For people who are coupled: how many of these posts seem to be from people who just need better parents, aunties, uncles?

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-01-25T01:43:17+00:00

I've been married for over 10 years and coupled for about 13.

I don't know how relevant the experiences of the older generations are these days. I wonder if my experience will be relevant to my son when he's no longer a toddler and then old enough to date.

My Boomer parents were very useless when it came to dating advice, my dad because he just claimed ignorance and threw up his hands whenever I tried to get his advice, and my mom because, despite her very best intentions, she was never going to understand the challenges of the male dating experience.

However, I am determined to be less useless to my own son than my parents were to me in terms of dating.

wtknight · 2025-01-25T00:23:53+00:00

Older people like myself are usually told they don't understand the dynamics of how online swipe dating has changed the dating market.

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-01-25T08:39:39+00:00

I think a lot of people are scared of getting screwed over so much so...that they make themselves so paranoid when it hasn't happened yet. It's all this preemptively planning. It makes dating sound like psychological warfare instead of building a connection with someone. What if... What if....what if....

My family has not been good with dating advice. Honestly I had to go to therapy. Once I learned I am in control of the bus. It's not left to the whims of others it was a lot of fun. You just let people play themselves out. Connections will fizzle. And it's fine. You learn about people and figure it out.

G4M35 · 2025-01-25T00:59:34+00:00

For people who are coupled:

That would be me.

how many of these posts seem to be from people who just need better parents, aunties, uncles?

Loaded question. I don't think this is the case. This is what I see:

Post by people who have little to no actual dating experience, and by dating I mean from casual to traditional dating.
Post by people in relationships who give awful advice.
Various pills militia trying to promote their agenda.
The comments are a clusterfuck, aside from the very bad comments, the vast majority are from the usual suspects who use language approved by the mods and bash the posts that go against the grain of the sub, and/or perpetrate the existing echo chamber.

Very little useful advice.

alwaysright0 · 2025-01-25T11:19:09+00:00

From my experience of this sub the men who struggle don't want to listen to advice from older people in stable relationships.

They just want to wallow in self pity and keep chasing the women are to blame algorithms

ExternalBarracuda292 · 2025-01-25T10:17:50+00:00

I don't think it's the fault of their parents or anything because so much has changed. Not just in terms of how people date, but also when. I'm old, but in my parent's generation, marrying around age 21 was very common. It's now virtually unheardof. Actually, I think part of the problem is many people have the expectation that they should meet someone by that time when actually very few people do these days. People will think "I haven't had a date by 25 I'm the world's biggest loser", but realistically I would guess at least 25% of people fit that category if not more. It does get better once you get to be about 30, but it's hard to convince people to wait that long (I certainly didn't want to either).

Local-Willingness784 · 2025-01-25T01:54:54+00:00

how different do you think the dating scene is compared to when you were active in it?

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-01-24T23:48:19+00:00

Young people (and this sub skews young, like most of Reddit and the internet in general) think everything is “different” and that “old” people are irrelevant, invalid and unappealing

And they will learn the hard way, as we did

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-01-25T04:05:03+00:00

this is a really culturally non western question is don't know how to approach. western families don't involve themselves in their children's dating the way this q contemplates

bison5595 · 2025-01-25T11:33:36+00:00

If you have sons, for the love of if he’s struggling with dating, never tell him just to be himself. That is the absolute worst advice to tell a young man. He’s dating, 15-25 year olds. He will need advice on how to navigate those women. Also, it’s terrible if you tell him just to wait until women “mature”. That’s a terrible deal.

If you have a daughter. Don’t give her Disney fairytales. If she wants a hot guy, he will have options and no, she’s not so special he’ll choose her over another girl. Her looks and youth are her currency, don’t waste it on fboys she wants to change

RycerzKwarcowy · 2025-01-25T20:15:38+00:00

> Do people not talk to the older generations anymore about how it works? Do people no longer confide in their parents? Is there any real world dating advice going on?

