If you don’t go to clubs/bars you can’t say you want to get women/being introverted is a choice

Zabadoodude · 2026-07-07T17:44:04+00:00

It's definitely been what worked the best for me. But If you're not naturally social, you need friends that are better at it that you can learn from. I will often see groups of 3-4 guys at the club standing around or awkwardly trying to talk to women that are obviously not into them. A friend that isn't very good looking, but still pulls is worth his weight in gold so you can learn from him.

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-07-07T17:35:20+00:00

While I agree that a lot of people complain about women not breaking down their front door and throwing themselves at men, I do think it’s important to keep in mind that “going out with friends” isn’t a 100% solution considering we are experiencing a social isolation epidemic en masse. Most people don’t have huge social circles anymore, on average anyone in their 20s has something like 30% the social groups that their parents did. Not to mention when you hit 30-40-50 your friends aren’t going to be down to hit bars and clubs with you and if you go solo it can be way more intimidating and you can come across as weird or creepy if you’re all alone.

A better solution is all of us getting off the internet and creating more offline third spaces where we can make friends and mingle. We don’t have a lot of non-bar/club social settings compared to the past, at least in the U.S.

Unique-Afternoon6316 · 2026-07-07T17:55:24+00:00

I go out and dance with my friends all the time while being very introverted.

And the best part is if even you go to a bar and meet no women, you could make a new friend who does know a women interested in similar things to you. As a raver and party lover at heart who used to think they were a shy introvert, it’s a literal no brainer

I have never, in my ~5 years of fairly consistent going out, met a woman who would reply back to a text from a club or bar. I realize I must be pretty unlucky, but within my social circle I don't know a single person who met at a bar or club.

Also, being an introvert isn't about your comfortability in crowds or how gregarious you are, it's about how you recharge.

kerfufflewhoople · 2026-07-07T17:40:35+00:00

Since when are clubs and bars the best place to find a partner? They’re noisy, people are drunk, it’s nearly impossible to get to know somebody that way, let alone have a meaningful conversation.

Club hookups? Yes, maybe. Actual relationships? Unlikely.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-07-07T17:41:31+00:00

Boo, why attack introverts?

I would describe myself as a gregarious introvert; I prefer solace. But if I’m around people, it’s a lot easier to make the time pass if you can shoot the shit and get along with people.

Clubs can be overwhelming for an introvert. I’d much sooner advice a casual BBQ or like fishing or hiking groups, both are super friendly but tend to be less overbearing

cherrycokezr0_est2k7 · 2026-07-07T18:03:40+00:00

Should someone force themselves into activities they don't enjoy in an attempt to date people they're not compatible with? If you don't like going to bars and clubs, but you go out to meet someone, doesn't that just mean your committing to carrying on a lifestyle you don't enjoy? Don't women want to date compatible men?

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-07-07T19:27:38+00:00

You can want things that you have no intention of pursuing

Bernouttheday · 2026-07-07T17:36:23+00:00

If you don’t drink and don’t enjoy being in those spaces why would you conduct yourself in a way that sets the expectation that will enjoy being in those spaces?

MarioWilson122 · 2026-07-07T18:52:05+00:00

That works for some men, but it isn't much of a choice for others. Not everyone enjoys bars or clubs, and for many men, especially introverts, those environments are naturally much harder to succeed in. Simply saying, "Go to the club," doesn't suddenly remove those disadvantages.

You also say it's the easiest way, but that's different from saying it's easy. Plenty of men force themselves into those environments because they feel they have to, not because they enjoy them. For many, it's one of the only realistic ways to expand their social circle or meet women. That doesn't mean the process itself isn't difficult.

The irony is that your argument actually reinforces how much effort men are expected to put in. You're telling men to become more charismatic, build a friend group, regularly go out, approach people, network, and hope those connections eventually lead to women. Women generally aren't expected to do nearly as much just to have dating opportunities. That's exactly why many men say dating is significantly harder for them.

Local-Willingness784 · 2026-07-07T23:33:57+00:00

kind of wonder where are the hordes of millennials and the like who fucking hate anything less than bluepilled takes? i would have bet they would be over the moon writing "this" and going on about their very anecdotal stories while shitting on guys for not going out and shit but i dont see that many, if any of them here?

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-07-08T04:07:38+00:00

I mean, I basically think you clocked a lot of men here that they don't want to socialize out of highly insular low effort comfort zones...

But, I will say I was not a big bar nor club goer outside of some random intervals mostly caused by loving my siblings and friends.

I think the more accurate version of this is that you need to be leaving your house to go to a fun group activity which attracts both genders and being a regular places where you could talk to others.

And the problem is that school and work are the biggest things for this. And a lot of these guys aren't going to school or are long since graduated and made the mistake of using school exclusively for school.

