Men value sex, women value emotional investment CMV

tiposk · 2020-11-11T04:48:03+00:00

There's a big difference between valuing sex/emotional investment and valuing the validation that comes with it. In traditional circles, casual sex for men and commitment for women are trophies used to symbolize their status. This is why both genders seem to seek different things from each other, at least on a superficial level. The reality is, however, that both gender need sex AND emotional investment from each other for a relationship to work. Not many men would be willing to stay with a woman they're in love with if that woman withholds her affection. Not many women would stay with a man who refuses to have sex with them.

cloudydays84 · 2020-11-11T04:37:59+00:00

I can value both, one or the other, or neither, it's dependent on circumstances and what I actually want at the time.

801735 · 2020-11-11T07:56:52+00:00

Men value sex, women value emotional investment

Generally speaking, sure, it's not false, but...

At what point are we observing men and women?

What age bracket are we talking about?

And what emotions are we talking about? And how intense are they? Does that change if his rationality leaves the room?

What happens when he gets to fuck his balls out and she gets emosatiated?

geyejoe7 · 2020-11-11T09:13:17+00:00

I value both. 20M

I don't want casual sex
I don't want sex with strangers
I don't want sex with a person I'm not in a serious relationship with
I don't want FWB
I don't want short term relationships

I want a long term relationship, with a loving wife and 2 kids.

I got a fiancée, and am happier than have ever been. Never wanna change that.

FirsToStrike · 2020-11-11T05:03:37+00:00

I think the picture is more complicated.

Men would much rather have sex for sex's sake, while a woman would need to do it with a high value partner (not necessarily emotionally invested).

Imo both men and women want to lock down a high value partner for a long term relationship (UNLESS they think there'd be better options out there, and often enough they do think this, i'd argue increasingly so the higher their N count), but men would far rather prefer to have sex even if the sex partner isn't high value.

redditme789 · 2020-11-11T11:31:56+00:00

Why are all the commenters here trying to prove a general trend wrong. This has been one of the oldest points of debate. Your personal experience (as a guy who prefers emotional or a woman who prefers sex) does not invalidate a general trend.

Go ahead and state your preference for the opposite, no one is stopping you. Although, you ought to know that it doesn’t answer the question.

It’s akin to saying “I am a 20 year old, and I prefer to stay a bachelor. Therefore, my preference invalidates your statement that most people seek companionship and marriage”.

Secondly, why is everyone trying to paint a zero sum equation. The question is talking about sex vs commitment, and how both genders gravitate to their preference respectfully. Why must a situation be either “all commitment” or “no commitment”. When asked if people prefer money, you don’t paint an all-consuming picture of “be homeless but happy, or rich but never find happiness” then make them choose.

The results would be pointless in fact. Stop hamstering the damn wheel, and answer your truths. Don’t start giving politically correct answers, or irrelevant answers.

Barely-moral · 2020-11-11T04:38:20+00:00

I don't know if this can be useful to change your view but I am a guy, I value emotional investment. The thing is that I can't feel that without sex being involved.

If I could separate emotional investment and sex completely then I would be ok with pursuing only emotional investment.

Cimorene86 · 2020-11-11T10:07:44+00:00

So I'm sure a personal anecdote won't go far in changing your mind, but imma throw it out here anyway. I don't think this is anything you can split so easily between the sexes, to the point where men value X and women value Y. It's more individualistic than that, and has a lot more to do with what a person thinks is valuable/what they need to feel fulfilled in a relationship. I'd argue that both men and women need sex as well as emotional attachment to have a successful LTR...but the amount they need isn't as easy as penis needs sex, vagina needs attachment.

In my own FWB relationship, we both value sex. A lot. If the non-sexual part of our friendship is the keystone, sex is the entire rest of the archway. But while we both value emotional attachment too, I tend to value it way less than him. Like, after we've had a nice long fun time in bed, as soon as we're done my brain is already thinking "cool, now we should go see what movies are on Netflix" or "I should pick a place for us to go for dinner". Sex is over, time to compartmentalize it again and get back into friend mode.

He's different though, he likes to lie there for a bit and cuddle up for a few minutes. I think it's called afterglow? Idk, I rarely feel it but I'll stay in bed for him. If it's something he likes or needs it's good to give it. He's definitely the more emotional one out of the two of us in everything anyway. So it's really not a surprise that even though our sexual value lines up, his emotional value is more than mine.

Which is why it is not necessarily a male vs female thing, but likely has more to do with what your individual brain needs to feel satisfied and fulfilled.

JameisBong · 2020-11-11T11:22:32+00:00

Women need the men to emotionally invest to feel safe in any type of sexual encounter/relationship. Men value the sexual act, not the woman. You are right absolutely spot on.

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2020-11-11T04:40:13+00:00

The only thing you can challenge is that women only want emotional investment from certain guys.

