How has your image of how life 'should' go contrasted with your actual lived reality? Do you feel as though you've missed seemingly 'obvious' milestones/rites of passage for someone at your stage of life? Have you 'fallen through the cracks' and how do you regard your future prospect?

ComfortableJeans · 2024-02-15T09:59:28+00:00

Honestly, I expected nothing good, and I'm still fucking disappointed.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-02-15T08:42:25+00:00

I didn't really have much expectations except for finishing education and getting a job, which have happened. I didn't have sex nor relationships in my 20s and I have no reason to expect that could change in my 30s. If there ever was any hope when I was a teenager that it'll happen one day, it's now dead and buried. I am too much behind for that, it's not a few years, it's decades now.

IceWingAngel · 2024-02-15T09:05:00+00:00

Max Payne said it best. “I’m not slipping man. I’m slipped.” Pretty much nothing has gone to plan personally or universally speaking in regard to average milestones (29yr old). On the bright side, going through abnormal strife in contrast to one’s peers, makes it easier in the long run to accept not reaching typical goals. I’ve almost entirely stopped comparing myself to the average individual.

Bekiala · 2024-02-15T13:51:11+00:00

I sort of realized that I was never going to have a home, relationship nor career in my twenties and that is how it turned out.

Mostly I'm okay with it but it has taken a long time to accept. Really hard when I was young.

shestammie · 2024-02-15T08:49:10+00:00

Nah I feel I’ve done pretty well for my age actually. Partner, homeownership, degrees, job that pays well that I like doing, etc

But I’m also sure my good attitude is related to the fact that most people around me haven’t ticked as many achievements off their list. Humans are competitive that way. (Or I’m just shitty)

CraftyCooler · 2024-02-15T10:03:39+00:00

Yeah - pretty much ticked all the boxes, getting married, having kid, owning a house, 2 cars, some investments, education, well-paid job. American Dream in Central Europe :)

spanglesandbambi · 2024-02-15T08:39:10+00:00

I'm from a very Catholic family, so a lot of my milestones came much later, but I think that's worked out for the better.

My Dad and Mum (with her 1st husband who died) both were married in their teens via arranged marriage and had children in their teens, too. As I wasn't "married off," I've got to travel, get degrees, and have the confidence to say no arranged marriage for me and choose my husband. I got married at 32 and had a child late last year at 34 years old.

Alot of expectations comes from the culture, location and family you where born into and its ok to go that doesn't work for me and do what feels right for you.

Electronic_West_1831 · 2024-02-15T09:21:55+00:00

I didn’t so much as fall through the cracks as was pushed through them and had my fingers stamped on as I tried to cling on; nothing has gone the way it was supposed to, and I genuinely wish I hadn’t been born, because not a second of this wretched life has been enjoyable.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-02-15T11:33:51+00:00

I also grew up in the Midwest! It really does feel just slightly more gradual than the pace of the larger coastal cities.

However, I was raised by weirdo hippies who didn't teach me to CARE about how things "should" go - I don't care if I'm not living the exact same life as a New Yorker or someone from Frisco. I'm NOT a New Yorker, so I don't feel disappointed in not living like one.

The one things that will set you apart FAR more than any arbitrary timeline of development is INSECURITY - no one knows what you've experienced or not. New people (including women) can't see your "checkpoints" on your shirt - they might not even have been raised to care about the checkpoints YOU'RE worried about. You draw attention to something the more you pay attention to it - if you're hyperfocused on yourself and what you perceive as "limitations", people often end up following your lead and also focusing on those things.

The best antidote is to learn how to be curious about others, and learnt to ENJOY the contrast that sets you apart from each other rather than feel like only ONE is "correct" and the other is "behind".

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-02-15T09:45:52+00:00

It's definitely over for me, I have no hope of a happy relationship unless genetically engineered cat girls become a thing

catdog7676 · 2024-02-15T13:04:05+00:00

I expected mediocrity and have somehow still failed myself.

AdEffective7894s · 2024-02-15T09:07:13+00:00

I feel like something pretending to be human, so "fallen through the cracks' is pretty accurate.

Within out species we make distinctions. We call murderers and serial killers monsters because they exist so far out of the normal human experience that they can't be understood by the general population.

