Lol - why is every man a “narcissist”

skippingape · 2025-10-14T03:04:40+00:00

No idea but it's ridiculous. . The other default is a gaslighter using the term gaslighting to spin the argument

DadMan3 · 2025-09-18T16:27:47+00:00

I think there are way more covert vulnerable Female narcissistics than male narcissistics.

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-09-15T23:58:40+00:00

it's just a gas lighting buzzword at this point

BandagedTheDamage · 2025-09-15T15:05:55+00:00

You described it exactly how it is. It's one of many mental illnesses that has become desensitized and MISUNDERSTOOD over the years.

It's one of my pet peeves as I was actually in a relationship with someone who was clinically diagnosed with co-occurring BPD/NPD. The amount of research I did to learn about him and the way he operates was insane... I could have earned credits for a college course. When I hear people dismiss basic "shitty" traits as narcissism, I want to scream.

My current partner's ex wife actually described him as a narcissist, which is laughable, be he's the farthest thing from it. I think she herself suffers from BPD or something of the like.

ViscidPlague78 · 2025-09-15T14:54:29+00:00

Because the one thing a woman can never get is accountability. There are more pictures of the Loch Ness Monster than a woman being accountable for their actions, words, choices, etc.

So anyone who attempts to hold them accountable is a narc because how dare they.

insearchpeace · 2025-09-15T05:27:52+00:00

The narcissist or gaslighting words are so overused they don’t even have value to me anymore. I realized over time that much of what I heard was projections from her. I am so sick and tired of my wife being the victim in everything that it has actually become somewhat comical. I borrowed something of hers two times for an hour each time over a 6 month period and I hear “they might as well be yours since you take them from me all the time”. Just absolute baby bullshit. Woah me mentality.

Guys why did we fall for the scam of marriage!

KILLER1175 · 2025-09-15T00:37:20+00:00

First person to use the word "narcissist" is usually the narcissist. Trigger words are just that...triggering.

lostcanuck007 · 2025-09-15T00:09:14+00:00

It's a pop culture buzzword and women like to be the victims. It's an easy name drop to make other people think they were jna. Relationship with the devil themselves.

If you ever hear it used for you in public , just sue for defamation. No psychiatrist is ever going to "diagnose" you without having seen you multiple times and telling you the diagnoses. Not even a couples therapist. Gues show I know.

Damaged 2 doctors' records by the time I was done and got a fine out of them for "informing" my ex that they "thought" I was one, without ever having me as a patient.

Be absolutely ruthless with these idiots. And don't listen to any begging and pleading. I'm pretty sure I got one deported.

Retying3043 · 2025-09-14T16:35:36+00:00

My opinion:

A lot of this is groupthink or hive-mind. They see it on social media and regurgitate it without using critical thinking.
The other cases of this are purely projection. They are narcissists or some form of cluster-b themselves.

In my case, ex definitely has cluster-b traits if not full blown personality-disordered. The satisfying thing is that my children have absolutely noticed this and we are beginning to talk about it. This is without prompting from me.

There is value in maintaining your cool, asking questions to stimulate critical thinking, and letting things play out. Eventually the truth will come to light.

McDogerts · 2025-09-14T15:29:57+00:00

I was called a narcissist pre-divorce. It made no sense to me. From what I now understand she said I was a narcissist because I starting upholding boundaries I let slide during the marriage. Nothing crazy, just no calling names, no screaming at me or the children, start taking prescribed medication, stop smoking weed when watching the children. I hear women say their ex, or current husband/boyfriend are narcissists and I just laugh.

Women who claim every man they've interacted with is narcissistic can't help but manufacture drama and chaos, and can't take any accountability for their actions. These woman are functionally children you can not take them seriously.

Due-Fix-1038 · 2025-09-14T10:34:19+00:00

I notice every woman calling a man a narcissist has also self-diagnosed with ADHD. These women are broken and there something ill about social media that seems to cause it. I’ve been fortunate to not date the two years after my divorce and just focus on my own wellbeing and it’s been amazing. I honestly don’t think I could date again with some of the bozos I see online

Popular-Response-573 · 2025-09-14T05:09:06+00:00

I’ve met more female covert narcissists that I’d like to admit. Men get labeled for anything these days, they can’t catch a break

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-09-14T02:48:57+00:00

The term “narcissist” is being internalized and transmuted as: I did not get what I wanted, therefore it is someone else’s fault and I can’t be responsible for my behavior, because someone else caused all of this to happen. Of course it’s not me, it’s them.

