Free Sex for 'Cels Program has been approved! Now how would you qualify the men for access?

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-11-19T19:54:48+00:00

[deleted]

Caligerius · 2019-11-19T19:46:23+00:00

Definitely use a virginity test on their dicks to see if theyre really virgins. ‘Cels should have phat, unsqueezed dicks. If they’re not thicc, then they must not be virgins. Oh, and if they cum and no blood comes out, then they must pay the full price for seks themselves.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-11-19T19:47:08+00:00

Well, first, the name should clearly be:

Certified Undersexed Citizen Kickback Subsidy - CUCKS

wub1234 · 2019-11-19T20:10:11+00:00

I think any unmarried person should be able to apply, and by virtue of applying you would have to subject yourself to an extensive programme of government research into your background (shouldn't be that difficult, they do enough of it as it is).

I would suggest that everyone who applies has to submit a 3,000-word essay explaining why they deserve this particular service, which is then judged by a panel of discerning critics.

I only suggest this way because it's the fairest way, and not in the slightest because it's the best chance I've got of getting to the front of any form of sex queue.

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-11-19T20:39:31+00:00

Give them robots (assuming they are good enough to be believable analogs for humans, which I think will happen in the next few decades anyways). This way they don't spread their inferior genetic material, make any actual women have to deal with them, but still get companionship and sex.

rosyandthemachine · 2019-11-19T21:01:34+00:00

requirements to apply:

must be US citizen or have work/student VISA to reside in the US for at least 5 years. Must submit long-form birth certificate from State, or work/student authorization.
must be over the age of 18
Cannot have a criminal record of any kind
Cannot have any IRS debt, back child support or default on federal student loans
Cannot have viral STD, ie HSV 1 or 2, Hep or HIV/AIDS. (must submit medical records)
Cannot have had a bacterial or fungal STD in last 12 months, ie Syphilis, Gonorrhea, (must submit medical records)
Cannot be legally married. (Agency will check with state that there's no marriage certificate on file)
Cannot have any dependents.

requirements to be approved. you must meet 3 of these requirements and submit proof annually:

penis under 3 inches erect
height under 5'4
must meet either severely underweight or severe obesity BMI, approved and signed off by a physician
legally physically or mentally disabled, as defined by the Americans with Disability Act. If qualified under this, guardian must sign off with 2 physicians.

Anyone who provides incorrect on any required official document or the program application is blacklisted from consideration for 10 years. If incorrect information is submitted twice, then said person is blacklisted from consideration permanently.

If enrolled in the program, and any of the application requirements occur during the calendar year, they will be removed from the program, and blacklisted from consideration permanently.

Those enrolled will have to submit medical documentation annually.

Those enrolled will be allowed sex once weekly with a government sponsored sex liaison on a day of their choosing. Sex will be held at agency, under social worker's supervision. If those enrolled have sex more than they are allotted, they will be on probation for one fiscal quarter. If they have sex more than they are allotted twice within a fiscal year, they will be blacklisted from the program for the following calendar year, and owe the US Govt the market price of a night with a prostitute based on AMI of local MSA.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-11-19T21:01:22+00:00

This is an absolute shitpost, right? Please, God.

Just legalize prostitution. Trafficking becomes easier to deal with, prices drop, NEETbux Ned gets off his ass one day long enough to go see one, gets his confidence talked up just enough to find some tech job with his 1337 haxing skills or whatever you guys are into these days, maybe decides to actually start showering and makes a half-decent contribution to society. So what if it's all in the interest of having money to go visit again?

Noramia · 2019-11-20T00:01:05+00:00

Just legalize prostitution and make it accessible and safe.

People on welfare can try to put aside some money for sex. Others who are sufficiently wealthy can pay for it themselves.

XtoDoubt · 2019-11-19T20:26:37+00:00

Bullying the bottom rung of society is fun! Do drug addicts next.

