Is it true women with high body counts are unable to truly commit to their long term partners?

Kurzilla · 2023-05-30T15:22:36+00:00

Wait, I've had sex with 3 to 10 women, and I've also been married happily and monogamously for 9 years.

Why would this ONLY apply to women?

GlassOfSkimMilf · 2023-05-30T14:02:32+00:00

Think about it, this info comes from the same men that think we become flappy vagina holes that can eventually consume an entire chair if we have too much sex. What's next? A whole town? /s

I mean, really. That whole thing is making correlations to wonky things with questionable "science" that's mostly made up of taking things out of context.

Yes, some women (and men) are so ugly on the inside that they can no longer love anyone or have never been able to, but that's not related to their sex count. Most of the time it's unhealed trauma or personality disorders. That's just them in general. ~~Regardless, Detox already covered that in the pinned detox hub~~.

an_altar_of_plagues · 2023-05-30T14:15:16+00:00

No. Plenty of people fuck around when they're committed regardless of sexual history.

I'm a man who has a fairly detailed sexual history. I'm not bragging - I don't see it as something to brag about - and I'm only bringing it up because it's relevant. I am head-over-heels in love with my fiancee. She is the best person I know, my best friend, and my best sexual partner. I'm fully committed to her and not a day goes by nowadays where I can't wait to have our wedding in the California Sierra next year.

Same goes with plenty of women. Women aren't a different species, regardless of what redpill and stupid-ass 90s "self-help" books might have tried to tell you. Some women who were virgins til marriage have a proclivity to cheat when they're married - and some don't. Same goes with those with sexual histories.

Redpill treats genders like a monolith instead of individuals, which is one of many reasons it's fucking stupid.

If you don't want to date someone with a more extensive sexual history- then that's totally fine! I'm not going to ever argue you should or have to open your dating to everyone regardless of sexual history. People have preferences, and those preferences/values are important. But, in answer to your question if those women are "unable" to commit - no.

AntiVictimhood · 2023-05-30T17:44:46+00:00

I believe that this notion of high body count=cannot commit is a projection.

Because you see a lot of the RP men saying they want to be able to cheat and have a one sided open relationship. Which to me indicates that these "high value men" cannot practice loyalty and discipline. And they wrongly assume that if a woman slept with a number of people in the past that that by necessity indicates she too lacks the discipline and loyalty today. These men want women to abide by a set of values and behaviours that they themselves cannot actually emulate in the here and now. Which to me is both pathetic and also a strong indication that this belief is the outcome of projection and not reason.

RP guys don't trust themselves to be loyal and committed. Hell, they overtly say it!

But they want women to be. And the notion that a woman who has sexual experience cannot commit is more so a reflection of what's true about themselves. That the RP men lack discipline. But they project that belief onto women rather than realizing that it's themselves who are the weak ones who cannot commit.

And it's not because they have slept around, it's because these RP men just lack discipline and don't know how to commit, but they refuse to confront that reality and choose to instead point the finger at women.

Downtown_Cat_1172 · 2023-05-30T14:53:55+00:00

There are literally no sources supporting the idea that women have a harder time bonding than men after any number of sexual partners. This comes from a study of birds, not humans, and there's no reason to assume that one gender would have a different response than another.

thrownawaytodaysr · 2023-05-30T14:53:33+00:00

From a simple logical perspective, one would need to assert why X number of partners impacts women but not men. Even assuming there were some sort of correlation, this suggests a line of causality where because the women had X partners, she is now unable to commit. The reality is that it would make far more sense that women who are not primed to commit to a relationship are more likely to have X+ partners. The latter seems much simpler/more logical than there being some sort of magical switch that goes off.

I think I had about 12 sexual partners (I'm a cismale). I have always been eager to commit and never actually wanted to play the field, but I still got to that number. My disposition (wanting a committed, monogamous relationship) never changed, but I also never clicked with someone enough for it to last long-term. There's no particularly compelling reason to assume similar dynamics wouldn't also affect women in similar ways.

