(Q4W) How much variation is there in what you guys find attractive REALLY?

kandyapplez · 2019-06-27T17:34:24+00:00

i can't think of a single guy that the vast majority of women would say is "very attractive." no matter what guy you think of there is probably a pretty varied distribution of women who would consider him hot or not hot. women also work off of a more binary scale of 0 or 1 in my experience , which further polarizes male attractiveness

Electra_Cute · 2019-06-27T17:51:33+00:00

As far as I know someone like u/atlas_b_shruggin and I different quite widely on who we consider attractive. There would be different “sets” of men that we find attractive, but I surmise that the women who find those sets attractive would not vary too much within the set, but would vary between the two sets.

Emo women within the set of emo men would more than likely all find a smaller number of those men more attractive, but it is unlikely an emo woman would say find a man from a different set, such as religious conservative attractive. I would imagine, the variation in selection between the emo woman and the religiously conservative woman is significantly greater than the variation within set.

philomexa · 2019-06-27T20:10:15+00:00

Women are into a wider variety of men than the reverse imo. But this is purely on a personal, individual basis. There are women out there that are OBSESSED and completely dickmatized by men 70 percent of the population might find to be completely ugly (hehe my flair for example, or my friend obsessed with this one dude from twin peaks whose really ugly i forgot the name). You would be hard pressed to find a guy completely OBSESSED and lustful over a woman 70 percent of the male population found to be ugly. Yeah, he might still fuck, but that's a different standard.

Basically- men's "meh would still fuck if I was wasted/no one would find out" lust range is way more varied than womens. Womens "would marry and do kinky fanfiction shit 50 times a day and kill for" lust range is more varied and personal.

Ofourkind · 2019-06-27T18:25:33+00:00

I've been in love with an awkard shy programmer, a gorgeous pro skateboarder, a politician, a rockstar, an unemployed artist, and a broke construction worker. My husband is a landscaper turned high school teacher.

They have been tall and short, hot and average, white, Asian, black, and latino.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-06-27T17:21:33+00:00

of the women id say are my three best friends right now we literally have no commonality in taste in males, to the point of throwing up at each others "most attractives". i dont know what this means or exactly how relevant it is to this Q

philomexa · 2019-06-27T19:08:59+00:00

I have a pretty set standard; Trent Reznor circa 1994 through 1999 (let's skip the rehab years) to present day leather daddy Trent Reznor.

Additionally Ken Andrews circa 1997 heroin addiction to 2015 grunge daddy.

If you don't fall within the spectrum of these two men, you're just another NPC.

I know other women in the NIN fandom think Trent Reznor is hot, but the NIN fandom is already a sausage fest to begin with. I don't know any woman personally that thinks TR is hot asides from the girl who introduced me to NIN in middle school.

Same thing for Ken Andrews; no one I know thinks he's a hot throb, but I've encountered other women in the (sausage-fest) fandom that think he's the hottest thing ever.

I'm already a groupie for my husband (who happens to be across between broody TR and grungey Ken), but if I was single, oh, the things I would do for/to these men is wild. However my friends, relatives, and the general women in my life who know of my preference think I'm insane and have bad taste.

However I know Jason Momoa is objectively attractive, but he does nothing for me. The same could be said for Chris Evans, Chris Pratt, David Gandy, Idris Elba, the Hemsworth brothers, etc. They're all just slightly more attractive NPCs. I know women go wild for these men, which is why they are popular, but they register at 0% on my would I fuck up my life for him scale.

All of this to say my preference and pop cultures preference for hot males are wildly disparate, but! they all have a degree of charisma, mastery, and masculinity in common. And I'd say these standards filter down into the hoi polloi; I'm much more interested and attracted to Dude in a Band^®, whereas my BFF prefers clean cut, black hair, blue eyed, business suit, square jawed, 1980's wall street types, and another friend prefers giant cuddy lumberjack viking beard types.

Are any of these men bald, obese, deformed,socially awkward, weak jawed, weak shouldered, effeminate, and creepy-old? LOLOL no, but they're also not blandly handsome Scott Eastwood.

As long as a guy is masculine, he's probably somebody's type.

yasee · 2019-06-27T18:00:41+00:00

I disagree with my female friends on guys' attractiveness somewhat often. I remember my best friend showing me a picture of this guy she was obsessed with once and my reaction was deeply, deeply meh. She got a little defensive lol

balding is actually a great example of it. When I was younger especially I found it really unattractive, but I had friends who didn't care or really liked the bald look. Subculture/style is another area where opinions vary

there are definitely commonalities though. We don't discuss it much but I'm pretty sure we all prefer guys who are in shape to guys who are very overweight

je_kut_is_bourgeois · 2019-06-27T18:01:50+00:00

In my limited research I have found that there tends to be the most agreeance between what is MOST ATTRACTIVE and MOST UNATTRACTIVE. So if you're very ugly you're typically ugly to all females. If you're very attractive most women will indeed find you attractive. However for most of us who are normies there appears to be a much larger gap with a lot less certainty.

