Q4a How sexually demanding are you in relationships?

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-03-07T20:05:02+00:00

I'm not sexually demanding. I'm happy with an enthusiastic 3 times a week (or every other day), and vanilla (oral plus some standard positions).

I'm not into performative sex (major cringe), and I think kinks and paraphilia are for broken people.

I don't need more, or crazy, or constantly trying new shit, just rut n' nut and get on with our day.

ETA: my husband is not very demanding, he got that out of his system when he was younger and had all the time to lay around fuck cause he was an unemployed college kid. He did some of his experimentation with me, other times it was with his stable of hoes before me.

God bless, he never felt like he had to make up for lost time and try to convince me to try tetra-anal.

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HuckleberryBig3420 · 2023-03-07T19:30:20+00:00

I’m pretty low maintenance when it comes to sex. I can go a long time without sleeping with my bf and be fine. But also go through periods where it’s multiple times a day.

I have a very reactive sex drive so it’s difficult to make me unhappy in that department. I avoid casual sex and won’t sleep with anyone unless we date for a period of ~2 months and I see strong potential in it turning into a relationship

baresquad · 2023-03-08T01:09:39+00:00

I feel like a good sex life isn’t so calculated. As long as the chemistry is always great, I’m good.

MajesticPenisMan · 2023-03-07T19:30:20+00:00

This is obviously super general and there’s a lot of nuisance in the situation but assuming everything is normal and healthy and we are just living our day to day I want sex at minimum 3 times a week. Consistently keeping it fresh and exciting is a must. I do not need a daily blowjob, nobody does. I get sucked basically every time we have sex though, just obviously not to completion.

I would not be in a once a month relationship or something, I just wouldn’t.

I have no expectations of casual sex, people you aren’t in a relationship with don’t owe you anything, but I would attempt to seek it out as often as I felt like it, maybe I’m misunderstanding this part.

deste_eloise · 2023-03-07T19:42:50+00:00

~4 times a week and must be into trying new things.

Every time I had casual sex it turned into LTR.. so can’t say if there would be any difference.

northernlights190 · 2023-03-07T19:43:45+00:00

It depends on the stage in the relationship, as it is certainly different at 10 years than 3 months.

Honestly, I try to go with the flow. With my current new relationship I’d love sex at least once or twice a day, but that’s just not possible with his extremely demanding schedule, so I’ll take it as often as I can see him. I’m definitely horny as hell in between times but it’s worth it.

I don’t need any particular acts. If I’m into a guy enough to want a relationship with him, then the sex is for sure fire no matter what — it just means we have insanely good sexual chemistry. So there is no sex act I must have or a quota of it, I’m quite happy just going with the vibe of that occasion and doing whatever comes naturally to us in that moment and making sure my partner is satisfied too.

I’m super open minded to try things but I guess I personally don’t need novelty to be fully satisfied.

I don’t have casual sex anymore because it always 100% of the time sucked.

nunchuckbitch27 · 2023-03-07T20:20:38+00:00

I’ve never had casual sex so I can’t compare.

I’m the more ‘demanding’ one in the relationship I have the higher sex drive. I would feel satisfied with 3-4 times a week but I don’t put pressure on him we go according to his schedule because the sex is better that way I would rather have quality over quantity so we do it around once or twice a week. He makes up for the lower libido with physical intimacy and he still flirts with me and makes me feel sexy and it builds up for a great time for when we do have sex. If I feel like I need to have an orgasm I will just take care of it myself if he isn’t in the mood. We don’t really try new things anymore because we have had a very adventurous sex life and at this point we both just know what we like and what works for us we still have spontaneous sex so even though we know each other it’s not boring or “scheduled”

prettypistolgg · 2023-03-08T00:29:54+00:00

So much about sexual desire and libido is individual to the person and what point in their life they are at.

I've been with my husband for 16 years, started dating in highschool and we would have sex multiple times a day back then, but we didn't live together so we took advantage of our alone time as teenagers often do.

Once we were in college/early 20's and had our own place it became a few times a week. As we got older and life got busier we would set aside one night a week to spend a lot of intimate time alone together.

Now that we are in our 30's and have a 1 year old we try to be intimate once a month, although for the first year of her life it was more like once every two months.

