You’re not a good person just because you proclaim so.

Maleficent-Remote580 · 2026-03-14T20:56:21+00:00

I used to be a feminist. I used to be someone who stood against injustice. I used to champion thevwomen around me.

Like a fucking retard, I jumped into an altercation because men bigger and stronger than me tried to grab women indidnt even know.....

I didn't really expect anything in return.

However I was a lvm. So I was treated a s a low value man. I believed in fairness and rightnand wrong. And I believed it was my responsibility to make the world a better place . To leave places and people better than when I find them

No one extended that care to me.

At somepoint when I realised that I was too low value to qualify for something I assumed was granted to everyone... It broke me on a fundamental nlevel.

That and my continued inceldom corrupted my soul.

At this point in my life I regret everything I did for women. Fuck them..

I realised that everyone of them took the inconvenience and risks I took to make a better world real as the "bare minimum"

People who see others efforts as the bare minimum do not deserve any of it.

I don't care what you say.

I was a good person.

It doesn't help you romantically. I wasn't even hoping that it would.

But as a lvm, I regret ever trying to be a good person because the world doesn't deserve "above and beyond " from me . Especially if they see it as "bare minimum" as if I need to compensate for my inferiority

This-Register · 2026-03-14T17:06:17+00:00

That's why I stopped trying to be a good person amd going out of my way for people in general cause people use that as a means to take advantage rather than pay it forward. Focus on giving kindness to those who show kindness to you.

Kreeps_United · 2026-03-14T22:57:52+00:00

NOT EXPECTING A REWARD FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR

If these discussions are going anywhere, you have to realize that a lot of men have been punished for what we call good behavior, the behavior they're told to embody. It's not just about being good not coming with a reward but being good coming at a cost while seeing bad people flourish. Reducing that to, "you want a cookie?" just means you lost a lot of men who might have listened.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2026-03-14T12:24:57+00:00

well, i wasn't a good person in my teenage years and i never struggled with girls throughout high school or college and saw dudes who were certainly more virtuous than me be invisible.

people live in delulu land if they think being a good guy attracts young women. it doesn't necessarily repulse them if you're good looking and charismatic, not a people pleaser etc. but a lot of younger women are attracted to the concept of 'bad boys' in itself regardless.

you can try and gaslight young men into refusing to see the evidence before their own eyes every single day but i doubt that it's going to work.

Hot_Lack_4868 · 2026-03-14T12:24:46+00:00

"This is also why they don’t actually want women who want good men"

And who told you that? Was this revealed to you in a dream? And women's definition of a 'nice guy's is also very different from what guys imagine. Any guy they find attractive is a good man no matter how he acts, and any guy they reject and see as a loser automatically becomes a 'nice guy' who was just faking it.

matthedev · 2026-03-14T18:25:04+00:00

People mean different things when they say "good." Nietzsche compared a Judeo-Christian concept of good—meek, self-sacrificing, ascetic—to a more pagan one emphasizing what's good for the flourishing of one's life and the fullest expression of one's will. Obviously, there are more complex mixtures and the matter of the contents of a person's will. According to some previous posts in this, "good men" actually refers to some baseline of kindness but also treats like sense of humor, social skill, and other characteristics.

The man who's kind to the people he cares about but also willing to defend his interests assertively is going to be more appealing to a lot of women than a compulsive people-pleaser or a pushover. That's not to mention that some men who are kind may also be very passive or inhibited, which may counteract the appeal of the kindness.

Kanenas_T_Potas · 2026-03-15T07:54:59+00:00

The statement you make in the title of the post is a tautology. You cannot define yourself as a good person objectively. What most men complain about in this sub though, is a more intricate problem.

There are two problems with your argument though. I will try to elaborate on them in this response.

There is no correlation between being moral/nice/good to being attractive but society does try to condition men to think there is.

Most men are told that being nice to women, treating them a certain way, being a "gentleman" etc. Is something that is going to be socially rewarded by the opposite sex with romantic interest. Society condition men to think being nice makes you attractive.

I wouldn't say this stems from an evil conspiracy to harm men. Most healthy relationships are based on respecting boundaries, going out of the way for your SO, honesty, transparency and love. But that doesn't mean that being nice will actively contribute to getting you a partner. Maybe it might affect the people you will attract, but being attractive has nothing to do with being a what most people would conventionally label as "good".

This conditioning makes some guys use "niceness" as a tool of manipulation.