The problem is we DID listen and then reality check came.

MongoBobalossus · 2025-01-24T23:34:06+00:00

The last thing any of my nieces or nephews want from me is dating advice. They usually just want me to sneak them a beer when mom isn’t looking.

Kurkzer · 2025-01-25T05:17:14+00:00

I became successful when I stopped listening to bluepill garbage which a lot of boomer parents were indoctrinated into.

Society changed, simple as.

leosandlattes · 2025-01-25T03:18:59+00:00

I don’t think they need better parents or aunts/uncles. I mean, I got dating advice from my mom but she grew up in a different country and culture than I did, so it largely just did not apply. I am on the cusp of millennial and gen Z.

Young people need to socialize in person mostly. Swipe based dating apps are really good for casual but not the best method for finding a life partner. I maintain that warm approaching/traditional dating is the best for that. But for it to happen, you need to have a healthy social life.

RelevantJackWhite · 2025-01-25T07:10:05+00:00

I dunno - my parents both divorced and neither of them liked my wife very much, and didn't think we would last. We have been together almost 13 years now.

Never really talked about my relationship with parents, though they did teach me how to be an adult and I think my dad and stepmom were good role models of a relationship that works practically. Maybe in general it would be a good idea, though.

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2025-01-25T12:27:47+00:00

Posts by a lot of people who are young and don't really have a firm grasp on how human relationships work.

On the side of guys there is a lot of projecting as in blaming outside entities for their individual failure. Failure that mainly comes from social ineptitude.

On the side of women it's somewhat the same with the addition of acting like mean girls.

A lot of misandry and misogyny, people find it easer to mark the opposite sex as the adversary rather than checking their own shoes on an individual level. Most of them are also groomed into faulty ideologies that give simple awnsers to complicated problems.

Edit: in relationship, our 6th anniversary is coming up soon.

2025-01-26T06:31:51+00:00

Most of the posters here are definitely a bit loony and would really benefit from a more robust social network and/or therapy.

If you think you're not one of the people I'm talking about, you probably are. Years ago, I frequented this sub. I made a lot of improvements to my life since then and I gave a gf who I love very much. zinceldom and everything even slightly adjacent really is quite sad, and I'm exploring this sub again to see if I can help. Any lonely guys who want an ear or advice, feel free to shoot me a DM.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-01-25T02:42:24+00:00

I could be a father of many of the posters on here. Yes, I’m old. Not really, but to them I’m old. But apparently my experience and advice is completely invalid because I didn’t grow up in the age of dating apps and social media. Somehow they claim that women evolved into a completely new species over the course of 15 years or so to be completely unattracted to men with the exception of 0.00000001% of the male population.

ArtifactFan65 · 2025-01-25T07:42:46+00:00

Family members rarely give good dating advice. Your mother probably isn't going to tell you how to keep women attracted to you and avoid getting divorce raped lmao.

half_avocado33 · 2025-01-25T05:28:50+00:00

I'm a 35 year old woman. I've been with my husband for 17 years, married for 11.

There are some very good takes on this sub, but then there are the really, really, realllyyy bad takes.

Some people here seem very young, others immature, others seem to have mental problems, some seem to be desperate, some seem to be bad actors and some seem to push political agendas. Like how immediately after Trump was elected, the activity on the sub suddenly decreased.

Times changed, but the game is the same. Smell good, be charming, be funny, be flirty, have your shit together and don't be creepy. At some point, you'll most probably find someone you'll click with.

attendquoi · 2025-01-24T23:57:55+00:00

I never got dating advice from relatives or older people...so that part seems weird to me.

I think most of the men here just need to actually socialize.

AutoModerator · 2025-01-24T22:19:42+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

wanpieserino · 2025-01-25T08:12:52+00:00

My parents lived like roommates, my mom was screaming and yelling at my dad every day much like:

https://youtu.be/at2bMz_T6Io?si=LCGVK6i6qNhmwT4_

Same stuff with my aunt and her husband.