The women I know who are commitment averse have issues outside of the realm of their number of sexual partners. Big, big issues. Trying to pin it on them having a lot of sexual partners tends to ignore the more salient underlying issues and ultimately leans into baseless tropes.

TLDR: The causality is more likely reversed (i.e. women who are commitment averse are more likely to have a greater number of past partners) and therefore drawing conclusions based on number of partners rather than their attitude toward commitment is silly.

Citizenwoof · 2023-05-30T16:12:08+00:00

tawny-she-wolf · 2023-05-30T16:39:22+00:00

My theory is that these women probably have enough experience and frame of reference to know what they want/don’t want, will/will not put up with a partner and aren’t afraid to leave a guy if he makes her miserable. So it’s fear from those men driving that argument, not any amount of logic or science-y reasoning.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-05-30T17:48:30+00:00

No no it's not.

I think women who have more experience dating men have less of a BS threshold than a virgin/inexperienced woman. If a guy acts a fool while dating them/sleeping with them you can cut your losses easier than someone who doesn't know any better and will tolerate poor behavior.

There's not an issue of commiting it's tolerance for bad behavior that goes down.

honeybrrrd · 2023-05-30T15:56:07+00:00

You can't ask questions that are rooted in dehumanizing people without expecting some hostility. Attempting to police people's responses to these kinds of questions is not a good look. If you're going to do the work to detox your beliefs, you need to be prepared to receive responses that make you uncomfortable, and you need to be able to sit with that discomfort so you can analyze the source of it.

ThatBitchMalin · 2023-05-30T15:25:07+00:00

There are plenty of women who remarry later in life, well into their 40ies and even later. According to red pill opinion, this shouldn't be possible. After all, these women had previous relationships, even been married with children. But this didn't prevent them from falling in love again, with somebody new. I'm sure you know such a person, either within your family, at your job, your friends mom etc. Just ask around, it's fairly common.

Melvin-Melon · 2023-05-30T17:25:27+00:00

The thing is when you assert an idea the burden of proof is on you. So if one of your aquatints makes this assertion it’s on them to provide non-biased, peer reviewed studies. It’s like saying people with green eyes are inherently evil without providing sources and then expecting someone to pull out peer reviewed studies that say green eyes people aren’t evil. It’s backwards.

spiraldinosaur · 2023-05-30T20:36:28+00:00

Three is a high number!? Wow. I wouldn't even consider 10 a high number. Although I am in my 30s now, maybe it would be a high number for someone in their early 20s or something I dunno.

No. It's nonsense. Someone's historic actions do not define their future actions.

If you want a "resource", try just speaking to women, or men who are in relationships with women with "high body counts". You won't find stats and figures on such a thing because it's not really a thing that anyone would be bothered about studying.

ETA: Don't bother "countering these arguments". Walk away. Save your time and energy. Not a single resource or fact or anecdote or anything will convince people otherwise when you're arguing with them. The more you fight with someone about their point of view, the more they will defend it.

xvszero · 2023-05-30T17:20:42+00:00

No, it's nonsense to claim they "can't", obviously.

I have seen some data that suggests the more partners someone has (male or female) the less likely their marriage is to last, but it's like any data... once you dig into it you see a wide range of outcomes.

Plus those numbers need context anyway. Because it doesn't really address why the marriage didn't last. For all we know it could be some insecure guy never getting over his spouse's "body count".

Also, the same research that discovered this also discovered that women who only had 2 partners also had very high divorce rates. So you know. Lots more to consider here than a simple, sexist response to the data.

The lowest divorce rates were women with 3-10 partners. Red pill dudes would get mad about the idea that a woman with that amount of partners has the lowest divorce rates, but it's true.