ETA: my husband used to be the more demanding one when we were younger but in recent years that's changed.

CimZim · 2023-03-08T00:42:13+00:00

Sex five times a week? three? once a week? Waking you up with oral sex? Regular anal? Constantly trying new things? etc

At a minimum I want to have sex 4x a month, but preferably more. Honestly any kind of sex is acceptable to me, but I do like trying new things every few months.

ALSO are your requirements different for sex in relationships and casual sex? If so, how exactly?

I don't have casual sex, so no.

ALSO who is more demanding one in your current (or last) relationship: you or your SO?

Me definitely. I'm the higher libido one and the one who initiates 95% of the time.

wtknight · 2023-03-07T19:27:47+00:00

Not really at all now. Maybe when I was in my 20s I was.

ALSO are your requirements different for sex in relationships and casual sex?

I don’t like casual sex.

NockerJoe · 2023-03-07T23:47:57+00:00

I've been the lower libido one before. Day over day the biggest sticking point isn't how much sex there is, but if the woman involved wants to have sex and is willing to work towards making it happen. I've dated women who weren't into me but wanted me as a prop for theirblives. I've dated women who were into me but had sexual trauma I was in no way equipped to deal with. I've dated women who wanted sex but were absolutley convinced it was the sole domain of me as a man to make it happen.

That shit is exhausting and doesn't constitute a good working relationship. In a good relationship both people actually want to he there and are visibly putting some effort into it, even if its not always 50/50.

Once you have a relationship where the other person acts like they actually like you and are excited at the idea of getting physical with you the entire concept of three month rules and shit tests needing to coach someone through their own thought process becomes ridiculous because you remember relationships are about being around people you like and have fun with rather than acting out a scene that ends in sex or trying to figure out a relationship by how much they deign to touch your wee wee.

rodeopete3281 · 2023-03-08T14:12:05+00:00

I wouldn't consider it demanding, but I do have expectations.

If it gets to the point that I have to wonder if it's going to be a yes or no when I initiate - I'll leave the relationship. If it becomes an easier endeavor to go get it somewhere else - I'll leave the relationship.

I won't be in a sexless relationship for any longer than it takes me to help them pack.

I've done that, and it's a miserable existence.

EulenWatcher · 2023-03-07T19:35:03+00:00

I’m content as long as I’m satisfied - so at least once a week and we both get to the peak(s). Variety is good, but I don’t have the need to constantly try new things, occasionally bringing up something new is more than enough. I’m not dead set on getting oral - I can get off without it, but it’s a good part of foreplay. I do like giving oral though. Not into anal, I don’t like how much time it takes to prepare and I think my husband is kind of…too big for that.

My main requirement here is that I need emotional connection and feel safe and wanted with my partner.

So I guess I’m not that demanding at all. My partner, from the other hand, is much more demanding, but mostly in terms of frequency.

saraimarsena · 2023-03-07T19:32:56+00:00

my preference is anywhere between 5-10x a week, but i understand lulls happen. i just want there to be communication and I don’t want a lull in sex to mean the end of all forms of physical affection.

my main rule is no allowing other people in the bedroom, ever. other than that i’m open to trying most things, and I like a man who is as well. toys, all that. Also he can’t be a sub.

i don’t have casual sex and i require a man respect my desire to wait for sex while i vet LTR compatibility

anonymous-platypus1 · 2023-03-07T22:15:29+00:00

Right now we have sex almost every night we are together, but there’s usually some intimacy in some form. Not always PIV. We are both kinky and the dynamic allows for some fun play that is satisfying while not necessarily requiring traditional intercourse.

I don’t enjoy causal sex so I don’t have. It took me six-ish months to get comfortable enough to have sex with my boyfriend. Prior I hadn’t had sex in almost three years. While I did crave the intimacy of sex, I didn’t really have an interest in sex. Now that I’m with someone I actually really care about, I love that time we get together and it’s so affirming.

My guy is very tactile and loves touch and intimacy. And he loves having hints of the dynamic in the day-to-day of our relationship. And I think that serves as a bit of foreplay for the both of us.

jah-roole · 2023-03-07T19:39:25+00:00

Enthusiasm is my #1 requirement, several times a week. Occasional threesome in any configuration

Birb-brained · 2023-03-07T19:56:09+00:00

3-7x a week I like to have sex. Luckily me and my partner are pretty much on the same page when it comes to wanting that kind of frequency.

