Do women feel that they are competing for a man’s attention the same way guys have to?

chalkandapples · 2022-09-28T18:43:41+00:00

I feel like I'm in general competition with other women, so I try to be the best I can within the limits of my abilities and comfort.

But I never felt specific competition with other women. I usually would never try to compete for a specific guy if another girl shows interest.

2022-09-28T18:57:42+00:00

I think most women have know since at least adolescence that they are romantically in competition with other women, especially when it comes to appearance. Do I actually spend time worrying about it? No not really.

2022-09-28T19:32:41+00:00

Personally I don’t treat it that way but I know way too many young women who do. It’s not worth it to me. If I have to compete for a guy it just means he just isn’t all that interested in me. I’m not wasting my time on that.

hungrychick404 · 2022-09-28T18:42:07+00:00

Yeah. A lot of us are even feeling this competition every day with Instagram models and porn stars for example. They see their boyfriends as more interested in looking at other women than at them and it can make people feel insecure. Some women also like men more when they have a girlfriend or wife, because it makes insecure women feel superior to the girlfriend or wife if they can get with her partner.

Freevoulous · 2022-09-28T19:04:45+00:00

In most cases, guys do not compete actually. Either the woman actually found a guy she definitely wants, and thus competition is mostly pointless (because he won), or she haven't and there is no competition really (just hopeless lame-ass orbiters that you brush aside).

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-09-28T18:44:26+00:00

I have never looked at dating as a competition. If a man does not see me as their #1 choice I don’t bother with them. No one should compete for the attention of someone of the opposite sex. If you see the person your interested in entertaining other prospects make the decision easy for them and just walk away.

NOTSM · 2022-09-28T18:56:44+00:00

They absolutely do.

Even if they don't have to, I had women that clearly felt the need to "complete" against imagined hoes that didn't actually exist.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-28T19:30:48+00:00

I don't really think of it as competition from other women. If I thought I was being made to compete with someone else for his interest, I would just let her have him. I don't want to be with someone who needs two girls fighting over him to validate himself.

Having said yet, sure there are always girls who are prettier, thinner, more stylishly dressed, more accomplished, etc. And of course that can cause insecurities. You can't prevent your partner from noticing other women, but you can take care of yourself, treat him as well as you can, and give unprompted BJs.

MR_Shigitoshi · 2022-09-28T21:55:19+00:00

Leftover women definitely have to compete

h1shman · 2022-09-28T18:44:19+00:00

I’ve made women compete when I was spinning plates. This is almost unavoidable if you go to campus bars. The circles are small enough that the girls will run into eachother when you’re out with one. Usually the one you’re with will be all over you the rest of the night and the other one will text you that night (rare) or the next day to hang out

Women are competitive too, but only for a minority of guys. I do think this subset of women is more the minority and just the “party” scene girls. Most women won’t put up with being a plate or competing for your attention, unless you make them fall in love first. Which you shouldn’t for various reasons.

ruboyuri · 2022-09-28T19:47:05+00:00

Hot people are prizes, not normal people

insultin_crayon · 2022-09-28T20:28:51+00:00

Lol male attention is as cheap as putting a coin in the shopping cart at Aldi.

2022-09-28T20:11:07+00:00

I guess in a way, but I’ve always tried to extricate myself from anything that felt like a competition. As in, if I find out a guy I’m interested in has other women pursuing him, I pull back and bail on it unless I have clear signs I’m the only one he’s interested in back.

Mostly, after a couple of early occasions, I learned I don’t care for what that feeling of “competing” or comparing myself to other women he might know does to my psychology. It doesn’t do anything good for my self-esteem or anxiety levels, at all. (This is the same reason I have a rule not to seek out any information about exes’ new partners until I’m totally healed.)

And I just figure, at the end of the day, if I’m the right person for someone then I am, and if I’m not I’m not. I could drive myself crazy looking at the “competition” and wondering if and how they’re better than me, but it doesn’t actually change anything. I am who and what I am and try to be the best at that I can be, everything else is out of my control and thus not something I should devote any emotional energy to.

Harvest895 · 2022-09-28T21:37:55+00:00

Completing? Nah y’all gotta stop that shit. Ain’t no woman worth competing for and same goes for women about men. That old school shit where the guy has to impress the girl gotta stop. Dudes really need to embrace the more fish in the sea method.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-09-28T21:40:19+00:00

Yes, women are always competing against other women too. Now personally I tend to see this as competing in a general sense, as in “what will it take for a man to choose to pursue me over someone else?” Just because most men don’t have a bunch of women actively pursuing them, doesn’t mean they don’t still choose which women to pursue. Men are the initial choosers. I wouldn’t want to compete directly for a man who already has a girlfriend or anything like that, though.

mrcs84usn · 2022-09-28T18:45:32+00:00

Women may fight harder to -keep- a man they actually like, especially if they’ve been through a string of duds. As far as getting a man’s attention, they are generally taking a passive role so there really isn’t much competition.

The only time I’ve seen women really compete is if he has some serious status, like being the captain of the school football team or lead singer of a local band.

ChadChasingB · 2022-09-28T18:57:29+00:00

Only if they're extremely insecure.

BaiKingu · 2022-09-28T21:10:07+00:00

Yes, constantly.

Infact I would wager to say sometimes women can be more combative when trying to fight for a mans attention, women are just more subtle about it. They will try and sabotage other women socially while bolstering themselves.

When I transitioned and started to become more and more attractive in a feminine way, men who are primarily into females started to notice me, and my female friends who knew me as a gay boy, a significant number of them started to really resent to sudden competition they felt was coming from me, someone they saw as ''safe'' before, because as a gay boy I never fished in the same pool as they do.

