After 7 years and a 2 year old, wife wants divorce.

Environmental-Tap128 · 2022-09-02T09:43:07+00:00

We’re here for you bud. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. 3 months ago this was brand new to me. My wife of 8 years leaving me. What’s wrong with the world? I have been asking myself that everyday. I don’t understand either. I thought I was an amazing husband. You are a good person, it’s her. She has most likely spent many hours on instagram and TikTok. There are thousands of relationship coaches that try to get people to split. You are not garbage. My wife is treating me that way too. It’s just that they have to convince themselves that you’re the worst to go through with divorce. They have to lie to themselves and their friends and family. I know everyone says, “it gets easier”. When they were telling me that in the beginning it would just make me feel worse. But 3 months later, I do. I really do feel better. We are in the middle of it, but I can’t wait until it’s over and I get to focus all my energy on me and what I love, instead of spending it on a person that was only pretending to love me for so very long. She doesn’t deserve you. Stay strong my friend. For your self. For your son. Keep your head up and grit your teeth. You got this.

henrycatalina · 2022-09-02T10:16:25+00:00

Classic...her friend is her enemy and wants her to join her club. I've known women who later said their friends divorced so they did also. The divorced friends encourage recognition of all the men's defects.

You are not allowing her to fulfill her duties by assuming too many chores. Just my opinion. You might be too nice.

Your wife may get a rude awakening after divorce.

I don't get the whole phone privacy issue. She exhibited terrible irresponsible behavior and threats divorce. I think this effectively gives you a warrant to search.

2022-09-02T07:45:47+00:00

You’re not lost. You’re not broken. You’re going through something unexpected and something you can’t control. We have all been there before and there’s going to be more like you. Be a good father, a good citizen, and yourself.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-09-02T13:53:01+00:00

Welcome to the club. You know what you did wrong? You gave her everything. Just like most of us on here. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but the more you give them, the more bored they get. They crave drama.

If you browse this sub, you will see 90% of the stories are just like yours. Good, hard working men being handed down divorce from their wives.

My best advice to you, after fighting in court for 3 years and losing hundreds of thousands is this:

The sooner you leave, the sooner you accept that it is permanently over (she will try and get back with you once she realizes you're leaving, but this will be temporary), the better off you will be in the long-run. I know it sounds cliche, but this is the one paragraph you need to tattoo on your arm to remember.

Do not try to change her mind. The more you do, the more she will despise you.

Any attempt to keep your family with this woman will be temporary.

Good luck!

AffectionateAd6060 · 2022-09-02T11:37:06+00:00

"you can do it girl"

Some women buckle down and focus on the family over friends and others double down on their social life but I've found her friends are never your friends and will do everything they can as soon as a crack in the marriage is revealed to destroy your beautiful family.

Gattsama · 2022-09-02T10:11:14+00:00

Sorry you are going through this man. Every situation is different. I filed in Feb and we have no kids. So should be really straightforward, but the STBX refuses to move on selling the house (so we missed the peak of the market) and keeps pushing mediation off (now Nov 8th, but have a court date for Jan 3rd??).

Understand that she didn't come to this conclusion after one drunken night. She has been thinking about AND planning this for months, maybe years. Women do not end a relationship until they either have a soft place to land or a plan on what happens next, that's just their nature.

Also understand that the women you will divorce is NOT the same women you married! Do not fall on the sword or try to take care of her. Follow the law: split all assets & debts 50/50, joint custody and joint time/visitation, child support per the law in your state and as little spousal support as possible.

I sent you a DM

No_Analyst_9131 · 2022-09-02T14:02:01+00:00

Go lawyer up, like yesterday. Get over feeling bad for yourself, and file before she does. Make sure you are the one to get the house, and more importantly, your child. You absolutely DO NOT want to be the one on the back foot when it comes to divorce. I literally filed one day before my ex did, and ended up with each of us walking away with what was ours and nothing more (or less). (She got our dog, but that is something I can easily replace)

Make sure you documented the fact she came home plastered, and absolutely throw it in her face if she tries getting custody. Family court treats us men like scum unless we have hard evidence that the woman is absolutely not fit to have custody. You have to get over any feelings of what you had, and get mean and aggressive, or you will find yourself sans child and living in a rat infested apartment while your SBXW runs around spending your money and neglecting your child.