Their secondary problem is work is a sketchy place to meet people and they don't know how to approach girls at their jobs without being fuckin weirdos that make things uncomfortable or scary. And I'm not super convinced that's an easy skill to just learn by failing.

And their final problem is that their comfort zone across the board is generally incredibly small, terribly masculine, and terribly lacking in curiosity about anything outside that small skull kingdom of theirs.

We are talking about men so steeped in their own ego and juices that when asked if they would take a girlfriend to Taylor Swift's wedding, many were horrified to imagine they were dating someone that liked Taylor Swift. They could not imagine being in a relationship with someone that liked a musical artist they hold in low regard.

Their comfort zone is generally a clone of them with tits and a vagina. (Not all of you, but a lot). The idea that woman doesn't fucking exist and that every partner is likely to have some dumb shit they're really into and you have to do it with them and enjoy it with them as a sign of your love for them is that foreign to them.

Of course going to the bar or club isn't a valid idea. The idea they could possibly love or find a woman who is somewhere they don't want to be would suggest she is not them with tits and an ass.

So beyond the environmental factors against them which are real and not entirely their fault, their true problem and the first thing they have to get over is confusing compatability with agreement.

BitchImLilBaby · 2026-07-07T18:43:41+00:00

Not this simple for several reasons. - some people are new to cities without social circles and there’s still a stigma surrounding people that go out solo, especially men

not everyone drinks alcohol
the people that go out clubbing are probably not compatible for the more introverted people that don’t go out very much
going out can be expensive and a lot of us don’t have much expendable money in this awful economy

I could keep going but yeah, just because someone doesn’t go out dancing doesn’t mean they can’t complain about how increasingly antisocial the world is.

SlipperyAddict · 2026-07-07T19:44:57+00:00

The thought that a woman going to a club feels her experience is anything close to a man's in the same environment is insane lmao.

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2026-07-07T17:55:25+00:00

I don’t like alcohol. You know how people view a sober guy looking to meet drunk women? I don’t think I need to elaborate.

We need more 3rd spaces outside of the party scene.

TankfarmMurdock · 2026-07-07T17:37:55+00:00

Alcohol is a great social and sexual lubricant. Sometimes she wants to make a bad decision and you can be that bad decision if you play your cards right at the right bar.

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Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-07-07T20:09:16+00:00

I think we need to be more realistic and tell pill poppers they should be going to thief school dances instead of clubs

TRP in 2026 is now mostly grifters marketing to middle school boys.

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-07-07T20:31:07+00:00

There was time when I checked those places. I've got some attention from women there. But that wasn't kind of attention and kind of women I wanted, so I stopped. And being introverted is brain chemistry, you don't choose that.

GhostofTomJoadRATM · 2026-07-08T03:23:02+00:00

When you understand that behind every diatribe about why women should be making the first move and hitting on men openly, is basically fear, you will also understand why men say they don’t like bars and clubs. One word: FEAR.

NoClerk951 · 2026-07-08T20:47:58+00:00

The thing with those men is that they want to eat meat while being vegeterians. Clubs and bars aren't good for them because 1) they are terrible at socializing, 2) this form of socializing will do more harm to them than good and 3) they should learn how to respect themselves and that their value is not tied to their body counts. But they don't understand that and focus on black pill and finding a partner asap despite not even needing one.

To summarize not everyone benefits from clubs and bars and people should accept that and seek other ways or stop seeking at all.

vk059 · 2026-07-07T17:35:56+00:00

This is completely correct. Dating apps are ~worthless for the vast majority of men. If you are ugly/short you will look uglier and shorter at the club but everyone is drunk anyways and that boosts your charisma/charm 100x.

TransmissionSigned · 2026-07-07T17:59:00+00:00

You make friends and get women who enjoy going to bars.

Useless if you don't like going to bars.

WaitingForTheFire · 2026-07-07T18:29:20+00:00

I don’t think you really understand what it means to be an introvert. Especially an introvert with anxiety issues. It’s difficult enough just to drive to the club and walk in the door. And then you expect that person to be sociable and have a good time. And then you expect the dude to be able to approach women? And you think that the guy is going to be capable of being charismatic enough to get the attention of a woman? Get real. It’s easier to move a mountain.

chriszenpaok · 2026-07-07T18:53:16+00:00

Women will only speak to you in a club of you’re 6 foot or above. I would argue heightism is more prevalent in clubs than it is on dating apps, it’s to that degree

Source: I go out

KayRay1994 · 2026-07-07T19:47:44+00:00

I’m gonna disagree here. There are tons of ways to meet people that don’t include bars or clubs. Now, if all you wanna do is hook up, nightlife is your best bet - but also hooking up is primarily driven by a very base form of attraction, not indicators of long term compatibility

I’ve also grown to love nightlife, for the record - but also, most of the friends I’ve made aren’t from nightlife, I’d have pleasant convos and interactions with people from nightlife, but they don’t last - not cause anything was wrong with anyone, but mostly cause tipsy/drunk folk (myself included) have a much lower bar for socialization, ergo compatibility

Whiskeymyers75 · 2026-07-07T18:26:31+00:00

Except I don’t like those kinds of women. Clubs are full of immaturity and alcoholism.

brassbuffalo · 2026-07-07T19:24:10+00:00

Absolutely no one in my social circles has met their SO at a bar or club. When I was in college there was a lot of people hooking up at clubs and bars, but nothing long term ever grew out of it. My life experience leads me to doubt the universality of your ideas.