Perhaps it's just Flemish culture idk.

I'm married to a wonderful woman who happens to have been born 12600 km from where I've been born.

She can't get herself to yell, she doesn't command anything, ...

I don't need to ask older generations about anything much, I don't like how things are done by them. They are less modern than us. They are less educated. They speak fewer languages. They are more xenophobic.

My wife only has issues with the elder generations here, don't even think they view her as human sometimes.

She has a great experience with younger generations who can speak English.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-01-25T08:49:07+00:00

To be honest the experience of the older generation is still relevent, but need to be updated a bit according to the dating market nowadays

It's like listening to your parent who were able to afford a hous before inflation. You have to adapt some principles with your actual means

harmonica2 · 2025-01-25T13:33:23+00:00

To answer the op for me , it's hard to say. I never gave much thoughts into the parents , aunts, uncle's side of things.

harmonica2 · 2025-01-25T13:39:21+00:00

Would newer parents be better at giving their dating advice?

For example, if I had a son and gave him the book The mystery method , would that be better compared to boomer advice?

2025-01-25T19:58:30+00:00

The way I see it is that bad parents in of itself was a symptom of a long term economic problem. The baby boomers were considered like a gift to their parents who survived a war. These kids grew up thinking they're gifts, so when they got burdened by millenials were all twice as lazy and simply inferior.

Most millenials were raised by narcissists

monsterbootylover · 2025-01-26T02:37:08+00:00

back in my heyday I had a promiscuous phase that I don't regret and thought maybe my insights might apply. You should've elaborated a bit further on that.

It could be the case that what you have in mind could barely be described as sexual experience and even be considered prudish/vanilla by many nowadays.

It'd also help evaluate the validity of your opening sentence

I am monogamously married twenty years and happy.

WanabeInflatable · 2025-01-26T08:35:34+00:00

I'm married for 15 years with two kids. I can relate to many of the posts here and regret marrying.

I disagree with TRP (as this is a very stiff ideology, borderline fanaticism) though the common "blue pill" virtues are at best outdated and don't reflect objective reality. World has changed and society didn't adapt yet.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-01-26T22:00:41+00:00

10+ married.

~80% here were born to shitty parents who let the TV do all the parenting. Unfortunately MTV is a dogshit parent.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2025-01-26T22:20:11+00:00

So you’re saying that

People in a dysfunctional society would have less problems if they could be put into a rare and more functional bubble

You don’t say!

2025-01-27T15:50:45+00:00

Many of the posts appear to come from people who likely didn't socialize properly as a kid, or were heavily ostracized; leading to resentment and stunted social growth.

ambrosedc · 2025-01-28T11:47:25+00:00

Jesus christ this sub is being taken over by feminazis and monogamy militants

fakingandnotmakingit · 2025-02-04T21:21:36+00:00

Nah

I think the biggest difference between dating currently and even dating a few years ago is down to two things:

the lack of socialisation
the over reliance on online modes of communication
the takeover of social media and the glorification of rage.

There have always been people who struggle socially and with relationships

But lots of people now spend their free time, even teenagers who should be out at the mall or at the beach or whatever, are spending all their time online at home

This causes a lack of socialisation and the inability to make friends and also lack of socialisation with the opposite gender

Because I have noticed a stark divide between people who only have friends of their own gender vs people with mixed friend groups. You get the weird "manosphere talking points" with men and "all men only want one thing" from women.

And they're both wrong.

Women and men are both more alike than different and as we mature we also change

One of the things I have realized is that many of the men who complain about "women claim to change or mature but really they just settle for beta bucks" is that they're men who didn't have platonic socialisation when they're younger. Same with women really.

