Can men and women truly separate love and sex or are we both lying to ourselves?

Odeio_E-grilos · 2022-02-23T06:17:57+00:00

I'm a man and i hold sex in very high regards as a very big form of intimacy between two people and i just can't understand how someone would separate sex from love.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-02-23T06:01:55+00:00

It depends on the man or the woman. Some definitely can. Some cannot.

Superannuatedpunk · 2022-02-23T06:09:23+00:00

Some people can. Most can’t, or only can to a degree.

I mean - I’m bad at it. I worked out pretty early on that NSA sex or FWB relationships arent really my thing. Whenever I’ve done it it felt pretty empty. But they seem to work just fine for some people. Takes all sorts.

WilliamWyattD · 2022-02-23T09:46:17+00:00

There is a lot of individual variation here, and the social architecture within which sex happens also matters.

But sex does tend to create emotions, and this includes biological reasons for that such as hormone release. Even if you suppress these feelings of tenderness and intimacy, getting used to doing that impacts you.

So sex is rarely free of emotional consequences, especially the more you have of it. With the right people and/or social architecture, you can manage this, either through fully giving into the feelings as in a true relationship, or just managing them as in say certain swinging situations. But structureless hookups do tend to add up in terms of their impact on most people.

jasonology09 · 2022-02-23T07:09:41+00:00

I (M) can, and have. But I find one without the other to be uninteresting immediately after it's over, and unfulfilling.

StarHeadedCrab · 2022-02-23T12:45:57+00:00

I'm in a long term relationship of 6 years. I'm in love with my SO and she's more than my best friend, we're basically family. Well and truly in the "companion" stage of relationships (and not all that much passion unfortunately).

I also notice attractive women everywhere. Think about fucking them. I watch porn and jerk off quite a lot. I don't really do that thinking about my SO.

My SO, and the women I lust over, are basically in different categories. Different compartments of my brain. I don't imagine building a home or going on a long holiday with the porn star I'm watching.

I would never cheat, as I'm a terrible liar, and it's not like I'm getting any offers at any rate. But cheating is super common and I think it's this kind of cognitive thing at play. Non monogamy is also surprisingly common.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-02-23T05:20:56+00:00

As a woman, it's been pretty easy for me to separate it. But I think a lot of it has to do with actual experiences. My first relationship essentially taught me that love and sex aren't the same thing. And that became even more clear once I got into a relationship with real love.

Fit-Photograph1646 · 2022-02-23T07:20:19+00:00

Only people with high N counts can do that. I used to struggle with this concept too. A good friend of mine (female physician) summed up how women see "relationships" these days.

To be in love means different things to a woman depending on what comes with it, FRIENDSHIP, and/or SEX.

Lustful couple: Means she is actually in LOVE and you exist solely to have SEX with her and quite literally mog her into submission where she sees you as daddy. (LOVE in this case simply means you are 666 type of Chad that made her fall head over heels on sight and made a move within the first day of meeting her AND you are good at SEX on first try)

Fwb: Means you are FRIENDS and you exist to solely have SEX with each other but you don't necessarilylook like Chad. (Means you drive her around like a personal chauffeur, ask what's wrong, listen to her problems AND you are good at SEX. No love involved. She sees you as a penis with either good car or a good ear or you're her plug or enable some other basic thot hobby)

It's complicated: Means you are FRIENDZONED but she actually loves you back but you still haven't made a move, or you had SEX once but it was awkward and pretty bad. Therefore she sees you as an adorable puppy type of love.

Then there's full on relationship, which is where you either beta bux your way into her heart ir MOG her like chad, listen to her problems like a friend (drive her around, be a plug, throw good parties, stimulate her thot hobbies, etc) AND you are decent enough at giving sex. Love in this case means she is in love with you, not just your body and friendship benefits. She's in love with you as a whole person.

Be careful about beta buxing into this because she WILL cheat. It's just part of the game. Have backups.

KirthWGersen · 2022-02-23T07:29:14+00:00

Both men and women can separate love and sex. Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows this from experience.

Sometimes, sex with someone you love deeply is an act of love; on other occasions, it is pure physical need or desire: you are simply horny and taking it out on your partner.

The same goes for sex outside of a long-term relationship. 99% of times, people have sex long before they actually love the person, even when dating, certainly in times when people married before they knew each other well. Sex is a physical need that often, but not necessarily, coincides with romantic feelings (which is not love) or love itself (which is unrelated to sex). When they are all together at the same time, it can be a wonderful experience; but other sexual experiences can also be wonderful.

It takes me about 6 seconds to be sexually attracted to someone. It takes 6 months to a couple of years before I even begin to love someone.

I can enjoy sex with someone I love deeply in the morning; and enjoy sex with someone I barely know in the evening. This is not unusual for me and I find both fulfilling in similar but different ways.