I only feel there's a lot of agreement in "most unattractive" which is typically physcial deformities but even there there is a lot of nuance. What would be considered a "physical "deformity" in one culture is the ideal of beauty in another. Think of things like lip and neck stretching.

Personally I seem to perceive short hair as a physical deformity like missing a nose or an arm—that's not really common in my culture but that's how it is for me.

"most attractive" is super varied and I saw endless debates in secondary school regarding this where a lot simply "couldn't get" what the appeal of the looks of several mainstream pop stars were but others totally got it.

I have had extensive debates with my best friend on the "origin" of preferences. The debates are usually centered around the psychological argument of nature vs nurture. He happens to think that nearly all our sexual preference (including orientation) is a result of environmental influence. I happen to think the opposite. Most of what we find attractive is programmed into us from day 1. The variations simply come from the different people we find those traits in.

I side with your best friend and find the nature argument to preferences basically ludicrous in light of just how varied the ideal of beauty is around the world and in different eras. The ideal of beauty in various places as said is considered a physical deformity in others. The idea that sexual orientations are "nature" is so laughable with the documented existence of entire cultures where every human being was what they now would call "bisexual" even though they obviously had no word for it.

Even as much as the ideal of beauty 50 years back in the same culture can look fairly unattractive.

There are some things which seem to have a biological imperative behind it like favouring symmetry but even those are often overriden by cultural idea.s Whatever drive biology might have it seems that culture is stronger.

When you talk to your friends about attractive guys how often do you agree?

I never really do that but I know their tastes and yes we in general agree but that's just because you search likeminded friends; I'm pretty sure our tastes aren't mainstream. (they tend to share my preference for long hair but not to the same extreme level as considering a lack of deformed)

How often do you guys completely disagree about a guys perceived attractiveness? Are those guys typically more "normie"?

I don't think I ever debated the aesthetics of a specific named individual with a friend. When we do we mostly talk about interesting clothing styles.

Are you guys typically repulsed by the same things? such as balding, lack of fitness (fat), aging, height, frame etc etc

Absolutely not. I have a couple of unusual quirks in what I find repulsive.

[deleted] · 2019-06-27T18:53:40+00:00

I have a definite type that I find hot, but other women find my boyfriends either gorgeous or meh. I like dark hair and angular features and big noses, regardless of race. My friends like button noses and blonde hair and rounded features. One gal pal likes "big men" regardless of facial features, which I find terribly unpicky. I do not care about balding or height. Lots of body hair is good but my friends say otherwise.

It varies from woman to woman.

CuriousOptimistic · 2019-06-27T17:39:06+00:00

Some Youtubers and Dating coaches claim that there are women out there who are attracted to all sorts of shapes and sizes. All you have to do is find one who fits your niche (or rather who's niche you fit). The other side of the argument is that Chad is rather static and certain guys will have just about every woman fawning over him while others almost none.

Both of these things are true at the same time, it's a matter of perspective.

Women who are very open in their preferences tend to still like the same thing other women like, they are just attracted to other things also.

The stereotypical "Chad" will have most woman around him fawning over him, but that ignores women who are in a completely different social circle and different values systems.

When you talk to your friends about attractive guys how often do you agree?

Not often regarding men we see in real life. We agree reasonably often on celebrities. We all agree Idris Elba is devastatingly attractive, but in reality most men aren't quite that amazing and one of us will see something that the other wont.

How often do you guys completely disagree about a guys perceived attractiveness? Are those guys typically more "normie"?

No. The ones we disagree on are the ones where one person's unusual preference is highlighted. For example, I tend to like very thin men. My current guy is 6'7" and 190#. I love him because he's thin but my friends think he's too thin. Another friend really likes dark skin, so if a guy has that she really likes him, whereas I'm looking at other features because I don't care about that at all.

Are you guys typically repulsed by the same things? such as balding, lack of fitness (fat), aging, height, frame etc etc

No. We all have varying levels of tolerance for those things. I honestly don't care at all about balding, it's a non_issue. For other women it is super important. I am not attracted to fat men but some of my friends like a "big" guy. We do all seem to agree we like tall men, but for some of us it's a must have, and for others just a part of the picture.

Seeing as Idris Elba is taken, we all have to decide what is an attractive mix of normal traits, with some plusses and minuses, and the way those all come together varies quite a bit.

Texastentialism · 2019-06-27T17:40:36+00:00

When you talk to your friends about attractive guys how often do you agree?

