What's the things you consider a red flag?

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-10-21T12:46:56+00:00

As noted, you're using red flag wrong, but just taking this as if you asked about dealbreakers:

The dark sense of humour could be, depending on the sense of humour. Like if that means racist/sexist jokes, that's a no-go.

Someone who gets into fights could also be, again depending on context. I'd tend to steer away from violent people, though.

Everything else is fine. Heck, my current FWB is the vast majority of the ones that don't contradict another.

Unemployed/minimum wage would only be problems if he doesn't have a goal to fix them. My occupation can't really support another person, just myself, and where I live, minimum wage doesn't come close to self-sufficiency.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-10-21T12:55:15+00:00

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I don't think we're all using red flag the same way. a small penis isn't a "red flag" i just wouldn't fuck him again because he wouldn't have blown my mind in bed. this is really more of a list of attributes in a man that would just make me not attracted to him in the first place. a red flag means you're already into him bed he exhibits signs you should stop dating him

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-10-21T12:15:33+00:00

I dont think you're using "red flag" correctly in this context. But it seems like you're essentially looking for what our preferences and deal breakers are. In which case:

Deal Breaker

Has a 5 inch or less size penis

Earns minimum wage.

Is currently unemployed.

Extremely extroverted

Is someone who gets into fights

Neutral

Under 6ft tall

Doesn't like to go out drinking

Goes out every weekend

Introverted

Likes soccer / Football

Doesn't have a dark sense of humour

Not fond of having kids

Wants kids one day

Preferred

Decent guy who is happy to do anything for you

Isn't much or a hard man who steps into fights.

Need More Info/ specifics

Plays video games

Isn't very experienced with women

Virgin at 25

Has a kid with another woman but still pays his way

Has a dark sense of humour

Has cried once in front of you

Different_Cress7369 · 2024-10-21T10:35:46+00:00

Unemployed, gets into fights, out drinking every weekend are my dealbreakers from that list. I don’t want to deal with an aggro manbaby.

AngeCruelle · 2024-10-21T12:41:17+00:00

Goes out every weekend

Assuming you're referring to night life like bars, clubs, etc., big dealbreaker for me

Has a kid with another woman but still pays his way

I prefer men who haven't had sex (like me) and this situation means he probably doesn't qualify

Has a dark sense of humour

This can work in small doses but I couldn't date a man who takes it too far/says twisted shit all day

Not fond of having kids

I want kids

Is someone who gets into fights

I don't like fights

zyzyverssaint · 2024-10-21T14:26:16+00:00

Deal Breaker

Has a kid with another woman but still pays his way
Wants kids one day
Is someone who gets into fights

Neutral

Doesn't like to go out drinking
Goes out every weekend
Introverted
Extremely extroverted
Isn't very experienced with women
Virgin at 25
Likes soccer / Football
Has a dark sense of humour
Doesn't have a dark sense of humour
Has cried once in front of you

Preferred

Under 6ft tall
Plays video games (spending a reasonable amount of time)
Decent guy who is happy to do anything for you
Not fond of having kids
Isn't much or a hard man who steps into fights.

Need More Info/specifics

Has a 5 inch or less size penis
Earns minimum wage
Is currently unemployed

EulenWatcher · 2024-10-21T10:49:49+00:00

Essie’s getting into fights, I don’t view anything else as a red flag. Most of the things listed are a question of compatible lifestyles and/or they depend on the extremity.

So besides the fighter I’d probably avoid dating a guy with a kid, a gamer with no other hobbies or interests, minimum wage if he wasn’t moving any further and/or we weren’t very young, a guy drinking every weekend, extremely extroverted, the one who doesn’t want to have kids.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-10-21T13:09:03+00:00

Most of these are not red flags. More like preferences.

I don’t mind men under 6ft, Ideal for me is about 6’2”

I don’t mind video games

As long as it’s not a micro P

As long as he can take care of himself, don’t care how much he makes

If he’s purposely unemployed, that’s a red flag

I don’t mind introverted.