Most of the time that someone claims to be having sex because of love, they are lying to themselves. They are obsessed; needy; infatuated; horny; looking for attention; bored; sad; joyful; manipulating; seeking security; having fun; scratching an itch; giving a reward; expressing affection; acting out of duty; fearful of losing the other, etc.: all manner of reasons that have nothing to do with love.

yelo777 · 2022-02-23T10:20:21+00:00

I think it's easier for men than women, but it's also individual.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-02-23T11:37:35+00:00

I can. Sex is pretty much masturbation+1 for me; it’s just something that feels good.

I love many people I don’t want to fuck. And Ive fucked many people I don’t love. Liked, sure. But love takes time and getting to know each other. Sex can come within an hour of meeting someone.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-02-23T15:37:53+00:00

Some of us can.

Sex with my clients for money is just that and sex with my partner is about love, bonding, etc.

They are Very different for me.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-02-23T07:54:11+00:00

Whoa.

Women definitely are the sex who are separating sex from love more than men.

That's the problem!

To find a suitable relationship material women, you need one who doesn't separate sex and love and you need to travel far, to other continent's, to find one.

ruboyuri · 2022-02-23T05:04:19+00:00

To understand the viewpoint that is puzzling you, you simply have work from the assumption is that sex is bad for women but good for men.

And then it will make sense — you can’t love a woman who has been bad and had sex, and women who have had sex are unloveable and bad

Because sex is always good for men, it doesn’t matter if it involves love or not

Pola_Lita · 2022-02-23T05:35:57+00:00

Men are taught and encouraged and expected to objectify women. Everyone is, but men to a much greater extent.

Too much objectification makes love N/A.

In fact, it can become a method of avoiding the concern and decency men normally expect from themselves toward most other human beings. Deceiving someone to gain access to her body is one situation that comes to mind.

We need to teach more women objectification (lust) isn't bad in realistic amounts.

We need to stop encouraging men to objectify women to the extent that we do. We definitely need to make them aware of its use as a protective device.

effeteintellectual · 2022-02-23T05:56:17+00:00

I can very easily. Most men probably can.

bludkraze · 2022-02-23T07:02:44+00:00

Not sure about women but men can 100%

superincongruent · 2022-02-23T07:17:44+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociosexuality -- PPD required knowledge. If you care, lookup the studies.

Men and women have a pretty equal distribution of sociosexual attitudes. But casual sex usually involves at least one highly sociosexual person, so men perceive "sluts" and women perceive "players". Sociosexual people often self-select each other because at leat you both know the deal.

Redpillers are mostly very non-sociosexual men who feel like they have to enter hookup culture. This requires some severe brain-twisting rationalizations which appears to drive many of them completely insane. IMO It is a lot easier to just be easy. Slutty men hookup with slutty women.

tldr; some can some cannot, there is not a huge gender difference.

Background_Intern_55 · 2022-02-23T07:02:57+00:00

Love and sex can never be separate. Regardless of gender sex still bleeds into emotional connection in most cases. For men it’s easier to try and separate live and sex because at a young age we are taught to compartmentalize our emotions. For Woman sex is usually tied to emotional connection. Nowadays though with Libfem women are becoming more like men and so we see more woman being ok with casual sex but I doubt they truly see it as casual they probably don’t admit to the emotional effects it has. In conclusion sex and love will always be connected, both men and woman are effected by sexual intimacy whether they admit it or not. I think that ignoring that fact will compound the problems we have in society today. I also believe libfem and sex positivity have a huge role on the breakdown of relationships and that’s why we now are seeing a push for poly. Poly allows woman to Have all the casual sex and all the emotional connection they want, it’s probably going to be the standard relationship in few decades since all the men are weak passive little babies.

1amtheSpoon · 2022-02-23T05:21:37+00:00

I think it's only a very rare fluke in which a man and a woman can always "just" be friends. It has nothing to do with the differences between men and women and all to do with the similarities.

1amtheSpoon · 2022-02-23T05:23:45+00:00

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Dazzling-Chick · 2022-02-23T10:06:56+00:00

Everybody is different. For me I am able to separate love and sex

Just because I have sex with someone doesn’t mean I love them. Sex doesn’t equate to love. It’s more to do with pleasure for me personally.

You can love someone without having sex with them. Love doesn’t always involve sex

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Superannuatedpunk · 2022-02-23T05:14:44+00:00

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JacobMugatu666 · 2022-02-23T07:00:27+00:00

I think the more correct answer is can people separate infatuation/pair-bonding and love.

g0juice · 2022-02-23T12:30:44+00:00

Absolutely. You just need the right mind set. My best friends sister and I would hook up sometimes then just hang the others. Too easy.

chromie96 · 2022-02-23T12:39:29+00:00

Sex has the value that you place in it. In my experience i have been able to separate the two but i know others who can't. You need to have the awareness to understand what sex is to you.

wtknight · 2022-02-23T13:16:45+00:00

I really think that it depends upon the person. I think being sexually intimate and that close to someone whom I barely know is disturbing. Other men don’t have a problem with it. Some women love casual sex. Others want nothing to do with it. I don’t think that this is a gendered thing at all.

trolltaskforce · 2022-02-23T13:51:45+00:00

I wish I could.