I lost several friends to drama surrounding men, my closest female friend of 12 years even admitted she felt slighted by me always being so done up and trying to steal attention away from her, even though I simply enjoyed expressing myself in transition and looking attractive, not necessarily to ''steal'' certain guys she was into, though that did accidently happen, and we had a break down of our friendship because of it.

Atleast when men compete it's more obvious about, which to me, seems less stressful. Women amongst each other can create elaborate, scheming, back stabbing shit shows if the right men are involved. Just being honest.

Plopolok · 2022-09-28T19:14:59+00:00

They don't directly compete as much, but they often still approach dating as a competitive exercise in which they have to prove their value by seducing the most desired men. It's a component of preselection: the FSM status that comes with being a man's girlfriend is part of what makes him attractive.

2022-09-28T20:32:49+00:00

I don't/won't. If he's not reciprocating I'm out. There's plenty of others who will. Though, I've never had anyone not reciprocate what I was looking for.

If for some reason that happened I'd probably just all drop contact with them because there's no real point knowing them, then, unless maybe they have other social connections I could utilize. Having to seriously compete for a guy is "red flag" to me. If he's got a bunch of less attractive (physically or in personality) around him then it doesn't matter, but I'm not about to gun for someone who I'm going to have to exert myself to keep. It doesn't have to be that way, so why would I? There's plenty of great and attractive men who have few or no one going after them! They're way better options imo.

But generally, no, I don't feel like I'm ever competing with anyone.

mcove97 · 2022-09-28T22:59:14+00:00

Nah. Either they're into me or they're not. If they are, I don't have to compete for them and it they're not I don't have to compete for them either because they're not interested.

I'm also into the weird and eccentric dudes that other women aren't into, so there isn't really much to compete with. I usually get the guys that I'm into cause I shoot for guys I vibe with who's on my level. I don't go after guys who's out of my league so yeah there's that.

HobbitShaker88 · 2022-09-29T03:29:02+00:00

"Dating for men is competition, you are always trying to outdo the guy that is also interested in her to keep her yours"

LOL speak for yourself. I dated a ton in my 20s and never dated multiple men at the same time. Not my thing and never had the mental bandwidth for it anyway.

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delight-n-angers · 2022-09-28T22:30:03+00:00

I've been married a while now, but when I was dating before (and during, we're polyamorous) I mostly dated non-monogamous guys. So not only did I know that they had other potentials, but in most cases they had other established partners too.

I don't view it as competition though. Comparison is the thief of joy and ENM is all about consciously choosing the people you're with everytime you're with them.

rurunoa · 2022-09-28T22:59:22+00:00

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-09-28T23:24:51+00:00

It's not so much I feel women are my competition, it's just that I recognize I am not psychic and cannot know what someone is looking for or if I'm their type. So I attempt to be the best version of myself and the most honest version of myself so I am (hopefully) attracting people who like me for me.

That being said, I am not looking for serious relationships and not on dating apps currently so it really depends.

cromulent_weasel · 2022-09-28T23:29:33+00:00

Dating for men is competition, you are always trying to outdo the guy that is also interested in her to keep her yours. This is a simple fact.

It's not a fact for me. The second a women hinted that this was the situation, I would walk away from that relationship.

Women’s dating strategy is a little different given that most men do not have an abundance of attention from ladies as women do men.

Dating is like a job interview, in the sense that it's a sales job. You are selling the other person on the idea of a relationship with you, while they are doing the same thing. There doesn't need to be another customer in order for a sale pitch to be successful. All that matters is that both people want to make the sale.

coolcpplearner · 2022-09-28T23:44:46+00:00

If a woman takes you for granted, it means she is settling for you. This is why only a minority of guys make women feel what you're saying. If you're not in that minority, you are replaceable.

briiiana1122 · 2022-09-28T23:58:58+00:00

No. I’ve always only dated men who wanted to date me. If I felt like I had to compete I’d not bother. Games are tedious.

sublimemongrel · 2022-09-29T01:09:58+00:00

I never have, no, when I was single I did not really notice other women and was not interested in going after a guy who was taken or who was either clearly into some other woman or who had a woman I knew who was clearly into him

mandoa_sky · 2022-09-29T06:02:07+00:00

depends - if a guy makes it clear to me he can't decide between me and another lady, i use it as my sign to back off.i like drama in my media, not real life.

womandatory · 2022-09-29T11:24:53+00:00

Nope. I just aim to be the best version of myself I can be, with the resources I have available, on any given day. I don’t have to be more than someone else, I am enough. If a guy wants to play the field, I will cut him loose. If he’s always looking, he can keep looking. I don’t do second chances or do-overs. I used to have a three-strike rule, but now it’s just one. I don’t have time to train a man to behave.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-09-29T17:41:44+00:00

women do the exact same thing lmao

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2022-09-30T19:44:32+00:00

I personally have never felt myself to be "in competition" with other women because I find the whole song and dance distasteful. If another woman needs to feel somehow above me to feel better about herself, that's reflective of an issue with her self esteem, and nothing to do with me.

As for dating, I also refuse to entertain it. I do what I do to make myself happy, healthy and successful. If someone holds themselves to the same standards I do, it's a good indicator of compatability, but I'm not going to make myself into something I'm not to appeal to someone.

Title	Do women feel that they are competing for a man’s attention the same way guys have to?
Author	scrapedthrough
Upvotes	22
Comments	119
Date	September 28, 2022 6:28 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xqkdoh/do_women_feel_that_they_are_competing_for_a_mans/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-feel-that-they-are-competing-for-a-mans.1133559 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133559

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