How do you deal with gaining less interest in dating and men overall?

Technusgirl · 2021-09-23T23:44:42+00:00

I took a break for a while for 3 years because I was afraid of ending up in another abusive relationship, but then ended up dating yet another Narcissist. Then I dated a guy who was really emotionally unavailable and noncommittal. I just gave up.. I'm 38 and I really don't want to date anymore. I'm totally fine on my own. Don't stress it, you do you and don't let anyone pressure into dating when you're not ready or don't want to.

Shezaam · 2021-09-23T23:05:37+00:00

I’m 52 and don’t date. I was finding low quality men. Then Covid hit. Then it just felt like a waste of time and makeup.

I’m much happier being free to do what I want when I want.

There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not for everyone.

thyroidcrp · 2021-09-24T00:03:41+00:00

You aren’t losing interest in men. You’ve lost interest in dating due to the number of LVM you’ve likely encountered. Now it bores you. You’re jaded. Lol welcome to the club! Same exact boat and don’t plan to do anything to change it currently. I am taking a break from dating after 2 months of being on an app where people made me yawn or question why I even bothered to OLD. Reset yourself and then go back into dating once you’re inclined to.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-09-23T23:09:08+00:00

There's nothing wrong with you because you don't want to date. I'd argue it's normal considering *gestures everywhere* the state of dating men. You're wise to turn that tap off and redirect the flow of energy to yourself. I'd rather watch Dirty John alone than go out with some dude. You're guaranteed to have fun alone vs the gamble of hanging with some guy on a date. Sounds like you're more than fine

_-Laniakea-_ · 2021-09-23T23:18:39+00:00

Don't pathologize your behavior.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-09-24T00:46:46+00:00

Are you me? I think you’re me lol

Anyway, I think it’s because you’re secure and confident with yourself. You don’t seek cheap male validation because you don’t need it, and you also realize it’s better to be alone than with some subpar man you don’t like.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-23T23:29:03+00:00

I think it means the quality of the people you're dating are not up to your standards, because you have a better time alone. You don't have to always be dating.

It's also good to have more prescreening strategies to make sure your time is not wasted when you go out. I like to do shorter dates to begin with, since most of the time I don't feel like I click with the guy.

ENFP_Canadian · 2021-09-24T03:11:44+00:00

This is me rn...left a narc, healed, then one day I realized that I was enjoying my own company, peace, mental health and vibing alone so much that I genuinely lost the desire to get married or even date.

Like, I just don't care. I have so much fun solo travelling and dating myself that it's like...I have complete freedom...why would I wanna give that up. Nobody is gonna love me more than me now.

None of what you're experiencing is a problem, society just brainwashed us into thinking it is. So keep enjoying your own immaculate energy, sis.

ihurlpearls · 2021-09-23T23:28:56+00:00

I’m going through something similar. Difference is I don’t get many dates and I’m an attractive 24 year old living in a major city. Men try to lowball me or they wanna talk to me but never actually follow through with taking me out. After wasting my time with an unemployed scrote earlier this year, I have way higher standards and stronger boundaries than ever before and most men...well they can’t meet me at my level. Or I sniff out the red flags very early on. It’s just become repetitive and boring. I end up leaving them on read.

brylm92 · 2021-09-23T23:20:25+00:00

Are you subconsciously realizing that the risk of said man turning out to be a parasitical, porn-depraved life force that saps all your joy and slowly destroys your mental health is so high that it's simply not worth it???

Honestly, embrace it. You don't need to go on dates.

FDS-GFY · 2021-09-24T04:13:01+00:00

Being alone is a reasonable choice in a world full ogf scrotes. My mantra now is to live my life and be happy. If a man wants to share it he will make himself known.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-09-24T02:41:57+00:00

It's obvious they're not the right one for you.

Who cares if they're interested if they're crap or half crap?

I would start discarding them faster and moving to the next.

Heather619 · 2021-09-24T05:02:57+00:00

Nothing wrong, dating is just exhausting, especially if you're an introvert.

