Why do most guys not need to do any of this stuff to find relationships with women?

Electric_kundalini · 2022-05-13T19:23:49+00:00

It’s probably because you’re too analytical and stuck in your head

jsbach123 · 2022-05-13T19:42:32+00:00

I think you're missing something that's right in front of you.

It's exactly because these guys don't give a fuck which gives them an attractive vibe. Don't fall into the trap of thinking money and looks should land you women. This is the vibe I'm getting from your post.

Someone who doesn't give a fuck + normal personality will beat someone with a great personality who seems desperate.

themostgianthorse · 2022-05-13T19:34:56+00:00

It’s impossible for us to know the answer with this amount of detail.

I can tell you that it sounds like these guys are happyish (assumption) with their lives and may have a “Don’t give a fuck” attitude They don’t have their LTRs/wives on a pedalstal.

The sub-communication is often more important and has a greater impact than direct communication and/or action.

Perception is nine tenths of the law.

willgo-waggins · 2022-05-13T21:11:30+00:00

One: get the fuck out of OLD. It’s a trap to separate you from your money. I’m 9+ and in that top ten percent as a 6’3” rock hard fit guy with a professional job and money and drive a Benz. I still cannot compete with the top 1% Chads online because that’s what EVERY SINGLE WOMAN is swiping on.

Two: get out. Go out. Put yourself out there. Forget about whatever is said here and use what you have and what had worked for you. Each of us has to come up with our own method and style to success.

nevertextgoodnight · 2022-05-13T19:43:20+00:00

How many of these attractive women have you asked out?

It's kind of like seeing a professional athlete in his prime and thinking "he didn't need to do this stuff" when you were not there to see the years of practice, and hundreds of mistakes he made to get there

Now I'm not saying these dudes are all seduction experts but what is the difference between a guy successful with women and someone writing this post on Reddit?

The successful guy has been REJECTED dozens if not hundreds of times to get where he is

And the other guy is a wall flower writhing in analysis paralysis and theory

It starts with action. And actually to your credit at least you're noticing something you're doing isn't working and you're reaching out. These are the first steps of making a change but the question really is are you ready to get out there and make mistakes, take risks, get rejected and put in the time to become successful

lostinmesauce · 2022-05-13T20:20:30+00:00

A lot of guys “let go” when they’re deeper into a relationship, so you won’t ever see their prime or them trying like they did initially

UnparliamentaryTea · 2022-05-13T20:57:55+00:00

They probably are more passionate about other things than they are about getting women. They don’t try very hard and it makes it easy for them to talk to women because they probably just care less.

The description you provided makes me think of my father, although he was probably a bit funnier back in the day. My dad always told me that the best way to attract a woman was to not give them much attention, which is not perfect advice but seemed to work for him. He had a lot of passions and things going on in his life that kept him busy rather than chasing women. Rather than trying to create the illusion of being unbothered and unafraid of rejection, I think he truly just didn’t care all that much.

When your focus is on finding romantic partners, long or short term, you’re naturally going to be more analytical than someone who doesn’t have that focus, and it makes you susceptible to overthinking. “I’m going to ask her out again at some point because I had fun and she was pretty” requires less thought than “I will wait two days and then ask her out for a second date because her body language was good, I made sure to kiss her, and we had good push/pull.” Less thought doesn’t automatically mean good results or game, but the goal of being aware of and focused on your and her flirting is that it ultimately becomes natural and something that does not require any sort of thought.

froze_gold · 2022-05-13T22:13:32+00:00

Keep in mind that girls get in relationships for many different reasons. A lot of them.. shallow. I.e. emotional support, money, loneliness, etc.

One of my friends just got dumped. Girl was a single parent, 3 kids, and left him for her ex after a couple weeks. She had him spending a good amount of time with the kids, watching them and all that. If you asked me, she was using him as a resource for fatherly duty but obviously didn't love him at all.

No-Budget9882 · 2022-05-13T19:41:32+00:00

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Kevin26039898 · 2022-05-13T20:10:55+00:00

But even the topics that are spoken with girls are boring i'm not professional but i think you should learn how to create positive vibes with every topic

jackzander · 2022-05-13T20:40:48+00:00

Your observation is either inaccurate (you're seeing it wrong) or incomplete (you're not seeing it all).

One of those two is absolutely true. Possibly both.