Extroverted is ideal for me

Being inexperienced is fine as long as he’s not awkward or weird

Virgin at 25 might be a red flag unless it’s for religious reasons.

Love a man who’s willing to do anything for me

I’m not the biggest fan of men with children since I have none but not a red flag

You can like any sport

I don’t care for not having a dark sense of humor

Not being fond of kids isn’t a problem for me

Wanting kids is not a red flag

Fighting all the time is definitely a red flag

Crying in front of me isn’t a red flag

happylittlefaerie · 2024-10-21T11:11:17+00:00

Red flags are supposed to indicate unhealthy or manipulative behaviors. A lot of these sound like preferences.

Getting into fights is the only one that sounds unhealthy.

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StrugglingSoprano · 2024-10-21T14:28:15+00:00

Dealbreakers

unemployed (if not a student)
has a kid with another woman
wants kids one day
is someone who gets into fights

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-10-21T16:23:59+00:00

plays video games
goes out every weekend
extremely extroverted
wants kids one day
is someone who gets into fights

IcyTrapezium · 2024-10-21T10:40:27+00:00

I prefer taller men given a choice but I’ve thought plenty of men of average height were downright dreamy and their stature never was something I thought about.

Videos games are fine as long as it isn’t for several hours every day.

I literally don’t think about penis size. I’ve never been with a guy where I noticed there being a problem.

Earning minimum wage is an issue since in my country minimum wage isn’t a living wage. As long as he can support himself, it’s all good.

If he’s unemployed why is he dating? He needs to be job hunting.

I like introverts and extroverts, but I also don’t believe they are some fixed binary.

Why is he a virgin?

I don’t want a man who is happy to do anything for me. I want him to have a spine and look out for himself too.

I don’t date single dads anymore and I don’t judge anyone who won’t date single moms.

I don’t care whether he likes sports. Don’t care either way.

All humor is welcome and appreciated.

I don’t want kids.

I don’t want a guy who picks fights. It’s not sexy. It’s stupid.

Every man who ever has told me he loves me has cried in front of me at some point. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t cry in front of men but I come from a family where we were told to cry in private if at all. At no funeral in my family has anyone cried. “We grieve in private” is what my grandmother used to say. When I asked my mom why other kids cried on the playground she said “because their parents coddle them.” So I was socialized like a boy in this regard. I understand not wanting to cry in front of others but I also don’t mind when other people do. I used to mind when I was much younger but I’ve matured some on that.

TidyMess24 · 2024-10-21T10:47:16+00:00

Somebody that gets into fights is a definite red flag. Making minimum wage at my age is also a red flag except in some very exceptional circumstances.

literaryhogwartian · 2024-10-21T13:47:56+00:00

I'm just going to list things that would put me off:

Plays video games constantly (occasional is fine) Earns minimum wage Unemployed Has a kid with another woman Likes football Wants kids

SmokeySunDrops · 2024-10-21T14:49:32+00:00

You're using 'red flag' wrong, but here goes:

Earns minimum wage. Is currently unemployed

I want to be a SAHM and these wouldn't provide the life I want

Goes out every weekend Extremely extroverted

Too social for me and I wouldn't want to hold him back from enjoying his life/I would get exhuasted

Has a kid with another woman but still pays his way

I want my own family, like it or not his kid would be a part of my family too in the big picture, and his ex will have influence (especially financial) for years to come. Red flag

Has a dark sense of humour

I can be sensitive. I don't want to be with someone callous or disrespectful and dark humor might be a sign of that

Not fond of having kids

Dealbreaker

Is someone who gets into fights

Huge red flag. Dealbreaker.

beautyloser · 2024-10-21T14:53:29+00:00

Unemployed, goes out every weekend, having kids with someone else, having an improperly calibrated “dark sense of humor” (read the fucking room sometimes), wanting kids someday, and gets into fights are all immediate dealbreakers.

Some of them aren’t red flags necessarily, but it would make them incompatible with me.