BlakeHeathman · 2021-09-24T00:06:56+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with you! There’s nothing wrong with spending time alone. Listen to your body! Your body is telling you you want to watch Shang-Chi by your goddamn self, so listen!!

Something similar happened to me in my late 20s. I think we’re so conditioned to view male attention as this precious commodity and when for whatever reason we realize the commodity is not rare, our interest wanes.

You say you want to be married (in the future) but you currently don’t want to go on dates. Can you tell us more about that?

If you’re worried you’ll “miss your window” to get married and then all of a sudden regret it later, let me say it loud and clear: THERE IS NO “WINDOW.” The window is a lie!! The people who will be available to date five or ten years from now will be people getting out of bad relationships (this can be great!) and also people just like you, who knew they might want to get married someday but didn’t feel like dating in their thirties.

purasangria · 2021-09-24T00:46:28+00:00

I think your lack of interest could be because men ain't shit, and most of them are not worth your time.

rolling_acorn · 2021-09-24T01:14:07+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you. I think you’re realizing that they’re competing with your peace and don’t measure up. They’re not adding any value to your life. Keep dating yourself and weeding out the LVMs.

Impossible_Mud_7599 · 2021-09-24T03:34:39+00:00

Because you may not want it right now. Maybe it’s more of a bother to make the commitment to date, etc., than it is to not. That’s what it is for me.

nebsemi · 2021-09-24T13:43:20+00:00

Are you me?

It's way too much effort to prepare for a date, vet a man, and stay on guard. It's exhausting.

If a HVM man wants me, then he'll have to do all the work first, show consistent and unfaltering effort IRL and via text, and literally fall into my lap because I'm not going to waste my time.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-09-24T14:42:01+00:00

You’re disillusioned by men. We are groomed from childhood to find “prince charming” and to project all of our wants onto men and “crush” on them. Then after being proved time and time again that every dude you crushed-on or idolized was trash, you kind of stop. Which is good. Now you can go into dating with a clear mind that is willing to admit the flaws in your potential partners.

It also sounds like you’re burnt out. Maybe take a break. Definitely get rid of the dating apps. I could go on about how the whole dating app situation just isn’t a good circumstance to find a long term partner. Actively looking for a partner, in general, just doesn’t work well for women. HVM pursue their partners. So being open to instant dates and searching for a partner, doesn’t help sort through the trash. Today’s dating is like the fast food of dating. It’s swiping through dating apps and social media and looking for an immediate date.

Focus on hobbies and friends. Enjoy your life single life. Then maybe one day, when you’re not looking, someone worth while will find you.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2021-09-24T10:12:25+00:00

Hi OP, I'm 36 and exactly the same. Gosh, I wish I'd had this realization earlier in life. It would have saved me valuable time.

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with you. The dating options out there are lousy, and it makes total sense that you wouldn't be interested. That you enjoy your own company is fantastic. Don't try to force yourself to date if you don't want to. Remember that even though you'd like to get married, you don't need to be married or have a partner to fulfill your dream of having kids. And being single (or a single mom) is better than being in a lousy relationship.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-09-24T13:16:16+00:00

None of these men are worth your time. Don’t worry, I feel the same way. It’s likely that you subconsciously found something you didn’t like with them, and you no longer find them desirable, so you don’t want to spend time with them. I find it perfectly normal if you don’t want to spend time with them anymore; you don’t owe them anything.

Right now, you’re unconsciously filtering men who aren’t worthy of you, which is awesome! All you have to do is to just keep meeting new people, and don’t re-visit the ones that you lost interest in. Eventually, you’ll find someone desirable and piques your interest! 😊

For me, I’ve been told that I’m picky when it comes to even choosing men to date. It’s true that I have high standards and I can’t be bothered anymore dealing with men that waste my time. To me, time is really precious because I rarely have it due to school, work, and other obligations that comes before my leisure time. I always think and tell myself that it’s better to spend time with yourself, then be with someone you hate.

All I can say is keep looking and never settle!