It's pretty rare that one friend thinks someone is attractive and another friend thinks they're hideous. But we all definitely have our own "types". If you gave me a lineup of guys I could easily sort them according to which of my friends would date them. One friend likes fratty blond guys, one friend likes skinny tatted up rockstar guys, one friend likes cuddly bearded guys, one likes very "pretty" androgynous guys etc.

How often do you guys completely disagree about a guys perceived attractiveness? Are those guys typically more "normie"?

Like I said, it's rare that we COMPLETELY disagree. Like, we can each see what the other person finds attractive about a guy, even if he's not to our particular taste. Not really sure what you mean about the normie thing.

Are you guys typically repulsed by the same things? such as balding, lack of fitness (fat), aging, height, frame etc etc

Not really sure. I don't think women really sit around and discuss what they're repulsed by. There are universally unattractive traits though, sure.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-06-27T17:45:11+00:00

I find very few men attractive but they look very different from each other. I analysed some patterns before from my hottest men of all time lists. Maybe some similarities are they are generally slim and at some point wore makeup.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-06-27T17:47:21+00:00

I've dated men from 4 continents, 7 countries, 4 states, two Canadian provinces, and a variety of races. My love life is a 1980s Benneton ad.

goatismycopilot · 2019-06-27T18:41:32+00:00

With one major exception I have a vague physical sub type, then within that sub type there is some variation. I have tended towards dark haired men of average height with broad shoulders who either did some man craft hobby ( cars/wood work/had a forge ) or artsy thing like photography and who were into some outdoorsy thing ( hiking/water junk/hunting ) with a non business world job. I tend not to do well with business corporate types. The personalities ranged. I dislike super introverts or quiet types. For me men fall into hell no and mostly neutral then they eliminate themselves based on what they say or do. I do not know it that makes me basic or not, probably.

SweetLikeTupeloHoney · 2019-06-27T18:57:25+00:00

I rarely ever think the men my friends find attractive are actually attractive. You could march Brad Pritt, Leonardo Di Caprio or any other blonde look alike in front of me and I would not look twice. It is just not my thing. We pretty regularly disagree about which men are attractive. For the most part extreme obesity is agreed as unattractive because it generally brings a disshoveled look. I think we all like a little height (5'10 and up). Balding can go either way. I would say I have seen pretty good consensus that mustaches and tatoos are not attractive but very few other characteristics have that high of a consensus.

lefactorybebe · 2019-06-27T18:15:52+00:00

There's a few guys who most of my friends will agree are hot, but generally we differ quite a bit. I'm thinking of one guy in particular that was just so damn good looking, but we found out he's a bit of a creep. We spent some time lamenting what a damn shame it was that a guy so beautiful was now a no-go.

I find that my own taste of what is attractive can vary a bit as well depending on who I'm with. Like when my boyfriend gained a little weight, I suddenly found that attractive. When he lost it, I suddenly found his fitter body more attractive. I generally don't like chest hair at all, but my boyfriend has some and now I like it, but only on him.

KikiYuyu · 2019-06-27T19:00:20+00:00

For looks I vary quite a bit. Personality though is a lot more defined in what I like.

boomcheese44 · 2019-06-27T19:35:11+00:00

I think people confuse base sexual attraction and then preferences within that base. I can recognize a Chad of any race, but I would never go for a white one or an asian one. But just because I won't that dosent mean I will say that they arent attractive.

rasmelo · 2019-06-27T23:48:52+00:00

I almost never agree with my friends about what is attractive. We almost always disagree. I like men who are more intelligent, well dressed and loyal but nerdy.They like men who sleep around and have very little money because they believe these men are more laid back and suave. This is primarily because of class differences between myself and my friends. I grew up around men who were more well off. That said, we do all agree if someone is supremely unattractive.

SpaceWhiskey · 2019-06-27T21:21:58+00:00

A lot. I’ve been attracted to men both taller and shorter than me. From bald to long Viking hair. Scrawny to hefty. My only real deal breaker is very different political views.

GridReXX · 2019-06-27T21:44:04+00:00

Physically? A lot.

I think most of my friends would agree a slovely guy who has bad hygeine is erring on repulsive.

After that. It's a toss up tbqh.

planejane · 2019-06-27T17:31:53+00:00

Physically speaking I'm all over the board. I can acknowledge the objective hotness of Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa but they're not like... My spank bank, so to speak.

The threshold for that is only marginally looks-based and more characteristics-based. Some of my adolescent crushes included Harrison Ford (still a babe even though he's old enough to be my granddad), Jeff Goldblum (Jurassic Park/Independence Day era), Seth Rogan and Chris Pratt both before and after they lost weight, Kevin Costner, Daniel Radcliff, James McAvoy, Vin Diesel. I mean I'm a white girl from a very white place, but besides light skin tones there's very little rhyme or reason to appearances as far as I can see-they're short, tall, thin, fat, bald, thick-haired, muscled and lanky.