On a side note, this Reddit thread makes me glad every day that I didn't have any children with my ex, divorce already is nasty enough sometimes, I wouldn't want to have to deal with that and the child support scam, I mean, system.

Barkaat · 2022-09-02T09:04:40+00:00

Because you’re wife is the one cheating on you. Why are you acting like a doormat? Have some self respect for yourself. It’s clear she’s cheating on you and is being encouraged by her scum and pathetic friend to get divorced to enjoy being single and fucking Every man they can see. Your wife is really stupid that she is throwing away her good married life on the advice of her so called friend who is miserable herself and is tricking your wife.

Man get divorced she’s 100 percent cheating on you. She’ll regret this decision of hers later on in her life. Get a lawyer asap and protect your assets. It’s unfortunate but it’s the reality sadly. Be there for your son as your wife has not only abandoned you but her son as well as her actions show she is very selfish woman who only cares about herself.

TheRealJamesWax · 2022-09-02T07:15:27+00:00

Wow.. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

The best advice I can offer is to focus on your health and stay positive.

You sound like you have a lot going for you with being a good Dad and provider.. just remember to give your son as much love and support as possible.

Lots of kids go through life with divorced parents, so don’t beat yourself up or think you failed him in any way. You didn’t.

You have so much to look forward to in watching your boy grow into a man.

Just hang in there and be good to yourself!

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-09-02T07:58:50+00:00

> After giving everything I have my wife is completely distant

When you put a woman on a pedestal, she can only look down on you like a fan. Such is female nature -- it's called hypergamy. Read The Rational Male to understand it.

WartimeDad · 2022-09-02T14:22:29+00:00

Hey man it’s going to be okay. You deserve so much better.

You can’t take her seriously at this point. Many women have a completely different social support thing going on when it comes to divorce. They celebrate drama and thrill toward it. She will immediately jump into sexy outfits and go out to be sexy and single. Is what it is.

I feel your pain. Had to part with a house and manage a nasty divorce with false abuse allegations and a custody battle. Here is what you need to do: 1. lawyer up. The issue is that once she talks to a lawyer (she probably is doing this now) she will start provoking you and trying to turn you into an awful, horrible man. She will tell anyone and everyone how you’re not fit as a father etc etc. You need l a lawyer. File first if possible. Record conversations. 2. lift heavy weights and cardio. Exhausted muscles send chemicals to brain that you need.
3. Hit record on your device and discuss how you want to handle custody and splitting up. The key is to get her on tape now saying she will do 50/50. You’ll be shocked how quickly you go from doing all the parenting to suddenly her accusing you of never changing a diaper lol. 4. be kind to yourself. This is a hard time.

In the end you truly don’t want to be with someone who cannot appreciate all the good you have to offer. She wouldn’t be happy with anyone. Her problems are deep inside her and do not have anything to do with you.

I’m here on the other side and I’m so happy I don’t have that miserable person around me anymore. It’s great. You can do this.

Specialist-Holiday61 · 2022-09-02T11:53:55+00:00

I’m sorry man…

I cant imagine how much it sucks. But it seems things were already tipped on the scale. Why are working your butt off and also cooking and cleaning? Does she stay home or does she work? You sound like you are doing everything to please her but expect nothing near as much in return. She won’t respect you because you are bending your ass backwards trying to please her. As if you ain’t shit. Best thing you can do is let her go man.

lsudo · 2022-09-02T12:57:46+00:00

Sorry to hear this brother. It can be tough but you have to remember that with time you’ll heal completely and can build an even better life than before. Sounds like she did you a favor. Woman, in my experience, are all bat shit crazy emotionally driven/controlled lunatics. You just need to focus on finding one that can reel it in. I was fortunate enough to have had a wife that I couldn’t rely on for a damn thing aside from causing constant anxiety and heart arrhythmia. The best thing that ever came out of that relationship (aside from my daughter) was the knowledge that I only need me in my life. Nobody else, ever. Good luck man. Godspeed

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-09-02T07:32:45+00:00

Brother, I am so sorry this is happening to you. But I might be able to explain a little bit of what happened.