And the confusion between traits and disorder:

Traits vs. Disorder • Traits = “Sometimes self-centered.” • NPD = “Always self-centered, manipulative, and unable to sustain healthy empathy or intimacy.” • Someone with traits can grow, self-correct, or adapt. • Someone with NPD usually doesn’t see the problem—they believe others are the problem.

Also, roughly .5-1% of human beings world wide meet the criteria for NPD. And, out of that men tend to make up 2 to 1 for every woman.

For reference, Schizophrenia is in the same range as NPD.

How many people can you name that are Schizophrenia?

probebeta · 2025-09-13T23:40:30+00:00

I haven't been called that but it's an overused term these days. Basically if you put yourself first and have firm boundaries you're now a narcissist. Yeah sure...

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-09-13T22:04:32+00:00

The short answer is pop psychology.

The long answer lies in attachment theory. There are four types of attachment styles, dismissive avoidant, anxiously attached, fearful avoidant, and securely attached. Many women and men fail to understand attachment style. Psst, we all have one. This dynamic is none more evident than when and avoidantly attached partner is paired with an anxiously attached partner. Both attachment styles are insecure. The behavior and defense mechanisms of the avoidantly attached are often mischaracterized as narcissistic traits by the anxiously attached. The protest behaviors exhibited by the anxiously attached partner are often viewed as crazy passive aggressive or just plain bitchy by the avoidantly attached.

If you're one of those guys that chooses to putz in the garage in order to avoid the argument while your wife wants to rehash the argument, you're both equally to blame.

If you are a dismissive avoidantly attached man in a marriage with a fearful avoidantly attached woman. God help you.

Jake_Barnes_ · 2025-09-13T21:23:14+00:00

About 60% of my female clients use this word in our first consultation

Beautiful-Ice-9172 · 2025-09-13T20:57:09+00:00

This is you're red flag. If her ex was a narcissist, likely she is projecting and that's your sign to hit the exit. Unless you just want sex. It's probably easy to get by agreeing with her and being an ass.

That's your sign this is not a quality woman. Truth is a true narc would have her terrified to say bad things about him. Cluster B afflicted people wreck your life if allowed. Almost as bad as a divorce. If all of her ex's were narcs, she is oblivious to her own harmful actions. No accountability.

The truth is, when a relationship fails, there is plenty of blame to go around. One should try to own their share. Learn from it. Make yourself a better man. If you see it as all their fault, you have work to do. Even if she cheated, you married a cheater. Why? What blind spots do you have. Are you self destructive? If your mother was cruel it very well may be the case. You have work to do.

If she has no faults, woe to the man who wife's her up. Victim mentality will ruin you. It makes for a terrible partner. Now it's a lot to ask someone what they did wrong on a first date too. The fact they own any of it is a good sign. There is a chance you have a decent person.

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2025-09-13T19:33:20+00:00

Looking through this thread, I'm amazed that something that made me feel traumatised, alone and near suicidal, is so widespread.

Oh how I wish I'd have seen her coming and not ignored or disregarded the many, many early red flags.

That's what comes of being what I call 'cuntstruck' I suppose.

Never, ever again.

BathAutomatic6972 · 2025-09-13T19:14:45+00:00

My therapist had a great insight into this.

First, like other folks here are mentioning it’s a TikTok in trend thing. People used to be focused on borderline personality, before that it was some other diagnosis like schizophrenia.

Second, it’s easier to make your enemy into an impersonal mad man than it is to give context or shared accountability. Honestly, it boils down to just simple ableism. “ he’s a narcissist” “ I’m a victim of his narcissism” etc. Is easier to explain to your parents why your husband asked you for a divorce then saying, “ I didn’t wanna be fucking married anymore, and I didn’t want to be the one who pulled the trigger so I acted like an asshole to him until he decided to bail.” or even “ we both fucking changed and both of us are better off without the other. I love him and he loves me and how we show love is by honoring our separate paths.”

Third, my experience is that women who label their former partner a narcissist hate patriarchy, except the times where it benefits them. When you engage your partner with true equality, it drives them fucking crazy. I’ve said this before, but it’s the mentality of “how dare you not let me take advantage of you! how dare you not do what I tell you to do! How dare you not meet me where I tell you to meet me! how dare you not use your labor on my behalf!” Just go to YouTube and other threads in this subreddit, and see the mentality of women who say that men need to pay for their dinner to pay for their bills to pay for their rent as part of “equity.”

Fourth, I suspect that women who label their ex-husband or every man a narcissist truly believe it. I believe that women aren’t lying or making shit up just because it conforms to some larger narrative. And I think that to an avoidant, controlling, codependent, pseudo-feminist any man who prioritizes their own mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and integrated needs and boundaries looks like a narcissist. there was a Ted talk from Brené Brown that I think a lot about in this regard when she said that she was talking to a man about her work and that man said: “They’d rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off. When we reach out and be vulnerable we get the shit beat out of us. And don’t tell me it’s from the guys and the coaches and the dads, because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else.”