Visible-Doughnut-782 · 2022-02-23T15:01:39+00:00

Some can. Some can’t. As a general rule of thumb though it is undeniable that men are more capable of separating sex from emotion than woman are.

To be clear I am not saying all men can do this and I not saying all woman can’t. Female prostitutes and porn stars are clearly not catching feels for their clients and co-stars.

Unlike men most woman that sleep around though are not just doing it because of the sexual act alone. Of course they want to have sex because it’s pleasurable to do so with somebody they find physically attractive but typically there is another component at play beyond just “ you’re hot let’s fuck”. I’m of course not saying this component has to be some deep spiritual connection-as obviously things would develop beyond a one night stand if this was the case- but there needs to at least be the illusion that something beyond base physical attraction is occurring. This is why most one night stands/Tinder Hook-Ups still operate on the pretence of “dating”. Even if a woman sleeps with a guy on the same day of meeting it will invariably follow drinks or a meal or some kind of none sexual activity. It’s very very rare that even the most promiscuous of woman will simply turn up at a guys place to get down to business immediately. Conversely if an attractive Woman approached a random guy on the street and said “ I think you’re really hot do you want to fuck me” most men wouldn’t hesitate beyond thinking she’s probably crazy.

The reason men can generally separate sex from emotion in a way most woman can’t is of course explained by evolution. In purely biological terms the cost of pregnancy is significantly higher for a mother than it is the father. As such Woman are programmed to seek out mates that will remain bonded to them beyond just the act of sex. I.E men that will stick around to “protect and provide”. Sex and “emotion” therefore are inextricably linked for Woman in a way it hasn’t had to be( evolutionary speaking) for men. The result of a guy banging 100 different woman in 100 days could be the propagation of his DNA 100 times over. A woman does the exact same thing with a 100 different guys over the same time period and it will still only result in her creating life once.

Lameador · 2022-02-23T15:37:13+00:00

Most men can definitely have sex without love, but not love without sex.

I will not pretend to have an exhaustive knowledge of women to assert a description of their psychological keys.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-02-23T16:04:55+00:00

I can separate them when the sex is bad.

lostwanderer28 · 2022-02-23T17:00:08+00:00

No we can't. Sex is the most intimate moment between consenting adults. It should actually only happen between two people who love each other and want to spend their lives together.

ManGoneNoWay · 2022-02-23T17:10:17+00:00

Some people can separate the two and some can’t. It can also change over time or change depending on the partner.

midwesternMD · 2022-02-23T17:30:46+00:00

Like most things in life, there’s variability.

I know I can separate love from sex. My threshold for having sex is whether I’m physically attracted to her. Admittedly, when I regularly have sex with someone (and generally get to know her better), love/feels tend to develop. But I’ve been casually seeing a woman for several months for whom I don’t ever see myself developing feelings. She’s got too many relationship dealbreakers for me to develop feelings. But we find each other attractive, the sex is great, and it’s what we’re both wanting in our lives at this point.

Agreeable-Fruit-5112 · 2022-02-23T18:09:26+00:00

I certainly can't. I guess that's why I've had very little sex in my life. I just can't understand men who have endless anonymous hookups, and I especially can't understand how any man could pay an escort. How is emotionless, mechanical sex with someone who finds you disgusting in any way fulfilling or enjoyable? The whole experience is a lie. How hollow and sad. To me, that's like being a super wealthy individual surrounded by phonies and ass-kissers pretending to be your friend.

I can't even physically have sex without feeling emotional connection--there's nothing to turn me on if I know the other person doesn't actually like me. For me, there is no possibility of dissociating sex and the emotional connection of love.

2022-02-23T20:57:57+00:00

Love? I can’t think about love until I get to sex and even then that may be asking a lot. Baby steps.

SuspiciousRule · 2022-02-23T21:22:25+00:00

Sex workers it all business.

silveryspoons · 2022-02-24T03:13:11+00:00

A lot of people have sex without love. Sex will always affect your mental health and emotions. It doesn't mean you're going to start falling in love with who you have sex with. It means you're becoming mentally ill and unstable and ruining your future.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-02-24T05:58:17+00:00

It depends on the individual and mostly the culture

In USA it's pretty religious, and women have to attain a higher standard of purity.

So it gets entangled

Where I live were not religious at all so both women and men have a tendency to seperate them

No_Regular1586 · 2022-02-24T20:30:09+00:00

I can't separate sex from emotions even if I don't particularly like the girl. Guys are just better at pushing shit down because society teaches them how to from a very young age.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-02-24T23:27:16+00:00

Me personally? Yes.

Complete-Temporary-6 · 2022-02-25T18:16:53+00:00

Love doesn't exist, so sure

Title	Can men and women truly separate love and sex or are we both lying to ourselves?
Author	OneAngryBlutbad
Upvotes	10
Comments	119
Date	February 23, 2022 5:01 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sz8x0c/can_men_and_women_truly_separate_love_and_sex_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-men-and-women-truly-separate-love-and-sex-or.1103397 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103397

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