Q4W: Would it be a red flag for a man to remain single because he couldn’t find any woman who met his standards?

justdontsashay · 2025-03-07T01:15:07+00:00

It would be really off-putting if he phrased it that way (that no one meets his standards). Just say you haven’t really clicked with anyone yet, or something like that, so you don’t sound totally arrogant.

(and I would advise the same thing if it was a woman asking if she should say this to a potential date. “No one meets my standards” makes anyone sound douchey)

girlypop_xo · 2025-03-07T01:30:14+00:00

Depends on their age! Most people reach certain milestones by a certain age, so if he’s 30 and has never had a girlfriend, especially while actively trying to meet women, I’d question if his expectations are too high, if he struggles with commitment, or if there’s something else holding him back.

If we look at a bell curve of all 30 year old men, statistics show that’s around the age when most are getting married or have already been in multiple relationships. But if you're having this issue at 21, it doesn't really apply. Anything outside the norm will always raise a red flag though

leosandlattes · 2025-03-07T01:59:50+00:00

A man who can't attract the kind of woman he wants is simply unattractive to that demographic of women. Sorry.

badgersonice · 2025-03-07T06:23:59+00:00

I’m not sure “red flag” is the right term for this exactly? Like, his choice to not date women he’s not attracted to is absolutely fine, and I support it.

But like, if it’s that “no one meets his standards”, then I don’t meet his standards either. I’m nothing special. So I don’t get the point of this question. There is just zero chance this guy cares about trying to date me. He’s not worried about me having red flags.

It’s not any kind of criticism of him, I just don’t buy that he thinks I’m the perfect woman.

FearlessSea4270 · 2025-03-07T01:28:25+00:00

Would it be a red flag for a man to remain single because he couldn’t find any woman who met his standards?

Yes, phrased that way it’s 100% a red flag.

But what you seem to be referring to in your post isn’t “standards”, it’s just compatibility. And yeah it’s totally normal to wait until you find the right person for you. That’s respectable and something I’d admire in a man I chose to date.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2025-03-07T07:32:04+00:00

I had a friend like that

Then he came out gay

-Blatherskite · 2025-03-07T01:18:16+00:00

Highly dependent on what his standards are.

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-03-07T01:16:27+00:00

I feel like being too picky might be a symptom of something else like low self esteem, extreme anxiety, closeted gay, too perfectionist, etc

This applies to everyone btw, not just men

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-03-07T02:33:10+00:00

When I met my husband, he hadn’t dated much specifically because he hadn’t found anyone who interested him. I found his lack of desperation attractive, especially because he was really into me.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2025-03-07T03:07:00+00:00

I don’t see any issue with this. In fact, I would respect a man who chose to stay single rather than settling for a woman who doesn’t meet his standards. My partner is like this (I’m his first gf).

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-03-07T03:18:30+00:00

Depends on the age. If you're in your early to mid 20s, I can see how you might not be able to find someone you like, or even not be aware of what exactly you like. If you're in your 30s, I'd be a bit concerned that you haven't found even one person who you liked in all these years. He's free to have his standards, but so am I, and I am not a fan of super picky people, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. A picky friend can be mildly annoying and tolerable, but someone I might potentially live with? Nah, I'll pass.

attendquoi · 2025-03-07T05:29:02+00:00

Not a red flag. I don't want someone desperate.

AnonPinkLady · 2025-03-07T13:17:35+00:00

I would have to know what those standards were to really judge but if it were specifically about looks… yeah

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-03-07T14:46:13+00:00

If you just haven't happen to meet the one it's good you were emotionally inteligent enough to not be desperate for a relationship and waste time on wrong people and give yourself trauma from failed relationships.

If you look for standards instead of the right person and emotional connection it's bad.

Yes, it's better to be alone than with a wrong person. Plus failed relationships only give you emotional trauma. But people are often desperate that they take anything for the sake of not being alone. Or they mistake the excitement about "not being alone" for love love because they have nothing to compare as there is only one the one and they haven't met them yet.

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-03-07T01:47:35+00:00

The hasn't "met my standards" would come off as douchy. And he sounds arrogant and full of himself.

But if he said "haven't met anyone I clicked with". "Haven't found that special someone". Then I would completely understand. And if he's happy being alone because he hasn't meet someone that is that. It's understandable.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-03-07T01:15:00+00:00

you would understand theee is a distinction between a guy who doesn’t attract any woman at all and a guy who couldn’t attract the woman he wants?

except there isnt

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bluehorserunning · 2025-03-07T01:32:23+00:00

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-07T02:04:54+00:00

chalkandapples · 2025-03-07T06:47:57+00:00

No, plenty of my guy friends fall into this category.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-03-07T07:20:59+00:00

No but I don’t see not being in a relationship before as a red flag

EilidhLiban · 2025-03-07T08:29:29+00:00

Generally, I would see high standards and unwillingness to just go with whatever as a green flag.

But only if the standards are about his mate's character and their compatibility with each other, for example, worldview, life goals, vision of the family life. If that's the case, I think a man with good understanding of what he wants in partner and with the willpower and self-respect to stick to it is great.

But if the standards are about something like 110cm 50cm 110cm figure and willing to be FWB then lmao no.

backstabber81 · 2025-03-07T15:49:25+00:00

My first thought would be that I probably won't meet his standards either so I shouldn't bother pursuing that or that they're incredibly nitpicky and the women who meet said standards won't put up with it for long.

Tylikcat · 2025-03-07T17:46:13+00:00

My concerns (since everyone has the "meet me standards" thing covered) would largely be about experience.

I expect people to work out a lot of basic skills of being in a relationship in their teens and maybe, these days, early twenties. (Yo, I'm an Xer, we dated and had a lot more sex in our teens.) By the time you're thirty, I expect people to have some pretty decently developed communication skills, and some clues on how to figure out that the thing you're about to say that sounds reasonable in your head might in fact be serious douchebaggery. ("Your refusal to have unprotected sex with me is abusive." Not a random example.)

Now, a bunch of this can come from just not being an asshole and being willing to listen and learn. It does not come from book learning, especially if you're getting your cues from places like the current forum.

RoseyButterflies · 2025-03-08T14:15:30+00:00

Depends on their age honestly, the older they are the worse it is.

HighestTierMaslow · 2025-03-08T20:52:15+00:00

I'd find it offputting. I find guys like this have too high of standards. It's probably rare not a single one of those women wasn't at his level or good enough to even consider/try a few dates with.

oppositegeneva · 2025-03-07T01:16:52+00:00

This was my husband.

I really didn’t see it as a red flag because we were very close for years so I knew who he was as a person, and he was very picky, didn’t believe casual sex was healthy and valued his time.

If anything, it was a bonus, he had all sorts of women interested in him but he chose me.

RelativeYak7 · 2025-03-07T11:58:48+00:00

Yes! Massive red flag. I would immediately think I should get up and leave. As a girls girl who grew up with sisters I don't think I'm better than any other woman. Fk this ah for putting women down in front of me and thinking I will compete for him.

Windmill_flowers · 2025-03-07T01:57:20+00:00

It'd mean that he is pickier than he has any right to be. That's an ick

Title	Q4W: Would it be a red flag for a man to remain single because he couldn’t find any woman who met his standards?
Author	Heavy_Can_6962
Upvotes	15
Comments	112
Date	March 7, 2025 1:10 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1j5bjnu/q4w_would_it_be_a_red_flag_for_a_man_to_remain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-would-it-be-a-red-flag-for-a-man-to-remain.1545841 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545841

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