If you don’t go to clubs/bars you can’t say you want to get women/being introverted is a choice

wtknight · 2026-04-22T23:05:47+00:00

Post locked and removed due to OP abandonment

Unique-Afternoon6316 · 2026-04-22T18:25:46+00:00

And the best part is if even you go to a bar and meet no women, you could make a new friend who does know a women interested in similar things to you. As a raver and party lover at heart who used to think they were a shy introvert, it’s a literal no brainer

I don't mean to be reductive but the chances of a random woman going out to have a solo fun night and meet someone in a positive way is much higher than the chances a man meets someone like this. Additionally you have totally glossed over the burden of approaching which most women don't do. Hell, most men don't do it.

Foreign_Hunt_6418 · 2026-04-22T18:04:42+00:00

Being an introvert isn't a choice. You can't magically become extroverted if you want to.

Gemini_zyx · 2026-04-22T17:40:18+00:00

I understand where you are coming from but do you know how intimidating it is to go to bars/clubs when you dont know anyone?

If you have freinds to go with then it a lot easier to manage social situations. I dont think its seems fair to say if someone isnt brave enough to solo head to bar or club then they are choosing to be introverted.

As someone who has tried going to bars and clubs alone, they were deeply unpleasent expereinces. I didnt meet people and came away feeling more isolated. Being alone while surrounded by people in groups having a great time is not a very fun expereince.

DrunkOnRamen · 2026-04-22T18:39:20+00:00

Ok OP, I did this with a wing woman and this got me permanently banned from a bar. Now what?

Whiskeymyers75 · 2026-04-22T19:00:12+00:00

So if someone doesn’t want to spend their time in bars and clubs, they’re “chicken” or lack charisma? That’s a pretty narrow way to look at it.

Some of us just don’t want that lifestyle. I barely drink, I train almost every day, and I actually care about my health and recovery. Late nights, alcohol, and that whole scene don’t exactly line up with that. That’s not insecurity, that’s discipline and priorities.

What’s funny is you’re framing partying like it’s the default path to success, when most people living that lifestyle are out of shape, run down, and not taking care of themselves long term. That’s not exactly something I’m trying to model my life after.

And the idea that clubs are the only place to meet women is just wrong. People meet through friends, hobbies, gyms, events, everyday life. places where you can actually talk and build something real instead of yelling over music and alcohol.

Not everyone wants a relationship that starts in a bar at 1am. Some of us want something that actually fits the life we’re building.

If that doesn’t match your world, that’s fine. But acting like it’s the only way just shows a lack of perspective, not a lack of options.

Gold_Sheepherder6569 · 2026-04-22T18:31:45+00:00

Many women literally say they don't want men to approach them in bars and clubs because they are there to have fun with their friends.

Combatenjoyer23 · 2026-04-22T17:46:39+00:00

Clubs suck so much ass. They're full of tough guy clowns trying to act hard and the most shallow, tik tok brained women you could find anywhere.

Raves are awesome though

Asleep_Cheesecake_72 · 2026-04-22T17:55:33+00:00

But OP you’re not thinking about the massive psychic horror of going to places where lots of young single women are and STILL being unable to get any interest or convert to dates/sex

I think the dudes drawn to those places- bars, clubs, raves, festivals- tend to be extroverts to begin with. Its not necessarily that the place makes them better but they were born with souls full of interestingness.

If i, boring male, go to such a place i will pollute it with my overly stable, niche interest loving, 401k and life insurance policy having self. I will befoul their lake of fun excitement with my stolid plodding autism + desire to discuss elder scrolls/WH4K lore and be rightfully hated.

The interestingnessless man is a stranger in a strange land, alone in a crowd, marked by god to endure endless suffering and disappointment. If you cant jester and hobby maxx than your mere presence or existence makes women feel mildly raped and you should retreat into a dank hole in the appalachian wilderness so as to not bother the normies

FormalLonely7555 · 2026-04-22T17:53:06+00:00

The last thing I want to do after a 14 hour shift is walk into a place full of drunken idiots, gambling and loud music. Same with the club, why work 14 hours to stand in a 3 hour line to be dancing next to a ton of drunken idiots.

You’ll only find people who want to be drunken idiots in a bar, so if I don’t want to date a drunk, I won’t go pick up someone from a bar or club. Not to mention the copious amounts of non-legal substances being consumed.