As mentioned elsewhere in this thread, every Ex-spouse is a narcissist or has BPD. Why can’t people just be assholes?

O12345678 · 2025-09-13T19:12:32+00:00

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animerobin · 2025-09-13T19:05:01+00:00

It just means selfish.

Nearby_Translator_55 · 2025-09-13T18:58:23+00:00

Projection? My STBX has diagnosed me with all the buzzword mental disorders from the past couple decades. She really missed her calling as a psychiatrist. Leaving lots of money on the table there.

Maseworld · 2025-09-13T18:19:04+00:00

Just a buzzword. Women use it when they don't have an excuse for being a pos.

Ok-Reward-7731 · 2025-09-13T17:41:15+00:00

Personality disorders are defined by their atypical behavior. By definition, narcissists are uncommon. Only 2% of humans are narcissists.

Instead of narcissist, sociopath, and gaslighter they should stick to “asshole.” That’s what they mean and it’s usually more accurate .

mcrmd · 2025-09-13T17:31:43+00:00

Mine took a job in March that had her traveling away every other week. She was gone 5 of the first 8 weeks leaving me to watch our 3 kids aged 8,8, & 4. She checked out when she was home and developed a shopping addiction on WhatNot then decided she was going to start her own “side hustle” selling luxury shit on said app.

I was burnt out and exhausted and spoke out, asking “with what money? and what time do you expect to do all this?” That made me a controlling, manipulative, narcissist. Now I realize that was all part of her exit plan.

Looking back, throughout our entire 17 years together/ 15 married, any time I was disrespected and fucked over along the way (cheating twice, countless lies about spending) and had the audacity to call her on it-she’d deny them -I’d get angry and yell. All justification in her story that I was the narcissistic bad guy.

StatisticianOld8246 · 2025-09-13T17:31:19+00:00

Because women often project their own qualities onto people in their life

One_Mathematician864 · 2025-09-13T17:29:38+00:00

Anyone who doesn't let them lie gaslight and manipulate their way through life and tries to hold them accountable is a narcissist.

Apparently 1 out 10 men is a narcissist, somehow most women know at least 1 narcissist. My wife knows at least 3 narcissists (myself, her AP, and her brother). What are the odds?

Thebadmamajama · 2025-09-13T17:13:55+00:00

on social media, it's common to label exes as narcissists, but many of the cited behaviors like setting boundaries or avoiding arguments can be signs of emotional maturity, not manipulation. this oversimplifies complex dynamics and labels healthy self-protection as toxic traits.

true narcissism is a consistent pattern of exploitation and lack of empathy. in my experience this is rare.

most relationship breakdowns stem from miscommunication, stress or mismatched needs, not personality disorders. labeling someone a narcissist is for validation, not a sincere way of holding one's self accountable with nuanced points of view.

mesi130 · 2025-09-13T17:11:08+00:00

Percent of popular that are concerned narcissist is extremely low but everyone on these forums is married to one. Maybe have a couple of the same characteristic but it’s highly unlikely they are.

ThePhunkyPhantom13 · 2025-09-13T17:05:14+00:00

Everyone is a victim in their own story. Either by someone else "being" malicious or simply by being a victim of circumstance.

Most people don't have the self awareness to see that it is often the person making their own house of cards doomed to collapse or even what behaviors they choose to tolerate early on that easily give way to more intense versions later down the road.

Not to say that shit don't happen, but most people that have no connection to the chain of events upon hearing the full story would know exactly how things went the way that they did and why.

2025-09-13T17:03:38+00:00

Never underestimate women’s ability to rationalize poor behavior. Hamster wheel

Nitrothacat · 2025-09-13T17:02:08+00:00

“My abusive ex”

So you cheated on your husband, got it.

ImpermanentSelf · 2025-09-13T16:58:33+00:00

Fun fact a lot of covert narcissists call everyone who doesn’t go along with them a narcissist.

Important-Possible-3 · 2025-09-13T16:52:10+00:00

Only thing I'm offended by are all these mf believing it when it's used lol

Funny_Object_5538 · 2025-09-13T16:52:06+00:00

It’s like being called a fascist honestly for being pro life, I don’t take it personal. I know it’s not true.

Title	Lol - why is every man a “narcissist”
Author	polluted_wisdom
Upvotes	86
Comments	69
Date	September 13, 2025 4:45 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ng2aty/lol_why_is_every_man_a_narcissist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lol-why-is-every-man-a-narcissist.1561885 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561885

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