I think incels and late virgins like me are social aberrations to the rest of the happy masses. They don't really understand why we aren't normal. They mock us and fault us for it.

Sure everyone deals with heart break and disappointment, but they do have some wins. How can anyone empathize with the depth of despondency and lonliness that incels must have felt? That I have felt. The belief that is crystalized over the years into a certainty, that we are infact worthless. The anger you see incels display is the death throes of egos trying to refute that they are worthless. I see it, I understand it. It is the equivalent of women saying "I am a 10". WHat you want us to do is to shut the fuck up. That only happens when you give up. When an incel gives up. You would prefer that incels give up rather than do anything to try and make things easier for them. Thus reinforcing the fact that they are worthess

A woman was talking here about the benefits of being in a relationship, selling love as this beautiful thing. About feeling loved and protected by her partner.

But how would I know?

I lived laughed struggled and cried alone. I have faced the best and worst moment of my life alone bearing the weight of everything. I have not experienced romantic love, touch or support.

So how am I supposed to understand anything about love?

I can't relate with love and married, happy people. I don't like to spend time with them because it makes me feel bad and resentful, as if I am friends with a trust fund kid.

I dont read romantic books. Any stories with sex or romance in them i skip those parts. I dont watch teen-movies especially if they kiss or have sex,i dont watch podcasts with attractive men and women talking about sex, I don't watch romantic comedies. I can't fucking relate, and watching them makes me feel wrong. As if I am not real and i shouldn't be there.

I can no longer accept love, I can no longer accept genuine happiness, because if I was going to experience any of them then i ould have experienced them by now. If I am able to be in a relationship now that I have a job, does that mean that I am worthy of one only now that I have it? I cant deal with that. I have lived alone for 15 year ( from the age of 15). This is all I know

All I do is nihilistically live my life, shaving off some minutes one cigarette at a time

Oh and I am a misogynist now. Or at-least that's what you would call someone who actively avoids women and does everything in my power to not help them or benefit them. Recent development too.

So have been dealing with my sense of self after this change as well

AutoModerator · 2024-02-15T08:31:44+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

GoldenHornyChicken · 2024-02-15T10:16:19+00:00

I feel I missed some things I would have liked to do in my 20's, like a PhD instead of leaving uni right after my degree, or traveling more with my man before we had a baby. But I don't feel defeated yet.

[EDIT] I'm a 32yo woman.

PiastriPs3 · 2024-02-15T11:43:30+00:00

Yep. At 15, I thought I was going to be a lawyer seeing how successful most of my family was at the time (2 uncle doctors, cousins who all went to elite selective schools, sister who recently graduated from med). And I was doing very well at school to the point where I was preparing to take the test to get into one of the most prestigious schools in Australia which was where my cousin was enrolled (Melbourne high).

But I later found out at 16 that I had a brain disorder that affected my cognition and memory. I couldn't go to university because of it. I was stuck doing pretty hard labour at some of the worst meat factories in my late teens and early 20s. Hell I nearly lost parts of my finger to a saw accident. Then I worked in construction for a few more years at a family friend's company.

Ive partially recovered from the brain disorder and now I'm completing a computer science degree, specialising in cyber security whilst teaching disabled kids. But I feel like at 29, I should be a lot further ahead in life than I am right now, especially when you compare yourself to your cousins you grew up with who are doctors, medical researchers or senior engineers and are buying their first homes with their partners.

It kinda sucks, but life could always be worse. Like having a disability or being born in a war zone and losing your parents to suicide and then experiencing the pressure to raise 5 of your siblings whilst trying to leave said war zone, then watching half your extended family be murdered by the communist regime like my father. I still don't know how my father endured so much and came out of the other side with his sanity intact. Some people are just built of different stuff.

uccelloverde · 2024-02-15T14:14:15+00:00

I’ve definitely had milestones late and sometimes felt like I’ve fallen through the cracks. I didn’t start dating until mid-late 20s, and lost my virginity in my late 20s. I think a combination of being autistic, growing up in a religious family, and moving around a lot (military brat) made it harder for me to pick up the dating/relationship skills that my peers were learning. I had a couple of short term relationships in the past few years, but I’m currently single and not sure what to expect in the future.

