Wife is done with me, but wants to live together

Broad_Bar_3695 · 2025-09-16T23:54:56+00:00

She answered the question...

KendhammerJ · 2025-09-16T19:13:15+00:00

Read the title only - 100% No. There is no benefit in this for you. She wants to be done then she needs to go off on her own. She is going to look out for her best interest and when she has another option she will not hesitate to move on. I know this is tough brotha and you want to be a stand up guy, but you have to move forward. Divorce can be the best thing that ever happened to you if you let it. Best of luck bro

AdequatelyfunBoi2 · 2025-09-16T02:35:23+00:00

Fuck that dude, she doesn’t get to keep you around incase her fantasy man doesn’t materialize. You deserve better.

daydreaming_deadalus · 2025-09-16T00:14:51+00:00

I'm still friends with my X, we're around 17 years together. This is the hardest decision I've ever made, don't need to tell you that. Have 2 beautiful boys, and we all live in a house I bought. Point is, we still absolutely respect each other, are tolerant of each other, and have been considerate to each other's feelings. It's probably not a popular response, but honestly, we both don't have a ton of friends, and it's been a huge help not to lose my best friend. Roles are changing, but we both don't plan on just ditching each other after we're not sharing a roof. Don't know if my, half asleep rambling helped somehow, but best of luck navigating man, take care out there.

Longjumping-Method56 · 2025-09-15T23:41:52+00:00

The longer you are married on paper in law the longer the alimony is going to be if you stay married then when you divorce you will be on the hook my advice is that you either put everything into a trust while you are married and get a lower paying job after you put everything into a trust house 401k and so on

But keep in mind that the moment that you are served divorce papers you are no longer able to do this period

Berserker_wolves · 2025-09-14T17:59:59+00:00

File and move on. You can’t have your cake and eat it too

jpb7628 · 2025-09-13T22:20:46+00:00

You’re already a doormat at this point. Time to dig deep and find your self respect.

Regular-Bat-4449 · 2025-09-13T18:45:36+00:00

You're wondering how long to put up with it? My man, not one second. File for divorce. Listen to your attorney.

Why would or should you put up with this crap?

Man up

ChipChip17 · 2025-09-13T15:54:42+00:00

Reading posts such as this serves as a reminder to all of us men that women are wired differently than men. They can turn on you in a New York minute and not feel any remorse at all.

I've apologized to my STBXW sincerely at least a hundred times (lying about my drug addiction yet always faithful) and not a single solitary time has she apologized for cheating on me with a 22yr old boy half her age. It's F'ng disgusting man.

ChipChip17 · 2025-09-13T15:47:35+00:00

That would be a solid negative for me. As much as I miss my wife and would love to go back to a 2 income household there's absolutely no way in hell I'd let that happen. In your case OP I'd be willing to bet she's already seeing someone else and just wants you for financial support. Sorry for being so blunt but I go through this every day with my ex. Mine wants nothing to do with me unless she needs something.

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-09-13T15:33:24+00:00

She’s already seeing someone else.

Quietly plan your exit strategy and make sure you have your legal ducks in order without her.

File for divorce and ask her to leave.

Sweet-Sale-7303 · 2025-09-13T14:57:02+00:00

No way. Your basically supporting her. Just start the process and move on.

FastEdge · 2025-09-13T14:45:14+00:00

She wants you to continue to support her life until she finds another man to do it. Once she does she will do you no such favors

North_Feeling8295 · 2025-09-13T13:56:16+00:00

I’m living with my ex until our lease is up and it’s no fun. I watch her get dressed up every night she isn’t working and go out to clubs… comes back looking totally messed up 4-5am. I think I know exactly what is going on out there and watching that from the sideline is torture.

gaelorian · 2025-09-13T13:22:45+00:00

Hell. No. Don’t do it. Have some self respect. Demand couples counseling and if that fails, file.

No half assing it. I thought about what you’re thinking about briefly when I realized we were done. Youre just setting yourself up for more resentment in this situation. You need to talk to a lawyer and figure out your options. File yourself if she’s content to play house.

Be there for the kids. 50/50 isn’t as bad as you think. Just keep things civil. You deserve to be happy.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-09-13T13:06:23+00:00

Brother, this is not the way. You need to consult with a lawyer this week and figure a way ahead.

What your wife has told you makes you a straight cuck. She wants to live at home, use your money and assets while she goes and fucks dudes. Does that sound like a good way to live? No.

Consult with a lawyer this week. Draw up separation paperwork and figure out who gets what. This is not the way to live.

mesi130 · 2025-09-13T12:13:19+00:00

It’s money and life style plan and simple. You have no choice find a lawyer for a consult to start. The longer this goes on the money it will cost. Sorry this is happening

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2025-09-13T12:06:16+00:00

My take:

She wants all the benefits of being "married" (civil union) without the responsibilities on her end.

She wants everything you provide - stability, a roof over her head, taking care of kids when she's too busy, health insurance, etc. whatever it may be. But she wants someone else.

There's a lot of info missing here. But she's basically your dependent at this point.

Cut her off financially. Cut off "all the things" you do for her. Start vetting the process for "divorcing" now. File for full custody. Start figuring out your next moves.

