23 year old r/sex poster no longer wants to engage in casual sex. She now wants to wait "weeks or months" before sleeping with a partner. Would you wait for her knowing the foregoing? Why or why not?

wtffellification · 2019-08-02T18:55:47+00:00

forget porn people, THESE stories are what guys on the internet mastrubate to

pnadlerlaw · 2019-08-03T02:36:16+00:00

Personally, no.

I don’t care about the “number” of guys she’s had sex with in the past.

First, if she “can” wait, it’s kind of an insult. It’s like, “Yeah, you’re not really THAT attractive. At least not as attractive as those other guys.” Jeez, thanks. How flattering.

Second, you’re going to let that asshole feel like a stud and make the guy you maybe want to one day spend the rest of your life with feel like? What, exactly? Because as a man, I gotta tell you, it’s not a nice feeling at all. So much so, she’s going to get nexted just to avoid that feeling; it’s not even about the sex.

Third, when we start out our relationship and I’m already feeling like the girl isn’t interested in sex or had a low sex drive, it’s just something that’s going to create a lot of issues in the relationship as time goes on.

Fourth, when we start out our relationship and the person I’m with has made me feel sexually rejected, unwanted, literally LESS attractive and desirable SEXUALLY in comparison to other men, she can’t possibly do ANYTHING (maybe threesomes, and an open/poly relationship, if she hasn’t done that with other guys) that would make me feel like, “okay, the person I’m with GENUINELY feels like I’m a stud and she’s GENUINELY proud to be with me on a PURELY sexual level.”

Fifth, zooming out of sex for a moment, it’s like, hold up, these guys disrespected you and you continued to have sex with them only causally. I’m here wanting to give you my love, and you’re literally disrespecting me as a man. Sorry, no thanks.

petrichordium · 2019-08-02T18:28:25+00:00

Omfg let that silly girl BE. Do you think it’s any more attractive when men loudly proclaim how much they are repulsed by humdrum domesticity and want nothing to do with the bum deal of marriage?

I am one of those guys btw! I have zero, negative attraction to the madonna side of the madonna whore complex and my base case scenario in life is simply a seamless transition from relying on my cutes and charms to just straight up sugarbabies. I’m already in the grey area lol.

The difference between me and her is that I’ve figured this shit out through decades of being stuck with myself and relationship experience and it has pretty much stabilized into “here’s the deal.”

This girl has been engaging in behavior that HURTS her. She’s not even having a slut hangover and wanting to cool it with some loser before getting back on the carousel. Her experiences have damaged her psyche and she needs time to heal and what she’s doing is exactly what she should be. No single penis on earth is going to be more productive for her than working on herself.

But no omg I wouldn’t bother with her obviously. Our values are way too different.

[deleted] · 2019-08-02T20:26:36+00:00

Caesars girlfriend must be above suspicion.

Its not enough that she TELLS me she is attracted to me and values me. She has to show it with actions.

I have been lied to many times, often by those closest to me. Words are wind. Actions are more real. They happen, regardless if there is intent to deceive.

When a woman makes me wait longer for sex or wont do sex acts with me that she used to for other men, theres a possibility its because she just doesnt value me like them. She may say its not true, but it still might be. Even the possibility of that being expressed in her actions is unacceptable to me. Her heart can be deceitful and traitorous, whatever, I dont give a shit. But her actions at least have to be respectful.

Life is too short to settle for being treated as 2nd best, regardless what the rationale is. I value my fucking time. Ignoring shit like this that bothers you because you want to rEspEct wOmeN’s ChOicEs is for manginas. Let them deal with the worn out cumdumps who suddenly go frigid (for him).

reluctantly_red · 2019-08-02T18:25:43+00:00

Guys want to feel like they're being treated at least as well as the guys who can before. If the woman in question can pull this off then she shouldn't have any problems. But its likely going to require some effort on her part outside the bedroom.

Barely-moral · 2019-08-02T18:32:39+00:00

Assuming what she said is true. She may be worth the wait. I doubt it but I don't know her.

I am more worried about this part

I'm 23, in college and literally everyone here wants only sex or sex as quickly as possible. Especially guys.

It is not like everyone around her wants sex quickly, that only applies to the men she finds attractive. If I am willing to wait then I am already at a disadvantage.

wtknight · 2019-08-02T19:09:30+00:00

Not if she’s had casual sex more than once. Then it just seems like AF/BB to me. If she tried it once and decided she didn’t like it then that’s fine with me. But if she has gone from CC riding to making men wait, then that’s a next.

concacanca · 2019-08-02T18:21:49+00:00

She can do what she wants. She'd be an idiot to tell guys that this is her plan though, or to ever let him know that this is what went beforehand. Most guys are suckers for sunk cost fallacies so will likely stick around even if they find out down the line.

diffdedbed · 2019-08-02T19:25:18+00:00

Still 3 dates.