So much of it FOR ME is dictated on personality. They've all played especially competent, brave, honest, or funny characters.

IRL, my SOs have ran from hot military guys, chubby computer nerds, a PhD candidate who ran marathons but didn't lift, a politician with genuinely fantastic natural looks except he was two inches shorter than me, one significantly older guy who was a bit chubby and bald, and more, but with every one of them we had good conversations, good sex, and similar values and attitudes.

billybones11 · 2019-06-27T18:17:19+00:00

i have found men all over the world to be attractive if they all share similiar features;

masculine enough face based on MY standards
taller than ME
physically dominating presence esp OVER me
social mastery of the group I'M a part of

I've dated blacks, whites, middle easterns, west indians, africans, chinese --- they all had at least one of those traits. Men that have more than 3 give me real tingles, and those who have all 4 make me go crazy -- in a good way.

AutoModerator · 2019-06-27T16:41:32+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[deleted] · 2019-06-28T13:41:54+00:00

back in junior high or highschool there was a lot of disagreement when we talked about the boys in school. Now that I'm married I don't talk with other married women about how good looking the men that we know are.

However, occasionally we'll discuss someone like Michael Fassbender and there tends to be agreement among most women on Hollywood leading men. That's why they grace magazine covers, that's why they get hired in the first place.

But just because these men are regarded nearly universally attractive doesn't mean we all have the same standards. They're the top 0.001%.

Red pill discussions about what women find attractive are hilarious to me. Women are all different and personality makes more of an impact than anything else.

FabioAbdilla · 2019-06-29T06:57:25+00:00

When you talk to your friends about attractive guys how often do you agree?

Almost none of the time. One of my friends is solely into shy, awkward nerdy types. I don't find her preference odd, I just find it odd that it's her only preference. Meanwhile me and my other two friends don't have any set preferences. Our preferences change constantly, and we can't say we have a specific 'type' since every time we think we have a type we end up liking someone completely unexpected. Though I will say those 2 friends typically do agree with the internet's claims of '10 hottest celebrity men' or something, like Chris Hemsworth.

How often do you guys completely disagree about a guys perceived attractiveness? Are those guys typically more "normie"?

I disagree with my 2 friends' opinions all the time pretty much. As I said, they typically agree with those 'top 10 hottest male celebrities' lists and I just disagree with anyone they like from those lists. And even in real life, the guys they're attracted too, I wouldn't call them too perfect or too ordinary, they just don't strike me.

Are you guys typically repulsed by the same things? such as balding, lack of fitness (fat), aging, height, frame etc etc

Lack of fitness YES. Me and all my female friends made the effort to become a stable weight despite all its challenges in a society and families that glorify unhealthy eating and chubbiness. Someone really overweight and obese just screams lack of responsibility and discipline. Besides that, being excessively overweight is from our experience usually co-morbid with other problems like lack of hygeine and being a neckbeard. We're not saying a guy has to work out to be desirable, just be at a stable weight.

Baldness, yeah my friends are typically disgusted by that, me a little less so. I dated someone who was bald at 28 and he couldn't control it. But he made up for it with great personality and working out. Didn't matter in the end since he turned out to be a huge dick anyway.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-06-29T20:47:52+00:00

I like super bold successful guys with mean faces & athletic bodies which most of my friends DONT find attractive

Their opinion never changes who I date :)

NaturalQueer · 2019-06-29T20:54:09+00:00

I am bisexual so maybe this plays into it but I find many different types of men attractive, short, tall, black, white, chubby, skinny. Now I have some limits within some categories but for the most part it's wide spread as far as features go. I have found that I find people think my taste is weird when it comes to some men I am attracted to. And I feel like most of women I have known all had different idea of really attractive men. I know like when it comes to celebrities it all seems like one look but I think that's different from men in the "real" world.

Cyclone619y2j · 2019-06-30T00:21:34+00:00

Such BS. There's a fucking study showing that 80% of men are considered unattractive by women.

TrueReligionGenes · 2019-06-27T18:49:05+00:00

There is no room for subjectivity in nature. It's strength vs weakness. People love to believe attraction is ambiguous and hard to define, its not.

Title	(Q4W) How much variation is there in what you guys find attractive REALLY?
Author	barbodelli
Upvotes	14
Comments	182
Date	June 27, 2019 4:41 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/c67s35/q4w_how_much_variation_is_there_in_what_you_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-much-variation-is-there-in-what-you-guys.299038 https://theredarchive.com/post/299038

Comments