Why is generalization treated as a bad thing, when it's the most efficient way to approach the problem of dating?

bluestjuice · 2022-10-29T02:15:22+00:00

I have no problem with generalizations as such. I find it irritating when they’re presented as absolutes, and when they are used to justify conclusions in an overblown way. In particular it rubs me the wrong way when a person takes an example of a generalization (say, ‘women prefer taller dudes’) as a reason to justify their belief that success is impossible for them (ie: ‘I’m short, so I will never be loved by any woman.’)

StarWarsBoi51 · 2022-10-29T00:26:44+00:00

People don’t like generalization because it erases the idea that their unique in some way. While everyone has some unique qualities here and there but on a deep level biological and psychological level, everyone is more alike than they think they are.

wtknight · 2022-10-29T13:59:05+00:00

Generalization is not a bad thing when it comes to getting casual sex, because in cases like this men are going to try to appeal to the "average" woman, and in this case they want to make a generalization that will enable them to be able to attract the high number of average women that are out there and be able to have sex with them. In this case, The Red Pill hypothetically works, provided that they are making the right generalizations about women and creating an actual heuristic that works. I don't think that they are, as I think that their heuristic is more likely to attract the most insecure women who are susceptible to Red Pill tactics and manipulation. So if Red Pill actually works, then I don't think that they are attracting "average" women, and they certainly aren't attracting women suitable for good relationships.

On the other hand, generalizations are bad for finding relationships, because one wants to find someone compatible with oneself. One shouldn't be generalizing the opposite sex negatively and should instead be out searching for the small number of compatible people out there who are the opposite sex. It doesn't matter if 95% of men or 95% of women are terrible people if 5% are attractive to you and potential partners. Generalizations end up just making people hateful and bitter, instead.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-10-29T00:51:36+00:00

Because it forces people to actually vary their behaviors instead of being lazy and predictable archetypes.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-10-29T02:29:43+00:00

Because everyone does this. I try to align half of the redpill’s view of the typical woman, her behaviors, love life, and friend group, onto my own and fail. I also fail to apply it to most (not all) of the preppie I know. So it’s hard not to then say “I know this is a generalization but how accurate is this generalization really?”

I do think that then men who flesh out some of these generalizations think they’re assessing all women when in fact they’re assessing a certain kind of woman.

Of the 2.3 million Americans incarcerated right now, less than 10% of them are women. That doesn’t mean I assume ever man I meet has been incarcerated, it means that if we’re talking about someone in prison they’re most likely to be a man.

And we’ve all seen this chart and can draw different generalizations from the same data: it’s easy to zoom in on the right end of the chart and say “most geniuses are men” and ignore the whole picture that says “women trend toward the average, sightly more than women.”

NationalistGoy · 2022-10-29T04:27:01+00:00

I have a theory and it involves women's lack of morals and their desire to absolve themselves from the repercutions of their actions.

Ever notice how nice guys are treated like trash while the toxic fuckboy gets treated like a king? Some women don't want to acknowledge they choose poorly. If they were to say "yep, I picked the toxic guy, he beat me every day and turned me into a single mom" then they wouldn't be able to claim all men are trash.

prizefighterstudent · 2022-10-29T04:09:01+00:00

Our culture pedestalizes individual "truths" opposed to any objective, shared "truth" as it did for centuries. Generalizations generally do not fit the narrative of those bone-headed enough to cling to exceptions, and they love to make a fuss about it.

People also weaponize generalizations according to their prerogatives -- nobody is ever happy. Take, for instance, the question of age gaps. There are groups of women who are adamant that gaps of 5 years or more, especially the younger the girl is, are inherently harmful and exploitative. Yet these same women are insistent that adult men and women are equally capable of making complex decisions and handling their personal agency -- they'll attach themselves to this maxim [generalization], while simultaneously claiming that older men exploit the younger, adult women. The incongruence is clear, and yet whenever other clear generalizations are made apparent [it's harder for men on the apps, women are unclear about their expectations, men like young, fertile women], they go AWOL, citing individual cases.

The same goes for both sides and I maintain -- nobody is ever happy.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-29T02:35:20+00:00

Generalization is a problem for many reasons, but particularly in dating because even though a lot of humans have similarities, every person is unique and every interaction you have with another person will be unique. If you approach individual people with behavioral strategy not only will you miss out on someone you desire because you are treating them like part of a hive mind instead of a person, but you are oversimplifying a human connection (whether casual or serious/romantic).

