do you feel offense when I say girls have to put less effort into dating?

coratoad · 2019-02-03T05:37:33+00:00

It's easier to find dates and find someone who is interested in you as a woman. However, you have a shorter time to get it right and there are a lot of false positives. A guy can string you along for months before you find out he doesn't want something serious (with you). And he can be with you years and never marry you.

Women seem like a pain to deal with tbh but I envy the appreciating value men have in the dating and marriage market.

Bekiala · 2019-02-03T03:21:08+00:00

In a way, you are absolutely correct.

I remember feeling like dating was being in a car where the guy just used the gas pedal and I had the rest of the controls. If I had wanted to go where ever the guy wanted to go, I could have just let him put on all the gas. However the man never seemed to be paying attention to some of the finer details of the situation.

equanimous_samsara · 2019-02-03T02:49:38+00:00

To just get fucked it's not much effort. To find a "good man"TM to be with, I think women need to put much more effort. You could say they also have it easier, but it doesn't seem convincing.

Glawen_Clattuc · 2019-02-03T10:06:45+00:00

No, I'm not offended.

I do think you are spectacularly wrong, however.

decoy88 · 2019-02-03T07:33:29+00:00

I'm a dude with quite a few female friends. Here's what I often hear about their dating struggles (all from 1st dates)

"I hope I look good enough for this/him" (taking hours to get ready for dates, making sure it doesn't fall on the same dates as their period)
"He had no sense of humour, couldn't even take a joke, and got upset over the tiniest thing"
"Insisted on paying, then told me I should invite him into my bed because he was generous"
"told me he was looking for something committed and exclusive but didn't want labels"
"Hooked up with him, the sex was terrible. No foreplay, no care about my pleasure, just in out for 5 minutes and then it was over"
"never asked me questions about my life, just went on and on about himself and what he expects from a 'good woman'"
"how do I know he's being genuine?
"how do I know he's being genuine?
"how do I know he's being genuine?

These are like 90% of their dates by the way. With average AF men.

When talking with some of my male friends....

"how you get them to sleep with you if you don't pretend you want something more then?"
"she wasn't that hot, so I tried for ONS but she wasn't on it"
"I got about 30 mins to get ready for it"
"I wasn't really feeling her, so I didn't bother to go down, just got mine and left" (read: no effort in sex because she wasn't hot enough)

Dating takes time. And as adult humans with lives and jobs, they don't have all the time in the world to be sifting through all the bad ones to find the few good matches.

From all these stories. I can't really say women have it easier because often they have different goals. Whether casual or not. Most of it is trying to determine whether the man is full of shit with an ulterior motive, and when that's so often the case, they have to reject him and start all over again.

billytiger · 2019-02-03T16:11:36+00:00

Women have an easier time getting a date, yes. But 99% of first dates are fucking awful. Women experience just as much of a struggle to find a good and healthy relationship of any duration. That is common to both sexes equally.

InsanoVolcano · 2019-02-03T04:42:54+00:00

Girls' effort have to be put into protecting themselves from violence and keeping a man after they have sex. Women may get sex easier, but men get safety easier. Everyone has their trials.

RedditRouge00 · 2019-02-03T03:03:04+00:00

You would be correct, women can sit and do absolutely nothing and men will still flock to them like flies to shit.

LUClEN · 2019-02-03T05:55:52+00:00

That's a given when the onus is on other people to do the leg work

Willow-girl · 2019-02-03T03:04:23+00:00

I don't think women make less effort into dating, however I understand how it can be perceived that way by men who have no idea what it's like to be a woman

bbhatti_12 · 2019-02-03T04:15:28+00:00

Asa straight guy, Once I’ve learned that it’s okay to have platonic friends, I’ve learned a lot about women.

They have to be worried about everything that they say. Sure it’s easy for them to get dates, but think how scary it is that they have no idea who they are dating really. It’s super scary for them to say no, because of what the reaction might be.

They have to be worried about their guy friends and make sure they are not just friends waiting to fuck them. What if the dude finally catches feelings and they have to say no and possibly lose a friendship.

Guys have a lot of issues. Especially thanks to the fuckboys and douchebags who ruin it for the sincere nice guys (not nice guys tm).

Salty-Bastard · 2019-02-03T02:47:13+00:00

The only thing that needs to be fixed is men need to stop buying into the female imperative, pull their heads out of their ass, maximize their masculinity and take control of the situation. Wimin gonna Wimin FFS, there's nothing you can do to change that.

quasirealikecreature · 2019-02-03T10:27:27+00:00

No I think "that's just like your opinion, man"

sketch162000 · 2019-02-03T14:15:56+00:00

Women have an easier time getting casual sex when they are looking for it. Men have an easier time getting a serious relationship.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-02-03T04:10:52+00:00

who feels offense?

