What’s the major difference between guys that can attract women and guys that cannot attract any woman no matter what they do?

zapadz · 2022-10-09T07:31:00+00:00

Non neediness, willingness to escalate, more practice socializing

EDIT: also presence and preselection

Jay-Ames · 2022-10-09T09:54:42+00:00

Because i work in nightclubs i see a lot of male - female interaction. It's always the same type of guys that get the girls. They will have one or several of these trades

They take action
Confidence.
They have multiple women in there life so in their interaction with women there is no desperation
Fearless
Social proof
Boldness. Because they have multiple women in their life they are not afraid to say stuff that would make him lose the girl.
Well dressed and such

NatashOverWorld · 2022-10-09T07:01:26+00:00

Willingness to get rejected.

zed_sin · 2022-10-09T14:50:51+00:00

Couple of good experiences with women in early age

devilkingx2 · 2022-10-09T08:44:03+00:00

I improved my success with women dramatically by approaching an insane volume of them (I work at a store that gets a lot of customers). I've got a new girl to text every week or so and a new date every month or so.

Expecting someone to open 100 girls is insane, which is why no one does it, but that's the key to getting a girl once you've got your fundamentals down.

Lonely_Man22 · 2022-10-09T07:58:34+00:00

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OriginalMandem · 2022-10-09T16:38:10+00:00

This has been touched on in other threads I have participated in but I think a lot of the 'success with women from an early age' type thing depends a lot on how a guy grew up and what their parents attitude to them forming relationships or associating with women in general was.

If a guy grows up in a family that is sex positive and has a healthy, supportive and encouraging attitude towards them forming relationships from the age when they could be reasonably expected to want to do so, then they will find it easier and more natural at all stages of the process from their teenage years through adulthood. But if a guy has grown up in a strict family that has religious or cultural aversions to sex outside marriage, or a family where the parents themselves have shame or unresolved trauma issues surrounding sex and relationships then that guy is being set up to fail in relationships.

Unfortunately my own experience put me very much in the latter camp, I was conditioned from an early age to avoid even being around girls to the point that when they expressed any interest in me, I would actively avoid them. By the time I reached the age where I realised what was happening I was already in my early 20s and struggled to overcome the programming, hence the fact it took me until I was in my early 30s to fix myself up enough to be able to get into a serious relationship.

2022-10-09T13:26:42+00:00

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2022-10-09T14:29:25+00:00

Attitude and not giving af about the outcome

James_Cruse · 2022-10-09T10:20:11+00:00

Generally it’s the mindset that they believe they can and have the confidence. That confidence extends to everything and people can feel it. I know, I was that when I was in school.

There is no “hive mind”. If many women don’t find you attractive, it’s because women can sense how you think about yourself and if you’re not confident and at ease with yourself, they won’t be either.

Women generally mirror the state you’re in - if you don’t think highly of yourself then neither will they. If you’re negative, they will feel negatively in your presence.

Any man that doesn’t think positively of himself, is on a subconscious level, a threat to her. As women often take this this feeling as though you mean them harm, even if it’s only a small amount.

George97o · 2022-10-09T12:07:15+00:00

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2022-10-09T09:49:15+00:00

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Acroty548 · 2022-10-09T07:00:03+00:00

Most the time it's confidence

Reasonable-Pea-2772 · 2022-10-09T17:18:10+00:00

Emotionally intelligent, confident, alpha males. They radiate confidence and are FUN to be around. People follow them NATURALLY. They are aware of their environment and they know it. They know how to read a room without trying, especially women's non-verbals. Their body language shows exactly how they're feeling and women pick up on it immediately. There is no trying with them it's just the way they are. It can't be faked and I don't care what anyone says. Women instinctively know when a man just gets it. The men who don't get it... it's like they're blind to it all.

FrivolousMood · 2022-10-09T12:53:01+00:00

About 6 inches of height

Luckyyou00 · 2022-10-09T07:17:35+00:00

From what I seen.