It also will make you look like a fool when you inevitably meet people who don't act as predictably as you'd like them too.

Relationships, sex, and romance are collaborative and creative enterprises with a human, not an inanimate puzzle to solve.

bunnakay · 2022-10-29T00:44:48+00:00

It tells me the person has no real standards of their own.
They'll still continue to complain about the people they're generalizing (usually the general statements they make are all negative), yet they wonder why they struggle.
They usually get pissy when they encounter someone who is an exception to whatever generalization they invented...even when it's an exception to a negative generalization.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-10-29T00:27:17+00:00

Bad and efficient are two entirely unrelated metrics.

Most women prefer tall handsome guys with some muscularity.

Most women prefer charming and confident guys who take charge.

Most women will at least get an urge to explore a better option if it presents itself.

Most women will respon negatively to certain behaviours.

Most women will have an epiphany stage and abandon a life of chasing what turns her on in favor of security and will TREAT the secure guy differently.

One of these things is not like the others...

WHY would men make it up?

That's a question for a psychoanalyst. In my amateur opinion, it Negaunee on some deeper level, you do want it to be true. Yes, it's bad news, but bad news you can easily comprehend and therefore use to contextually your own personal misfortunes as some impersonal and, hypothetically, useful to regain person power by gaming the system.

Vegetable-Rub3418 · 2022-10-29T01:15:11+00:00

Generalizations has its pros and it's cons obviously. The biggest con is that people don't like when you stereotype them into other groups. The biggest pro is when your generalization is usually on the money.

Kronbopulus · 2022-10-29T06:29:07+00:00

Shit like that is claimed on Reddit to put forth a holier than thou virtuous persona. As if people on Reddit were any different than the multitudes of every day folks out and about in our daily lives. I don’t really get why people put up at that front? Why not just be upfront about things? Even if they sound brutal or painful or make your gender “ look bad”. It’s not like it’s being concealed out in the real world anyway right? Gas lighting people to me is a thousand times worse than just being brutally honest

No_Reflection_798 · 2022-10-29T06:37:33+00:00

change your behaviour in an uncomfortable way

Like in the backseat of a Volkswagen? I digress.

Then we should play their game. From now on, the stereotypical woman here is attracted to short, fat, bald, sensitive, and emotional men, and we should start formatting all of our threads in that way.

beefncheesesocks · 2022-10-29T07:00:30+00:00

There is no “problem” of dating. It is reality. Accept it and move on.

Expensive-Bus2364 · 2022-10-29T08:25:18+00:00

Because when you look at the bigger picture, it's not especially flattering for women.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-10-29T00:53:01+00:00

For one, these generalizations are applied selectively.

Women 18-25 (obviously) make up a relatively small portion of the population. The number who are willing to date significantly older men is even smaller. From a pure numbers standpoint it would make sense to not exclusively pursue women 18-25, right?

Nope, then concern for numbers suddenly fly out the window as we decide they do not matter because whatever the small number is, it's "enough."

ClaraBow01 · 2022-10-29T03:50:47+00:00

You’re begging the question.

BigOleGreenTrees · 2022-10-29T02:15:15+00:00

When you wanna say men do x and women do y, you're going to realize that also some men do y and some women do x. Of course if you make a generalization the people who don't fit come screeching out of the woodwork. Also be aware, probably the biggest reason is most people come here and post solely to be contrarion. I frequently have my opinion changed but I still run into commenters who say "I'm not even gonna bother explaining why you're wrong because you clearly wouldn't ever change your mind" like?? Why am I here then? I have a ton of empathy and understanding for the red pill although ultimately these men see my takes and assume I'm full blue.

When it comes to groups like gender or race, it's been proven that there is more variation within groups than between groups. So you'll find that many generalizations can be simultaneously true and contradict each other because there's just lots of people doing different things. Different cultures, countries, and contexts do exist as much as people in the US are obsessed with their western perspective.

carlenvirgo · 2022-10-29T02:43:44+00:00

Because it’s nature. The red pill is in resentment of nature. Women are picky naturally because we are seeking the fittest to fertilize our eggs. We don’t want the red pill men because they are not fittest. They literally admit to not wanting monogamy. Right off the bat, that’s a turn off. We want monogamous relationships by nature because we need security for the infant. Red pills admit to using women.. again not the fittest. Innately we know that’s insecurity which doesn’t protect young, therefore not first choice. Red pill chooses to disrespect women.. again, we’d have no need to pick that. We like emotionally stable men because they are devoted. We pick that over looks at times. Looks don’t necessarily mean good father material. That’s always what our natural instinct is telling us to do.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-10-29T03:52:15+00:00

Generalities only really work... generally.

