Walked away from my wife and her daughter

Chviking75 · 2024-01-16T12:16:32+00:00

Your wife was blaming your mother in her post. Reconciling is tough but the wayward has to take ownership. Until she does you will be fighting the tide.

Big_Calendar_4170 · 2023-12-28T22:52:09+00:00

What led you to get a paternity test five years in?

SouthParkTimmy · 2023-12-28T08:23:29+00:00

Out of curiosity, what made you get a paternity test?

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2023-12-27T23:45:08+00:00

Weigh your options and do what is best for you. Period!

rocknharley02 · 2023-12-27T15:22:44+00:00

Its not the little girls fault, how can you just leave her like that.? Dont you have a bond with her?

Long-Review-1861 · 2023-12-27T11:10:38+00:00

Absolutely horrific bro I'm so sorry. You will make it through this

Neither_Hurry_7746 · 2023-12-27T07:29:07+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. How are you doing today?

stent00 · 2023-12-27T02:57:44+00:00

So seems like her default state is to hoe around. She did it when she had a baby that wasn't yours and she just did it again. Can't keep women like that in your life. Feel sorry for the kid though....women need to be held to account for having babies with other men and hiding it. Truly disgusting human to do that.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-12-27T01:59:56+00:00

You've made a very strong statement, so kudos for that. Setting this tone will bode well for you over the course of the proceedings. Make sure not to "calm down" towards her too quickly, whether or not you've actually calmed down. You need to behave strategically.

Take the time you need, but at some point you're going to need to deal with the practicalities. Are you no contact? Any communications at this point? That'll be the first step after you clarify your rights and responsibilities with an attorney.

playerknowmore · 2023-12-26T21:13:08+00:00

We can only process such information as the individual we are. Some of us fight for what isn't ours, and some of us walk away. We are not all built to take on others' problems. Myself in your situation would walk away. The Tennessee law against paternity fraud must go national.

Brave_Quantity_5261 · 2023-12-26T20:43:34+00:00

The poor kid adds a whole other layer of complexity and sadness to this sh*tty situation. I’m so sorry, it’s gotta be so tough. You’ve made it this far now, don’t give up. Great move calling your parents, good first step. I can only imagine what you’re going thru but the fact you’re still alive shows how strong you can be.

beamis24 · 2023-12-26T19:43:44+00:00

I can't blame you at all. Things will get better as time goes on. I was so hurt and angry when I was going through everything but I found the gym, activities that I stopped doing when I got married, traveled, and reconnected with friends. It hurts now but next year this same time you will be in a much better space mentally and physically. Hire a lawyer and start the divorce process and any assets protect them too

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-12-26T19:15:24+00:00

Bud I am so sorry this happened to you. My wife cheated as well and the range of emotions are terrifying and devastating. I know right now it doesn’t feel like it but I speak from experience when I tell you it does get better. 2 weeks isn’t a long time, hell I couldn’t even sleep for 6 weeks at least. I am now 10 months out from confronting my wife about her affair, fully divorced and am doing quite well. I didn’t have to deal with a child not being mine so I don’t even know how to cope with that.. Don’t lose your source of income, don’t drink too much and don’t do anything stupid. DM me if you’re feeling down and need to talk.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2023-12-26T18:27:43+00:00

I will say, NC, you don’t have to pay Alimony if she cheated, for what small consolation that is

New-Amoeba9042 · 2023-12-26T18:27:16+00:00

Can’t blame you man. My wife cheated as well, nothing in life came close to messing me up. She didn’t have another guys kid, but did abort ours she was 6 weeks pregnant with

sicrm · 2023-12-26T18:04:29+00:00

stay with your parents, start looking at lawyers to figure out next steps, and let your job know to see if it’s possible to take some time to get your thoughts sorted.

Training_Ad1368 · 2023-12-26T18:02:16+00:00

I don't blame you. I guess it goes something like this: with a lawyer get your name out of the birth certificate, then division of assets, you will have to pay alimony for a while because most states are no-fault now, most of the time you pay 1 year of alimony for every 3 of marriage. Otherwise if your lawyer recommends you to pursue a divorce with grounds.

in the positive note at least you found out now and not later I heard this is common. A lot of men have no idea that their kids are not theirs.

Sorry about that and keep it cool, don't have an emotional reaction because it is possible that she wants that and she could use it to extend money coming to her end from you.

Tell her to introduce the kid to the real father.

wisstinks4 · 2023-12-26T17:14:01+00:00

OP sorry you’re going through this difficult time. I find it incredibly painful when women lie about who the father of children are, especially when they know the truth. My heart goes out to you for the crushing recognition of the paternity test results.

I’m sure that was very difficult. in review of your scenario, I ask myself what do I want now? You could let her file for divorce without you involved that might not go well. Or you can get a low rent, lawyer or even try mediation to wrap up the relationship. If you want to separate yourself more from the daughter, you’ll need to go back to the hospital and get the birth record changed. Be safe.

insanityisinherit · 2023-12-26T17:12:17+00:00

This sucks.

There's no way around it.

Consider that little girl's feelings too. If youre all she knows, you are her father. Would fighting for her give you some purpose?

par4me20 · 2023-12-26T17:11:08+00:00

I’m in a similar situation. I’ve had three of my STBX wife’s friends tell me to get a paternity test. My wife and I were separated at the time she got pregnant. We did have sex while we were separated. The thing is I don’t care if she’s mine or not. I’ve raised her and she is the most important part of my life. I already despise my STBX for many other reasons. I give zero fucks about my lying bitch of a wife and will sooner deplete every dollar I have to make sure she gets shit. But my daughter will always get the best of me. Paternity test or not.

Edit. My daughter is 18 and a freshman in college. My plan was always to wait for her to leave for school. I’ve looked at like being in prison for 18 years. It’s time to be free!

helloworld2389023 · 2023-12-26T16:21:33+00:00

First off, I am sorry man. I know it must be devastating and to raise a child for 5 years who you thought was your own is just awful. Hire an attorney asap and file for divorce asap.

As for your daughter, she biologically is not yours but I am assuming you are the only dad she knows. To her, you are her father. She didn’t do anything to deserve this situation, try to remember that with your next move. I can’t tell you to stick it out bc idk if I would but you should not just abandon her. She is young so she won’t fully understand but she deserves some sort of explanation if you plan to leave her. Whatever you do, protect yourself, get an attorney ASAP.

SpiritualEnema · 2023-12-26T16:18:13+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can’t imagine having to go through that myself. This is the ultimate level of betrayal that a woman can do to a man. I bet she knew all along.

One day at a time my man. You are more than just the sum of your current circumstances

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2023-12-26T15:48:19+00:00

I can’t imagine how hard that was to hear about your situation. They are not your family anymore. It’s awful to think about but you did the right thing. Make sure you keep busy. See this as a new start and you get to choose what you do next, there’s excitement and wonder in the future. You could end up having an amazing family one day, you could stay single and enjoy your hobbies and travel. You have so many amazing options out there. Never give up because of someone’s poor behaviour. It’s their loss. Take care and keep moving forward.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-12-26T15:45:08+00:00

I understand your feelings OP. That shit hurts and I think you did the right thing. But how old is the daughter?

Title	Walked away from my wife and her daughter
Author	Terrible-Link2836
Upvotes	97
Comments	101
Date	December 26, 2023 3:39 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18rarhh/walked_away_from_my_wife_and_her_daughter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/walked-away-from-my-wife-and-her-daughter.1241596 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241596

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