The problem isn't sex, the problem is the guys she's picking to screw.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2019-08-02T20:33:11+00:00

Weeks maybe, but months plural would be weird. I would like the idea of getting to know somebody first, but like others have said- if a chick isn't getting sexual tension and struggling with it herself to not get naked with you, she's not that attracted to you.

cxj · 2019-08-02T20:35:04+00:00

Nope wouldn’t wait, can’t imagine waiting for anyone really tbh but never say never 🤷‍♀️

Blonsomio · 2019-08-02T18:21:35+00:00

literally everyone here wants only sex or sex as quickly as possible. Especially guys.

She means the type of guys she's into, not LITERALLY EVERY GUY. This is gonna be tough for her.

oneprettycoolcat · 2019-08-02T18:42:22+00:00

If she's doesn't fuck you immediately or close to immediately then she isn't sexually attracted to you.

geyges · 2019-08-02T18:34:36+00:00

She's a child at a very dark carnival. Riding the carousel makes her sick, but she's too dim-witted to do anything else.

Hopefully at 35, she'll come out of that forest of dicks with a dick that she likes.

ohheyhi99 · 2019-08-02T18:48:00+00:00

I’d be OK with that if I actually liked her, but I think I’d want to be reassured that it’s not personal and she’s actually attracted to me. I don’t know how many guys agree with me though.

[deleted] · 2019-08-02T19:09:58+00:00

I would wait, theoretically if she also didn't expect me to wine and dine her. Just meeting up, have a conversation and that's that. Maybe a walk in a park etc. But that's only in theory. Would she be comfortable with such an arrangement? I think mostly desperate men would take such a shitty deal of waiting for sex. Because we men have to spend our TIME too with such a woman. We could spend this time with doing/fucking someone else. So here's that. Shitty deal and it's on her to find a low value male who would commit to her.

catbrainland · 2019-08-03T22:35:25+00:00

Have casual sex -> get emotionally hurt.

Keep a sex starved sap who's in love in you -> can't get hurt ("feel used"), also female side push-pull strategy by keeping the expectation high

To guys out there: If a girls pulls "shes afraid you'll use her for sex", just tell her to GTFO for making assumptions about you. She's abusive and not serious about you at all, you're the one being used for emotional offloading, while getting zero intimacy in return - friendzone in a pretend "relationship".

headchefboyardee · 2019-08-02T19:56:14+00:00

No, I wouldn't wait for her. From the context of this post, she's only chosen romantic interactions that have left her feeling less than. The "used" feeling she's dealing with comes from a pattern of behavior that will take time to change. It sounds like she wants to have a mature relationship after being burnt, without having matured. In my opinion you're not a different person the day you decide to make a change. To me, that would be like an incel thinking they're a different person after having sex one time. Like no, you've still got all the emotional baggage that lead you to identify as an incel to deal with.

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ThickPass · 2019-08-02T20:23:42+00:00

So this is actually the standard I am kind of going by now. Wanna know what the men of PPD think (or women too I guess idc) I gave my V to a guy at near 24, very quickly because I just kind of felt like I needed to “get with the times” and because at first he seemed very promising. Like I had never been so comfortable with a man right off the bat, and it felt like we had known each other for years. It didn’t take long to realize he was not what I wanted and we were just not at all compatible. I am kind of in this mindset where I don’t see why sex has to come before a relationship, but I fear men won’t make an exception for me now that I am no longer a virgin, but I still value sex the same as I did before. I still want to only sleep with a man that I am deeply fond of and not just take a risk, sleep with someone, and hope it works out. I’d rather have some confidence that it will work out before sleeping with the guy. I’m sure most red pill men wouldn’t wait, I don’t even know if they’d wait for a virgin... but that’s kind of how I want to go about it. I need to know the guy I sleep with is a good, trustworthy, kind man that I enjoy spending time with before I sleep with him and sometimes it can take a few months to figure that out. If I want a man that wants the same things out of a relationship as I do, then I don’t see why they’d be opposed to it. I.e. I feel like it’d be a good way to filter out the guys I wouldn’t be compatible with anyways.

Barneysparky · 2019-08-03T05:07:47+00:00

I did this when I was 30 for a year. It was a good year, I dated 3 very nice men who were not right for me but were mutually satisfied with leaving PIV sex out of the picture.

We did other things, lots of things. We spent weekends holed up making each other orgasm.

My viewpoint is if your an adult and decide not to have sex until you are fully committed I think that is great. The body is full of crazy things that give you awesome orgasms, explore them with your partner after a few getting to know them times. ( not meeting in the lunch room)

confusedeuro · 2019-08-04T15:09:31+00:00

She's already had casual sex.