I wasn't super popular or anything but I went to house parties and travelling with young tour groups, karaoke, clubbing etc. and so did the guys I was friends with. But also I was into a lot of "stereotypically nerd things" and spent lots of time reading books or playing video games and had some nerdy friends too. So I'm weird in that I fit in with both groups and it's given me a very interesting perspective over the years

We all "matured" at the same time. When you grow and settle down and genuinely start enjoying different things etc

The nerdy/ home bodies of my group (the ones who really didn't like parties or travel or anything really) in the sense of activities and hobbies haven't changed. But their personalities have smoothed over and there's growth in the way they handle the world too! (Ymmv, except for the one or two really odd ducks)

And both groups are valid but there is some lack of understanding of each other.

The nerdy ones are the ones who are like "wait what? I've never changed my hobbies that much!"

But also from the other side.... I love reading books, but you really have no interest in snorkeling? How could you not like splashing around the beach? And yeah airplanes are a pain but seeing Greece in person was worth it!

The difference is that when you encounter each other and not be a judgemental prick about it, people can get along!

Sure there are some outliers who act like weird frat bros in the big extrovert groups and the weird incelly bros for nerds but for the most part well socialised people can shrug their shoulders and get along.

But what's happening is that people spend all their time online, in angry spaces, instead of socializing with their friends.

Now it's anger thats taken over. Instead of shrugging your shoulders and just going "oh that's not how I enjoy the world" people jump for the worst case explanation. They have to be angry. People who don't function the way I do are wrong and evil

And that's the proliferation of online and angry echo chambers.

I see this with certain crowds these days too. They are outraged when people don't want to play dungeons and dragons the way they do. They forget it's supposed to be fun for them and for the GM and for the table.

How dare people have fun wrong

How dare breeders have children and how dare people become child free

We don't just shrug our shoulders and move on about differences. We have to be angry about it

No-Description4322 · 2025-01-25T11:07:09+00:00

Yay, someone new to come along and prod at the animals in the zoo flaunting their superiority intellegence and sucess. Wow maam, you have great clothes and shoes too.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-01-25T12:59:17+00:00

You get a lot if “you don’t know what it’s really like now, man! It’s different than in your day!”

abrazenbeauty · 2025-01-25T21:14:43+00:00

I was off PPD for a while but still having similar conversations in other spaces. I found that they were much more intellectually stimulating, productive, healthy, openminded and rational discussions. That redpill is even taken seriously is wild to me, but beyond that some of the men and women in this sub come across as very immature, isolated, chronically online, and often mentally ill. They not only have warped perceptions of men and women, but don't understand basic concepts like "emotional intelligence," "feminism," "misogyny," which they will throw around as empty insults. I think their parents, aunties, uncles are as problematic as they are, frankly. These are people who are owned by screens. They haven't smelled grass let alone touched it in ages, probably never talk to people in person or on phones, everything is texting and hiding behind their screens. It shows in the raging they then come to do here. Sometimes I go into a psychological paralysis reading some of the shit that's posted here. Just a blinking blank stare of, "you can't really believe this shit." I don't think they can be helped. It is truly a situation of them needing to do the work and wanting to change otherwise you're beating your head against a wall. Be careful. They will latch on to your energy of "wanting to help" but not to change, just to suck the life out of you.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-01-25T10:09:39+00:00

Well, as you say, you have no idea about current dating, especially online dating, so you come here to do research. Your teenagers won't be able to ask you for advice. And you reject what you see in how people think about dating dynamics. So how exactly are you like a field biologist?
I don't think "better parents..." are going to solve anything. People need to reject current feminist ideology about how men are supposed to interact with women, because that makes them passive and afraid to bother someone, to the point where they completely avoid contact and just focus on dating apps. Datings apps are too competitive for the average profile to make a cut. Social media, gaming, porn, etc. all contribute to getting social/sexual fix from other sources than realy people in your life. This leads to a degradation of social skills, social isolation and generally losing the ability to actively shape their dating life.

Comments