Social Circle
Appearance

RanchHandlher · 2022-10-09T15:30:03+00:00

I've always been good at getting girls. I'm pretty attractive, I have a nice strong jaw line, I'm physically fit, tall and have a nice smile. I also dress well. All of these lead to my book cover being well received.

It's still not enough to just be good looking but it's probably a large percentage of the equation. Even a hot guy isn't going to get positive results if he's crass, too shy, too obnoxious, or just doesn't seize the opportunities he's presented. You have to be willing to make bold moves, flirt, escalate and walk away unharmed if the person doesn't reciprocate. Confidence is the simplest way to describe it.

Character and values are also very important. There's nothing that turns women off more than a mean piece of shit. Be kind, outgoing, helpful and effective at your pursuits. Do things with purpose. Be willing to say no and stay your course. Don't fall into the trap of being a push over, but also have some respect for people and try to find some ethical principles to live by. Honestly and empathy are good traits to foster.

The last thing that really stands out to me when I reflect is being interesting. That can mean a lot of things to different people. But ultimately you need to make yourself stand out and the best way to do that is to be interesting. Nerds are sexy now for this reason. Have passions. Be curious. Learn as often as possible. Try new things any chance you get. Push yourself to break through your boundaries. Be brave, think big, be willing to cross over into hobbies or events that go counter to your click. If you venn diagram you lifestyle, try to have many individual groups of overlapping circles.

Marcus_Kovac · 2022-10-09T19:10:10+00:00

Having done the emotional labor beforehand to resolve and let go of their shame, insecurities, and negative generalizations of the world and of women.

InitialMarket2899 · 2022-10-09T19:28:21+00:00

Dress way better, smell way better, no wet handshakes, more time on the field practicing socializing, power poses and holding eye contact.

jackedsoon · 2022-10-09T13:18:51+00:00

Looks

TeaTeeKaNee · 2022-10-09T14:25:08+00:00

Looks.

Jasonhardon · 2022-10-09T11:12:30+00:00

Laziness on the guys part. Sounds like he needs to self improve a LOT

speaking_moistly · 2022-10-09T15:42:40+00:00

misogyny and political views

KingOnixTheThird · 2022-10-09T14:27:25+00:00

What’s the major difference between guys that can attract women and guys that cannot attract any woman no matter what they do?

A combination of different things. I doubt it's one single cause, rather it's a combination of different issues that come together to make dating harder than average for certain individuals.

And the reason I say it's usually a multitude of different things is because a lot of people say that they can't meet a girl because they're too ugly. Well guess what? Plenty of unattractive men find women all of the time. And the reason for that is because these ugly men have managed to compensate for their unattractiveness in other ways. For some, it's being extremely funny and witty (think Jack Black, Steve Harvey type of guys) while for others it's having higher than average social intelligence.

On the other hand, the men who struggle with women are not only physically unattractive, but fail to compensate for their shortcomings as well. In addition to being below average in looks, some men are also below average in social skills and intelligence (think autism), below average in wealth earning, and have a personality which predispositions them to being unfriendly or anxious. These are the men that are much more likely to struggle with dating.

The_FatGuy_Strangler · 2022-10-09T15:53:01+00:00

Facial attractiveness, being in shape, height.

SwimmingBirdx · 2022-10-09T16:25:22+00:00

I wish I could help but I'm just as confused as you are because I don't necessarily find myself attractive though I tend to pull girls anyway just by being myself.

I find that talking about your passions and finding connections or just making jokes really does the trick.

For the record, I'm 5'3 and I've had women taller than me hook up with me or crush on me, etc.

I think the biggest factor is that I'm never looking for someone or trying to hook up. I'm as nonchalant as can be and treat the other person like a friend, which is where the jokes and easy conversation come in.

It's when the vibes are right where I flirt in a fun way (not gross) and pop the question of like hey, do you wanna head back to mine or ask to go on a date. Depending on the person and vibe, of course.

