Women often lie or “trickle truth” because they genuinely feel like they did no wrong and victimize themselves

BobtheAxieManager · 2023-04-25T16:08:48+00:00

If your close friend is moving in on your ex right after you break up, he doesn't see you as a close friend.

keenenandraz · 2023-04-25T16:32:02+00:00

I disagree with the premise that they lie because they feel they did no wrong. It's the reverse. People lie when they feel ashamed about things they've done and know they've done something wrong. Someone who truly feels they did no wrong isn't going to feel the need to lie. Of course they eventually try to justify the actions they know were wrong because that's what liars do when caught in a lie.

Gravel_Roads · 2023-04-25T16:12:53+00:00

This post is all over the place.

1.) If a girl dates a friend of her ex, I don’t see what’s wrong with that. But it’s weird that you only consider it disrespectful of the woman (who, being your ex, no longer had any reason to care what you want), but don’t seem to have any problems with the friend she’s dating? Isn’t he worse?

2.) None of your ramble about how bad cheating is does anything to really clarify what you mean. No one likes cheaters, men or women.

3.) It’s generally less a man/woman thing and more a cultural thing as to whether people care if someone “sleeps around” (aka… goes on dates?) too soon after a previous breakup. In my circles, which are mostly free love hippies and artists, neither men OR women are shamed for having sex. And obviously plenty of circles shame women for it as well, or else “slut” wouldn’t be an insult.

I also genuinely can’t tell: Is it that you think men should be shamed less, or women should be shamed MORE?

AngeCruelle · 2023-04-25T16:17:42+00:00

Trickle truthing is more like priming your target to accept increasingly wild shit by not revealing all of it at once

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-04-25T16:33:15+00:00

It’s the same reason men cheat on their pregnant or new mum partners, they say she couldn’t/wouldn’t give them sex so he was forced to look elsewhere,

This is a not women thing, this is an arsehole thing,

Also, in what world is a women considered empowered by sleeping around after a break-up? A rebound is one thing but a few partners is cause for alarm from many friends and peers

Slipthe · 2023-04-25T16:15:42+00:00

This isn't a man/woman thing.

Everyone on this planet does things to mitigate consequences, and trickle truth is part of that. Trickle truth is when people KNOW they did wrong, and so they do everything they can to keep it from coming to light, while rationalizing that they aren't a liar. It's a constant effort for both men and women to rationalize all their decisions away. If you're on reddit long enough you get plenty of opportunity to hear trickle truth from both men and women.

Safinated · 2023-04-25T16:48:32+00:00

I didn’t know lying, rationalizing, minimizing, deflecting and denying in service of self interest were gender specific behaviors

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-04-25T16:12:22+00:00

How is the woman more at fault in your scenario than the friend who hooks up with her? If she’s your ex she doesn’t have any more allegiance to you but your friend still should, no?

Backas_Before_Work · 2023-04-25T17:29:45+00:00

I honestly have to ask, do any of you guys have any sort of male friends?

Do you actually think any of the shit you just mentioned is limited to what is between your legs?

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2023-04-25T16:51:02+00:00

Examples when a woman will start seeing an ex lovers close friend and only give the explanation "because you werent there and he was"

That's an excuse. Not a lie or a trickle truth.

Bouldershoulders12 · 2023-04-25T16:46:10+00:00

That’s not what trickle truthing is. Trickle truthing is when they give you bits and pieces at a time instead of the full truth.

Ex: “we just kissed” = “we fucked raw” or “it was only one time” = “it was an ongoing affair”

mc0079 · 2023-04-25T17:13:25+00:00

I would think shitty people of both genders do these things. Some men will cheat on their pregnant wives or have affairs while their wife is laid up in the hospital.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John\_Edwards\_extramarital\_affair#:\~:text=When%20Edwards%20first%20admitted%20to,was%20found%20to%20be%20terminal.

bread93096 · 2023-04-25T17:17:40+00:00

So men don’t bend the truth for their own benefit or employ double standards?

gate18 · 2023-04-25T17:02:35+00:00

When a guy sleeps around after a break up it's considered sleazy in most cases but when a women sleeps around after a breakup she is seen as independent and empowered to her peers

Nah. she's a slut, in some countries fucking stoned to death - not men though.

Men are players, or naturally horny.

However, yes

Women often lie or “trickle truth” because they genuinely feel like they did no wrong and victimize themselves

That's being human. We all sometimes lie. When the fuck does a cheater (be they a woman or man) doesn't lie?

Someone asked

How is the woman more at fault in your scenario than the friend who hooks up with her?

Easy, women are sluts so we are supposed to hate them, especially in these forums.