Littleknownfacts · 2019-02-03T02:56:10+00:00

Getting dates, yes.

Dating and relationships, probably about the same.

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Female_urinary_maze · 2019-02-03T07:59:38+00:00

No, that's not particularly offensive to me though I'm not entirely convinced. On the other hand there are some related statements which I do find quite exasperating. I once saw a guy on here estimate that women are approached by a new would be mate several times every week which is just silly. Just on a practical level we'd run out of men in our social spaces to keep up that kind of constant barage (which sounds awful) of new suitors very quickly.

In reality men may be more likely to initiate romantically and save me the trouble of doing so but being asked out is not a constant factor of day to day life as a woman.

quasirealikecreature · 2019-02-03T10:51:13+00:00

I grew up very religious and sheltered in an American small town where social expectations and gender roles were strongly expected. I never fit those. In middle school I "dated" a guy from church. "dated" meaning that our parents took us places and typically came with us. We kissed. Like once. In highschool age 16-18, I regularly had guys come talk to me and say things like "I thought you were really hot, but you talked and you're too weird." Granted, I am weird, but why tell someone you don't know you watched them from afar but decided "no way in hell" when you realized she was just a secret nerd? Note: I also have pretty bad ADHD. That's not helpful in the whole relationship thing. I also had friends in different groups, but never cared about things like social hierarchy and just did what I wanted. So around 17 I started dating a guy that actually showed interest. Weirdly people kept telling me "he wasn't attractive enough for me" and I could do better. Um obviously not or someone would have given me more than the "you're really hot but far too weird" thing. We dated for about a year. I broke up when I found out he was cheating on me.

University was the same. I was focused on studying but was asked out a lot. These dates never really progressed past 1 or 2. I ended up dating a good friend for about 3 years. This again lead to the same thing where some people made weird comments like in front of him like "wait you're with him? How did that happen?" He felt insecure about that. I felt insecure about most of the world thinking I was weird and didn't know how to be normal. We ended up drifting apart and breaking up.

Dating became significantly easier at around 24. I didn't get less weird. I just started dating people that had similar hobbies and interests, met people from different cultures and walks of life.

At 25, I dated someone I met on a fourm who was really cool to talk to/video chat with/etc. We were married when I was 26 & he was 23. Still together & it's great. We don't fight very much, are open and honest with each other, have a lot of similarities and hobbies. His IQ is 145 so he's used to also being seen as a weirdo. Idk it works.

Tl;dr guys want a girl who fits in and is "normal".

[deleted] · 2019-02-03T12:02:43+00:00

I am not offended by girls having easier times into dating and sex lives. Everyone is different and have strengths and weaknesses. I for example have a good head over my neck, and I hope people are not offended by that. So I do not feel offended by women having ease of sex and relationship goals.

There is not "time to fix the issue". There is the wall, the concept that after a certain age, women lose their value as relationships go, and are used for sex at best. But outside of it, there is nothing much to it.

Nothing needs to be fixed. That is just how the world is. You accept it and deal with it.

throwawaygoodwood · 2019-02-03T15:39:36+00:00

Dating is a voluntary activity undertaken to achieve goals that are fulfilling but not essential to continued existence, nobody "has" to anything about it.

TheReformist94 · 2019-02-04T01:35:53+00:00

Most women have n counts approaching 30 and the avg women has more partners than the average man. Explain your genders promiscuity band desire for variety

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-02-04T18:25:14+00:00

No. It's stupid to take offense on facts

shipiaozi · 2019-02-03T04:34:53+00:00

Male human's body naturally worth less than female, so find STR is much easier for female human. The challenge is to find LTR, or relationship with enough parental investment, otherwise you could become single mother.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-02-03T09:58:03+00:00

For a start it helps to call us 'women' and not 'girls'. Studies have shown that women are more likely to respond to men who call them women online.

Struggles include:

fear over safety, a reluctance to settle and instead them wanting something casual, more difficulty actually 'finishing' sex (admittedly that's getting easier as I get older), being expected to shave and double standards around fucking in the first date.

Title	do you feel offense when I say girls have to put less effort into dating?
Author	Viralimpulse
Upvotes	48
Comments	365
Date	February 3, 2019 2:40 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/amlfb4/do_you_feel_offense_when_i_say_girls_have_to_put/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-feel-offense-when-i-say-girls-have-to-put.257478 https://theredarchive.com/post/257478

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