So I guess I'd say just be laid back and don't think too hard on it.

But again, this is just an observation of my personal experience and it doesn't apply to everyone.

casayoma · 2022-10-09T13:26:05+00:00

The same thing that attract guys in girls, winning attitude vs losing attitude, can you relay on someone or not...

vegeta1418 · 2022-10-09T12:55:27+00:00

You have to be a certain height

Dogo_Design · 2022-10-09T14:05:34+00:00

The difference is that those guys who get girls don’t obsess over them. And constantly don’t think about them and analyse them. I would suggest completely avoiding this subreddit and those similar to this one. Get a hobby and focus on yourself and your friends and family.

Crixusgannicus · 2022-10-09T14:41:56+00:00

Belief.

BlvckSkin · 2022-10-09T15:16:19+00:00

2 majors things. 1. Looks. I'm serious with this, looking good will get your far. But, 2. Ability to pick up on signs and escalate (i.e. make the first move)

If you're clean cut, got nicely fitting clothes and whatnot, that's usually the bare minimum. Then its about if u can escalate. You'll beat out a chad-looking mf if they don't know how to make the first move, although they'll get a lot more chances to do so than you if you're not chad-looking.

Total_Eagle_7359 · 2022-10-09T16:07:26+00:00

They’re fun, confident, dominant, interesting, non needy and unpredictable

tonyrelic · 2022-10-09T16:33:51+00:00

I knew a guy who was visiting from Europe.He was short and maybe a 5 on 10 in the looks dept. He honed his cold approach, was funny and very charming. He was very successful in meeting women and he couldn’t believe how many guys in North America were shy and never approached women in bars /nightclubs.

Leading_Schedule_208 · 2022-10-09T15:38:09+00:00

Having a purpose.

When you have a purpose you naturally have confidence. Confidence comes from taking risk and finding success in something.

Women can read a man that is comfortable and confident

Log701 · 2022-10-09T12:24:25+00:00

The hive mind thinking lol

coldestdetroit · 2022-10-09T14:20:44+00:00

Respect and confidence.

jotwice222 · 2022-10-09T14:43:33+00:00

Practice=confidence

recyclablebanthas · 2022-10-10T00:01:46+00:00

1

What’s the major difference between guys that can attract women and guys that cannot attract any woman no matter what they do?

Couple things:

A: Mindset/Attitude

Some people will be up for it and some won't, but mindset will turn everyone off even if they start off interested. But mindset is a difficult thing to address sometimes.

Mindset just describes the way you think about the world and it will affect everything you do. If you have a poor mindset, you'll walk around assuming you're unattractive or defective.

And while people won't know your exact thoughts, the mindset will taint your actions and word choice, which people will pick up on.

The effect is that a person with a bad mindset will say and do things that make people around them realize on some level that they think they're shit.

And people will tend to believe that. If someone doesn't believe in themselves, no one else will.

B: Social skills

Seduction is a form of social interaction, but it's amazing how often the importance of basic social skills are overlooked. If you don't have the social skills to navigate social situations successfully, you will have zero chance.

And yet guys often come here saying they "did everything" and ask why they still can't get laid or get a GF. But their list of "everything" doesn't include social skills, it includes a bunch of irrelevant things like, "I'm swole," "I got rich," "I got a nice job," etc.

As if any of that helps someone navigate a social interaction.

2

Lastly, if women are different, why is it that if you cannot get a girlfriend, every girl pretty much finds you undesirable? Isn’t this group/hive thinking?

A

It's not the lack of GF that makes girls find a guy undesirable.

Think it through. There are single guys out there who don't want to settle down and have no issues being found desirable. Because they have a good mindset.

They believe/know that some girls will find them attractive and other won't. So they screen girls, interacting happily with them, moving on when one isn't interested, and making moves when one they are interested in is interested back.

B

Imagine if a restaurant was owned by a guy who stood outside talking to people passing by. He tells everyone that they won't like his food.