2019-11-19T20:34:59+00:00

Weight, height, picture of face, and yearly income.

NeedRealityShock · 2019-11-19T23:50:45+00:00

A few qualifiers:

-Discusses dating and relationship dynamics on the internet

-Moderates a subreddit

-Afraid of pigeons

mathematicmonkey · 2019-11-20T11:44:21+00:00

Penis inspection day. We need dogs trained to detect pussy juice.

It also probably wouldn’t be that hard to build a machine learning algorithm to detect generally unattractive men.

Another thing you could do is create a literal dating market. Women can place bids on men they would be interested in. You could make a system where the bids are anonymous, though I suspect women would not be interested in this solution, as it would definitively prove 80/20.

All this dystopian fantasy makes me want to write “the cuck’s tale” as a male version of “the handmaids tale”

wtffellification · 2019-11-19T21:24:41+00:00

Where's the goddamn link

SILENTSAM69 · 2019-11-20T02:53:06+00:00

Incel was originally a term that mostly meant people with a disability. Sometimes vets with missing limbs and such. Think Lieutenant Dan, and Forest Gump. Both would have been traditional incels. So that would be a criteria right there.

alluptheass · 2019-11-20T19:23:16+00:00

Ultimately, an incel is just someone who wants sex, but can't get it. It can't be truly quantified by any method beyond, "how often does [person] have sex"? Further, checking for virginity is wrong because it's the equivalent of denying disability benefits to a paraplegic because he was able-bodied before his car accident.

All you do is design a cheap microchip that detects movement, biochemicals, pheromone levels, whatever, to determine if the person is having sex. After six months, read the chip, if the person is sexless, sign them up! Put them on a regular sex schedule so that you can code your test program to ignore those times and retest them every six months.

Edit: I realize that this method won't catch volcels. But volcels who claim to be incels are an extremely minute population compared to the number of true incels out there, and the proportion of actual volcels who would nevertheless be willing to take a government hand-out prostitute is a sliver-of-a-sliver, so it seems like a more-than-fine concession to make.

DoneBeenHadBeenDone · 2019-11-19T22:38:17+00:00

They should be presented with a final test before they are given access to to their benefits.

Their profiles, including pictures and hobbies, will be shown to average, or below-average looking women. The women who agree to have sex with them are offered payment, if the incel accepts the offer of guaranteed sex. The incel is then presented with the candidate's profile, including pictures. If the incel turns down free sex with the below average looking woman, he is not a true incel, he is a voluntary celebate and will be denied any benefits, henceforth. If they agree to the sex, they will also recieve the standard services from more attractive women.

This screens out shallow assholes who are only incels because they ignore advances from women who aren't perfect tens.

MuleFool42 · 2019-11-19T21:38:38+00:00

Trying to laugh. Good idea, but it just didn't land.

DownvotedFreethinker · 2019-11-20T01:57:20+00:00

Jesus christ man. Who gives a shit? Really? I have to unsub from this stupid ass debate sub now so thx for the final push. Everybody here is just whiny bitches. U dont like the sex youre currently getting then go get the sex that u want. Beware... it takes effort and vetting...

There's alot more to life then just sex man and at the end of the day it's just a few minutes of your day. No one cares this much about this shit. Fuck how u want or if u cant then just masturbate.

DampRat · 2019-11-19T19:49:07+00:00

You can't redistribute people like you would money without denying them autonomy, which is bad, generally.

Easiest way for a government to address abudance of single men would just be to do "Open Borders For Women" in conjunction with universal childcare, end family reunification loopholes, and sharply cut/end working age male migration. Make it easy and safe as possible for women to relocate as possible. Get the M/F ratio to like 40:60 and things will work out naturally.

sublimemongrel · 2019-11-19T20:11:58+00:00

Did you also notice how the article about the Netherlands program only offered it up to 12x per year? Seems like that would be disappointing to the dudes here who act like prostitutes are out of the question because you’d be spending thousands of month needing it like 3x a week

2019-11-19T22:44:31+00:00

Certified virgin, at least 25, good hygiene, not obese, must have medical records showing significant psychological or physical impairment. Idk how this would work but he has to show proof that he has tried to "looksmaxx", talk to women within his league (idk how many), and been rejected every single time.

