This is not me

EstablishmentBoth402 · 2024-01-05T12:26:10+00:00

I hope you find your person

Any-Dare-7261 · 2024-01-04T10:10:49+00:00

Date for 18+months before marriage. I would strongly advise to never get married again.

NewDay0110 · 2024-01-03T22:47:31+00:00

I am like that too, and used to be moreso. Reading the red pill content was difficult for me too. It basically tells you the dream you had was a lie.

However there is an optimistic way to look at it. The problem is not women as much as it is how badly the court system is rigged against you. The red pill and MGTOW is all about protecting you so you don't get harmed by the injustice of this legal system that will punish you for being a good man providing for his family. Its about managing your risk.

I am still open minded and optimistic that I can find thr best in people, but after divorce I am much more cautious. It is hard to be disappointed if your expectations are already low.

control-alt-7 · 2024-01-03T22:25:48+00:00

If it's not you, then who is it.

This IS who you are.

"This is not me" is a cop out.

SignificantPen1609 · 2024-01-03T21:39:20+00:00

Western Civilization is a prime example of what happens when ethics go out the window. As long as you are in a society that says screw doing the right thing and speaking truth, the influence will eventually currupt man or woman, and someone is getting fucked over. I have no idea how to fix this problem. I would suggest finding someone that aligns with your ideology to life, and move to a country where traditional values stand and laws are fair enough for both man and woman to feel safe.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2024-01-03T21:26:25+00:00

Unconditional Love is reserved for Dogs and Children. All You get is the equivalent of a single person human wave attack for some psychotic child with Princess pretentions , “trauma” and unearned entitlement.

Dapper_Employer5787 · 2024-01-03T19:53:09+00:00

The sad truth is that women are not capable of loving men in the way that you desire

Careless_Payment9298 · 2024-01-03T19:15:33+00:00

Hang in there. I was in the same boat about a year or two ago. I couldn't connect with anyone after I learned about hypergamy etc. Then I met an amazing Asian lady. She has more money than me, is happy to be submissive, and is very peaceful. We have been dating for about a year. She is happy to just make sandwiches and watch tv for dates. I could go on and on until I sound like a simp. I am keeping my eyes open, but she seems to be everything I didn't know existed. I thought I'd never be capable of loving someone else. I went out with A LOT of girls in 2-3 years but I finally found a keeper.

ijustdontcare74 · 2024-01-03T17:49:53+00:00

It’s ok to want that ideal family unit and it can work as long as you KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN for warning signs and do not allow yourself to fall in too quickly. There’s nothing wrong with a long courtship and really vetting your future partner. As with all relationships…trust but verify!!!!

stent00 · 2024-01-03T17:17:12+00:00

Some people go mgtow for a reason and a season... For some people they stop by for a bit and then move along. Others it's there default...everyone is different. Getting back on the saddle again can work if you have no expectations and have actual boundaries and stick with them

atomicnugget202 · 2024-01-03T17:06:15+00:00

Redpill is the problem because it takes situations like accountability/logic that we've all experienced in our own relationships and the lack there of and puts in on screen for us to digest. Remember it's entertainment not reality. The biggest thing you can learn from RP is women are women and men are men. We are different in many ways but those bridges can be connected through reasonable communication with the RIGHT partner that is willing to make amends.

justlook2233 · 2024-01-03T15:13:50+00:00

Get off the red pill shit. My stbx got into that shit.

Small doses - awesome. Complete? No. Woman will give more of ourselves when we get something back.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2024-01-03T14:37:31+00:00

Reality isn’t for everyone.

Stay in your idealized romantic myth state. Get married again because “She’s different.” Have some kids with the new wife. Enjoy a year or two of the romantic myth until reality asserts itself again.

Then maybe you will start to see.

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2024-01-03T14:15:57+00:00

One word brother -Time!

Some things just can’t be forced, sometimes it takes a bit of work to do a little rewiring, then let time & patience for to work.

Good luck, tomorrow you will look back and understand.

Worried_Baker_9462 · 2024-01-03T13:20:57+00:00

If you play a video game and there is no challenge to overcome, why would you pay any attention to that video game?

When you beat the video game, what do you do? Do you keep playing it or are you more likely to play a different video game?

Maybe you sell it for cheap to contribute a bit toward buying a shinier game that you want.

roman_erudite · 2024-01-03T13:13:55+00:00

I want to add a different angle: instead of worrying about "female nature" etc I just want to look at the incentive structure made by family law.