And it's just one study.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-new-resilience/201606/do-women-more-premarital-partners-get-divorced-less

mynameisburner · 2023-05-30T17:56:56+00:00

Both genders and not just one or the other. Both. There are studies that both genders with a high number of sexual partners (25+ if I recall) would be likely to not commit.

thewitch2222 · 2023-05-30T15:46:49+00:00

Women can have full sex lives and end up in a monogamous relationship. How many people someone has sex with doesn't change anything about you. I never kept count of my sexual partners because it has no bearing on my life.

hbgbees · 2023-05-30T20:26:00+00:00

No, it’s not true, but good for you for asking. There are lots of good replies here and I’m sure that you’ve read them all.

Ps: in the future, if you just want arguments to say to people, you can tell us that upfront, and we will still answer your question. The reason people are being hostile towards you is because the way you worded it sounds like you might believe it.

goblitovfiyah · 2023-05-31T02:09:29+00:00

Woman here

Body count over 300

Been trying to get with this guy for last 2 months and finally did 2 weeks ago, I was sucking his dick thinking omg I could so do this for the rest of my life. Never found someone I'm so compatible with I hope I do get to fuck him for the rest of my life 🤭 from my body count, most of it was terrible or mediocre sex. If anything I can really really appreciate good sex when I come across it. So hard to find someone that ticks all your boxes.

ROBYoutube · 2023-05-30T14:11:33+00:00

No. There will be numbers that if you're a moron idiot will make it look like fucking around makes you unfit as a long term partner but I actually read the study and that is not the conclusion of me or the researchers who did the study.

vladiVP · 2023-05-30T18:17:43+00:00

Yes. Same for men. The more sexual partners an INDIVIDUAL has, no matter a male or female, the less likely to commit to a relationship.

SpiritualSag96 · 2023-05-30T18:11:40+00:00

I’ll give my perspective as a woman who’s slept with 10+ men (I had casual relationships in college).

I do admit that it caused me to detach quickly with men, not focus on one person at a time and caused me to have a wandering eye. I realized how unhealthy these behaviors were and decided to be celibate for a bit until I met my ex.

I was able to reprogram myself to be monogamous not just tangibly, but mentally and with my energy. I was committed to my ex for 1.5 years (it was a serious relationship that didn’t work out due to incompatibilities), and I’ve been with my current partner for almost a year.

I never cheated or became close to cheating. I have boundaries with guy friends and I’m able to be in committed relationships despite my past. I feel like a completely different person now than before (also my partner knows my past and it doesn’t bother him).

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-05-30T17:01:59+00:00

Research has shown that promiscuity is correlated with mental health issues, future promiscuity and relationship issues. But with that said this is an average not how every woman with a body count will behave. The biggest problem with the redpill is they take true ideas and overgeneralize and exaggerate them.

-Seahawk · 2023-05-30T18:19:46+00:00

Most men and women are promiscuous. Wether it’s 20s,30s,40s 50s it even over 100 partners. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing especially since you can join hookup culture too.

gstyle547 · 2023-05-30T16:11:34+00:00

In my personal experience I would say they cannot truly commit.

Not a knock on anyone. If someone has a history of high partners it has always shown they cannot settle for one person. They need a new person regularly. Largely why their relationships never tend to last.

usercybercode · 2023-05-31T00:41:52+00:00

Idk the answer. But would you have a lot of confidence being in a relationship with someone that has that past? Something to think about.

mjornir · 2023-05-30T16:09:15+00:00

I honestly think it’s a chicken/egg problem and they picked the wrong answer. Women who sleep around don’t have problems forming attachments because they have a lot of partners; they have a lot of partners because they have problems forming attachments.

It’s not a biological problem, it’s a psychological problem for those particular type of women. Plenty of men also have the same attachment issues. The cause comes from the individual’s psychological state rather than the behavior

Naus1987 · 2023-05-30T15:18:10+00:00

People are complicated. For some that’s true. And for others it’s false.

I think the reason why someone has a lot of partners is more important than the count itself.

For example, if a woman enjoys participating in hook-up culture, then she might not be a good fit for monogamous relationships. Those two lifestyles are mutually exclusive.

It’s like if a guy plays video games all day, is he willing to quit gaming all together to raise a family?

Sure, but it’s an uneasy change. And it’s a gamble.

