[Q4W] In what areas do you expect the man to treat you equally and where do expect dominance?

azngirl7689 · 2019-12-30T14:15:34+00:00

I expect equality in all regards. Context, as always, matters but generally I want to be treated fairly as a human being .

Barneysparky · 2019-12-30T14:25:18+00:00

My husband and I are house hunting. Although we have different preferences as far as style of home we made our own lists of needs and wants and found we are pretty much on the same page. We've also brought in a contractor buddy to view potentials with us.

I follow real estate, my husband doesn't. Our contractor buddy is able to do a loose home inspection. My husband is the larger earner, although my inheritance is supplying a hefty down payment.

In this instance who should be the "dominant"?

This question reminds me of my dads final days. 2 weeks before his passing he requested that my husband spend the morning with him because he had something important to discuss with him.

He sat my husband down and explained homecare was demanding he get a hospital bed, could my husband answer his questions and concerns. My husband sighed, and told him that he knew nothing about hospital beds, but his luckily his wife sold mattresses for a decade and was available for questions.

Women want men to lead at the things they are good at, but for heavens sake understand that having a penis doesn't make you an expert on everything.

Workaholiconew · 2019-12-30T13:54:24+00:00

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Orange_Paisley · 2019-12-30T15:27:18+00:00

In life and my relationships: equal.

Sexually and when it comes to car maintenance: dominance.

philomexa · 2019-12-30T15:10:37+00:00

I expect dominance in the bedroom, but daily life is navigated by competence and who cares more (or less). I wouldn't call it equality, just everyone doing their part to keep the family unit functional thriving.

I'll defer when I'm out of my element, but I expect the same consideration made on my behalf.

crookedsummer2019 · 2019-12-30T14:33:22+00:00

My female cousin is a mechanic. She knows cars inside out. Her husband is the best DIY handyman I have ever met. When one of their cars has an issue, he defers that issue to her. If something in the house needs to be fixed, she defers that issue to him. I guess you can say she dominates decisions on all things related to cars and he dominates decisions an all things related to handy work around the house.

Not sure if that is being treated equally or not, but to me it’s just common sense to dominate where your strengths are and defer where your weaknesses are, while being open to learning from each other.

That’s what I strive for. My husband is a much better cook then me, he cooks the family meals, I clean up after. He has taught me how to make some dishes so on some weekends we cook together but he still likes to be the main one planning and cooking the meals.

He is not good at organizing big things and I am so I plan all the events and trips.

Works for us.

Willow-girl · 2019-12-30T14:52:26+00:00

My man and I are partners. If he has greater expertise in certain areas, I defer to him. I'd be stupid to do otherwise. In the areas in which I have expertise, he wisely defers to me. Between the two of us, we are able to cover most of the bases. Occasionally we sail into uncharted waters, then we hash things out together as we go.

2019-12-30T14:00:21+00:00

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Reisiluu · 2019-12-30T14:02:44+00:00

I want equal opportunity, not equal outcomes. Men and women like different things, make different choices and have different abilities so I don't want to be like two clones in a relationship.

Staying home with the kids and going to work are not equal tasks but we should both have input on who does what. All housework doesn't take equal effort but we should both have input on who does what. Our jobs don't pay the same or have the same hours so we should negotiate who pays which expenses. If things feel unfair then swapping responsibilities helps put things into perspective.

I don't know what dominance in a relationship means. Making all decisions for both people? I prefer talking and negotiating.

gertrude_is · 2019-12-30T16:04:23+00:00

Isn't the answer dependent on the individuals in the relationship?

Iluvalmonds83 · 2019-12-30T17:24:36+00:00

I would think every woman has their own preferences in where they naturally lead, and where they need the man to lead in aspects of their relationship with one another.

For myself as example. Husband and I have one young child together; I naturally lead in managing the household/keeping the ship functioning. My husband struggles with that kind redundant, detailed work and really shines in setting us up for tackling major life events, executing on the big tasks, also a great protector, very engaged father and involved caregiver, and slightly more than equal monetary provider.

It’s not so much I expect a man to treat me as an equal and we do everything equal in our life together; he needs to be a great teammate in making the “ship” run given our different strengths and weaknesses. I personally am not a good leader but I’m an excellent supporter of a leader; there are women out there who are better leaders and conversely need the man to be the support system.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-12-30T14:58:16+00:00

Asking women in words will never help you.