It is incentivizing a person to stop working, spend as much as they can for as long as they can, and increasing the reward everyday for breaking the contract. No accountability whatsoever. One phone call to the police and you're leaving in handcuffs.

Now even if I find a Saint, they're supposed to resist these temptations every day for decades, despite all the irritations and inevitable conflicts that arise over the years.

Man or woman, do you trust a human to be loyal under these conditions?

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-03T13:06:05+00:00

Idk how old you are but honestly, I think u need to move overseas and find a traditional woman who sees you as a live partner and not a $ sign. Not saying there’s not any in the us but they are very slim pickings

life-is-short- · 2024-01-03T12:35:51+00:00

Sorry bro but I was the same. Tried twice with no success. Second time even took her out of nowhere with many problems and helped her and her son. But no appreciation, she just took everything she could and already with another dude. Most of them became instagram princesses and want to have endless honeymoon. I believe will end up in occasional dating and no real family anymore 🤷🏼‍♂️

Cecilthelionpuppet · 2024-01-03T12:33:50+00:00

Sorry to hear you're struggling man. I will say the manosphere and red pill stuff is all toxic. Stay away from that. I feel like I don't need to say that though, because by what you're writing it sounds like you already are pivoting away. Nothing wrong with stoicism by the way, but even that can become toxic if inappropriately applied.

Focus on being yourself, the best you. Based on what you love it sounds like volunteering may be something for you to try out. Community and connection come from helping out at events wherever they are, and that's where you meet people too.

justgotnewglasses · 2024-01-03T11:14:25+00:00

Red pill will fuck your head up. Ditch that bullshit. You will be happiest when your life aligns with your ideals.

Relax with women, show them who you are and it will work or it won't, but you won't be left wondering what would have happened if you showed her who you really are.

Another commenter mentioned something about her never breaking a sweat. They were talking about idolisation of women - and if that's what you meant, then I agree with them. If you idolise, you cannot have an equal relationship. But if you meant you want to provide for her, then yes, go for it.

It's a difficult process to disentangle yourself from your marriage and find yourself amongst the rubble, and then to trust someone with your heart all over again.

The red pill is bitterness, and bitterness won't heal you or help you.

Gattsama · 2024-01-03T11:12:19+00:00

There's nothing wrong with your desired goals. If that's the relationship you want and the partner you want, by all means, pursue that. However, as you are well aware, not all women are fit or will reciprocate. So you need to vet and find that woman.

The goal of MGTOW and RP isn't to hate women. Be single, play games, etc. The goal is to understand female nature and relationships better so that you can make an honest and INFORMED choice about your life.

You need the info, skills, and knowledge to find that girl that you can have your desired relationship with. They do exist, but they are rare. And because they are rare, you need to have a way to vet for them and exclude the others.

For example, it's important to me to find a girl that is of service and gets fulfillment being of service. I enjoy doing the heavy lifting, fixing things, talking for hours, sharing my life, etc. But I also know that if I bring my total package to most women, I will get used. It is what it is 🤷‍♂️ I need to vet for a girl that shares my outlook on relationships, has the skills (or is willing to learn) that I am looking for, and I can safely and freely give myself too.

That's a rare woman. So I have to date with intention. I don't see this as not being my 'true self'. I see this as being realistic. Trust is great, but it has to be earned. You wouldn't walk up to a stranger you've never seen before and ask them, 'I'm just going into this building for 45mins can you hold my wallet and car keys? Be right back.' But a lot of guys seem to want to date like this (not saying you).

They meet someone, go on 2 or 3 dates, and then want to trust and commit to unrealistic levels. You say you are all in or nothing. That's fine, do that. But vet at the same time, be prepared to walk away when they demonstrate they are not fit, worthy, workable, etc for that kind of relationship.

And that means you will walk away from a TON of women, because again a fit woman is very rare. You want someone on your team, that's excellent. But you will need to interview her for that position. Most applicants are not qualified for the position. That's OK, that doesn't mean you have to change your system or who you are.

S4z3r4c · 2024-01-03T10:15:18+00:00

Why would she never have to break a sweat?

You're immediately putting her on a pedestal where her expected contribution is minimal. By all means be goofy and all in but maybe expect a little more of your partner or they'll walk over you.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2024-01-03T08:51:45+00:00

There's nothing wrong with this brother. But now that you've gone through a divorce you have the capability to pick a partner that matches you better.

We all wish you the best of luck on the rest of your life.

Title	This is not me
Author	Ok-Barracuda-8970
Upvotes	54
Comments	93
Date	January 3, 2024 8:44 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18xerb0/this_is_not_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/this-is-not-me.1242147 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242147

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