And that’s really the main issue. Men who have options are not going to gamble on a woman who could be a liability. It’s simply easier to dismiss her and find someone else.

Though people can prove they’re not a liability through actions. If a woman participated in hook-up culture when she was young, but then stopped and had a monogamous relationship after that lasted for 5 years. That’s proof for the next guy that she can go the distance.

So again, why they have a lot of partners is always important. And what they’re doing to prove they’re not just in it for hook-up if they want something serious.

—-

Not to pick on women again. And this applies to men too. Picking bad partners and having lots of baggage is a liability.

If a woman says she had a lot of partners because she keeps picking bad men, that’s still a hit on her reliability to make good choices as well as it’s the fault of the bad men.

A top tier man is going to recognize bad decision making and hold that against someone just as much as body count. So blaming bad man isn’t a free pass.

A quality guy isn’t going to trust his life, family, and resources to someone who is habitually reckless. They’ll see the red flags and bounce.

Gold_Equipment5916 · 2023-05-30T15:42:42+00:00

Factors found to facilitate infidelity
Number of sex partners: Greater number of sex partners before marriage predicts infidelity
As might be expected, attitudes toward infidelity specifically, permissive attitudes toward sex more generally and a greater willingness to have casual sex and to engage in sex without closeness, commitment or love (i.e., a more unrestricted sociosexual orientation) are also reliably related to infidelity (pg.71)

Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.008

A truism in psychology is the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is no less true with sexual behavior. One of the strongest predictors of marital infidelity is one’s number of prior sex partners.

Haselton MG, Buss DM, Oubaid V, Angleitner A. Sex, Lies, and Strategic Interference: The Psychology of Deception Between the Sexes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2005;31(1):3-23. doi:[10.1177/0146167204271303]

we evaluated the association between infidelity and sexual experience, as prior studies have found that people with more sexual relationships in the past are more likely to have secondary sex partners (Bozon, 1996).
Regarding the correlates of infidelity, results indicated that on the basis of both methods of assessment, the probability of sexual infidelity (a) was greater for Blacks (relative to the remainder of the sample), (b) decreased with higher religiosity, (c) increased with higher number of lifetime sexual partners

Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Mark A. Whisman, Douglas K. Snyder J Fam Psychol. 2007 Jun; 21(2): 147–154. doi: 10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147

Our findings demonstrate that infidelity and number of sexual partners are both under moderate genetic influence (41% and 38% heritable, respectively) and the genetic correlation between these two traits is strong (47%).
Not surprisingly, the average number of sexual partners was significantly higher among respondents who had been unfaithful compared with those who had remained faithful (7.73 vs. 3.78, p < .001). The phenotypic correlation between these traits was .36 (p < .001).
The resulting genetic correlation between the two traits was .47, so nearly half the genes impacting on infidelity also affect number of sexual partners. The correlation of the unique environment between the two variables was .48.

Genetic influences on female infidelity and number of sexual partners in humans: a linkage and association study of the role of the vasopressin receptor gene (AVPR1A). Lynn F. Cherkas, Elizabeth C. Oelsner, Y. T. Mak, Anna Valdes, Tim D. Spector Twin Res. 2004 Dec; 7(6): 649–658. doi: 10.1375/1369052042663922

In a world where infidelity and promiscuity are increasingly experienced (Brand et al. 2007, Jones and Paulhus 2012), few studies have focused on their emotional and sexual domains. The infidelity and the promiscuity can have an important impact on individuals and on intimate relationships (Silva et al. n.d., Vangelisti and Gerstenberger 2004). For example, the infidelity is one of the most common reasons for divorce and couple therapy (Glass and Wright 1992). In addition, promiscuity is known to have a negative effect on healthy living (Okafor and Duru 2010).
Some authors defend that infidelity may come as a consequence of promiscuity, and that frequently both concepts go side by side (Feldman and Cauffman 1999, Mark et al. 2011). Promiscuity can be understood as the willingness to engage in sexual activities with several partners, have casual sex and get involved in sexual activities sooner rather than later (Jones and Paulhus 2012)
Feldman and Cauffman (1999) analyzed a sample of 417 college students and found that individuals that show permissive behaviors, associated with increased number of sexual partners are more prone to engage in infidelity. Similarly, Barta and Kiene (2005) conducted a study with 432 college students, 120 of whom mentioned past infidelity behaviors. Their results showed that those who have an unrestricted sociosexual orientation tend to report a sexual motive for being unfaithful. Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001], indicating that sexually promiscuous participants also tend to be emotionally promiscuous, and sexual[ly] and emotional[ly] unfaithful.
In terms of the sexual domain, results showed that there is also a positive correlation between sexual promiscuity and sexual infidelity, stating that individuals that tend to be more sexually promiscuous also tend to be more sexually unfaithful. These results support our second hypothesis.

Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2016). The relationship between sexual and emotional promiscuity and infidelity. ATINER’S Conference Paper Series, No. PSY2016–2087, Athens, Greece.

approximately half of the men and women in the top (withinsex) quintiles of sociosexuality had been sexually unfaithful to a steady partner; this was more than a tenfold increase over the corresponding rate for people in the bottom quintiles. Sexual infidelity is a common cause of divorce cross-culturally (Buss, 1994)

Do individual differences in sociosexuality represent genetic or environmentally contingent strategies? Evidence from the Australian twin registry. J. M. Bailey, K. M. Kirk, G. Zhu, M. P. Dunne, N. G. Martin J Pers Soc Psychol. 2000 Mar; 78(3): 537–545.

Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are more likely to engage in infidelity (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999). In a study of supposedly exclusive dating couples, it was found that individuals exhibiting an ‘unrestricted’ sociosexual orientation (SO) were significantly more likely to pursue extra-pair involvement (Seal, Agostinelli, & Hannett, 1994). Individuals are said to be unrestricted if they score high on the Sociosexual Orientation Index (SOI). Items on this scale include a question tapping whether the respondent feels that love is a prerequisite for sexual relations with a partner, the number of ‘one-night stands’ a respondent has had, and how many partners he or she hopes to have in the next year (Simpson & Gangestad, 1991).
A preliminary ANOVA analysis revealed that individuals reporting a past history of infidelity tended to have a greater number of past sexual partners than those without a history of infidelity
individuals with a history of infidelity, compared with those without, have a relatively unrestricted SO.

Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339-360.

ToccataRocco · 2023-05-30T18:39:32+00:00

I'd say that this idea presents women as a monolith, it generalizes all women to act and behave a certain way when looking at things realistically just isn't true because there are so mamy different personalities and people out there. You're gonna have the free spirit women who just was to get it on with a different guy every week, you're gonna have one that never wants anything, one that only dedicates herself to her first (or second) love, among numerous others you'll also have one who has a high body count but just wants to settle down with someone and be happy for the rest of her life. With anyone, if they're used to having a high body count and sleeping with someone else every day/week/month/etc settling down may not be easy to adapt to and they may be prone for times of weakness where they cheat and it's up to their partner whether they want to stick through and work it out or to simply leave them in the dust. An issue with the 'Red Pill' guys is that they don't get this nuance, they see it as a "women must be absolutely dedicated to me to the point where I'm their first and last" and "Women who were loose/have high counts clearly won't commit" but this is simply an unrealistic expectation because everyone's different. For both men and women you'll have free spirits who never want to settle down and you'll have those who regardless of their past will want to settle down and commit for life.