I’ve done everything I was supposed to do.

I’m constantly taking care of my son, doing housework, cleaning, my wife doesn’t cook so I do that as well.

After giving everything I have my wife is completely distant

I have loved her and provided with all she needed.

I have been there for anything she ... needed.

Brother, as much as it doesn't make sense, because of everything you have done she now see's you as weak. And women find weak men disgusting.

It's probably too late for you to fix your marriage now, but I strongly suggest you read the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. It can help you to understand what happened.

It's going to be painful, but you will pull through the divorce, and on the other side you will be so much stronger. You can do this brother.

~ It’s better to be respected by women than liked by them.

georeddit2018 · 2022-09-02T12:21:42+00:00

I am sorry and feel your sadness. Unfortunately, the divorce and what she now want is out of your control. Since you have been a good husband and still its not enough. I dont see what more you can do. Have a conversation with her and let her talk about what the problem is.

Eagleseekr · 2022-09-02T14:45:38+00:00

I am convinced that COVID has destroyed many relationships with couples. I know many that are getting divorced due to the lockdowns which only heightened and highlighted the challenges in already difficult marriages.

Women, I believe have had a harder time dealing with it. I mentor and coach many couples and the majority of the women are the ones having challenges.

Expect the unexpected and if your spouse wants a divorce, don't look back and proceed. The anger, pain , shock and denial will subside and it's your chance to rebuild your life.

Humans are pack animals and not meant to be alone but some people just have gone nuts through this pandemic....

jabblack · 2022-09-02T15:00:00+00:00

Get a lawyer asap. She will go through with it eventually.

pk2at · 2022-09-02T15:28:51+00:00

Typical problem these days is men focus on being good and working hard to provide for family. Women on the other hand are getting constantly influenced by social media and friends to keep looking for something better or what could be wrong with their life.

jnuttsishere · 2022-09-02T15:49:08+00:00

It hurts brother. My wife told me a few weeks back that she wants a “trial” separation but balked when I told her I’m not moving out, she is. I have since “reconciled” with her in order to buy time so I can file first. Get a lawyer now. A good one. And whatever you do, DO NOT move out unless the police force you to or a separation agreement is in place. It will impact custody rights.

Also, read the book “the top 10 stupidest mistakes men make in a divorce.” It’s helped me go from not knowing what will happen to giving me a road map. You’ve got this.

samk002001 · 2022-09-02T22:01:46+00:00

So her friend is telling her to get a divorce and be happy! It’s like a blind leading a blind 🤣! Just leave her ass bro! She probably gonna get some money out of you, but she’s gonna regret later on the road for listening to her stupid friends advice! You have done too much and she’s still unhappy in life, move on man! Sorry dude, Marriage nowadays is a fucking joke!

occoptionplaya · 2022-09-03T02:03:44+00:00

Read: "No more Mr nice guy." Good luck man.

pharmd718 · 2022-09-02T17:23:46+00:00

You are lucky that your son is so young. A divorce will not change anything for him…as long as you are part of his life. Don’t try to figure out why your wife and women in general can easily throw away and break their families apart. Focus on yourself and your son. As hopeless as it may seem, I promise you that in a few years you will be at a very different place. You might be happier than you have ever been.

S4z3r4c · 2022-09-02T17:30:11+00:00

Shes done you a favour. You need to sort out your admin, file and focus on your hierarchy of needs. We've all been the "I did everything I was supposed to" husband and it stings it still isn't enough. You gotta move on without her mate. Let your loneliness be the fuel here. I'm lonely too. Its ok to be alone. We're not defined by people we're with. Your job is to do what I did, focus on the kid...do it for them. Be the dad that kid needs. Cry yourself to sleep if you have to but be the dad your kid needs. Then go lift some weights and some point the penny will drop and you'll be grateful for reality that you didn't spend any longer with your ex. She's not who you think she is...