Byron33196 · 2019-11-20T02:17:40+00:00

Give them a puzzle with the various sexual body parts of their preferred partner anatomy. They have to assemble it correctly as a prerequisite to losing their virginity. Don't know where the clitoris goes? You don't go to the clitoris.

alluptheass · 2019-11-20T10:17:44+00:00

I swear to God, I wouldn't want my tax money to be put towards incels. Fuck, just take care of yourself and better yourself man. Go to the gym, wash your ass, stop being a whiny bitch and look online for courses on how to socialize or go see a therapist to help you with your social anxiety. These men need to get a fucking grip. No one will ever want to be with them or have sex with them if they are fuckin' entitled losers. Maybe the solution here is to stop blaming the world and make a little effort to be a decent human being by having like 0.01% introspection.

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2fair2divine · 2019-11-19T21:23:28+00:00

no requirements, just a 1000 dollar cash voucher for every person over 18, then allow hookers to decide whether or not they want to entertain a particular client

PickUpScientist · 2019-11-20T00:00:13+00:00

Proposed Applicant Guidelines

^{You must suffer from at least ten of the following deformities to qualify}

Mental

To keep our sex representatives safe, anyone who's condition may pose a threat must wear restraints during the session.

Post traumatic stress disorder
Schizophrenia
OCD to the degree that you can not hold down a job
IQ < 20
IQ > 120
That reverse amnesia thing that the guy from the movie Momento had
Psychosomatic blindness
Agoraphobia
Disassociative identity disorder
Treatment resistant bipolar 1 and 2

Physical

Fucked up teeth can be fixed, as can weight (and thus prominent jawline), as can most skin problems, but special circumstances can be brought up at appeal should your application be denied

Sub 6 foot height
Sub 6 golden ratio facial index
Sub 6 inch wrist circumstance
Adonis Index outside of the 1.2 and 2.0 range
Thin eyebrows
Tiny skull
Round feminine cheekbones
Bad gonial angle (whatever the fuck that means)
Bald with a head shape not complimentary to a clean shave
Outward pointing monkey ears
Non-hunter eyes (eyelids clearly visible)
Narrow shoulders
Pointed chin
Recessed jaw
Irregularly shaped nose
That hair-all-over-your-body werewolf disorder

An applicant can reapply every two years. If the appeal is denied the applicant will be referred to the red pill for reprogramming and eventual reintegration into society as a juiced-up gorilla.

jayval90 · 2019-11-20T00:57:58+00:00

This exists in the Netherlands already

piguy31415 · 2019-11-20T02:00:50+00:00

Honestly I could give a shit about free hookers I'll settle for legal ones in the US. Legalizing and regulating prostitution along with a robust privacy law so I can't be doxed by overzealous feminist assholes would be a better place to start than free government hookers. Unfortunately in the US both the feminists and the tradcons are actually against the buying of sex (feminists support legalizing the SELLING of sex but don't give a shit about johns going to jail).

G77R23D · 2019-11-20T05:47:04+00:00

Logged hours of community service
Clean criminal record
Total check ins at 24Hour fitness

sleeper5ervice · 2019-11-20T14:07:24+00:00

Hmmm...

Broadly I'd organize priority with regard to infrastructure. There's be a cost benefit of privatization vs gov institutional administrated with regard to worker incentivizarion via higher priority sex voucher; here I'd go in with the assumption that all privatization efforts are just ways to milk the government with insider kickbacks.

For people that need to work more hours due to the critical nature of their infrastructure job and therefore sacrifice more of their lives, maybe I'd see if there exists a cost-benefit in terms of long term stability of individuals via sex therapy.

