Do you prefer a partner who is a good friend, or a good leader?

FitnessBeth · 2025-12-06T00:40:23+00:00

....leader?

For what?

Leader: Always responsible, does things without being asked to, excels at his job, holds you to your promises, plans things out thoroughly, never needs to be reminded to do anything

This is just basic self sufficiency?

ThatBitchA · 2025-12-06T00:30:38+00:00

I wouldn't necessarily consider that a "leader".

That just sounds like a grown ass adult.

Plus, I don't see why it needs to be an either or.

I want a partner who is a friend and a responsible adult.

MyLastBestChance · 2025-12-06T01:11:15+00:00

Not looking for a leader or a follower, just a partner. Reasonable responsible adults have traits from both lists.

Classic false dichotomy.

Low_Way_8295 · 2025-12-06T01:49:39+00:00

I don’t understand why men think they can’t be kind and friendly people and have good leadership skills and be responsible at the same time. I feel like a lot of men conflate abuse and cruelty with leadership and dominance.

cb8585b · 2025-12-06T00:26:23+00:00

“Leader” just sounds like a functional adult. Ideally both parties should have the qualities of both in a relationship.

Away-Performance3231 · 2025-12-06T00:23:38+00:00

Friend everytime. I’m looking for a partner not a boss lol

However, many of the qualities you listed under leadership are the kind of qualities that make a good friend so this is kind of a strange question

Why pick between the two? Why not have a partner who is your best friend and also shares leadership qualities? Two best friends both of whom have strong leadership skills. They can easily alternate carrying the load when circumstances dictate it.

Now that’s a marriage that will last

Dependent-Tailor7366 · 2025-12-06T00:24:22+00:00

Being responsible and doing things without being asked is an adult not a leader.

Tylikcat · 2025-12-06T00:57:04+00:00

How is that a leader? And does he expect to be "leading" me? Ahaha... no. (But he probably needs to have some actually leadership skills or he won't be able to keep up.)

I have a pretty high standard for adulting. But also for decent communication skills.

attendquoi · 2025-12-06T00:35:58+00:00

The leader just sounds like a normal adult

Aggressive-Error-88 · 2025-12-06T00:44:48+00:00

Your partner should be both. Why do you guys think you have to choose. So weird. And what you’re describing as leadership and friendship again is the bare minimum requirement.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-12-06T00:54:56+00:00

I wouldn’t call the second one being a “leader,” just a responsible adult. Which is very important, but not enough in itself. You also need the friendship aspect to have a real relationship. The “no matter what you do” part is potentially problematic though depending on what you mean by that. In terms of supporting positive goals and respecting your autonomy, yes, but having a Chat GPT style yes-man partner who always agrees and hypes you up even when you’re being stupid, isn’t a good thing.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2025-12-06T00:26:09+00:00

Friend. I keep my promises and don’t need someone to hold me accountable or plan things for me

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-12-06T00:44:37+00:00

my h is a leader, protector and my best friend ever. not in the weird way you describe though, the way i understand it

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-12-06T00:24:16+00:00

Friend. I need a partner just for the purpose of emotional connection. I can take care of myself otherwise.

Sxnflower15 · 2025-12-06T00:59:03+00:00

Oof my bf is both so hard to choose…luckily people aren’t so binary.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2025-12-06T00:33:10+00:00

Friend. I'm competent enough to lead myself and others. But I wouldn't accept a partner who isn't a leader in the way you describe a leader (,basic ass adult).

Aimeereddit123 · 2025-12-06T00:36:00+00:00

Good FRIEND. I don’t need a leader. I need a trustworthy friend that is my equal, no lower. No higher.

ladybird_00 · 2025-12-06T00:42:48+00:00

Based on these descriptors, I’d pick the friend but wouldn’t be totally content if he wasn’t also a leader.

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-12-06T01:21:31+00:00

obviously friend, I'm not trad

your description of leader doesn't even sound appealing

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2025-12-06T00:46:08+00:00

Friend 100%. I don’t need to be lead

Kaleidoscopetide · 2025-12-06T01:08:40+00:00

Friend. Most people don’t like to be bossed around, and I’m one of them. Why would I need someone to “hold me to my promises?” Meanwhile, “gets along with you well” is the primary baseline requirement for all relationships, romantic and otherwise.

oppositegeneva · 2025-12-06T00:57:44+00:00

Glad my husband is both

Temporary-Flight-192 · 2025-12-06T02:43:40+00:00

Til …I’m mostly a “leader”.

Both men are compatible, therefore both have enough from column friend and column “leader” to be a suitable partner.

I don’t need someone who is always fun or always supportive even when I’m in the wrong. I don’t need someone who never needs to be reminded to do anything.

I need a grown ass adult (I guess this is leadership now?) who is easy to get along with and who I enjoy being around. Don’t men want the same thing too?

Perfect-Reading-761 · 2025-12-06T09:15:46+00:00

My husband has the qualities of both options

alphamaker420 · 2025-12-06T12:29:07+00:00

Why ask if you're not going to engage at all? Isn't that against the rules? And your description of a leader is incorrect.

I dont want to be led, I want a partner. Don't see the appeal in a "leader" at all. I don't need a man to "hold me to my promises" or tell me what to do because I already do that myself. What a silly assumption to think women as a whole or (in general whatever) need someone to do that for them. Why would someone who doesn't hold themselves accountable even want a partner who does?

But I'd take a man with minimal leadership qualities that I see as a friend over a master any day. My people fought to not be slaves I'll be damned if I'm going to be one in my own home. That's not even a traditional role in my culture, women have always been headstrong and decision makers in my lineage. Also there's no guarantee that a leader will lead you on the right path anyway and I'm not about to risk blindly following a man to the slaughterhouse metaphorically.

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kalashhhhhhhh · 2025-12-06T16:28:52+00:00

Thosr two are not mutually exclusive at all, but "friend" sounds morr fun and interesting

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-12-06T16:54:28+00:00

What you describe as a "good leader" is just a functional, independent adult, and none of the traits of the "leader" and "friend" are mutually exclusive.

Except maybe "emotionally supportive" vs "holds you to promises". Does that mean if I have to cancel a date due to coming down ill, the "leader" will be obnoxious about it, while the "friend" would be understanding? Likewise, if the "Plans things out thoroughly" means planning things with me, or planning things without caring about my plans or interests. Those two things could be red flags.

Title	Do you prefer a partner who is a good friend, or a good leader?
Author	Reasonable_Mouse789
Upvotes	1
Comments	78
Date	December 6, 2025 12:20 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1pfba69/do_you_prefer_a_partner_who_is_a_good_friend_or_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-prefer-a-partner-who-is-a-good-friend-or-a.1568140 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568140

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