Either way, your obvious resentment will not help you see more clearly.

Kitchen_Entertainer9 · 2022-05-13T21:33:17+00:00

Could be their history, and they are a types. My attractive friends end up with boring guys and I ask why?

They usually say they met online through Facebook, went to school together, and they thought they were cute at how "normal" they are.

ShameAffectionate15 · 2022-05-13T22:47:33+00:00

Why not ask ur friends how they met? Report here after plz.

MrThrowawayXD999 · 2022-05-13T22:47:39+00:00

Are you not as attractive as you think you are?

Kaisern · 2022-05-13T23:09:39+00:00

Lol a lot of people have a lot of opinions here but missing the obvious answer:

They met in college

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-05-13T20:27:14+00:00

They are doing these things. They just learned about it through trial and error a decade ago and they do it in a low key way that you're not seeing.

Also, if you look at divorce rate, you'll realize that a lot of people end up settling for the first decent partner they find and then spend the next twenty years chafing at the giant incompatibilities until it finally falls apart.

willgo-waggins · 2022-05-13T20:42:14+00:00

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Mr-Kabuki · 2022-05-13T21:48:06+00:00

He did most of these couples meet? Through school? Work? Social circle?

Substantial_Body_774 · 2022-05-13T22:18:27+00:00

I’m a woman who joined this sun bc i was curious. But I, personally, gravitate toward certain men for many reasons that can’t be judged on an anonymous forum.

Demeanor, temperament, how they hold themselves, background (if there is one), but most importantly (as I’ve realized bc of this sub) how they make me feel.

Additionally, it’s impossible to know for anyone- if I knew you I could pin point it. Even a picture might do it- and it might not be because of looks.

innergamedude · 2022-05-13T22:18:47+00:00

I'm not sure this is true. A lot of guys stay lonely for life and don't meet anyone. You don't see them out and about so much so you've got a selection bias.

The other part of this is I'm happily in an LTR now, but something I underestimated in my gaming years is just how variable your reception will be. Every time a woman turns you down, you internalize and personalize it. Don't. You are a product not all women will be interested in. Don't waste your time with women that won't appreciate you. I think a lot of guys can just do this without being so damn neurotic and high-stakes about it, just talk to a woman, feel the vibe on it, and don't chase things that aren't going anywhere. The guys who wind up here are more apt to overthink things, maybe be a bit more mood deaf, and take it as a personal failure that you're not EVERY woman's type.

maybe_MrDawe · 2022-05-13T22:22:07+00:00

How are those guyd doing everything wrong when they are successful at dating?

Logically, it makes no sense bro. You are way too analytical and stuck in your own trap.

And dating is not just solely about looks. Its about emotional connection. An avg guy can date a gorgeous woman and someone like you who has no idea will question it. Its simple = they understand each other.

Do looks matter? Yes but is character better? Yes. Simple as that

HappinessHero · 2022-05-13T22:24:02+00:00

I totally understand what your getting at OP! This has baffled me my whole life! I have since discovered why I was so different and I could not understand why it seemed so easy for others. The answer is too long to write here, but for me, I got my answers from attachment theory and trauma research. The short answer is that these guys you speak of can emotionally connect with their women. I’m a fearful avoidant and together with complex trauma from childhood, my emotional development didn’t happen. I excelled in my logic & reasoning development and so I ended up intellectually connecting with people, rather than emotionally connecting with people.

One of my fearful avoidant traits is yearning for intimacy, but deep down I feared it at the same time. This also led to harbouring sexual shame. The following excerpt from a book describes exactly what happened to me. It was from a study with monkeys:

“Monkeys that were deprived of sex play in their youth, were unable to engage in sexual activity as adult monkeys; because they could not read the mating signals of the partnering monkeys.”

I could never read the signals from women and watching other guys “get the girl” mystified me in the same way as you describe.

consiliac · 2022-05-13T22:27:49+00:00

I could have written this post. It's kind of a mystery to me too.

Part of it may simply be they have more active social lives, and are not introverts?

AngeloMacon · 2022-05-13T22:36:07+00:00

If you're not having great luck with women, your observation of other couples may just be off.