Important though is the quality. 3-7 quickies aren’t going to do it for me. At least 3x a week we need a good proper session with oral, lots of foreplay. I do also enjoy quickies when you just need to be together immediately though. So long as there’s a mix and lots of what I call ‘build up moments’ throughout the day.

When I was single, I could go many many months with nothing. I’ve got zero interest in having sex with someone I don’t know so my sexual appetite is very much tied to the person that’s in my vicinity.

blueshinx · 2023-03-07T21:03:48+00:00

3-5 times a week is ideal. Although that depends on your definition of a session I guess

I hate quickies. I’d say I’m demanding in the sense that I’m only satisfied with long sessions. Lots of foreplay and making out.

My current partner is experimental and it’s fun to try some new stuff with him. He cares more about my pleasure tbh and wants me to be more demanding

Ehh … what kinda requirements are you talking of? I don’t think my opinion on this matters though since casual sex always evolved into LTR for me

ProfessorNaughty100 · 2023-03-07T21:09:32+00:00

Normal sexual frequency is a wide range for me: 1-5 times per 10 days, depending on other things, such as work stress, etc.

I think these questions are deeper and less simple than people realize, at least for me.

The things that cause the stress that stop me from having sex, say, every day, are also the things that bring me great joy which then leads to horniness and sex and romance.

In short, I don’t compartmentalize well, and I’m definitely someone who has to feel happy and good to be aroused (no angry, sad, stressed sex has never been good for me).

Variety: as long as we mix up use of location, position, and roughness-gentleness, I’m happy.

Casual sex: no different requirements in the act itself

Safinated · 2023-03-07T21:19:22+00:00

If you put in effort, I will be appreciative and willing. Usually

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-03-07T21:29:45+00:00

I would be satisfied with four or five times a day but we have to work and touch grass and get vitamin D that is from sunlight. It's just not practical. That said, if we're on vacation together it's much more feasible.

I've always been like this. I require respect of consent, chemistry and compatibility, as well as contraception/protection/testing before I'll have regular sex with someone but once we get to that point yes it's the same.

I am the more sexually desirous of we two, but he initiates often enough also.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-03-07T21:32:35+00:00

ideally i would like sex at least once a day. but i don’t live with my partner so that’s unrealistic, i do try to have it every day we’re together.

i am more often the one requesting or initiating sex.

Barely-moral · 2023-03-07T21:48:51+00:00

Dont get too caught up on 'demanding' word, what i mean is what it takes for you to be sexually satisfied in relationship and not getting it makes you feel unsatisfied or frustrated? Sex five times a week? three? once a week? Waking you up with oral sex? Regular anal? Constantly trying new things? etc

Two to three times a week. Around half of the instances initiated by me, half by my partner.

If anything I am more vainilla than anything. As long as enthusiasm is there of course.

I want my partner's best as defined by her past though. So everything in her past I want. If it is not in her past then I don't have any "demand" other than the stated above.

ALSO are your requirements different for sex in relationships and casual sex? If so, how exactly?

I don't do casual sex.

ALSO who is more demanding one in your current (or last) relationship: you or your SO?

Miss moral is more demanding than I am and I am the one that has to keep up. Nothing to complain about. If one asks for monogamy the one is taking the responsibility to satisfy their partner as their only source of sex and related activities.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-03-07T22:27:14+00:00

Are we living together? Kids?

I don’t have kids, but if we’re living together, not counting oral and etc, 3-4 times a day I’d be cool, although in the past I was happiest when it was everyday sometimes twice a day. The genuine desire that woman had for me g’damn that felt great

januaryphilosopher · 2023-03-07T22:42:46+00:00

Depends on what you mean by "satisfied". Having sex whenever I want is more times than practically possible. A couple of times a week is enough for me to feel okay with the amount. I'm okay so long as a couple of things I like are shared, but the more the better. I don't have casual sex so that's irrelevant. I have the higher sex drive usually.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-03-07T22:44:59+00:00

I'm generally high libido but low maintenance. I'd be happy to have sex 3 times a week, but it doesn't have to be sexual intercourse, Just sexual intimacy. I'm happy with actual sex one or twice a week so long as it's good sex.