Jaded_Interaction162 · 2024-02-15T20:06:37+00:00

My imagination:

Get bf in high school
Go to college together with him and finish in 4 years
Get a good job right out of college
Get married, travel, etc

Reality:

Get bf in high school. He has some kind of cluster B personality disorder, most likely borderline.
He screams and has emotional problems
Break up with him
Have to switch colleges
In the meantime work crappy service jobs
Move out into a bad roommate situation.
Move back home
Start dating a guy from work. Oh no, he has a similar issue that my ex had. Another borderline dude somehow. They even look similar.
Break up
Go to college far away from home
Meet fiance
Original ex commits suicide
Graduate from college
Spend a year job hunting
Apartment floods
Spend a year at home
Finally move to other side of the state
Find an okay job
Fiance proposes
Might get a promotion to a better job

It took a lot longer and had more steps and complications to arrive at the same final destination point. Honestly it was mostly fucking awful. What is it with guys who look similar having the same problems. Also I can't believe one of my exes is actually dead now.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-02-15T11:45:03+00:00

On most counts I'm early. Self-sufficient, a degree, professional job, flat with just my partner, reasonably well travelled and looking to do more, getting married soon, saving for a mortgage in a couple of years while many of my peers are still at uni or on apprenticeships. For a time I was behind, mainly romantically but that was first time lucky, but then things sped up. There are milestones I'm completely missing though, like driving a car and having children. Most people my age have at least a clue of a place they'd want to live for a few tears too while I don't know what country I'll end up in and know I might have to move around, which does make me feel less settled.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-15T12:06:22+00:00

Albert Ellis said that Shoulding and MUSTerbating are the most common ways of making ourselves miserable, because they force us into extremist and irrational ways of thinking.

FromAuntToNiece · 2024-02-15T10:34:16+00:00

I am "life skills behind" by 15 to 20 years, but I am intellectually older by 15 to 20 years.

I've missed out on a lot socially and only my limerence has prevented me from missing out on the career front.

Which is funny, because I really didn't pay attention to this stuff until I turned 40 last year, and until I started reading about the male loneliness epidemic a few months ago!

The latter phenomenon turned my pill purple faster than adding a formula drop!

Anyways, my n-count / body count is 3 (all post-40) and my r-count is still zero.

Finances: I own my own car, have my own apartment (for rent), and have no student debt. This year marks the first to hit six figures.

I personally don't consider that well-established enough, because I didn't get the chance to become a homeowner, and because I still have an MBA to pursue.

RubyDiscus · 2024-02-15T09:05:51+00:00

Speaking as 35M Midwest US, I would say most of my major checkpoints are about 4-6 years behind the 'usual' curve for those in my comparable cohort. Ultimately, by 30ish I've more or less arrived at 'typical adult' markers (all's well that ends well...I guess?), but those early-to-mid 20s years were certainly full of question marks. I d

What check points are you behind on?

Oh I'm (31F) definitely behind on some stuff but not other stuff.

Atleast half of women my age have kids by now and I don't. Probably 90% or more have a car licence and I'm still working on that likely going to get it this year. Only on Ls still atm. Most have had a actual job or been full time for ages. I only had a casual job and not for that long.

Id say I'm up to par when it comes to dating and sex and education. I'm ahead of many when it comes to education since I think most women in my area don't have a degree.

MikeArrow · 2024-02-15T09:37:09+00:00

Yeah I've always been behind trying to catch up. Had my first kiss at 21, my first and only girlfriend at 23. I'm 34 now and facing the prospect that I'll probably drop dead of a heart attack trying to lose enough weight to be attractive enough to get a date.

r2k398 · 2024-02-15T10:42:22+00:00

I’m ahead of where I thought I would be and it’s due to me choosing a wife that has a great career and has the same goals as I do.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-02-15T10:50:00+00:00

actual lived really?

Life is really hard. I made some hard decisions, that cost me my first marriage. So in that context, I probably wouldn’t have made the choices I did.

That said, I learned a ton from it. Gained a ton too. So whilst I regret some of my choices, I wouldn’t take any of it back. As it led me to where I am today.

Godspeed and good luck!

Complex-Hat1875 · 2024-02-15T11:05:51+00:00

It has gone nothing like I imagined it as a kid and a part of me will eternally seethe over it.