This brings us to the second issue. You like to describe the difference between being polite and being nice. But I think the problem is not about the "magnitude" of the niceness, as if the problem was a difference between being polite and doing something charitable or selfless; the truth though, is that it's less about selflessness vs politeness and more about the underlying intention of what these guys do.

People who are labeled as "nice guys", generally engage in selfless, charitable or caring behaviour because they have a covert contract with the world where they believe doing these things will get their needs met. This covert contract generally stems from the conditioning I explained above. Men are told their entire lives being a gentleman and being "nice" will get you a partner. They engage in "nice" behaviours in order to get their needs met, which paradoxically makes everything nice they do a tool of manipulation.

Usually, the nice guys don't realize this until they introspect. The point remains that it is not what they do, but rather the reason why they do it what drives them to be unattractive.

Zabadoodude · 2026-03-14T15:59:35+00:00

I agree that many "nice guys" mischaracterise not being assertive as "nice". Some of these guys aren't nice, they're spineless.

But it is also true that being an especially nice or good man doesn't help much in dating. Most women don't want a guy that's a complete asshole, but most men already meet the standards for "goodness" required. Where many men fail is being too boring and too ugly.

Barely-moral · 2026-03-14T17:07:29+00:00

You’re not a good person just because you proclaim so.

Sure.

But I can say that I am better than a serial killer because I am not a serial killer.

Now do I get better results than a serial killer?

Of course not.

Am I wrong for pointing out that the incentive structure when it comes to dating is such that I would be better off if I was a serial killer?

Am I wrong for pointing out that the people that create that incentive structure (by picking serial killers over men that are not serial killers) are creating a fucked up incentive structure?

Am I wrong for saying that the people in the position of rewarding behavior have the moral duty to create incentive structures that reward morality and punish immorality?

And before you tell me for the Nth time that women that pick serial killers are not good women.

That does not matter. I don't know how to tell you that in a way that is understood.

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2026-03-14T12:25:48+00:00

Also, expecting women to “choose better” while upset that woman vet for good traits before sex is HILARIOUS,

Factually incorrect. They vet for those traits with the beta provider guy. With Chad they have sex right away.

Why do you care about the "good person" thing so much anyway? It's not a useful category for understanding how people behave.

Bilbo332 · 2026-03-14T14:47:19+00:00

I think most of the problems "nice guys" face when it comes to dating stems from thinking nice = subservient. I can't speak to the equivalent for women, but I'm sure it exists. "If I do everything they want, they are bound to love me!" Good people, both men and women, don't want a servant, they want someone that they know they can depend on when they need it. Are there people out there that do want a servant? Absolutely. But good people don't so why would you want them?

When I'm sick, my girlfriend takes over my usual chores, when she's sick, I do the same. When we both had covid it was a never ending battle of both of us trying to take care of the other. We don't have designated "jobs", I'm a chef, so I do most of the cooking. She loves the smell of fresh laundry, so she does most of that. I'm a morning person, she likes to sleep in, so I get up early to walk the dog. She loves going to events, so she plans probably 75% of our nights out.

What "Nice Guys" are missing is that they are going after "Nice Women", "Nice Women" being women that don't care. Look after yourself, take pride in everything you do, but humans are animals, and animals pick up on things. She can sense desperation, she knows she has you if she wants to but wants to keep shopping. Just walk away, be you, and most importantly: be happy with you.

I play hockey, I make dad jokes, I love history, I play Warhammer, I camp, hunt, and fish, all of these are me. Being a "nice guy" didn't get me my girlfriend, being me, and being comfortable with me, did.

MyTeethHurtRn · 2026-03-14T12:41:30+00:00

You're also not a bad person just because you proclaim to be good. There can be actual good people who struggle, and bad people who call themselves good who struggle. It's disingenuous to assume anybody who claims to be good is actually secretly bad.

How was the guy wrong? He was expressively rude. Who can't explain this?

No-Consequence-6513 · 2026-03-14T12:29:28+00:00

Someone isn't a bad person either until proven otherwise.

Otjahe · 2026-03-14T12:19:34+00:00

Every self proclaimed "nice guy/good guy" I’ve talked to has had a whole list of negative traits

chriszenpaok · 2026-03-14T23:09:59+00:00

What does that short have to do w anything lol, anyway you're partly right so better than your usual. Being a good and respectful person to be a good and respectful person is the right way.