Equally, if your boyfriend fucks your best friend, it's your best friend that's the slut, if she really was your friend she would not have fucked your boyfriend - you can't expect glorious men to say no to pussy, but sluts... there's a reason why out glorious forefathers didn't allow them freedom.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-04-25T19:29:22+00:00

what duty do you have not to date an "ex lovers close friend"?

bigpapirick · 2023-04-25T17:20:28+00:00

These generalizations are always amusing. Who says any of this is ok? Who is building these arbitrary categories you are piling people into? I know of no empirical source that defines that these are true categorizations or that they are even the commonly held beliefs. The people you described and the behaviors in your examples are piece of crap behaviors and excuses and have and will be condemned when performed by either gender. Just because you arbitrarily see it as these broad generalizations does not make them true, valuable or noteworthy. It just isn't able to be proven generally and holds little productive value for conversation.

totallyworkinghere · 2023-04-25T17:48:21+00:00

Why is it disrespectful to date an ex's friend?

gofigure62 · 2023-04-25T18:07:21+00:00

Dating within a social circle is relatively normal because most people only socialize with a handful of people.

Dating the friend of an ex is more so a matter of opinion, more than a marker or measure of morality.

Unless cheating was involved, your friend and your ex are free to date.

I personally find it pretty disgusting and tacky. I can't conceptualize being sexually or romantically attracted to a friends romantic partner. Especially after knowing intimate details about their relationship. I'd also be questioning whether or not my friend attempted to sabotage my relationship in order to get my ex's partner. Personally, I wouldn't keep an interpersonal relationship with either of them after that. No, they didn't do anything "wrong", however if feels like a massive breach of trust and privacy. Out of all the possibilities of people to date, why do you want my specific ex?

But It's normal to a significant amount of people.

Rumin8ting_ · 2023-04-25T19:22:47+00:00

This is a shitty person thing, not a gender thing

pearllovespink · 2023-04-25T22:48:47+00:00

What excuse do men give? Because I don’t think they give an explanation at all.

This post sounds personal. I tell things straight up and don’t hide the truth. Especially after a break up. What do I have to lie to u about? We aren’t even together. You don’t matter.

Strip_Bar · 2023-04-25T18:10:52+00:00

Accountability is like kryptonite to most women

crackxblunt · 2023-04-25T16:55:04+00:00

Of course EVERYBODY lies and trickle truths but what you white knights arent getting is that women get away with it more often than not. Double standards.

crackxblunt · 2023-04-25T17:32:36+00:00

God reddit is so disconnected from real life situations

Holden_Frame · 2023-04-25T17:52:56+00:00

For the most brutal and on-point example of "Trickle Truth" in action, I recommend you watch the Black Mirror Episode "The Entire History Of You"

That shit hit home with me, and I think many men have lived that episode tbh.

CostAncient1473 · 2023-04-25T16:45:42+00:00

Because they get away with it. Lol. Same reason all this high minded arguing about morals and the right way to live is moot IMO. Doesn’t matter how it should be because it is the way it is and it likely won’t change simply in the interest of fairness.

neetykeeno · 2023-04-25T19:36:07+00:00

Lol, when I left my ex husband back in 1992 I fucked a mutual friend within 48 hours. No regrets no apologies.

You know how the mutual friend knew I was single? About two weeks before moving out I'd sat down with my soon to be ex and thrashed out a bunch of rules and a roadmap for getting through this all as painlessly as possible. He agreed and then basically five minutes after I left started breaking as many of the rules as possible...we agreed no shit talking to mutual friends until the divorce is finalized and even then we will try not to, he shit talked me to everyone who was answering a phone, we agreed no more debt or pets until we finalised the divorce because those sort of things shut down options he went straight out got a fancy car on finance and big aggressive dog, we agreed not to talk at all to each other's families about it (possible because there were no kids) he wrote several long letters full of big fat lies and hand delivered them. His first day with me gone was basically an orgy of doing shit his lying face had agreed would suck, would only make things worse and should not be done.

So I go to the regular movie night just after this all blows up...ex is absent and there's this old friend who showed up precisely because my ex broke the rules and put out the sort of stuff that spreads real fast...and old friend had fancied me from way back. And I was feeling like a bit of fun after a morning dealing with all that bullshit and knowing more was bound to come. Old friend knew when to ask, lol.

Sorry, not sorry. Getting a dick up me then was the best thing ever.

My ex also later basically lost the house because he'd taken on more debt and couldn't refinance. He also sent the dog we'd had together and he'd been so insistent on keeping "to a farm" because it's behaviour deteriorated with me gone and another dog in the house. Didn't tell me about the dog until years later. Bastard.