Werevulvi · 2024-10-21T15:32:59+00:00

I'd think the "goes out every weekend" and "is someone who gets into fights" are pretty concerning, as that indicates addiction, emotional instability, possibly dangerous/violent, and potentially higher risk of him being a cheater.

But not really any of the other ones. Maybe the "is currently unemployed" could be a red flag, but highly depends on why he's unemployed. Like, just recently got laid off, or is disabled, would be okay reasons.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-10-21T17:31:21+00:00

"Goes out every weekend" could be a red flag, depending on where he goes and what he does. Goes out to play D&D with his friends and they have a couple of beers after? Totally fine. Goes to a bar/club, gets drunk/does a mountain of cocaine? No bueno. "Virgin at 25" would also fall into the red flag category, but there's some wiggle room there as well.

"Is someone who gets into fights" is just a dealbreaker.

Everything else is either things I'm okay with or things that aren't bad but I still wouldn't want from a partner (i.e., there is nothing wrong with having a kid from a previous relationship but I wouldn't want to date someone with a kid)

My_House_on_Mars · 2024-10-21T18:03:05+00:00

Doesn't like to go out drinking
Doesn't have a dark sense of humour
Wants kids one day
Is someone who gets into fights

Fab_Glam_Obsidiam · 2024-10-21T19:07:08+00:00

Of this list, my only red flags are "gets into fights," "currently unemployed," and "wants kids". I want a stable partner to explore the world with. Fortunately I found that.

ExcelSpreadCheekz · 2024-10-21T20:28:31+00:00

I'm assuming you mean dealbreakers.

Has a 5 inch or less size penis
Earns minimum wage.
Is currently unemployed.
Virgin at 25
Has a kid with another woman but still pays his way
Not fond of having kids
Is someone who gets into fights

Mentathiel · 2024-10-21T23:04:16+00:00

Bad/deal-breaker in and of itself (not a flag for other bad traits):

Is someone who gets into fights

Red flag (as in, might mean more bad traits under the surface, but not necessarily bad by itself):

Earns minimum wage.
Is currently unemployed.
Isn't very experienced with women
Virgin at 25
Decent guy who is happy to do anything for you
Has a kid with another woman but still pays his way

Personal dislikes/deal-breakers that are not indicative of objectively bad traits:

Likes soccer / Football
Not fond of having kids

CatchPhraze · 2024-10-22T01:01:54+00:00

4,5,7

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-11-21T12:25:20+00:00

4,5,7, and 20.

6teeee9 · 2024-10-21T10:34:53+00:00

not a red flag since im 5'4
not a red flag since i play video games too
not a red flag since i am inexperienced and would probably enjoy it either way but if i dont theres toys n stuff
not a red flag because its normal for our age
not a red flag, i understand how hard it is to get a job these days
not a red flag, i dont do it cuz i dont have anyone to do it with and i can see why ppl wouldnt enjoy it
not a red flag, im also introverted
not a red flag, good on ya
unsure, depends on what ur doing
not a red flag, i prefer virgin men (though i wouldnt be with a 25yo rn but if i was also 25 or close it still wouldnt be a red flag)
obviously not a red flag
red flag. i dont want to be a step mother
not a red flag, nothing wrong with that
depends on what type of dark humour it is
red flag, i want kids one day
not a red flag, i want kids one day
dont know what this means
depends why
not a red flag we all cry and i prefer he doesnt take his emotions out an unhealthy way and bottles them up

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-10-21T11:35:50+00:00

extremely extroverted

like soccer / football

is someone who gets into fights

Windmill_flowers · 2024-10-21T13:57:10+00:00

Of the options to presented, these would be the only flags that are yellow. Possibly red

Under 6ft tall

Is currently unemployed.

Goes out every weekend

Isn't very experienced with women

Virgin at 25

Is someone who gets into fights

Has cried once in front of you

That's if I could only choose from the options presented

Title	What's the things you consider a red flag?
Author	Immediate_Wasabi_920
Upvotes	0
Comments	149
Date	October 21, 2024 10:15 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g8m86y/whats_the_things_you_consider_a_red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-the-things-you-consider-a-red-flag.1533049 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533049

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