Nice guys don't finish last, unattractive ones do though, a handsome bad man is better off than an ugly good man, but being a good person would benefit both of them anyway.

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seadraugr · 2026-03-14T23:17:36+00:00

EXACTLY. Just because you call yourself a good person, "Good" is subjective. However, expecting that being chivalrous will make a woman fall head over heals for you immediately is insane. Turns out- women do like chivalry from someone who makes them feel safe and who they can trust. The problem is that these guys don't want to be consistent. They want immediate reward for what is often false presentation of care.

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-03-14T23:41:40+00:00

'Nice Guys Finish Last' doesn't mean anything about the guy being nice. He's just good enough, but there was someone else she was chasing after during her prime.

statsfodder · 2026-03-15T05:29:40+00:00

Then that would include Women who proclaim to be good aren't, but that isn't what you are on about.. Just because you make the title neutral doesn't mean you can then fill the body with your typical misandry and people won't notice.

Substantial-Fly4895 · 2026-03-15T06:07:29+00:00

I wish men were as smart as women, then NiceGuy behaviors would not be framed as rapey and instead get classified as "unpaid emotional labor" and eventually lead to legally mandated financial reparations from women.

SomePrint3788 · 2026-03-15T12:14:35+00:00

Guys here cant explain how the guy was in the wrong:

https://youtube.com/shorts/_ke-Ep2Gu1E?si=6AwBGhA8ofF0NacJ

That's pretty obvious, no? Performative cruelty is kind of the antithesis to being a good person. I think most men on this sub understand that. Though it's interesting that two women didn't pop their balloons.

Substantial-Fly4895 · 2026-03-16T01:37:30+00:00

Your post seems maximally calibrated to try and make men seem somehow bad when in reality they’re just humans like women responding to incentives, having to go through life, get treated well by some members of the opposite sex and badly by others, have to adapt their behavior to not get taken advantage of… etc.

There’s not this huge gap between men and women where men are somehow worse than women, physiologically our brains aren’t different enough for that. I think you’re a bit biased

midnight_blue77 · 2026-03-16T06:15:24+00:00

I never say that I'm a good person.

Fuck being a "nice guy."

Foreign_Look8668 · 2026-03-20T17:07:38+00:00

In the same breath, no ones is a bad person just because you proclaim they are. Some people call men fake nice or manipulative for initially trying to be charming, getting rejected, then later being indifferent to the person that rejected them. To me, that's a natural response to a door being closed. I don't keep fawning over or keep giving special treatment to people i realize i have no future relationship/friendship with. I treat them like the acquittances/strangers that they are cause im moving on.

However, when some men behave this way, sometimes we get labeled as fake nice and not really good people. Indifference is now seen as spite or hostility. No one owes anyone infinite, unconditional special attention or treatment. And i do mean special treatment, even if you categorize it as "bare minimum". Despite that, i've noticed some people have a weird expectation for men to keep treating them a certain way, even if they don't have the kind of relationship/friendship that warrants it. Even after it is very clear their advances have been rejected and there is nothing there for these men.

Even good/nice people can be not so good/nice to certain people for, sometimes, valid reasons. When it comes to women's chooses in dating or anybody's choices in dating for that matter, character and moral compass seems to rarely be a big factor in partner selection. Most guys here will agree with me that most men know that trying to be the model good, golden retriever boyfriend or whatever, doesn't necessarily mean that women will value that in dating. It's quite clear that relationships arent a meritocracy where you can earn affection.

It's naturally for people to pull back on the more virtuous and chivalrous behavior if they believe that behavior isn't serving them in life. People arent bound to behave a certain forever just because they presented themselves to you that way or you want to see them that way. Most people aren't out here being picture perfect examples for goodness for the sake of people morally superior; especially when "good" doesn't serve them and might do more harm then good.

I will say the whole "pick better" rhetoric can be unfair sometimes cause people can be wolves in sheep's clothing. However, it is your fault if you pick someone who is obviously a wolf but you entertain them anyway. If you touch the stove while it's hot & get burned when people warned you that it was on in the first place, that's really on you. If good character was never a big priority in who you picked, don't be surprise when that person turns out to be awful.

Title	You’re not a good person just because you proclaim so.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	1
Comments	90
Date	March 14, 2026 12:11 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rthtrj/youre_not_a_good_person_just_because_you_proclaim/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/youre-not-a-good-person-just-because-you-proclaim.1575483 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575483

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