Should he be surprised if no one wants to go in? Of course not. He's the fucking owner and if he doesn't believe in what he's selling, why the fuck should anyone else?

Similarly, if a guy goes around assuming people won't find them attractive, then people will feel that and be turned off.

People have enough to deal with in life without someone starting off needing that much help. It makes the potential of spending time with them seem like a 24/7 job. Which is a turn off.

That's not group thinking. It's basic human nature.

oliviaroseart · 2022-10-09T12:35:02+00:00

Respect towards women

ChampionshipStock870 · 2022-10-09T18:55:36+00:00

Some of the most successful guys I know that get women aren’t conventionally attractive or super tall.

A good friend of mine sleeps with a new girl every week, he’s 5’9 and probably 250 lbs and married (they’re poly). but he’s confident, doesn’t give af about impressing them (he’s not thirsty in other words) and he makes them laugh.

cryptosis420 · 2022-10-09T15:35:38+00:00

They have more reference experience with women. Most guys who are "natural" had probably had sex at a young age. This doesnt mean its a done deal for guys like us who are late bloomers.

It simply means we have to catch up. The fact that we are taking time to learn this give us an advantage. Most "naturals" may not bother learning this material because they may feel as tho they dont need it.

endless-once · 2022-10-09T15:55:28+00:00

Confidence

Texan2116 · 2022-10-09T15:59:11+00:00

I know dudes in their 50s who have NEVER had a female relationship. Most are a combination of immature/selfish/low income, and just bring nothing to the table.

Theworldssmallestdad · 2022-10-09T16:01:07+00:00

The difference is the people who “can’t connect” believe in the dichotomy you describe and the people who can don’t.

Sin-cera · 2022-10-09T16:21:34+00:00

Having healthy boundaries, keeping his own house clean, confidence, a personality, and knowing what he would bring to the table in a relationship.

So many men fail to realise they’re not competing against other men, they’re competing against sitting on the couch, alone with your favourite book and a cat. If you’re gonna top that, you better bring your A game.

JovemDinamico7 · 2022-10-09T16:47:19+00:00

They're good-looking. Simple as that

jonycabral1 · 2022-10-09T16:56:15+00:00

RemindMe! One Week "demography"

WorthTadpole8305 · 2022-10-09T16:57:43+00:00

I personally think it is the bad boy behavior. You do not necessarily need to be a player but you always need to have the bad boy attitude even though if you are a real gentlemen and by that I mean the not givin a fuck attitude .

Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2022-10-09T17:13:00+00:00

Confidence and the ability to hold a conversation. I was overweight in college and had no problems getting laid on a regular basis.

warramite · 2022-10-09T17:30:29+00:00

Social status is biggest factor IMO.. women really like men who are respected/accepted

Archyblackcat · 2022-10-09T17:42:50+00:00

I think it’s a dominant attitude .. you’re born to dominate or be dominated .. I think guys who can attract girls do so because they don’t mind confrontation when they have to face it.. and guys who avoid it at all costs are the ones who can’t attract them unless they literally super hot.. so yeah it’s your attitude , there was a guy in middle school who had a pathetic pussy ass personality and had zero girls.. 2 years later his attitude was completely different, stopped being a scary cat and obviously the way he walked , talked and his gestures appears a lot more confident and dominant so he got a hot GF.. maybe just hang out with the type of people who attract girls and you will pick up on their personality and become like them

GwailoGaijin · 2022-10-09T18:08:19+00:00

Money, looks, fancy cars and being an asshole or fuckboy.

Longjumping_Profit60 · 2022-10-09T18:36:01+00:00

confidence

Lonely_Man22 · 2022-10-09T18:37:58+00:00

I've known several guys who couldn't get this right, couldn't get out of their heads, anytime girl they liked showed up, they were a bumbling mess...women think it's cute for a bit, then just annoying.