When it comes to specific, individual interactions, generalizations are called "prejudice". And prejudice is bad, m'kay.

_demidevil_ · 2022-10-29T09:45:10+00:00

“Why would men make it all up?” To protect their egos and avoid taking responsibility.
These generalisations are massively exaggerated by RP’ers. You know confirmation bias? It’s where you think something is true and are only able to acknowledge perceived confirmation of this truth. Meanwhile not noticing or acknowledging evidence to the contrary. This is causing RP’ers to misinterpret Women’s behaviour, and miss opportunities.
There are degrees of majority and minority, if 51% of women like tall men, then you are ignoring and missing out on the other 49% because you’ve written them off and assumed they won’t like you. You are just severely limiting your options.
I think another reason is just that we know that what you’re so sure of simply isn’t the case. We have experience to the contrary.
Because of your cognitive bias you are not noticing or acknowledging the short men with girlfriends, or the woman who isn’t interested in money.
I think the most glaringly sad thing I’ve seen whilst on this sub is how much being a RP’er prevents you from having luck romantically. These beliefs about the world hold you back so much because you can’t see or acknowledge the opportunities around you.

Ok-Cupcake-2854 · 2022-10-29T02:01:44+00:00

because people here are low IQ and have no better arguments

abaxeron · 2022-10-29T12:06:46+00:00

Why is generalization treated as a bad thing

Women believe that if men are allowed to generalize, they will enslave and abuse women,

Women also believe that if they are not allowed to generalize men, they will get enslaved and abused.

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KikiYuyu · 2022-10-29T06:46:07+00:00

Because efficiency isn't the pathway to treating people decently.

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-10-29T09:04:11+00:00

Because nobody choose based on average correlations - at least nobody that isn't that weird data science girl that used algo's to pick tinder dates.

For example - did you know that most women that get divorced identify as religious and conservative women?

What does that mean? Go for progressive women? Just because they are less likely to get married? And therefor divorced? Or go for a marriage with a conservative religious woman and navigate that relationships to the best of your ability to not be the divorced one?

Another one: Tattoo chicks are crazy, crazy chicks have great sex and great sex leads to happier and longer lasting relationships - but you should avoid tattooed chicks right? When in actuality tattoos are just a shit test meant to scare off chumps and apart from some crazy ones that perform in sex clubs most tattoo chicks are more grounded that the blonde Barbie and have had significantly fewer dicks in them than the Barbie that navigates social status one dick at the time. So it's a classic case of inverse causality - all sex club fans will be tattooed - not all tattooed girls will have 20+ dick nights.

Another one: the inverse causality of the bitch shield of rocker chicks. While most women will choose the middle America Barbie look - because it's the look that appeals to most men and garners the most positive feedback - all attention whores will also gravitate towards the same look for the same reason. SO not all barbies are attention whores, but odds are all attention whores will use the Barbie look until they graduate from all male attention is good, to I need to stand out and get the biker and con's attention.

toasterchild · 2022-10-29T14:12:18+00:00

Unless you are tall and attractive trying to appeal to most women isn't likely to work for you. Like marketing a new product the more targeted your appeal and approach can be the more success you are likely to have. And all the negative generalizations about women just make you look foolish because if you replace the word "women" with the word "people" all of those statements are still true. If you are following this redpill "truth" and it's working for you then totally congrats, we don't see much of that tho, it's just endless bitching.

Life_Level_6280 · 2022-10-29T15:48:48+00:00

The biggest problem with generalizations is that it typically dumbs down an argument.

Let’s say that on average a woman likes a tall man more than a short man. I believe this to be true.

This says however nothing about the 19283830 other factors that a woman takes into account in choosing a partner. Maybe it has some effect, the height of a man, but it could be mediated or interacted with with other characteristics or only apply in certain circumstances (eg only if height difference > X or even only important if confidence of male < Y treshold). Etc.