But the thing about that is, most young peoples hasn't. The current world is not the same one that majority of westerners grew up in for better or worse, the milestones older people experienced in their youth aren't really applicable today - or at the very least are much more difficult and take much longer for a lot of people to reach.

People aren't having kids until their 30's, are unable to purchase a home, getting good a job is less about your qualifications and more about who you know, everyone's living paycheck to paycheck and consumer debt is ballooning as people try to simply stay afloat, kids aren't really going to parties anymore as everything turns digital, people under 30 are overwhelmingly living with their parents because they've been priced out of renting, every business is complaining that young people aren't going out and patronizing them, yada yada the list goes on.

I've experienced a lot of things, missed out on a lot more that I regret, but when I stop and put it into perspective that none of that shit from 90's-aughts's sitcoms exists for the majority today it's pretty easy to shrug and go whatever. Some of us have been dealt a shittier hand than others and there's not much else to do but play it.

MasterTeacher123 · 2024-02-15T12:52:36+00:00

I feel like most people think their lives shoulda been better/different than it actually turned out even beyond dating. Whether those people are simply delusional is a matter of opinion

abaxeron · 2024-02-15T13:39:31+00:00

Dating doesn't matter. This is the "should".

We are born into a Universe that aims (and is ultimately doomed to succeed) to destroy, disperse, and cool down anything but near-vacuum sludge with occasional ball of iron-58 floating around. We're born into EXCEPTIONALLY terrible bodies, where symbiotic bacteria in their one part turn into pathogens in another. We consume enormously huge amount of very complex food to stay warm and active, we're very sensitive to atmosphere conditions, have terrible sense of balance, we are programmed to especially love food that makes us fat and our teeth go bad, we get spinal problems because of our upright walking.

And our memory and skill acquisition are so awful that we have to spend 15 years learning just to get a shot at a normally paying job.

Every SECOND that I spent trying to impress girls as a high schooler and student, was wasted. If I was obsessed with spreading my genes, jumping above the world's average fertility rate requires only three exceptionally lucky orgasms, and the only realistic way to have 10+ children these days is to become a sperm donor.

Additionally, trying to impress women is futile because the amount of women that will only react to you if you try to impress them - is close to non-existent. If she has put you into the "No" box at first sight, there's almost nothing you can do to change it. If you got into her "Yes" box, there's very little you need to do to stay there.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-02-15T14:11:36+00:00

I thought my life was going to be me working manual blue collar jobs most my life and probably living with a baby momma GF in my parents basement.
Things turned out better for me than that, but at the same time, that working class life didn’t sound so bad.

Acaciduh · 2024-02-15T14:24:08+00:00

No as an elder millennial I have no clue about all this zoomer doomerism and “missed milestones” that gets talked about on here. I dated and partied in high school and college, got married, bought a house, had children and pretty much everyone in my social circle followed this same trajectory.

chalkandapples · 2024-02-15T14:31:21+00:00

All my boxes are ticked now. But in my 20's I was lagging behind my peers a lot in relationships. I was behind so many steps. Like I haven't held hands with a guy and my friends have already dated for more than a decade and is married and having kids kinda situation.

But the moment it happens, all these milestones fall into place like I was never that behind. All the stuff that seemed so far away just happens like it's no big deal. The interesting thing is that a lot of my friends had all the exciting and major milestones happen at the same time. I got to spread them out and I get to constantly have new and exciting things in my life at a time when my friend's lives are more mellow and routine-like.

Aromatic_File_5256 · 2024-02-15T15:51:41+00:00

I had sex for the first time by the end of last year as I haven't had a relationship ever. I might date but I will never go through the experience of dating at 20yo. Oh and the person I had sex approached me herself so I haven't experience successfully taking the initiative or seducing someone.

I also have never had highly pleasing sex. The woman in question is conventionally attractive but doesn't click with me, the sex was enjoyable but kind of meh. And I knew it would probably would be like that I only accepted because she made it easy for me and I figured that at least the experience would be useful for the future when and if I get to be with someone who I do crave

Unique-Afternoon6316 · 2024-02-15T16:11:12+00:00

The image of my life hasn't contrasted with my actual reality that much, but it's largely not improved. In some ways I'm doing better than myself 10 years ago would have thought(because I'm still alive) but in almost every aspect I'm exactly where I thought I would be, except for the lack of a relationship. I've missed several milestones, and I try every day to work on myself to make up for that lost time, though it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel I try to remain optimistic.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2024-02-15T16:41:24+00:00

I thought I’d have a kid by now but we don’t have a house yet. I know it’s possible to have a baby in an apartment but we don’t want that.