A few guys I've known killed themselves bc of this, most recent guy noting "what's the point of living to just watch everyone else live out their lives and dreams", gun to the head...

....pretty sad

CometAzur42069 · 2022-10-09T18:55:08+00:00

Escalating, willing to risk rejection and embarrassment.

This isn’t easy to master, and if you dont practice it you will lose this skill.

ilovemypersianrug · 2022-10-09T19:22:19+00:00

Girl here. It’s subtle, but if a guy comes up to me like he knows he can get it, there’s usually a higher success rate. Not in a cocky or ovebearing way, but if he talks to me as if he knows he’s worth it, I’ll definitely be more into the interaction. So I wouldn’t directly call it confidence, though it’s definitely a part of it!

Anussauce · 2022-10-09T19:36:19+00:00

Outcome independence

userisauser · 2022-10-09T19:36:45+00:00

Willingness to take risks.

MostDopeKnuckleH3ad · 2022-10-09T19:38:34+00:00

Confidence and patience.

SnooGadgets43 · 2022-10-09T19:45:27+00:00

looks any other answer is incorrect

Xtoxiczombie · 2022-10-09T19:57:01+00:00

Being interesting and expanding your interests. My interests are pretty limited so I don’t stand out. my sister just married a guy he just became a doctor and is doing emergency medicines he’s into a lot of different stuff super smart decent looks

MassageGymnist · 2022-10-09T20:07:15+00:00

They operate on hive mind

Anglicanpolitics123 · 2022-10-09T20:12:34+00:00

So here's a complicated aspect I want to throw in here. Attracting a person and "getting" a person isn't necessarily the same thing. Someone can find you attractive but they still aren't interested in going out with you.

Using my case as an example I have never in my life dated or been in a relationship and I'm in my late 20s. There are at least 3 to 4 women in my work environment who are or might be attracted to me. I don't approach them though(in the romantic sense). Why? Because 95 percent sure theyd say no. Either because they might be unavailable, they have things in their life like school or their careers or simply it being a work environment.

In fact I don't approach women(romantically) period because I'm 98 percent sure it's going to go no where even if I'm attracted to them and they might be attracted to me. I keep it platonic and maintain an exterior that is both friendly and detached at the same time. My point in all of this is that there is more to "getting a girl" than someone simply finding you attractive. Social skills could be involved, the circumstances they are in could be a factor and just simply luck. People underestimate the importance of luck and circumstance, probably even more than looks in terms of getting into a relationship.

ShawtySayWhaaat · 2022-10-09T20:24:19+00:00

Confidence in self

non-troll_account · 2022-10-09T20:34:19+00:00

Rules 1 and 2.

batmano7 · 2022-10-09T21:11:50+00:00

Making girl comfortable like giving slight touches on ass. Touching hand. Or accidentally kiss. All make excitement and wants you

below298 · 2022-10-09T21:24:32+00:00

I think effort and social standing is the biggest thing.

Good traits don't really matter if you don't put yourself out there to begin with. You'll never be attracted to a woman by just being yourself.. that is a lie. You gotta be appealing or attractive to them (aka you gotta be social, no way around it)

Beginning-Ad-8041 · 2022-10-09T21:30:38+00:00

They aren’t on Reddit all day reading theory

George97o · 2022-10-09T21:49:24+00:00

The former take the necessary steps to improve their social skills and their emotional intelligence while the latter still haven't figured out what to do. For the latter I can recommend some people to learn from, as have I and has helped me better understand women and have a girlfriend now.

JaapTedros · 2022-10-09T21:53:05+00:00

The difference is genetics. People who objectively fall into the chad category do not ever need to do much to be succesful in dating throughout their life. Other than basic self care perhaps (don't smell, wear decent clothes, etc.).

If you are an 8/9/10 out of 10 in looks (scientifically, not some rating your friends gave you) and of sufficient height (not at an height where a significant portion of females will start auto-rejecting you), any way you act is automatically confident, any joke you make is automatically funny, and any approach you make or don't make is cute/attractive/etc rather than creepy or unwanted. These are the "always succesful" people I believe you are talking about in this question.