TomBerwick1984 · 2026-04-22T17:34:50+00:00

I used to go clubbing when I was younger.

Some people are not into drinking/drugs, and don't want to talk to drunk/high people.

As a raver and party lover at heart

Do you understand that someone might not want to go clubbing, not because they are 'chicken' but because they just don't like the sub-culture/environment?

Solondthewookiee · 2026-04-22T18:07:01+00:00

I disagree that introversion is a choice but I do agree that many of the men who complain about never being able to get a date (especially casual sex) are frequently putting zero effort into meeting women other than swiping.

eyes-tiger · 2026-04-22T18:09:08+00:00

Nah, this is a bad take. I like going to bars but it’s totally valid to not like them and not want to find someone there.

harmonica2 · 2026-04-22T19:00:57+00:00

I've had much more success in clubs and bars then outside of them. I dontt know any other better path to success, myself.

Mobrowncheeks · 2026-04-22T19:04:51+00:00

My gf doesn’t go to clubs are bars. Would have never met her there.

Ohnoes_in_distress · 2026-04-22T19:33:47+00:00

so many men complaining are just introverts who refuse to gain some charisma stats and talk to women

Being introverted isn't a choice. Neither are being autistic, socially anxious or awkward, and these traits are often comorbidities in those introverts who struggle with dating.

Your POV is ableist.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-04-22T17:43:20+00:00

If you just replaced clubs with “any regular extended social gatherings” I’d agree with you.

But as an introvert, it’s not accurate that I am choosing to be. Socializing is just extremely taxing for me, so I have finite energy to give before it’s genuinely unpleasant to receive human stimulation, no matter how nice the person is, and I need time alone to decompress.

Fortunately, there are other places than clubs. Like church, writing groups, niche communities (like furries or goths or punks or tabletop RPG nerds) that basically serve the same purpose.

Hell, I used to do swing dancing and yeah, it was all dance nerds, but they aggressively dated within the dance community, because they spend hours each week touching each other and dancing.

Sefalitis · 2026-04-22T18:04:32+00:00

Yeah, OP, a good way for men to meet women is if he's in a mixed-gender friend group. Women will automatically feel more at ease if a man has women around him.

At a house party over the summer, I helped one of my male acquaintances get laid. He was talking to a very attractive girl and I was saying goodbye to people at the party. I said bye to him and then told her, "____ here is a very cool dude!"

He scored.

More men should know this. It helps to have women around but so many men in these spaces are vehemently against female friends or acquaintances of any kind.

AutoModerator · 2026-04-22T17:28:59+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2026-04-22T17:28:59+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

KayRay1994 · 2026-04-22T18:40:52+00:00

No, not really.

Now, I’m very selective with my bars/clubs and while I don’t hate them, I am picky.

That being said, there are loads of ways to socialize without these things. I met my last situationship via friends of friends whom I initially met in a protest. My social circle now is friends I made volunteering and through improv. Live music (primarily punk and metal shows) is another setting that works for me (especially the smoker’s section). I’m also still introverted - though also I find that being an introvert isn’t about liking or disliking people; it is about where I get and release energy. I love people but I have a cap on how much interaction I can handle.

My point is, you can live a rich social life without ever touching a bar or a club. I don’t like the idea of perpetuating that these are the only placed where you can meet people.

GoodLookingAthlete · 2026-04-22T19:32:25+00:00

In the west Bars and clubs are terrible places for dating IMO.

Any decent venue (with a good number and ratio of women) will be expensive and designed in a way that extracts the most money from their male customers.

Conversation is often difficult due to loud music, a lot of girls are intoxicated and logistics for having sex are bad (you have to deal with her friends group etc), numbers/IG you get from there will be super flaky as well.

It encourages bad habits like drinking and smoking. It also encourages immoral/unethical behavior (IE taking advantage of drunk girls).

Also, if you’re chopped it won’t save you, you’ll just be buying girls drinks for nothing in return

Ok_Ad_5041 · 2026-04-22T19:54:04+00:00

Funny I never go to clubs or bars and I'm married. Had quite a few relationships before and didn't meet any at bars or clubs ...00

desertrain11 · 2026-04-22T20:25:00+00:00

What if you hate drinking and don’t want to meet a woman who drinks?

matthedev · 2026-04-22T20:42:38+00:00

I'm an Elder Millennial, so an age difference here probably plays a role; most night clubs are much more targeted towards people in their twenties. I'm also neurodivergent, having Asperger's syndrome (on the autism spectrum), which makes night clubs in particular unappealing places to go (even back when I was in my twenties).