Also, despite the alarming trends in the dating/marriage market in recent years, there are still alot of pragmatic women who just want a nice, stable guy with a good job. You just don't find these types on dating apps or the clubs. You meet them at school, work or social circles.

iAM_A_NiceGuy · 2022-05-13T22:44:36+00:00

So you are going out with 4’s, so that’s maybe what you are? Push pull comes for 8’s and plus. See ya there

Khower · 2022-05-13T22:54:03+00:00

A) too analytical

B) dating apps are trash, if you have a vibrant social life you don’t need dating apps.

C) you’re probably looking too much on paper and not making connections with people instead

notLOL · 2022-05-13T23:14:44+00:00

I can talk about dynamics between ethnicities but it's covered a lot already. Chubby white guy can basically blow out try hard of the same race as the woman. Idk why and I've never seen any scientific explanation just graphs from dating sites of outcomes as the most tangible thing. Everything else is just too small a sample or "anecdotal" but I believe it.

I'm assuming you see these women and men and think it's weird but when couples settle down they don't even need much in common. They just need stability. It's not seduction it's just another phase of relationships. They qualified themselves as relationship material.

Possibly they got fat after as well. Not all good looking guys have personalities that are bad ass. Many are the good guy trope but are above average in looks and catch a relationship before that all fades.

articgeese · 2022-05-13T23:48:03+00:00

They make more money than you

2022-05-13T22:26:47+00:00

You probably aren't the prize you believe yourself to be. Maybe you're incredibly insecure, judgemental and critical of others. Not particularly attractive traits, eh?

Contango6969 · 2022-05-13T19:55:51+00:00

Most of these guys are beta providers who do whatever their girl says. Their fate is way worse than being single and frustrated imo

RambaRedd · 2022-05-14T00:23:31+00:00

I can think of a few reasons why things are working out for them:

1) They are man's men. What this means is they are masculine enough to the point where it offsets the womans natural femininity. You ever seen 'King of the Hill'? Hank Hill? He's not funny, charismatic, or trying too hard. He's just a masculine man (in the eyes of his wife).

2) They have money. Women are attracted to security. Point blank period. A women will settle down with a man that can take care of her financially, believe it or not.

3) They're beta males. The opposite of point #1. Most women will end up settling for betas because they have financial power and are easy to control and take advantage of.

Deep-Advice7587 · 2022-05-13T20:28:42+00:00

Well, how can you tell they aren't a gold digger? Sure, pretty, good looking, has a job... But how can you tell she wouldn't cheat or leave once he's seriously sick or jobless? Also i would add the good men are really rare whether they are attractive or not. PS : to be fair i wouldn't pick an attractive guy who's only there for fun and hooking up over a great guy living in his comfort zone.

No-Budget9882 · 2022-05-13T20:28:52+00:00

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Loki25HMC · 2022-05-13T22:28:07+00:00

This sounds like a you problem bruv

TheCultOfGrogg · 2022-05-13T20:55:29+00:00

Someday men will learn, the less of a fuck you give about women, the mote attracted they are to you. I can’t stress this enough. Stop. Giving. A. Shit. About. Women. Don’t pay them any mind. Don’t even acknowledge them. They will eventually think “why isn’t that guy kissing my ass like literally every other guy does?” And boom, there’s the interest. Schedule a date? Don’t. What dude with a life bothers with a fucking date? You want to see her? Say “we should fuck sometime”. She’s flakes or thinks it’s weird, literally never talk to her again. She have a birthday? Forget it until she gives enough head to make your remember it. Those are how the guys who get women treat them. Women will tell you different but a simple glance says otherwise. Women treat best the men who treat them worst. That’s. Just. Facts.

It boils down to this. Look, dudes, you’re not doing anything special by giving a woman flowers or taking her out to eat. You think she doesn’t have a line of simps who done, and are ready to do that? What has she never had? A guy who isn’t amazed with her and treats her like shit. That’s what she’s never had. Any woman who says otherwise knows that they just use guys like you to help repair their self-esteem after she drives 200 miles to give him her ass and he tells her she can’t even stay the night. I’m not saying treat them like shit, I’m exaggerating for comedic sake, but genuinely, don’t care. The less you care, the better.

caesarfecit · 2022-05-13T21:10:00+00:00

Two reasons primarily.

The first is that women have a say in the matter too. And a lot of relationships you see these days happen primarily because the woman chose him.

And the second is a variation of the Anna Karenina principle which goes - men who are successful with women are all alike, while men who are unsuccessful are, each in their own way.