Your relationship is over. In sorry man.

mesi130 · 2025-09-13T11:55:54+00:00

Will she do counseling? If not file. I think she leaves you no choice. Both realize you’ll lose half of everything. Get an attorney. She can’t say it more bluntly she doesn’t want you

rb5775 · 2025-09-13T11:35:32+00:00

This is just a convenience for her. Start making plans. You need to ask an attorney about the civil union position.

Memorizing_Fallout · 2025-09-13T10:46:12+00:00

This is exactly how my divorce started. "I don't want to be together but you should still live with me, that's just the easiest, yadda yadda yadda."

It's not worth it. It's all a bunch of crap to keep using you. As others have said, start talking to a lawyer and get those affairs in order. Your specific situation will dictate what the process looks like, but you should definitely get the ball rolling there. After all, it's a separation, things are meant to be separate.

Mindless-Equal6160 · 2025-09-13T10:08:10+00:00

I am in the same boat living with my ex . I think you need to. Start making plans to leave explore all your options so she can not take you for everything so it is done fairly. I have found that living together has turned the house into a prison, she has moved on and you have not yet . And how can you heal if you see her everyday, with all your thoughts and feelings. As for the kids I know it is difficult to leave and you want to be the best dad you can be and provide for them . You have a right to be treated fairly and with affection.prioritise your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, as you can't effectively be there for your children. You are also important

muramx · 2025-09-13T08:52:39+00:00

Get with an attorney to help you get everything set up and safe for damage control and when thats done file for divorce. Dont leave the house and document everything with dates and times and eventually you will want to video interactions. Stay cool and let her be the one looking like a nut.

Its pretty clear she has already found someone else she just wants to be a leech. I would wager she has probably been unfaithful a lot during your marriage. Going off what you have told us she has said.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-09-13T08:49:11+00:00

I put up with it physically for a month until I managed to move out. Mentally not for a minute.

Efficient_Algae7462 · 2025-09-13T07:32:31+00:00

Pull the trigger - She ready to meet someone else

Tell2ko · 2025-09-13T07:21:33+00:00

Don’t be a cuck! She can’t have her cake and eat it! Man up, it will either attract her or give you your own peace of mind. Either way you win!

kainwolf · 2025-09-13T07:09:54+00:00

That tells me she's never cared about you. And let me ask. Do you have court paperwork that said you two are married?

C20H25N3O-C21H30O2 · 2025-09-13T06:18:51+00:00

Lawyer up! She will only allow you to be there until she positions herself to achieve her goals and when you'll become too much of an inconvenience, she'll kick you to the curb.

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-09-13T05:42:05+00:00

Go find a good lawyer and do whatever they tell you to do. Personally, I could never cohabitate with somebody like this. Holding off on separating because of the kids does not do anyone any favors.

Boglehead101 · 2025-09-13T05:17:49+00:00

Make sure she’s paying half, can’t comment on anything else because right now this situation would suit me purely because I want to stay close to my kids and I don’t want the hassle of splitting the estate. We have a big house and I can avoid her. If I was living in a 2 bed apartment I’d feel differently.

I don’t care who she’s with, it’s finished and they’re welcome to her.

Wingnut8888 · 2025-09-13T04:48:29+00:00

I co-habitated with my ex for a year. It was hell. We did it for the kids, and she was off every weekend with a new man while my youngest sobbed at her absence. Taught me a lot about that woman.

Your situation? Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. You’ll be a convenient babysitter while she screws around. Just what it looks like to me. Get out while you can.

Rollercoaster72 · 2025-09-13T04:41:13+00:00

Oh come on, such reaction in this context, is another way of saying: I was never faithful to you and you are to blame bc you didn’t give me a ceremony. Just tell her that if you were only boy and girlfriend, you can keep everything you paid for and won‘t need to pay alimony.

I get that you want the best for you children, but you can’t give her an open marriage if you don’t want to, divorce is the next step. Unless you are cockold. Stand up for yourself.

TonyPlush2 · 2025-09-13T04:35:41+00:00

I am a year after divorce now and was in a similar position last year - 14 years married, 2 kids, ex was focused on career and our kids - that’s what made her happy. I didn’t.

Not sure how old your kids are, but we told our kids right after thanksgiving so they had time to process before Christmas. I moved out a few weeks after Christmas. It worked well to do that in our situation.

Having said all that for context - decide what you want to do FOR YOU. It was hard for me to think that way at first, but when I turned the corner and was comfortable and confident in what I wanted, life was (and continues to be) wonderful. Don’t stay because it’s what she wants. The tone of your post sounds to me like you’ve often deferred in the relationship. I did the same. Try approaching it from purely what you want. The sooner you think that way, the better off you’ll be.

Ssla1 · 2025-09-13T04:33:49+00:00

I considered that too but my attorney said he would fire me if I actually agreed to that

0neMinute · 2025-09-13T04:25:52+00:00

Uhh no stand up for yourself, if she is talking like this she might already have someone lined up. She wants a split give her a split

Title	Wife is done with me, but wants to live together
Author	Piping_penguin
Upvotes	18
Comments	76
Date	September 13, 2025 4:15 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nfo0dn/wife_is_done_with_me_but_wants_to_live_together/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-is-done-with-me-but-wants-to-live-together.1561874 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561874

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