LadyM2 · 2021-09-24T01:30:12+00:00

Dating is overrated, men are overrated, sex is overrated. It’s all part of patriarchy brainwashing. Being single is much more stress-free, and most importantly gives me peace of mind.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-24T06:42:28+00:00

Because your life is already fulfilled in some way! You have fun on your own and you know how men are, some are boring,narcs, love bombers lol why go trough all that if you already feel good? Take a good break girl

sexualfoodpantry · 2021-09-24T05:09:47+00:00

Pay attention to discrepancies between what you want and your actions.

If you want to get married, but aren't really doing anything about it, you either don't want to get married or there is a mental blockade about it.

Either way it might be a good idea to discuss this with an expert. It may well be that you are struggling to give yourself permission to be single because of reasons.

There's a lot of peace in knowing why you do or don't do certain things.

pendragonstark · 2021-09-24T02:32:16+00:00

I’m 28 and have been in the exact same position. I didn’t go on dates for all of last year given the state of the world and I just didn’t find it worth my time. I would take time out of my day and spend money to look pretty, drive to meet guys, and have boring dates and realized at the end of dates I would’ve rather just sat home watching Netflix.

I took time to myself, developed my hobbies, maintained my relationships with my friends and family. I feel like this was really important for my confidence and overall mental/emotional well being because I realized I could be happy with myself even without a man. I got back to dating in April and am now going steady with a guy. We go out almost every weekend and I genuinely look forward to spending time with him and I miss him whenever I can’t spend that weekend with him.

I feel like you’re in that phase where you need a break from dating but when the time comes, you’ll be ready to go back into dating with a confidence/rejuvenated mindset.

cakewalkofshame · 2021-09-24T19:11:55+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you!! I also find myself asking if there is anything wrong with me for this. There is some guilt, but it is a guilty pleasure. I love the freedom of being by myself. When I was younger I couldn't bear it - I felt incomplete, anxious, depressed if by myself. Now though? Alone is my safe place. I even go to movies alone on occasion. I enjoy just being able to watch the movie without a guy making sheep eyes at me and pawing at me and whispering at me. Whenever I'm hanging alone, which is often, I ask myself, "Would this time be improved if I had a man with me right now?" Interrupting me while reading, dragging me on HIS errands, watching me eat and making comments and trying to mooch, trying to get me to go out to social situations I have no interest in, interrupting the TV show I am watching so I have to rewind it, vetoing the numerous micro-decisions of an ambling neighborhood walk, trying to get me to partake in his junky diet, drinking foul-smelling alcohol that reminds me of the worst times of my life, and perhaps worst of all, ruining my sleep. Hell, even a good guy can be annoying as all hell to date!!

lolmemberberries · 2021-09-24T13:10:00+00:00

It sounds like you need a break from dating and to pour the energy and focus you held with dating into yourself. It's not a bad thing at all! If you're enjoying your own company more, it sounds like you were meeting people who weren't up to your standards.

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-09-24T14:24:40+00:00

Girl, you're fine. Men are supposed to step up to the plate and dating is supposed to be easy breezy for us. If you're pulling back because you need some me time and men aren't stepping up and making it relaxing and easy to see them then THOSE MEN ARENT WORTH SEEING. I'm like a carbon copy of you and I've taken a year off dating and I don't want to go back because it just takes so much energy. I've had 8 dates in 1 week and all I could think of at the end of it was damn, I'm behind on my chores... The only reason I was dating that much was because I thought I had to put in the effort and play the numbers game NO. IF YOU WANT QUALITY THEN QUANTITY IS NEVER GOING TO PAY OFF FOR YOU.

A man can rarely get a 2nd with me and if he does he usually blows it- why am I wasting time on men who haven't made an effort to know me before asking me out? Even when they invite me to something I enjoy, suddenly I can't enjoy it because I've gotta stay next to them the whole night and they suck at (dancing, roller skating, whatever it is). Get off the apps sis, you're dope af and you'll enjoy a face mask and murder mystery night far more than a date. And that energy you save will shine through you instead of being wasted on strange men.