The only people at bars I ever see talking to people they don't already know is old guys, usually talking to other old guys about the game. Outside of the bars that underagers hang out at, the social aspect of the bar is on life support. People don't go to bars to meet new people, they go to drink with people they already know.

I'm going to take an explicitly opposite stance. If you're introverted and you don't like bars or clubs you should NOT be going to those places trying to meet people. You should be going to the places you want to be and trying to find people there. If you don't like bars or clubs you probably won't be happy with a friend group or partner that does.

Crazy_Custard_2081 · 2026-07-08T01:14:00+00:00

You're kind of presuming a one-size-fits-all solution here.

Yes, clubs and bars are setup as one of the better ways of meeting people. I would go one step further and say that being able to dance is a great equalizer. It can make up for a lot of the initial awkwardness of introductions and small talk. On the dance floor, you can inhabit any persona you want and you can separate what happens on the floor from what goes on beyond the dance floor.

I'm far from a 10, but in most rooms, I am one of the better dancers. So, even if I'm dancing by myself and just enjoying the moment, women will often approach me and have a dance. Depending on the place and the music, I will partner up with them and that will often take the interaction to a different level, especially if they also know how to partner dance. Because I know what I'm doing, the women will often feel at ease with dancing close and doing more provocative moves.

But, I also know this is not for everybody. Some women do not like to express themselves non-verbally like that with a partner. And some women prefer to maintain physical distance on a dance floor. All well and good, and I try to be mindful of that. For the people that I have met on the dance floor, there have been some magical and elusive moments where the room disappears. That doesn't always translate off the floor, but it's still a great feeling.

Bars and clubs are not where everyone goes. Like apps and activity groups, the club and bar scene is just a tool in a broader tool box for meeting people in different ways. If clubs are a hammer, just remember that not every person is a nail.

bigdonut100 · 2026-07-08T02:15:34+00:00

If you “hate bars and the club” that’s literally a you problem

Lol, most bars are about people trying to impress each other

Are you presenting a false dichotomy of "bars or dating apps," because there's also "creeping girls out in public parks after reading a cold approach book"

Or "taking a girl from a park to a bar," because it's classic advice that going to a bar alone is considered creepy to a lot of women, like creepier than cold approach at a park

Alternative_Cod2280 · 2026-07-08T12:04:47+00:00

I go to nightclubs on regular basis, just this year I went to 17 events either with friends or alone, despite being introverted, shy or whatever. These are the worst places ever to meet women, you get to see the worst of dating X10, it's literal waste of time and money to go in these place for this purpose.

It seems to me that so many men complaining are just introverts who refuse to gain some charisma stats and talk to women

Women in these places have nothing interesting to discuss or share, they put themselves in the passenger sit and expect you to lead and give 150% of your time to kee upp their short attention span and when things go too well you just know they're here to extract something out of you. A literal waste of time with 0 rewards if at least nothing bad happen. In fact my only recurring interaction with them is about knowing if I either have drug to sell or know where to find them.

You're too wrong and clueless on it's like to be a man in these environments, you don't get to tell men how it is if you never went as such.

Narrow-Broccoli531 · 2026-07-09T14:48:01+00:00

Why would I involve myself with the trash that goes to clubs?

winter_lover28 · 2026-07-07T17:35:57+00:00

it's necessary if you can't get on a dating app. If you are not desirable, you need intense self-hatred until you become perfect, or at least keep trying until you die. If you can't have casual sex, you will never know what true desire is. There is no point in living if you can't

DankuTwo · 2026-07-08T08:32:17+00:00

I’ve been more successful with women than I’ve had any right to, and I have never once pulled a woman in a bar (and in my whole life have only been to one club, for a total of about 20 minutes).

If you’re a low-IQ normie then bars and the like might be a good option. They don’t work for everyone.

Title	If you don’t go to clubs/bars you can’t say you want to get women/being introverted is a choice
Author	Clownrisha
Upvotes	0
Comments	247
Date	July 7, 2026 5:31 PM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1uq1xla/if_you_dont_go_to_clubsbars_you_cant_say_you_want/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-you-dont-go-to-clubsbars-you-cant-say-you-want.1584475 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584475

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