Purple_Kangaroo8549 · 2024-02-15T17:10:08+00:00

Parents advised their kids on how to work within a social structure that was destroyed before they became adults.

Dating, even career advice doesn't apply. Boomers collectively wrecked the US then handed the problem to their kids.

Good_Result2787 · 2024-02-15T18:10:54+00:00

It's not exactly where I'd want it to be but not bad considering. I grew up lower middle-class at best (I think our financial situation was often worse than it seemed to be when I was a kid, looking back). Also homeschooled, born with a physical disability, in a rural environment that compounded the relatively social isolation of being homeschooled.

Still made some good friends in my teen years, did well enough in school to get at least part of my uni degree on scholarship. Uni life was great (it can often be really hard for disabled folks) and I miss it sometimes.

I think the only thing I could be and should be doing better is having a bigger nest egg by this point in my life.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-02-15T18:13:33+00:00

I don't compare myself to others too much.

I have lived intensively enough to the point I could drop dead tomorrow and I wouldn't have regrets.

I went through hard shit like everyone and I'm also successful. Might become a millionaire sooner than later. Not that I care much about it. Just wanna be able to not worry about money or depend on others.

I never planned my life much, either never pressed myself against milestones and my main worry has always been how am I going to succeed to support my aging parents and to give my future children a good chance at life.

EmbarrassedClient283 · 2024-02-15T18:19:41+00:00

In some aspects my life is much better than I have ever imagined and in some it is worse, overall I still am lucky to be where I am. I believe I am behind the most in social skills due to the fact that I can't seem to find the motivation to train them, most people are boring to me unfortunately and getting laid is very easy where I am at, so this is just a recipe for being unmotivated to improve

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-02-15T18:28:47+00:00

I thought love ''should'' conquer all, that all it took was loving hard enough to make everything work. This person is treating you like shit? Love them harder, they'll see the error of their ways if you just love them a little more!

Well, that didn't end well.

I thought I ''should'' try my best to make any relationship work, regardless of how obvious it was that we just weren't compatible. Because, hey, love should conquer all, it will resolve all those pesky problems.

This also never worked out well.

I thought love ''should'' conquer all, and that I'd be treated well if I was treating others well, when in reality, I was just a doormat and let people treat me badly because I thought I could change them into better people by giving them chance after chance to be better. In reality, I let people treat me badly because I didn't think I deserved anything more than that, and that maybe the poor treatment was deserved. In reality, not everyone is going to be decent to you, no matter how much love you have to offer or how many chances you give them. Thankfully, I grew a spine and stopped tolerating bad behavior, and I now stand up for myself.

I don't think I've missed out on any important milestones at this point in my life but I feel I could have done a better job prioritizing my mental health and working on my self-esteem issues in my 20s, it would have saved me a lot of grief, but oh well, better late than never.

Lysa_Bell · 2024-02-15T18:29:31+00:00

At some point I just stopped giving a shit about anything and I'm just trying to go day by day as best as I can. No predictions or planing. It's not worth it. Things will happen how they will happen. It's not worth worrying about it anymore.

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-15T19:53:51+00:00

It's more or less what I expected. I'm sure I've missed quite a few obvious milestones and rights of passage given being homeschooled and generally being a pretty straight-laced sort, but, I don't think any of it caused me to fall through the cracks so much as just have a more rough road to where I am with weirder pitfalls in the mix. I regard my future with much positivity, hope, and joy.

apresonly · 2024-02-15T20:25:43+00:00

Yes I feel/have felt this way, i've wanted to get married since i was like 13 and was genuinely trying to get a man to have a healthy marriage with from 13-30ish and i was a virgin until i was 24 FYI so i spent time dating as a religious virgin, a non-religious virgin and a non-religious non-virgin in all kinds of social settings (as you can imagine with this shift).