Psychological-Net-62 · 2022-09-02T20:30:26+00:00

Feel your pain bro...

15 years married, 2 teenage kids... stbxw tells me about a month ago she is filing for divorce.

Why may you ask? Because I was emotionally distant during our marriage.

Yep, I was. I also was working as a Police Officer for 12 years on Graveyard Shift for 10-14 hours a night.

Just happened to coincide with her 40th birthday and the statement "I don't know how much time I have left..."

Yep. So now I'm having to reinvent myself being 15 years older (and wiser) but with double the responsibilities.

simjanes2k · 2022-09-02T21:25:33+00:00

I guess I need someone to feel sorry for me.

This is normal and valid. There's nothing wrong with it.

Men during separation rarely get even a few supporters to help them through their emotions, contrasted to women who generally get everyone she knows falling over themselves to help and tell her how great she is.

Bad news: This is gonna just straight up suck for a while, homie. You're gonna probably have some thoughts that you should DEFINITELY not tell anyone about. Find someone you can tell the PG rated stuff to, short term therapy during marriage turmoil is a specialty of thousands of professionals.

Good news: After it sucks for a while, you're going to remember that you used to put your mental energy into you, and you can do it again. You'll remember what choosing things for yourself feels like, and it will be amazing.

Right away though, you have to dig deep and get some Big Dog goddamned fight back into you. No more fix and repair healer, you need to prepare yourself for some scorched earth war that you can't believe is coming from someone you love. Get a lawyer with some teeth to handle it well.

No one regrets spending a lot on attorneys when a case is done.

Spiritual_Age_4992 · 2022-09-02T14:19:47+00:00

I managed to recover, built a house which just finished, got a new job, went back to studies to get back to what I love. I’m constantly taking care of my son, doing housework, cleaning, my wife doesn’t cook so I do that as well.

After giving everything I have my wife is completely distant, disgusted when I try to touch her, tells me she feels like an object.

It’s done, I get that... But what’s happening to the world? I have never been a bad person, I have loved her and provided with all she needed. I was always sexually active, despite opportunities I have never nor ever wanted to cheat, I’m a good looking guy, I have been there for anything she and our son needed. How can she do this? How can I be such a garbage for her now?

Well you see the problem right here.

I mean, I'm not suggesting doing anything drastic, but it's pretty unfair if she gets half the house.

Your house.

& imagine what you kid's life will be like.

Growing up without a mother/ father.

dadmacintosh · 2022-09-02T15:20:30+00:00

Chin up, bro. Her friend’s text gave you a glimpse into female nature. Unfortunately, women become the company they keep. If you can manage financially, make an exit. Keep taking care of yourself and the kids. Feeling lost is natural and almost proportional to how invested you have been in the marriage. It will wear off.

ethereumturk · 2022-09-02T16:57:39+00:00

Lay down on your bed and blindfold yourself. Imagine yourself sitting in front of yourself. Have a conversation until you feel better. Good luck!

LongEZE · 2022-09-02T17:07:36+00:00

I’ve got the exact same thing minus the kid. Trust me when I say, she’ll regret it one day when she realizes that she fucked up her life, but it won’t happen until you are the best version of yourself and found someone even better than her. Just hang in there, but move on.

It took me completely by surprise but ultimately I’m already out there finding people that I’ll be even happier with. Sometimes people make really bad decisions. The only difference is it’s someone you are close to. When it’s a stranger you can kinda shrug and say “I guess some people do dumb shit” but when it’s your wife it’s hard to not want answers or something that makes sense. Truth is, you may never get the answers you’re looking for, but that’s not what is important.

What’s important is you live your life for yourself now and work toward what you truly want out of life.

Antique_Pace_4207 · 2022-09-03T01:43:39+00:00

Sorry you’re here. Like you, I found myself in this group last July when my wife of 5 years filed, my some was 3 and daughter 1. She flipped a switch in her head and I was evil, controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive, all the buzz words. Like you, I felt I was doing everything right as a provider and even doing most things around the house and with the kids. She took 1/2 the assets I built and I get to pay her a crazy amount of CS for 50/50 time and custody

That-Potential-5684 · 2022-09-06T12:59:12+00:00

I’ve done everything I was supposed to do.