My new policy is only men I've met in real life- who have made and effort to know me over a few MONTHS before asking me out. Nothing's panned out from this policy except my peace of mind, and absolutely no pressure from anyone. If anyone wants to point out that I'm single I just reference my dating fatigue from the week of 8 and then say it's not worth it.

Ironsculpture · 2021-09-24T09:06:08+00:00

I think this is a sign that your psyche is healing from all the misogynistic abuse and conditioning. You're returning to a state that is more natural to you, and no longer feel the need to adapt to what society demands of you.

I think you should take pride in that and just do whatever you feel like doing. It's nothing to worry about. Reading a bit about compulsory heterosexuality might help you understand what's happening.

bonghits4jess · 2021-09-24T13:35:25+00:00

I’m trying to embody your energy so don’t change! I wish I didn’t care about wanting affection or to be partnered. I think you are just so content within yourself and in your own company and your subconscious is protecting you from anyone who would want to diminish your light, by making you completely uninterested in men. This attitude, this effortless enforcement of boundaries and living only for yourself, makes you very powerful.

onceuponasea · 2021-09-24T14:59:38+00:00

Sis, it sounds like you enjoy your own company over dusties. You on the right path. 💓💓💓

Human-Radio-8804 · 2021-09-23T23:10:49+00:00

maybe your just introvert and prefer silence to noise. if so you need to trade quantity for quality. or maybe you are going through a change in your development. so you dont like the type if guys you used to but you havnt yet found the new kind you like now. so your in the middle limbo funk. try dating some guys who you normally wouldnt go for. and see how it feels.

TurquoiseCephalopod · 2021-09-24T01:09:49+00:00

I'm in the same boat but I'm dealing with it by staying to myself lmao. I'd like to find a HVM but the effort to look exhausts me just thinking about it. Took a class mate to a concert this week just for someone to go with and the 200$ I made off my extra ticket n he had the audacity to try n kiss me! No conversations about it, I kept my distance and even shrugged away from the touching he tried first. Like WHAT IN THE EVER LIVING HELL I FUCKING HATE YOU MAN CHILDREN

MeFiguringThingsOut · 2021-09-24T01:43:06+00:00

🙋🏻‍♀️ Going thru the same thing too atm. I was so desperate to find a serious partner after my last serious relationship and get married for real to a good enough guy. Now I’ve got a lot of guys who like me and tbh I’m just not interested in a relationship at all lol.

48053086 · 2021-09-24T02:06:05+00:00

I’m very rarely attracted to men because I have standards. This is a gift and a huge time saver. Be happy. Adopt a pet and enjoy life

Googliieyes · 2021-09-24T11:51:52+00:00

I wanna say maybe listen to this podcast called solo on Spotify and look up the attachment theory episode. Sounds like your style is leaning towards avoidant at this time in your life! And I totally believe we vary from relationship to relationship in how we relate… but it sounds like deep down you want a connection but your circumstances are telling you that you’re guaranteed happiness alone! I’m w it!

DeSourcesPapier · 2021-09-24T18:14:13+00:00

There is nothing wrong with you. You are being turned off of what you should be turned off by. Not wanting to date, or not wanting to go on dates, is right where you should be. I have friends, who once they break up with an ex who treated them horribly, have to hunt for a new man. Right away. Can't be single. Have to have a man. That's desperate as hell.

xD_itgoes · 2021-09-24T03:56:30+00:00

Nah the dating pool is just trash. Especially in Western nations. I would suggest maybe trying to meet men overseas? Still might suck, probably, as men these days are generally parasites so ya...

spinsterchachkies · 2021-09-25T08:41:28+00:00

If you’re American then I can understand. There’s just not that many men that do it for ya here

Title	How do you deal with gaining less interest in dating and men overall?
Author	CountingDownTheDays5
Upvotes	308
Comments	52
Date	September 23, 2021 10:51 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pu6qro/how_do_you_deal_with_gaining_less_interest_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-deal-with-gaining-less-interest-in.1074700 https://theredarchive.com/post/1074700

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