I felt like it was BS that I was offering so much (genuinely wanted to give 100% effort for my partner) and couldn't get something that seems to come easily to others.

This really changed for me when I bought a house at 35. I stopped "waiting" for a guy to give me a life (women literally make decisions like what career to go into based on what their future husband might be like) and started feeling secure in my own life as an individual. I love having roots down and building a life thats all around my own interests, which i never ever ever imagined being able to do bc my interests are so girly/not-masculine. Since I never imagined a man would want to share these things with me, I never imagined they would get to be a big part of my life.

My life makes complete sense thinking about the kind of kid I was, my interests growing up, the college experiences that meant a lot to me, etc. I def landed where I should be and I am excited to see what happens. It feels really good to be immersed in my own wants and needs in a way I stopped doing when I started thinking what I wanted was a man to live life with.

mzinkk9 · 2024-02-15T22:42:43+00:00

I have always seemed to be very delayed and slow to bloom compared to others. Also kind of an outlier or odd in alot of ways. Never really fitting in. Come to find out (just about a month ago I was told by my grandparent) that my mother took some kind of drug while pregnant with me which caused me to have a brain injury in utero (per the doctor). I am a 37 year old woman and all this time Ive been different from others and never knew the cause til now and now I am still trying to process this info. All along I always just figured I was odd for some reason and now suddenly im informed that I was like a drug baby and I was actually expected to be retarded. Luckily I was not, just delayed developmentally and kind of off I guess. I also had alot of seizures as a kid but grew out of them. I never got any kind of therapy or anything, like you said I just kind of slipped through the cracks. I still function ok its just always been more of a struggle for me than for others, Ive never even understood sexual attraction (I must be asexual I guess?) and always felt like I was missing out on that when others talked about it. I failed out of school. I also grew up in a very strict fundamentalist church which was heavily sheltering and controlling. Home life was a violent nightmare. I left that religion when I left home as a teenager. I attempted a relationship in my 20s, got pregnant, had a really rough miscarriage that messed me up emotionally. Left the relationship. I have always been talented with working with animals so I rely on that as a career. I am able to support myself but yea I feel pretty left behind and left out of alot of things and Ive accepted that normal life maybe just wasnt meant for me. But on the bright side leaving home and leaving the religion when I was a teenager opened up a whole new world for me to learn and discover as well as the opportunity for autonomy. I will always be thankful for that.

Edit: typo

Dweller_of_the_Abyss · 2024-02-16T01:13:31+00:00

"Go to school and get a degree will leave you better off than not."

While not 'lies', they were not accurate. Most young men are better served trying to get a trade than a (4-year) college degree in the "Humanities." This advice is only relevant until we have a glut & overabundance in "tradesman."

SsRapier · 2024-02-16T01:22:00+00:00

I imagined i would have turned normal. Didnt happen. Im wayy behind in milestones, to the point my nephew thats 8 years younger outclassed me as soon as he hit puberty. Im currently simply destroying my life. Quit my job, quit the gym after 2.5 years of no success (guess what? Being too skinny is worse than being fat) anyways im too ugly.

I didnt fall behind. I did a nosedive

Obvious-Produce2720 · 2024-02-16T03:00:59+00:00

Okay when I was 15, I was in a relationship with a guy who I ended up dating for almost 3 years, when I was 18 we broke up. My dreams during that relationship was a degree in education to be a teacher, him to be in computers or nursing, to get married after high school, and to try and buy an orchard of orange trees, and have like 3 kids maybe? By around 26 to 27… When we broke up I did date other people till college when I met my now husband. Things had shifted. I really started to thrive in college. Like even my desire for a PHD came in college. I did well in highschool but I didn’t know what to do with my life. Then I met now husband, we dated and got married. I completed college in 3 yrs, worked for two years different jobs didn’t know what to do since covid had hit and destroyed my prospects for my jobs (was going to be a personal assistant to a general, that job disappeared when covid hit and never came back, still breaks my heart). Got a second degree required an internship, discovered HR as field and honestly fell in love with it. So now in a masters program for HR, trying to find my first HR job since my internship. When I think about my 15 yr old goals and dreams they are not near where I wanted them to be. But am I happy with my lot in life right now yes. I had a paid trip to D.C. and a paid trip to New York. My husband supports my dreams and encourages me to imagine more. The only thing I still want is my orchard of orange trees, and still said I am not there, but I will get there. I am okay not having kids right now. I am enjoying my two cats and education as my goals. I even made a list a few days with my husband cause we both were discussing our teenage selfs to now. My husband thinks about his lack of gains in body building, i think about my career not really having started and how i still am on chunky side of my body, so i still want those goals and that makes me sad. At 25 I had hoped i would be thinner but it’s only gotten harder to maintain my weight let alone lose weight. Oh well. that’s my tale.