Straight_Plenty6244 · 2023-03-07T22:58:55+00:00

I’ve never met a guy with a higher sex drive then me, but ultimately I prefer quality to quantity.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-03-07T23:09:11+00:00

When dating, once were sexually active I expect to fuck every time I see you.

Once in a living together situation, I’m ok with once a week, unless I’m ovulating then drop them drawers every day! ( but that’s really only like 3 days) so what? 7 times a months. I don’t think that’s too demanding

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-03-07T23:14:16+00:00

I like having it at least once a week unless shits going down.

I think I'm slightly more demanding but eh

I like trying new things, but I don't have much of a requirement other than that we both enjoy it and orgasm.

Ive only done casual once, but I assume I'd be even stricter in the orgasm department. Because in all my relationships at least the first few times I made sure I got mine before he got his. Once I've figured out that a man isn't a selfish lover I'm a lot more likely to let things just go with the flow. I refuse to date men who don't listen to what I want and get me off. I listen to you and help you get off. You listen to me. None of that "but my previous ex liked it this way " or "I've never had anyone complain about this" whatever. You're having sex with me. Not your ex. Not your other girl. Not porn.

pearllovespink · 2023-03-08T00:15:26+00:00

I have a super high sex drive. I want it every night. Most men I date can’t keep up. Well, they can but they’re usually tired from work. I’ll wake up early for morning sex if that happens.

Some-Web-1213 · 2023-03-08T00:34:05+00:00

Sex once or twice a week, everything on top I do for the guy. But I want some variety because I get bored fast of doing the same thing. I’d try anal, it just sounds like too much hustle and poop.

He is more demanding when it comes to quantity, I am the one who whines “can we try blah”. Standard gender roles.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-03-08T00:55:48+00:00

If you have to tell the person there's an issue my ex wasn't very proactive after she caught me cheating I told her twice a week and won't cheat ...

Fact is she wasn't really into the relationship the sex was lackluster duty sex it was better to pay someone who pretended to enjoy it and atleast got wet.

Eventually obviously we broke up.

FlyV89 · 2023-03-08T07:41:58+00:00

Oh I'm not "demanding" at all, but for God sake, show me some love you know?

We went on a dry spell with my ex fiancee (if you can call it dry spell, correct me if I'm wrong) in the last years of our relationship, when we did it like once or twice a month at best. That lasted for three years, no kidding.

Never cheated on her or anything, thou I could have. Several times.

What's my "I'm cool" zone? Three - four times a week.

Now I'm dating around, and I'm frecuenting a 21 years old girl (I'm 33) with whom I do it pretty much every day, sometimes three times a day. It's fantastic. I'm in an awesome mood, I feel like life just came back to my body you know.

But the best part is that she's so much into sex that only THAT gets me going.

Like waking up and the girl is giving you a blowjob. First time it happened I was like... Is this really happening? I need to wake up, this is definetly not happening.

She never runs out of time for a quicky for example. She's never "not in the mood", "dirty", "tired", "sick", "on her period" (she does have a period but like who cares right?).

What killed our sexual life with my ex was definetly not the frecuency, mind you.

It was just the realization that the month of an average person (I think) has 43.800 minutes, and she didn't have even 60 for me. Not even 30.

So at that point, you know... You start to think she doesn't like you that much.

Abs yeah, we got along fantastic, and she was my all and I'm sure she loved me. But girl... You are not attracted to me.

What about just being friends?

M3taBuster · 2023-03-08T08:10:13+00:00

Twice a week is the minimum I'd be satisfied with, but 3 or 4 would be ideal. Of course, this is excluding legitimate, temporary, extenuating circumstances like medical issues, which I'd obviously be willing to work around.

Chances are, I'll be most interested in regular PIV the vast majority of the time, but I still want oral and anal to be on the table. It's less about actually consistently doing them, and more about my partner being willing to do them with me.

I'm not interested in constantly trying new things though. There's a lot I definitely don't want to try. I'd like my partner to be willing to explore a few tamer kinks like cosplay, roleplay, and mild BDSM, but that's pretty much it.