So there you go. What people do in the wake of a relationship has to be seen in the context of what the other person did. And sometimes a woman isn't going to even attempt to respect a man any more after all that shit he did. Like, zero respect left. Would not cross road to piss on him if he was on fire.

LingonberryGood3915 · 2023-04-25T17:36:09+00:00

if they thought they did no wrong, they would not feel the need to lie, hide it or use manipulative language to hide the true dynamic. they know they are doing wrong, and just lie and manipulate to take advantage for longer and to prevent men from catching them

Scarce12 · 2023-04-26T00:37:23+00:00

Its not that they lie, they just follow a different rulebook.

dowehavetoreally · 2023-04-26T01:31:23+00:00

Day 1 "We only fooled around"

Day 3 "We only kissed"

Day 5 "It was only the tip"

Day 7 "It was only a spit-roast"

Day 9 "It was only half of his team and I was drunk..."

Yeah, I've been down this road. Getting the truth in these small pathetic doses.

Gadson- · 2023-04-25T21:52:42+00:00

Women can not lie because they are non-moral and have different memories than men. They live in a truly none continuous OBJECTIVE manner to put the very lightly. But if we remember what was said as to the absence of memory amongst women we shall not be surprised at the existence of the numerous proverbs and common sayings about the untruthfulness of women. It is evident that a being whose memory is very slight, and who can recall only in the most imperfect fashion what it has said or done, or suffered, must lie easily if it has the gift of speech. The impulse to untruthfulness will be hard to resist if there is a practical object to be gained, and if the influence that comes from a full conscious reality of the past be not present. The impulse to lie is stronger in woman, because, unlike that of man, her memory is not continuous, whilst her life is discrete, unconnected, discontinuous, swayed by the sensations and perceptions of the moment instead of dominating them. Unlike man, her experiences float past without being referred, so to speak, to a definite, permanent centre; she does not feel herself, past and present, to be one and the same throughout all her life. It happens almost to every man that sometimes he "does not understand himself"; indeed, with very many men, it happens (leaving out of the question the facts of psychical periodicity) that if they think over their pasts in their minds they find it very difficult to refer all the events to a single conscious personality; they do not grasp how it could have been that they, being what they feel themselves at the time to be, could ever have done or felt or thought this, that, or the other. And yet in spite of the difficulty, they know that they had gone through these experiences. The feeling of identity in all circumstances of life is quite wanting in the true woman, because her memory, even if exceptionally good, is devoid of continuity. A woman's lie is different than a man's lie. You can not blame them.

Taohumor · 2023-04-25T17:05:01+00:00

No she knows she just doesnt like how it makes her feel so tries to avoid confronting the feeling(which leads to change of behavior and becoming a better person). If she didnt think she is doing something wrong she wouldn't lie. I've known women who don't believe her past matters, such a woman will be open about her sexuality and be comfortable being rejected for it because preferences are allowed for both genders not just her. The women who lie feel bad either about the thing or having to deal with the consequences of the thing. "I did not have sex with that woman". He knew his political career was in jeopardy. That's consequences.

Someone who behaves that way is unethical, they are fundamentally cowards. Cowards are bad people who pretend to be good people, ie they lie every day to everyone about who they fundamentally are. Think they'll make a good partner? I'm sure people even mildly sentient can figure it out on their own when you strip away the jargon.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-04-25T17:13:33+00:00

The only one I’d reference is lying about body count.

If it really doesn’t matter or shouldn’t matter, then don’t lie about it or mislead. Talk openly about your past to be honest, right?

To compare it to another numerical data point, a man may be tempted to lie about his earning potential because he knows it won’t sound good, but we would have a major problem if he did so.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-04-25T18:49:56+00:00

I think this is something both genders do but it's much more common in women because generally speaking they are held to a lower standard of accountability by society. People will talk about female accountability but it's a much different narrative in real life.

What women claim to be sexism is often just equal treatment, but since most aren't used to being treated that way, it feels unequal. I'm actually going to do an experiment on this

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FlyV89 · 2023-04-25T17:05:58+00:00

This is not what trickle truth is (BTW, women are more prone to this than men, absolutely) but I think you mean gaslighting and white-lying?

Yeah, both huge parts of female nature too.

I don't know why women do it, but in fact, I believe having an honest, heart to heart conversation with a woman is not possible.

This is why I believe PPD is useless actually, and why I think most dating advice from women ABSOLUTELY SUCK.

They will never, ever, EVER tell you the truth. It's like women are truth repelent.

You can talk to a woman for 30 minutes and make her backpedal at least a dozen times and go backwards on an statement she said two minutes ago super easy.

For example, I was talking to a female co-worker the other day and she goes like "it's been like a year since last time I had sex".

You notice how always single women say "it's been YEARS since the last time I had dick" but all the people around know they are lying?