So I prefer meeting people at daytime events. The things I enjoy doing tend to require daylight, and I'm more a morning person now than back in my teens and twenties.

I don't really care for drinking. Last time I had any alcohol, I didn't even finish half the drink, and that was a couple of months ago. I prefer a healthier lifestyle that regular drinking is incompatible with. This works both ways; frequent drinkers tend to become unattractive due to unhealthy habits as they age into their thirties and beyond.
I'm not really much for dancing either although it seems most women really like to dance.
Most of my friends don't like bars either, so I wouldn't be going with them. The people I know who like to hang out at bars really do like to drink—a lot (almost every night of the week, it almost seems like); that kind of sounds like alcoholism to me. The things they like to do just seem like ways to disguise living to drink.
Speaking of that, hanging out with drinkers can be boring if you're not drinking. That doesn't mean not liking to talk to people, but it does mean the conversation needs to be more engaging. Gossip, recollections of previous drinking sessions, and planning future occasions to drink are pretty boring. Boredom and shallow interactions are going to prevent friendships from forming.
More casual bars, where groups sit down to chat and share appetizers over drinks, are less useful for mingling outside the group. The night clubs and "meat market" bars with a dance floor may have more mingling between groups and more women than a chill gastropub or microbrewery, but they can make it almost impossible to hear someone standing right next to you (maybe that's the point), and at least back in my twenties where I lived and especially if a guy went out by himself and was on the autism spectrum, it was a good way for a hot-headed drunk guy to throw a punch, push you, or otherwise try to start a fight because you were talking to "his" woman.

So been there, done that. I really don't want to regularly hang out at bars, especially in my forties. Socializing is great—just not like that. Right now I live in a city that's pretty strongly oriented around socializing at bars; some would blame the climate (hot, humid summers and cold winters) and geography (no oceans or large mountains) or the fact that one of the largest breweries in the world is headquartered here (or at least their North American operations these days); nevertheless, there are places that are a little less bar centric.

Funky_hobbo · 2026-04-22T21:43:36+00:00

"as a raver and blablabla"

You are talking from your biased experience, there are plenty of people who go out at nights pretty regularly and get little to no sex.

Also, you are talking like if all men liked that type of women. I've dated women that don't go out at bars, never.

Past-Shoulder-631 · 2026-04-22T21:47:44+00:00

It takes a certain type of personality to enjoy clubbing.

I don’t get women who are in relationships but still go to bars and clubs. You know guys are gonna hit on you

DriverInitial8305 · 2026-04-22T21:54:36+00:00

As someone who used to go to clubs and bars every weekend I promise you the ROI is low. You’re honestly better off just working on yourself taking better pics and having a good hinge profile

chile-pica · 2026-04-22T18:00:16+00:00

Define charisma stats. What are some typical “charismatic behaviors”?

Senpai2Savage · 2026-04-22T18:16:35+00:00

Yeah honestly my motto was always " ill be shy in the next life" you miss out on way too much with that shit.

theminxisback · 2026-04-22T17:38:52+00:00

Idk, where I'm at, a lot of the women going clubbing don't want to be bothered by anyone. They want to party and enjoy their night without getting harassed.

I go to gay bars and still get harassed. It's fucking annoying. Please stop telling dudes to find women in bars. Many of us are there to have fun. Not to hook up or date. It's getting so bad less and less women are going out dancing in my city. It's fucking sad.

How about telling dudes to gain social skills in general and actually learn how to talk to people?

AcephalicDude · 2026-04-22T18:06:32+00:00

True. And by the same logic, if you claim you want traditional, principled women who don't have casual sex and want to be a housewife that submissively respects and supports their husband, but you don't go to church, you don't really uphold any traditional principles yourself, and instead go to clubs to try to sleep with the easiest women you can find... you're doing it wrong.

Title	If you don’t go to clubs/bars you can’t say you want to get women/being introverted is a choice
Author	Clownrisha
Upvotes	6
Comments	118
Date	April 22, 2026 5:28 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1sss8g0/if_you_dont_go_to_clubsbars_you_cant_say_you_want/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-you-dont-go-to-clubsbars-you-cant-say-you-want.1578606 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578606

Comments