This all only applies to relationships, because I don't do casual sex.

In my last (only) relationship (if you can even call it that), we were never sexually active, but did talk about it a bit, and from what I could gather it seemed I had a higher libidio than her, even though mine is below average for a guy.

KirthWGersen · 2023-03-08T12:04:16+00:00

I have sex every single time I meet up with my lovers. Not doing so is a sign to me that the relationship is on its way out...

My style of sex tends to be very intimate and unrushed; but I'll try anything when we are in a mood for that kind of fun.

Nowadays I have sex on two or three occasions a week; and a couple of times on each occasion if they stay the night.

Two or three times a week is necessary for me to feel normal and healthy. Otherwise I feel mentally distracted and physically like I have the flu.

I have been in one past relationship in which she wanted to have sex twice every time we met up and 4/5 times a day at the weekend. We had sex about 800 times in 2 years, which was pretty good going considering half the time I am not available because I am with my kids. I must admit it made me very well disposed towards her!

iamprosciutto · 2023-03-08T14:26:53+00:00

I'm very picky with my women and don't really do casual sex. I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, and only a couple of girls have gotten my attention betond surface-level attraction in that time. My partner and I have sex with oral nearly every day, and there is usually a little bit of kink involved. We both need kink. For the most part, everything we are interested in is on the menu, so to speak. If one of us wants to try something, we just have to bring it up. We have been experimenting with polygynous polyamory, but we have only gone on dates so far. If I were to be suddenly single, I would probably seek out kinky polyamorous women for future partners, and my partner says she would probably just date poly hetero couples.

I think sex should be an adventure. It should be fun. It should be exciting. It should be fulfilling. Anyone who doesn't share my opinion probably wouldn't be compatible with me in a relationship. I have a higher libido and need somebody is up for sex stuff at least every other day to be satisfied

anon-sucks · 2023-03-08T14:27:01+00:00

4-7 times a week, but I’m old now.

qunamax · 2023-03-08T17:19:38+00:00

Usually she wants it more often, I want it more kinky. If she's only or mostly vanilla I get bored quickly, especially if she demands it often, I'm not really interested in simply thrusting into her vagina (cmon we are not in highschool anymore, that sh*t wore off a decade or so ago). Relationship usually goes downhill from there. Sure sometimes they try to act kinky, but if it's not in their nature, it shows.

begayallday · 2023-03-08T18:09:05+00:00

It used to be once a month, but now it’s probably closer to four times a year. I’m also fine with giving but not receiving most of the time. My partner has a slightly higher drive than I do, and I’m happy to have sex more often to keep her happy.

Hysterical__Paroxysm · 2023-03-08T19:06:49+00:00

It's me. I'm the toxic one. I am allll overrrr my husband as much as I can be. I'm not a very cuddly person actually, but I'm definitely a whole slut when I'm with him. Obviously just for him, but I genuinely can't get enough.

just_a_place · 2023-03-08T19:44:19+00:00

When I used to be in relationships I liked being physical either hugging her, holding her hand is gently grabbing her neck.

We'd usually have sex almost every day at night, at least oral and cuddles.

In my last relationship, or in any of them, I don't think anyone was the more demanding one. It's always been a sort of nice and enjoyable thing we do to just forget about our problems and fuck. If I got horny I would then try to seduce her and make her horny as well. That's it. It worked most of the time but sometimes she may be busy, or tired, or sick and that is when I just tone it down and enjoy being with her and just give her physical affections like cuddles, kisses, or just laying next to her if she wanted company or someone to talk to.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-03-09T15:11:46+00:00

Extremely. I just assume all women are sexually explorative for Chad, and if they won't with me, I just move on.

Too high of risk to assume she's a "good girl that doesn't do those things" vs not really into me.

purplish_possum · 2023-03-07T21:03:43+00:00

If a woman isn't DTF at least ten times per week I'm moving on.

Title	Q4a How sexually demanding are you in relationships?
Author	eye_fuck
Upvotes	11
Comments	61
Date	March 7, 2023 7:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11l8k6k/q4a_how_sexually_demanding_are_you_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4a-how-sexually-demanding-are-you-in.1173256 https://theredarchive.com/post/1173256

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