I’m constantly taking care of my son, doing housework, cleaning, my wife doesn’t cook so I do that as well.

After giving everything

I bring her flowers, and give her space for her job and time for her friends.

I have never been a bad person,

I have been there for anything

What if I told you she wants to divorce you not in spite of these mentioned things but because of them? You display low value servant-provider aka nice guy aka beta behaviour. Put yourself first. Be that bad guy girls dream about. Take the red pill. Give it a try, do exact opposite of these things for a while, see what happens.

Rough-Area4765 · 2022-09-02T11:38:53+00:00

Lookup coach Greg Adam’s on YouTube and start binge watching. Learn about the marriage wheel.

She was never yours, it was just your turn.

Man up, move on and don’t get emotional.

James1933-75 · 2022-09-02T12:53:07+00:00

Does she have a diagnosed mental illness?

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-09-02T13:07:05+00:00

Updateme!

the-don-carlo · 2022-09-02T18:54:50+00:00

Best she will change her tune when you serve her and offer her bare minimum. Serve her before she serves you .. and so not leave your house. It’s yours.
Be careful and always have your phone/cam recording. Good luck … you’ll be fine

hikeruntravellive · 2022-09-02T18:56:02+00:00

Same story here! I cleaned and took care of the kids as well. Wife’s friends are all divorced and added fuel to the fire. Read the hell out of this forum and lean on us for support. We’re here for you.

Woody151 · 2022-09-02T21:39:17+00:00

Shit man. I don’t have much to say other than I feel you. I’m in almost the EXACT same position except we have 2 kids under 3 and when she showed up at 3am drunk the police were behind her handing out a DUI… don’t give up brother. Get a therapist if you don’t already and reach out to your supports, you and your toddler are priority!

Gonzo458 · 2022-09-02T22:24:15+00:00

Takes courage to ask for help even if it’s just strangers on Reddit. Pity party away. We’ve all been there. Just wanted to say that you’re not alone. If it gets really heavy you can shoot me a message anytime. Keep on keeping on brother.

Fantastic_Ad_6124 · 2022-09-02T23:51:08+00:00

Sorry man. As others have said.. get an attorney, cover your ass from and false domestic violence charges, get a strategy on an exit plan. Probably pretty hard to take the emotions out of it but for the sake of your son and your future you need to be all business regarding this situation.

Additional_Way1346 · 2022-09-04T03:43:57+00:00

Document everything. Screenshot messages from her phone. Install cameras inside and out. If any messages to clean you out of $$$ then file for divorce as fraud. Document is everything including any photos she comes home wasted. Any mess that she doesn't clean when you come home. Documentation & photos are everything. Being wasted is being found to be an unfit parent. All the time you spend with your son. Be ready and maybe be better for you to pounce. Speak to lawyer regardless just in case. Her friend wants to have a divorce twin. Encouraging this behavior is evil on her part. Maybe she will look back & see this friend was never a real one. By then it's too late. I hope she will come to see what she does have & many who wish to have what you provided. Sorry it's happening to you.

2022-09-04T03:58:55+00:00

We hear you, man. Most of us have been there and know how it feels. Stay strong

DaikonSubstantial120 · 2022-09-06T07:17:43+00:00

You seemed to have put her on a pedestal and as a result she lost respect for you.

By you doing everything and not allowing her to stand up in the marriage you enabled her to treat you poorly.

Remember for the future, that the woman is an equal in a marriage, not something for you to fawn over and save. That simply breeds disrespect. They are not weaker but as strong as you.

You are not a bad person at all, but stop being a night in shinning armour but an equal partner .

After 7 years and a 2 year old, wife wants divorce.

Comments

DivorceTok

Title	After 7 years and a 2 year old, wife wants divorce.
Author	Worried-Crew-5610
Upvotes	72
Comments	59
Date	September 2, 2022 6:55 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/x3uq59/after_7_years_and_a_2_year_old_wife_wants_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/after-7-years-and-a-2-year-old-wife-wants-divorce.1130396 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130396