This also says nothing about the ‘variance’ of the distribution. Maybe the average attractiveness of a man is higher when he’s tall, but there could be a huge spread in opinions around that average - > i.e you need to know the distribution to make any claims that make sense.

Lets do thought experiment where on average woman like tall man more, but there’s a huge variance. That means that there are also tons of women (it could be as high as 50%, or higher) that like shorter man just as much, even though on average women like taller man more.

Generalizations make sense, and its something people should keep in mind. But people place too much weight onto it.

Statement: on average women find tall man 3x more attractive

‘Yo fuck woman for only liking tall man, I’m short!! Nothing will help me. Just look at this study that says women like tall man 3x more!’ - Wrong

‘Apparently on average women like tall man more. I am not tall so on average women will like me less than a tall man. That explains some past behaviour from women. There are still tons of women that like short man. Lets work on other aspects of myself and find a woman that doesn’t mind shorter man.’ - Correct

2022-10-29T17:35:41+00:00

It’s a horrible way to approach anything. Differences in people make the differences you observe.

Racism is based on generalizations.
Stereotypes are based on generalizations.
Sexism is based on generalizations.
Classism is based on generalizations.

Generalizing is the worst way to go about anything. It’s just what lazy people do when they can’t credit differences.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2022-10-29T18:29:35+00:00

It's not the most efficient, though. If you actually think about the kind of person you actually want and put your effort into attracting that type of person you'll have a much better time. You can be sorta attractive to a large group or incredibly attractive to a smaller one and in dating the latter situation is better.

Do you think QAnon believers want to live in a world run by pedophiles? Do you think Flat Earthers want to live in a world where governments conspire to hide the true shape of the earth for whatever reason? That doesn't make their beliefs any less bullshit. Conspiracy theories (like QAnon, Flat Earth, and yes, TRP) are appealing because they fill certain psychological needs, not because belief in them makes people happy. Most conspiracy theories make people pretty unhappy, actually.

CrackedAnus · 2022-10-29T22:02:01+00:00

Everybody operates with generalizations to help cut down on brainpower needed to navigate the world.

What does a chair look like? What does a table look like? You just generalized because you can’t imagine every configuration of a chair or a table.

Applying generalizations to people is no different. The issue is, there is exactly one socially acceptable group to make generalizations about in online culture: Straight white men.

Example. “I don’t want to rent a room to a man, they are dangerous”. Now say that same sentence in your head with racial modifier or a sexual orientation modifier. Completely unacceptable - I wonder if I will get banned just for posing the thought experiment.

This is why you can’t generalize on reddit. I’m not even going to post anymore about this, because again, ban happy mods and admins are more than happy to see you out the door for even eluding to any type of generalization about anyone that isn’t a straight white man.

OwOFemboyUwU · 2022-10-29T22:17:13+00:00

Because women have to take everything as some sort of normative claim even when it isn’t. So in their mind, saying group X generally has trait Y automatically entails “group X is good/bad”

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-10-30T02:34:54+00:00

It's not bad honey, but there are useful generalizations and useless ones.

neetykeeno · 2022-10-30T07:35:51+00:00

The thing is...most people are most people but most people also aren't most people?

Humans are complicated and the overwhelming majority of us average someones have many somethings about us that aren't average.

So we end up all the time with pissy little incels having a big fat precious precious princessly whine because they talked to a girl and she snubbed them and omg she's a 3 and he's a 6 and how very dare she must think she's at least a 7. The reality is you probably just remind her of her annoying highschool chemistry teacher, dude.

And that's why averaging and generalities do not "solve" the "dating problem"...I know because over and fucking over we have here whining from guys who are bringing their best generalisation game and still ending up totally lost, clueless and angry in situations where people who look at individuals as individuals can tell the generalising is fucked way to perceive what is probably going on.

HimNeutron · 2022-10-31T15:51:44+00:00

Best post I’ve seen in a while.

Title	Why is generalization treated as a bad thing, when it's the most efficient way to approach the problem of dating?
Author	Cjaylyle
Upvotes	53
Comments	124
Date	October 29, 2022 12:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yg4y9e/why_is_generalization_treated_as_a_bad_thing_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-generalization-treated-as-a-bad-thing-when.1137500 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137500

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