Chrchgrl85 · 2019-12-30T14:22:52+00:00

I don’t particularly enjoy a man being dominant. I am not some child who needs guidance; I’m a grown ass adult. The person I’m with needs to be a partner to me, not someone who thinks he’s the alpha. We’re not dogs, we’re human beings, and working together is way more pleasant.

2019-12-30T15:12:27+00:00

I like being submissive in the bedroom (after weve discussed it of course) everywhere else I like things to be equal. I hate being infantilised in any way and the concept of 'the captain' makes me want to yack.

Downfall_of_Gaia · 2019-12-31T00:25:26+00:00

I expect mostly submission in the bedroom (my SO is a subby switch), but equality in all the rest.

ReyW41k3r · 2019-12-30T13:45:10+00:00

I want to be an equal partner in a relatonship. I have had an equal relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and I wouldn't change that with anything. Sorry if inappropriate, but I only want dominance in bed, nowhere else.

HarassMyAnger · 2019-12-30T13:29:06+00:00

[deleted]

Foxxellot · 2019-12-30T14:13:26+00:00

I want to be equal partners with my bf. Of course there are things he's better at and there's things I'm better at and that's perfectly okay. We help each other in things that we excell and figure out stuff we don't know how to do together. We are partners and in it together. I don't want to walk over him and neither does he want to put me between a fist and a stove

NarniaFox · 2019-12-30T16:12:41+00:00

I tried being submissive and it didn't work for me at all. It's too out of my character and it felt as if I was trapped in the idea of a good wife, that I had created myself. It didn't bring any benefits to our relationship either, so I gave it in. I don't expect any dominance out of the bedroom, we usually discuss our plans together. There are things, where one of us is better and usually takes control over, but we're open to discuss it anyway.

MelodramaticQuarter · 2019-12-30T16:22:30+00:00

I think it varies depending on personality. I prefer my partner take the lead in things he’s better at - talking to people, taking care of errands, building and following through on a schedule. These are all things I’m weaker at. Whereas I’m better and finding resources, planning long term, and organizing finances, so he tends to let me take the wheel on that one.

But like in any partnership, I expect equal voice when we make decisions that impact us both and/or our household. I expect and encourage his input when discussing finances and long-term plans. The daily minutia of life is kind of a “seat of our pants” thing, but at the end of the day I expect respect and my opinions to be valued as an equal and partner. The rest isn’t really that important.

brokegradstudent_93 · 2019-12-30T16:26:12+00:00

I expect to be treated equally all the time. The only time I really like dominance is in the bedroom, but if there is any disrespect in the bedroom then it’s all over. But there are things my fiancé is better at and things I’m better at. Im better at building relationships than he is and have basically built our social life (even with his friends by becoming friends with their SOs and making plans) he’s better at finances and has put us on a reasonable budget. We both hold each other accountable to workout, do chores (which are split evenly with a chore chart so no one gets mad), and taking care of mental healthy problems. I don’t consider holding each other accountable to be dominant though.

theawaregirl · 2019-12-30T18:32:41+00:00

I expect to be treated fairly. That doesn't necessarily equate to "equally."

I much prefer to be submissive to a capable man, but I wouldn't ever want to be with a man who believes I am lesser than him. Submissive does not mean less than, and dominant does not mean better than. Both are necessary and will likely flow in different areas/situations.

For example, I expect to be more dominant in the area of raising our children. Why? Because it's an area of strength and I'll be the one doing it full-time while he's working. That doesn't mean he won't be just as much a parent or have just as much say over our children's lives as I do, it's just to say that I'll likely be holding the reins in that area.

I like the flow. I like understanding. I like seeing each other as spiritual equals even if one takes the physical role of captain and the other his first mate.

I hope this makes sense, I got a little rambly there.

_nephila · 2019-12-30T20:08:49+00:00

How much dominance do you expect a man to exert in a relationship?

I prefer him to take the reins the majority of the time but I don't crucify him if he stumbles. I have guided him through a dark time previously and I would do it again.

Do you enjoy being submissive to a capable man more often than not, or do you prefer a mostly equal relationship?

It really depends on the context. I guess the former but not at the expense of him laughing me off with a pat on the head when I want to discuss things or if we're talking about something where I may know more than he does. I want him to value my intelligence.