If you are somewhere mid tier/"average" in looks (6-7 out of 10), success mainly comes from your game, social skills, and making lots and lots and lots of attempts. It can take months or years of trying to land a handful of dates, and finding a stable relationship is extremely tough due to competition from both the same and upper tier guys.

If you are the bottom of the barrel in looks (1-5 out of 10), it's near impossible to be succesful, at least in your current state. Your first priority needs to be upping your looks through whatever means possible, for example losing weight, haircut or hair transplant (depending on your situation), and potentially surgery. But everyone has their genetic ceilings. A 2/10 ugly bald guy who is 1.50m tall will never become a 10/10 chad. It's important to always work on yourself, be the best you you can be, but do so realistically.

edadou · 2022-10-09T21:53:33+00:00

The guy who doesn’t attract women has the mentality of “I can’t attract women no matter what I do” because they think they’ve tried it all, when in reality they’ve just been trying the wrong things and they need a paradigm shift to unlock a different mindset.

jcent2022 · 2022-10-09T21:54:16+00:00

Good looks.

freddymerckx · 2022-10-09T22:18:02+00:00

Money

305Carolyn · 2022-10-09T22:31:28+00:00

If you have your life somewhat together and are working toward goals, self sufficient, like yourself and enjoy your own company, are clean, mentally stable, respectful and kind hearted I see no reason why you can’t attract women. You just need to look in the right place. Join an area outdoor group, a book club, a social meet up group with activities. There is someone for everyone. Keep trying.

BigVisual5833 · 2022-10-09T22:51:18+00:00

physical strength

iambrian81 · 2022-10-09T22:56:17+00:00

They are usually good looking and has parents with good social skills. The bulk of your social skills are leaned from your parents. Which then escalate as you become friends with the “cool” kids while growing up.

rovch · 2022-10-09T22:58:30+00:00

Stop giving a fuck about the opposite sex. The indifference and attention to yourself builds confidence. As soon as you stop focusing on yourself- everything goes to hell. You’re allowed to be selfish!

miahoutx · 2022-10-09T23:11:25+00:00

Some have natural appeal. Many never work on improving their appeal and then complain that no one finds them appealing.

Objective-Candle3478 · 2022-10-09T23:33:27+00:00

Many guys don't really think what the word attraction means. They think if I just do this one thing or say these few magic words women will find me instantly attractive. Being attractive means you are a certain person that pulls others to them and makes others want to be around them, but are not overly available or wanting to constantly be there. Think of a magnet and a piece of metal. The fun of the magnet is feeling and seeing that piece of metal get drawn to it. However, if you just leave that piece of metal on the magnet alone that fun is lost. What's the point? It's not being attracted and forced to the magnet anymore because it's already there stuck to it.

So, attraction is in the art of the pulling. Focus of being unique and what makes you stand out as a person. What are your skills, what are your interests? Then learn to sell them. It's not what you do for someone that is necessarily attractive, it's who you are. You need to create true value within yourself and not rely on needing other people to define it. Once you have gained interest in living a life full of variety and being skillful you become confident in who you are, once you become confident you establish a stronger frame. You understand the difference between want and need. You don't need anyone else to give your life value because you can fulfill your own needs. Once you can you stop needing people to give you value. You are then able to go into social situations thinking what can I do to improve other people's lives rather than going into them thinking what can they do to improve mine. Basically you stop being needy. You start creating quality social interaction rather than thinking about quantity. You start to value your time more and from doing so others will value you more. You become less available but also more interesting as a person... You become attractive.

MrJakobe · 2022-10-10T01:33:49+00:00

Presence and knowing who they are.

mehul_mishra · 2022-10-10T19:41:18+00:00

In school / college - looks + socially influential . After school / college it's looks + socially influential / rich

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