Brazuca0 · 2024-02-16T04:09:44+00:00

My life took a very different path than what i imagined, and in a lot of ways, i'm still figuring my shit out. I think i'm blessed in some ways, while in others i think life really fucked me over unfairly. Not to mention, i did in fact done some dumb decisions (and like most dumb decisions, they seemed like good ideas at the time).

Not one to complain tho.

Relationship wise, i'm pretty certain i wont find a woman who i think it would be a good idea to get married to, but tbh i think most people in this generation wont either, so i dont view it as being a "me" problem. Still, some part of me feels it would be nice having someone to share the life with. I'm still comming to terms with it.

slazengerx · 2024-02-16T04:46:08+00:00

It's gone far better than I expected was possible; principally after 30.

moonflower__ · 2024-02-16T07:03:32+00:00

I thought about this recently how I'm doing on this 'life path', seeing RL people hitting their 30+ milestones. It is especially hard when family/relatives criticize my life decisions and constantly questioning why I'm off track compared to the rest of RL world. It used to bother me a lot (I guess it still does a little), but I realized I can't share the same life path goals as these RL people.

I been plagued with invisible chronic health issues (will not go into details) since age 10. It has been especially hard the last 2 years after developing some life-altering symptoms yet not enough to kill me and not enough modern medicine to cure me. It's hard to share with these RL people and they will never understand because they been all blessed with a smooth and blissful life and can't understand what chronic health issues do to a person. I have learned to somewhat brush them off and not compare.

These days I'm focused on trying to wake up and go to work so I have income to pay expenses. These milestones and life path stuff is not something I even have capacity to entertain now.

Substantial_Video560 · 2024-02-16T09:29:59+00:00

Well, I'm in full time work earning a reasonably decent wage and am in reasonably good health, so I consider that a positive.

I still live at home with parents (I'm nearly 40) and assist them around the home whenever I'm not working. Although I would like to have a flat of my mine the housing situation in the UK is awful right now, maybe in the future if the economy improves (dountful!).

Lifelong single and never been in a relationship although I have gone on a few dates over the years. Not something I want to try again however. I much prefer the single lifestyle nowadays. Also asexual so I don't have much interest in dating and relationships.

As long as I'm able to pursue my many hobbies and interests, go on holidays and days out, I'm a happy man!

Balochim · 2024-02-16T19:40:54+00:00

Literally I just wanted to love someone and make them happy. Turns out that’s really icky unfortunately.

After growing up and finding out what women are genuinely attracted to, I stopped caring about “milestones” and “cracks” completely

Last-Application-860 · 2024-02-17T02:44:22+00:00

Not very good compared to how I imagined. I'm pretty far behind in terms of what a typical 22 yo has accomplished/experienced. I have periods where I get over the feelings of sadness over it but I can't fend them off for too long.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2024-02-18T18:46:13+00:00

I’ve definitely fallen behind as a 20 year old kissless virgin but as a guy I’m pretty lucky, there are plenty way behind me and I’m working on changing my situation.

My future prospects are honestly looking pretty good and I should be fine all the things considered.

TheGenericTheist · 2024-02-21T05:03:06+00:00

Life has been pretty good for me, though a few small set backs. Outside of like three hookups in my life I've had 0 romantic interest from anyone and that hasn't changed much

I don't really care as I'm a pretty solitary person, but I will say that I do feel much more disconnected from everyone nowadays, I sorta live under my own rock, and I usually don't care for socialization anymore even though my social skills are relatively solid.

I guess it's the neurodivergence of mine coupled with the introversion but I sometimes feel like im apart of a different species or more robot than human. So I have fallen through the cracks and don't really expect, nor care to come back up :p

Comments