For those in the private sector, priority would probably be some sort of inverse scale with regard to wages; like maybe we could argue that all the other vices that exist(alcohol, drugs, whatever escapism function()) are proxy to sex/validation/mental health; so like taking into consideration crime rates, burden on health care systems etc.

Thehebben · 2019-11-20T17:14:52+00:00

If it this was true

Being ugly lke 3.5/10 or lower. And it isen't your fault

Be 5 foot 6 or shorter

Being extewmöy shy or socially anxious

Smaller dick then 4 inches

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-11-21T18:51:30+00:00

you make male users believe they are signing up for free pity sex while in reality they are being brought to a slaughter house to meet their maker.

men arent owed sex no matter the ability of their body.

geyges · 2019-11-19T20:55:28+00:00

Some ideas.... Certified virgin, at least 21 years old? Extensive background check of friends, family, social media, and Reddit use to prove?

Can you even imagine the bureaucratic overhead? It would be infinitely cheaper to just approve every man that wants it.

In fact I'd go single-payer. We build federal whore houses, and have men schedule appointments through an app with small co-pay.

Honestly I'd be more interested in flushing out something like "sexual service" for young girls comparative to "selective service" for young boys. Unmarried non-virgin women would get "sex summons" akin to "jury duty summons" to serve their country by banging incels on request.

alluptheass · 2019-11-19T23:13:38+00:00

[deleted]

Mattcwu · 2019-11-19T20:47:40+00:00

Gotta do a Total Recall type VR simulation. Put them in the VR, but don't tell them they are in VR. Then, send them to the VR bar and see how they do when a woman shows interest in them.

ZodiacBrave98 · 2019-11-19T22:05:07+00:00

Check their bank account for 200 dollars. If they have it shove them to the end of the line.

ontherailstoday · 2019-11-20T00:45:32+00:00

First, it would be income and asset tested. If all the figures on his income/assets indicate that the guy should easily have enough money to afford to pay market price and still also afford the other components of a normal decent life he gets no assistance. This is a scheme for the poor, not for millionaires.

They sign a declaration every year saying they have not had sex that they did not pay for on a commercial basis in the past year. Their names and the fact they are in receipt of the program gets published, if any woman comes forward to say she's had unpaid ex with them in the past year, or they have refused unpaid sex with her in the past year, and investigation indicates that on the balance of probabilities that is correct and it would have been reasonable to have sex with her rather than claim payment, then no payment. They are expected to notify the administering agency within 14 days if they do have sex with anyone other than someone they are paying or is being paid through the scheme, or are offered free sex, so their payments can be cancelled until they meet eligibility again and reclaim..

Reisiluu · 2019-11-19T20:49:30+00:00

I would make a special Tinder for the unfortunate men and women who can't find someone. It would be full of incels, overweight and old people, single moms, ex prostitutes, neets, drug addicts and homeless people.

As soon as you get a match, you get to keep talking to the matched person but you are removed from the matching system forever. Every one thousand swipes without matches earns you a prostitute visit.

-TheGreasyPole- · 2019-11-19T21:08:51+00:00

Well, it's certainly more humane than my 2018 purge week solution to the incel problem.

rhyth7 · 2019-11-20T01:19:24+00:00

Even if they got the sex they claim they wanted they would still be mad. Have you guys seen that post about the guy who hired a 'professional cuddler' and he was mad because she wouldn't make eye contact or pretend to be his girlfriend? He was mad she didn't feign interest in him even though she provided the service of just cuddling.

Title	Free Sex for 'Cels Program has been approved! Now how would you qualify the men for access?
Author	katymarx
Upvotes	73
Comments	221
Date	November 19, 2019 7:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dyp8sj/free_sex_for_cels_program_has_been_approved_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/free-sex-for-cels-program-has-been-approved-now.295886 https://theredarchive.com/post/295886