So I told her "why do women do that?" and she's like "what?" and I explain to her that she told me a few days ago that the weekend before she fucked a dude she met at the night club that same night, and she goes on like "oh but he doesn't count, we are not a couple! We do not know eachothers names? Boy, come on, I didn't even cum!!!".

And I keep going.

"Why do you all do that? Can you explain to me?"

And she looks right to my eyes and say "you know... I don't know. And you're right. We do. But I do not have a good explanation to why. I guess we are all bitches, like men say."

Fastforward a couple hours that very day, I'm with this girl working in some program and another girl enters the room...

She's sad because she feels unnatractive, unwanted, lonely, depressed.

She goes on. "Last time I was, you know... with a man was with my ex, two years ago can you believe it?"

I look at her.

"Didn't you told me you were fucking a tall jacked dude last week? How can you POSSIBLY forget you're having sex with a man on a regular basis in just a few hours?"

The other girl looks at me and snaps back to what I had just told her a few hours ago. She had heard the other girl bragging about sucking this dick or that dick, all the time. And then she says

"Man, you're SO FUCKING RIGHT! WE DO IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!! WHY DO WE DOOOO THAT!!!"

Well, they lie to themselves.

Women lie to themselves. All the fucking time.

They lie to others all the time too, don't get me wrong.

Not only to the guys when they advice them "to be themselves and the right person will come along", they lie to their friends too when they tell them they look awesome in that dress, and their bodies are so gorgeous and healthy despite they are over 35 of BMI.

But women lie to themselves all the time.

They lie to themselves when the tall, jacked, succesful guy approaches them and they need to tell their inner selves "he's a good guy, he's not going to use me, I'm perfect, I'm beautiful".

They lie to themselves everytime they talk about their exes. Notice how always the man is the jerk? It's never the woman, the woman can't do no wrong.

Hell, everything you see on a woman is fake.

They dye their hair, paint their eyebrows and cheekbones, they tighten their eyelayes, put on eye contact lens, use push ups and pants that lift their buts and tits, use high heels to appear taller and paint their lips to make it look fuller.

They lie about their status relationships when it suits them, and they lie about the men they date all the time, they lie to themselves that they can "change him", and they lie to others when they say "he said he was going to change for me".

They are highly promiscuous, but want you to think they are saints.

They say they love kids and that men are violent and agressive, yet the woman is the only animal who would kill a baby in her on womb. What kind of reptile does that dude.

They will date and fuck and keep fucking the dude who doesn't give a fuck if she comes or goes and somehow rationalize themselves into thinking that "love is not his love language" or some bullshit like that, and then when the dude breaks her heart they will rationalize themselves all their way back to liking the ugly dude they would have never given a fucking chance and say "my good looking ex whom I had awesome freaky wild sex day and night wasn't really my love life, you are because you have a short dick and an awesome personality", yada yada.

They will tell you dick size doesn't matter at all and in the same vein acuse you of having a short dick if you do not agree with them.

Women LIE ALL THE TIME man, I know you don't trust me, but there will be a time where you realize I was right.

I've been with around 80ish something women in my life, and I've learned one thing:

They are ALL cheaters and liars dude. They are full of shit.

You can land a woman that doesn't lie like 90% of the time. That was my ex of 9 years actually.

I still caught her in some big lies from time to time.

If you want to have something going on with a woman, I tell you...

Get use to her lying. She's going to lie and gaslight you, 100%, they ALL do that.

You shouldn't give a fuck about what they tell you, and be outcome independent. Never take a woman seriously.

likefireandmoonlight · 2023-04-25T18:29:39+00:00

In the circles of people I have known, 90% of this is/has been wrong. That last sentence is complete shit.

No-Republic-2952 · 2023-04-25T22:48:14+00:00

women sleeping around after a breakup is generally either seen as empowering or shameworthy behaviour. a high body count in women is always shamed, yet praised in men.

it is really disrespectful to sleep with a close friend of the ex after a breakup, but do remember the friend has a part to play in that too. she sucks for it, so does the friend. the friend wasn’t a true friend nor loyal if he sleeps with her. same the other way around too.

everyone hates cheaters, it’s not just women that get away with it. as a woman (likely bias) I see men get away with it more. cheating on pregnant partners (had to relieve urges some way), or those who have just given birth (your body isn’t the same, you don’t want sex, etc). women gain weight, men cheat. I know women do the same, e.g. a man gains weight or isn’t as muscular they cheat. it’s not a case of tables being turned, no one likes cheaters.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-04-26T02:32:43+00:00

Nah dawg- this depends on your social circle. The example woman you gave has definitely been negatively gossiped about in most of my social circles...

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