What kind of dominant traits in men do you prefer the most?

Problem solving skills. Decisiveness. Affability. Some level of ambition. A desire to help others coupled with the ability to set clear boundaries. I think it's worth mentioning that I have many of these traits myself, so it's not a matter of his masculinity filling in the gaps of my femininity or something.

AchromaticFade · 2019-12-30T21:09:34+00:00

I am bad at mechanics, anything relating to bugs or lifting heavy stuff, I also dislike driving, ironing clothes, cleaning the dust on furniture. Not that I expect anything, but would be nice if he took care of those. Instead, I can do good at finances, buying gifts, doing groceries, cooking, laundry, vacuuming.

Working as a team, sometimes one has to do more, next day the other does more.

lady_baphomet · 2019-12-30T22:17:53+00:00

I like a bit of dominance in my partner, mostly when it comes to making choices around the house and of course in the bedroom. However, I do require independence to do my own things such as projects and hobbies, as I do like some independence for myself and my partner, so I'd say I like a 35/65 split in who is dominate in the relationship dynamic.

RF111164 · 2019-12-31T03:31:56+00:00

Prefer us to be independent mostly, but when we're together, I'd want to be the dominant one. I'd make him feel loved and showered with affection... all he has to do is get comfortable

I think the negative feeling comes two misconceptions

1 confusing dominant with domineering

2 some guys don't want to be the receiver of affection

atlantisasalover · 2019-12-31T04:23:04+00:00

In my ideal relationship, I'd be pretty much mostly submissive. It kind of pains me to say that because I'm such an individualist, headstrong type of bitch. But it's just easier to go with the flow and not care than try to fight for imaginary "power" in a relationship. Let him think he's the big man in charge, only benefits me more. The only area I'm naturally submissive in is sexually, though.

flower-empire · 2019-12-31T09:10:43+00:00

I want my partner to be "the man" of the relationship, not necessarily more dominant. There are many expressions of maleness that do not involve dominance. Dominance is one type of masculine expression that is not compatible with my feminine expression.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-12-31T10:52:32+00:00

I dont want male dominance over me in any aspect of our relationship. It's my life, I'm the captain of my ship and you can be a captain of yours - we can have good times together as long as you dont try any of this stupid shit mentioned here. Submission is worse than death

rinnzz · 2020-01-01T19:34:22+00:00

Equal treatment and dominance aren't antonyms though.

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2019-12-30T18:56:30+00:00

for any man who will never be my boyfriend (ie all men except a handful) you just need to treat me equally and leave it at that

QueenCousland86 · 2019-12-30T19:08:46+00:00

This whole "dominance" thing is so baffling to me. I am a grown adult woman of sound mind, capable of making my own choices. Why would I put the burden of making ALL the decisions on him?

In areas where he has more knowledge/skill, I leave it to him, and in areas where I have more knowledge/skill, I take the lead.

funobtainium · 2019-12-30T17:53:36+00:00

Equality. I'm not in any way submissive.

"Lay down the law." LOL.

eveleaf · 2019-12-30T19:12:25+00:00

Well I mean, we're not a hive mind. I've discussed this with my own identical twin sister and gotten some differences.

Personally, I do not want to be dominated at all. Not even 1%. Not in the bedroom, not with the kids, not with finances, not showing off in public.

I have a brain, and I expect to use it. If you and I disagree, let's try to persuade each other. I can recognize good sense when I see it, and I'm not at all allergic to admitting I was wrong. We probably each have valuable insights the other can benefit from. Who uses only one eye, when they could use two?

Specialist-Childhood · 2019-12-30T16:10:48+00:00

Equally in all areas.

Obviously. It’s 2019, we should all know better by now.

Some people want a parent/child relationship with their spouse but they’re the minority. I also don’t consider that captain/first mate dynamic as dominant/submissive.

Title	[Q4W] In what areas do you expect the man to treat you equally and where do expect dominance?
Author	HarassMyAnger
Upvotes	14
Comments	112
Date	December 30, 2019 1:21 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ehlz4a/q4w_in_what_areas_do_you_expect_the_man_to_treat/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-in-what-areas-do-you-expect-the-man-to-treat.303581 https://theredarchive.com/post/303581

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