What we all really look for in the opposite sex is something akin to role-playing - someone who makes us feel certain ways by relating to us in certain ways. The men women gravitate towards can all play those certain roles, and do so well. This is where the Chad archetype comes in. And notice as well that he can be a jock, a band geek, an outlaw biker, because what really matters is playing the role.

The men who struggle, struggle primarily for this reason. And they either give up, learn to fake it and take what comes with that, or they develop some self-esteem and with that, their identity.

Then learning game is a piece of cake and you learn from wins rather than painful rejections.

slappf3sk · 2022-05-13T21:12:28+00:00

Drunk, so didn't read the other comments.

Not to be harsh, but maybe you answered your own question by posting here.

You think you have a good career and you think you are better looking than these guys. But still you feel like you couldn't talk to any of these women for 5 seconds?

koolex · 2022-05-13T21:56:05+00:00

I think it's too hard to say without meeting you and these guys, but a big thing you're probably overlooking is just social skills. Having a great social circle and good social skills will let you meet women and women would prefer to date someone who isn't a complete stranger. Women value masculine behaviors as much as physical looks so if these guys are masculine in other ways that could be an attractive quality you just aren't detecting.

Beyond that, you don't know these guys have healthy relationships, it could be very dysfunctional behind closed doors, all you can see is their public persona. They could be in a dead bedroom, or being cheated on, you just dont know.

Beyond all this, these guys might be in great relationships now, but they could have been single for 4 years just waiting for the right girl to walk into their lives. They have little to no agency over who they date and just had to make it work with this women or be single for another 4 years. A lot of seduction is about learning dating skills so you don't have to wait 4 years to get lucky with a woman, you can be in control of who you date and get the lifestyle you want.

neondream666 · 2022-05-13T22:10:10+00:00

Because average has no reason to do better. You were below average so you have to put in work. Now that you’re putting in work your skills should theoretically go above average after a while. Imagine the fat or skinny kids that become body builders due to bullying. Same thing

focus_flow69 · 2022-05-13T23:13:09+00:00

Sometimes people don't expose their whole relationship dynamic when out in public with their friends or colleagues. I flirt and joke around a lot with my gf at home when we are alone, but when we are out and about we tone it down depending on who we are with.

Outrageous_Pride6017 · 2022-05-13T23:42:04+00:00

Keep in mind that these guys you are describing have already done steps 1-27 and are now at the point in their relationship that they know they are compatible. It doesn’t matter what the appearance is in public because you don’t see the private interactions.

You’re not watching the cold approach, the first impression, the conversations they carried when they first met. They no longer have the same things to prove to their SO.

Talk to them about how they met, if you are comfortable enough to do so. Couples generally enjoy talking about these things anyway, and it gives better insight for your experience. If possible, ask the girls what it was like when they first met, love at first sight/pursued, etc.

2022-05-13T23:42:06+00:00

Ehm, the IDGAF attitude and of course the salaries they earn

TokyoMonkey · 2022-05-13T23:44:24+00:00

You kinda sound like a jerk

briefbrisket · 2022-05-13T23:53:45+00:00

You see how they act in public not how they act at home. These cats might be duds in public, but know how to please thier women at home. You also don’t see how they acted when they first met. Once women are invested to a certain degree you don’t have to do much. Guy might have been charming as fuck, and in shape for the first six months of thier relationship. Now she isn’t gonna jump ship because she’s too comfortable with him. But thinks he will if she gets fat, becomes boring etc.

Yyyyyppppp · 2022-05-14T00:07:58+00:00

Welcome to the club lol

Otherwise_Cattle5111 · 2022-05-14T00:15:43+00:00

Or doing nothing as well.

Otherwise_Cattle5111 · 2022-05-14T00:25:34+00:00

I think ultimately we are seeing certain affects of two of the most important technological advances in human history: birth control and hand held computing devices. I try to be conscientious of committing a percentage to whole flaw, I.e. my experience represents the entire human experience. But carryon.. onward brave debaters.

Title	Why do most guys not need to do any of this stuff to find relationships with women?
Author	No-Budget9882
Upvotes	110
Comments	141
Date	May 13, 2022 7:18 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uoz4x9/why_do_most_guys_not_need_to_do_any_of_this_stuff/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-most-guys-not-need-to-do-any-of-this-stuff.1259738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1259738

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