CarryNecessary2481 · 2023-05-30T22:47:52+00:00

If that were true Lesbians wouldn’t have long marriages

DarkestTimeline24 · 2023-05-30T23:09:24+00:00

No. Lol

CarryNecessary2481 · 2023-05-31T02:25:41+00:00

Depends on what commitment is. Is it staying in an abusive till your dying days? Does leaving a toxic relationship early on contribute to being non-committed

DaBullWeb · 2023-05-31T02:59:05+00:00

It’s not about commitment as much as it maybe about fulfilling their satisfaction. And this isn’t women related just as a person, maybe that person was into certain kinks however their current partner maybe more conservative Sexually

Raging_Dragon_9999 · 2023-05-31T03:04:13+00:00

From what I understand, net partner count is statistically associated with an increased risk of divorce.

https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/multiple-sex-partners-before-marriage-does-it-lead-to-divorce

Frankly, a lot of it comes down to maturity and attitude to make a mrr

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2023-05-31T03:04:50+00:00

I'm curious why you care so much about debunking this? No one is forcing you or any other man to settle down with women with high # of previous partners if that turns you off.

geezusshow · 2023-05-31T15:21:06+00:00

Yes it is true. Before answering this question we must first establish and understand the dating culture between both sexes.

Men & Women are different when it comes to dating. Dating is harder for Men & more skill based than it is for women that’s why “Playboys” are respected in society.

Dating for Women is easy because they have many different options to choose from that’s why they are super selective when it comes to dating as men are limited in options men are not as selective.

What you can deduct from this common fact is since women have a variety of options and are super selective Women don’t like most Men.

Men have fewer options and are less selective because Most Men like Most Women and are willing to drop their standards if they fail to attract the opposite sex. When women will not drop their standards for the opposite sex unless they are emotionally attached.

Now that we understand how different the dating market it, we must also accept that our perception of loyalty and commitment is also different.

Women prove their loyalty & commitment through their past behaviors. Since they have many different options and are very emotionally & mentally driven when it comes to having sex that’s why their orgasms are not common. So the guy that emotionally and mentally stimulate her will stand out. If she gets her heart broken or leaves the guy this will impact her life and change her perception of men in general which is why the bond will become weaker & weaker if this cycle is repeated. This is a common cycle in modern days for women in their 20’s. Just like most people lack the ability to take accountability in society. Women especially don’t have to take accountability for their wrong doing in relationships because they will always have a another guy validating her opinions to hopefully someday slide in her pants. She feels validated and never really has to change her behavior or take accountability.

This is not same experience men face in the dating market or when it comes to commitment & loyalty. Men show & prove their loyalty and commitment in a different way. Men show this primarily through their resources & income. This is why Women won’t date the McDonald’s worker but a guy would date the Mc’donald’s worker because he does not have as many options so men are not as selective about a woman’s resources men could honestly care less about a woman’s income.

Women care about a man’s income not because of the “money” per se but cares more of the habits it takes a man to build this wealth. Making money is not easy it takes ambition, focus, discipline, self belief, skills, & charismatic communication to make a good amount of money. This is what women will say they are attracted too. This is why men show their loyalty & commitment through Providing & Protecting. Women want to be with a man that can becomes this guy and maintain this level of confidence. Women have a hard time understanding this because they lack empathy for the male experience. Not sympathy but empathy. They could care less about your complaining because those things are not respectable that’s why as a man it is your duty to learn the truth because she will never tell you, accept your role as a man & embrace it. This will make a man truly fulfilled.

A Man dating multiple women is not an easy thing to do I don’t think he has to date 50 women but a man needs experience with women because women will always test you in relationships which is normal women do this to see if you will slip on your boundaries. This is how she tests her level of respect towards you. Men that have not experienced multiple relationships are not good at understanding how to maintain frame in a relationship.

Frame building is the reason multiple relationships for a man is important because most women will not fall into your frame, women now a days want to be completely independent and let the respect slide. As a Man you must not force a woman to be in your frame she must want to be there and if she doesn’t you must learn to let her go.

The body count has nothing to do with projection or insecurities it has everything to do with emotional connection from the woman’s side and man’s frame in a relationship.

Hope this answers any doubts , feel free to hate down below , I welcome it all 🫡🙏🏼

Title	Is it true women with high body counts are unable to truly commit to their long term partners?
Author	avocado-afficionado
Upvotes	17
Comments	166
Date	May 30, 2023 1:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/13vqzol/is_it_true_women_with_high_body_counts_are_unable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-it-true-women-with-high-body-counts-are-unable.1220752 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220752

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