I only go for virgins. Not a virgin? I'm still not going to masterbait. Gonna do something else, but yeah.

decoy88 · 2019-08-05T17:14:02+00:00

I couldn’t date anyone with weird sexual hangups.

I need someone with similar values

[deleted] · 2019-08-02T18:22:57+00:00

As someone who has a high sex drive, and someone who believes sexual compatability is important in a relationship, she'd have to be a pretty charming mother fucker.

Not to say its impossible, but its a straight disadvantage.

Emervila · 2019-08-02T18:47:36+00:00

OP you are reading her wrong bc your are not reading behind lines.

What you've found is an Early Bird an honest woman able to give her best years to a committed LTR, she is gold.

Nothing is eating her up, if it were she would be sleeping around in a click but she's not she seems determined. Look how the rule is abstract she doesn't say 4th date or the 4th month specifically, in opposite leftovers after 30's or even single mother would push and withhold sex as much as possible but she's not withholding, she is preserving it for a LTR.

What you failed to read is she will give sex and a lot of it to a man but she won't make him wait just for the sake of waiting but until she is in a stable LTR. This depens on both to develop but man has to lead her to trust then she will open herself

boomcheese44 · 2019-08-03T05:46:58+00:00

lol "weeks or months"

Are guys really so desperate and self absorbed that waiting a few weeks to a couple of months to sleep with someone is a dealbreaker if you're both looking for a serious relationship? I'm not, so I guess this falls outside of my experience.

Is the relationship worth a little wait? That's what I'd be looking to answer. If not, no I wouldn't. If so, yeah I would.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-08-02T19:34:19+00:00

premarital sex is a costly mistake to have to learn from. Of course she feels used and of course her decision that its’ better to wait is a good one.

The guys who are into that though, are into girls who’ve never made that mistake. The guys who don’t care about her past are the same guys who want sex from her right away.

There’s a definite repulsion when it comes to the prospect of a woman receiving the sperm of another man, so if she’s 100% she’s prevented that with the use of protection and is STI free, I think her best course of action now that she knows better is to;

A.) give her future husband her best

B.) meanwhile, just... think like a virgin, fill her mind with clean thoughts, erase the rest.

the poor girl...

Tomatoccino · 2019-08-03T08:05:51+00:00

23? Is this college a sheltered workshop? I think she needs a break from dating, tbh; because she’s trying to find herself through the prism of being someone’s girlfriend, and that doesn’t work.

katymarx · 2019-08-03T16:09:17+00:00

Wow, I'm surprised the self centered all bout my dick solipsism still shocks and upsets me. Why this poor girl came to incel and angry betabux central for advice is beyond me.

OiLoveMoiBrick · 2019-08-04T04:04:15+00:00

I once dated a girl for six weeks until we got intimate. It was fine.

nuke_us_all · 2019-08-04T18:27:07+00:00

Who cares. She can do what she wants. It's like a rich guy whining about feeling bad they spend all their money on useless shit, so they're going to cut back so they can afford a helicopter next month.

She has all the power. She can do what the fuck she wants. She wins either way.

JasonPegasi · 2019-08-06T01:38:51+00:00

FYI, it's not everyone in college who is like that. The ones who aren't just accept that the culture is dominated by those who are, so they keep their heads down and focus on their work. Look for those people, but good luck coaxing them out of their dorm rooms, lol.

CainPrice · 2019-08-02T18:25:33+00:00

Nope. Sexual attraction is the foundation of a romantic relationship. It's what makes it a romantic relationship. I can sit on the couch and watch TV with anybody. Other men, my mom, anybody. I can only have sex with my romantic partner.

Modern women don't know how to attract men. The only way they know how to attract men is by having sex with them, and the only way they know how to secure commitment is by withholding sex until the guy commits.

This r-sex poster's problem is the usual woman problem:

If you have sex easily and early, men will get the wrong idea. They'll think it's just a hook-up and not try to date you seriously. They'll also think you're a slut and not want to date you seriously anyway.

If you don't have sex easily and wait a long time, men will think you're not interested and will just turn to other women who will have sex with them.

And this poster knows that if she tells guys she's looking for a relationship, not a hookup, most guys will say that they're on the same page just to get laid, but not actually want a relationship. So she plans on withholding sex as a test with the theory that only guys who are serious about dating her will hold out for sex. She is literally saying, "I want to play games and test men. Is this okay?"

It's like she doesn't know how to be good girlfriend material -and- have sex with a guy she likes. The only way she knows how to be good for a guy is to have sex with him, so she's going to withhold that and use it as her primary bargaining chip.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-08-02T18:36:33+00:00

3 date rule. If I cant get her to break her I wait rule by date 3 shes just not that into me

Whisper · 2019-08-03T16:02:38+00:00

One doesn't raise the quality of a product by raising the price.

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