00:00

The guys I know all look so different from each other so I’m confused on what the similar attractiveness part means. Like is this a tall versus short thing? Am I comparing the cute ones to the non cute ones?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-10-04T18:01:04+00:00

are you asking if we've noticed that more and less attractive men get different dating resukts?

leefjk · 2025-10-04T20:49:55+00:00

Hmm yes. The most average guy in our friend group got a girlfriend pretty much immediately, another just now got his first girlfriend four years later. The main difference is that the first guy is so much fucking fun, outgoing, jokey, confident as hell and both one of the girls and one of the guys, while the other guy is soooo boring.

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alphamaker420 · 2025-10-05T02:30:54+00:00

Not really. I have around 10 or so guy friends not counting loose friends. I think all of them are handsome but some I didn't at first. The less reserved guys interact with more women than the more reserved guys. I've seen all of them date long term, short term, and hook up. Also have seen them both get rejected and reject others.

About half of them are in long term relationships now, one couple is likely getting married and we're all surprised they haven't already. The only one I've seen really struggle is really attractive but he literally acts like a dog around women. Like I've actually seen him bark at women more than once lmfao so women tend to back off. Mfer moves like silk but it's what comes out of his mouth. More of the former (and current) party guys are single than the reserved guys.

They go for different things, some at different times, so I can't compare most of their results. I also don't want to because that's weird and I'm not trying to give a detailed psychoanalysis of my friends' dating lives. I am sorry if this is a basic ass answer.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2025-10-05T05:33:06+00:00

No. I've noticed that people with comparable social skills have pretty much the same result. Attractiveness depends on how attractive the partner they find is, of course, but being fun to be around matters a lot more than how you look after the point of mediocrity

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-10-05T17:58:23+00:00

What is dating results? Either you find the ONE or not. It's pure luck.

Sonia314 · 2025-10-06T10:22:13+00:00

There is so much difference! And plenty of less physically attractive men outperforming very physically attractive ones.

What’s surprising is the degree to which it’s hard to put my finger on what’s making the difference sometimes. The best explanation I can come up with in those weird cases is that poor mental health comes across even when you think you’re hiding it, so the solution is to get better mental health.

For most cases it’s not a secret; women value a lot of other things besides looks, and men differ across those dimensions too. What different women value is too unique to hone in on any one category besides the usual that morality and being interesting and capable in some ways and sexually skilled and charismatic go a long way.

alreadydark · 2025-10-06T20:48:16+00:00

Among my friends of similar attractiveness levels, twinky extraverts are the most successful in dating

uglysaladisugly · 2025-10-08T15:07:07+00:00

Yes. And sometimes I have ZERO idea of why.

ConstanceVigilante · 2025-10-05T15:21:29+00:00

Most men (ages 22-35) I know are engineers. They all make decent money, most of them are not religious, they're average looking and pretty introverted, sometimes awkward.

Almost all of these men either have girlfriends or are single by choice. Most pair up with women of similar physical attractiveness and their income/standard of living is also within the same ballpark. In my circles specifically, many are dating slightly older women (2-3 year age gap).

I can only think of a couple of guys who struggle with dating despite wanting a relationship, and the one thing they all have in common is either that they've given up before they even started trying (because of manosphere crap on the internet, despite not even having similar experiences themselves) or they're overly reliant on dating apps and make no effort to expand their social networks.

Title	[Q4W] Have you noticed different dating results across your average guy friends?
Author	throwaway5763750
Upvotes	8
Comments	98
Date	October 4, 2025 10:22 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1nxqc9n/q4w_have_you_noticed_different_dating_results/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-have-you-noticed-different-dating-results.1563428 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563428

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