Bombastic789 · 2020-11-11T07:58:59+00:00

Some male models stick to a single girlfriend at some point in their life and even get married cause they are tired of all the validation.

decoy88 · 2020-11-11T09:04:16+00:00

Both value emotional investment, but each group incorrectly assumes that their form is the truest indicator of that.

All the “surface level” shit is because some people overvalue what they’re friends think

Mrapocalisse · 2020-11-11T14:37:36+00:00

Complete bunch of shit.

Please grow up and surrond yourself with emotionally mature people.

Women love sex and men need emotional investment and trust as well.

Your view is narrow minded and destructive.

reluctantly_red · 2020-11-11T08:14:06+00:00

Men like sex!

Lots of women like sex too!

Golddiggers like expensive shit!

TakeTheMikki · 2020-11-11T12:07:39+00:00

The difference between being friend zoned and a FBW situation is that everyone can be rejected by someone they’ve befriended. But not everyone wants sex without emotional attachment.

Unrequited love or attraction is not the person you desires fault if they like you as just a friend that’s ok. They are not leading you on if they have never progressed pass friendship. Just remember the next time you complain you have been Friend zoned your implying it’s the person you desired fault when really it’s no one’s fault.

BlueCommieSpehsFish · 2020-11-11T12:29:29+00:00

I value both and I’m a guy.

Sex for me IS an emotional investment to an extent as well.

monopoly_life · 2020-11-11T07:37:05+00:00

Men value loyalty (not even the amount of sex), women value everything which is praised by the female social matrix... and looks.

Caring_Cactus · 2020-11-11T04:29:33+00:00

I literally don't care for sex. None of that sexuality will ever temp me, long-term that's just a cheap escape. I'm a virgin, I've quit porn too; I'm positive all things sex at this point will not blind my emotional intelligence.

Edit: Clarification and rewording

Spicygizmo · 2020-11-11T04:31:49+00:00

Men value sex. Women value looks, money and status.

jdobrila · 2020-11-11T07:11:10+00:00

Basically, men and women value the things the other sex gatekeeps.

"Men are gatekeepers of commitment" is a terper lie to make themselves feel better and pretend they have some kind of control in SMV. The idea that women want some kind of "commitment" from men is largely nonsense to begin with. They may want commitment from the beta bux, but they hardly care at all about how "commited" an alpha is.

AutoModerator · 2020-11-11T04:26:46+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Jakes1967 · 2020-11-11T10:42:26+00:00

Basically, men and women value the things the other sex gatekeeps.

This is highly dependant on where they are in their lives, what stage...

Why is it that men brag to their other friends how many women they "bang"

This is highly subjective and maybe occurs as teenagers. Many men in the 20s up, are shunned for being players.

Why is it that the majority of men have been friendzoned at least once while the majority of women have complained about f*ckboys at least once?

So, you're equating being sidelined, due to being too good a friend, with being complained about, because he'll only bang her?

Now that's some serious Red Pills...

Its because the only difference between a friendzone situation and a FWB situation is that one party is winning and the other is losing.

Two different games, relationship versus casual sex

The guys getting friendzoned, usually want relationships, the fuckboys definitely don't.

Why is it that girls on dating apps always feel the need to advertise "no hookups"

Yet those very same women, are DTF, depending on his looks...

just like guys don't give attention to women they don't find attractive.

Men have sex with whom they can - definite sex with a 4 is better than maybe with a 6....

Women marry whom they can, once again a definite marriage with a 4 is better than a no with a 10...

Also explains why married people cheat and why women who get promotions, are so extremely likely to divorce...

wtknight · 2020-11-11T11:51:30+00:00

I think that men value emotional investment and women value sex too, but with the right person. A woman loves having a guy who is willingly friendzoned because this is a form of emotional investment that she doesn't have to have sex with him for, and a man loves no-strings-attached sex because it involves no emotional investment. However, if a woman meets the right guy, then she values the sex with him too, and if a man meets the right woman, the he values the emotional investment with her too. It's just that these situations are relatively rare, and both sexes are naturally picky about who they are willing to provide this investment too.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2020-11-11T12:19:38+00:00

Go over to Deadbedroooms. There are no shortage of women complaining about lack of sex.

Stabbackqwert · 2020-11-12T06:45:41+00:00

i agree that this is part right, but slightly over simplified. The main desire, other that sex/commitment, is actually biological security. let me elaborate

if men want sex they could just get a hooker and fuck her over and over. but on a biological standpoint there is no security that his offspring will be his. (generally that is why biologically men are wary of promiscuous women).

SO. men want sex yes. but preferably with women who aren't having sex with other men. and also preferably from a woman who will make a good mother. again all relating to biological security.

women want commitment from a man who will take care of her kids for her biological security. BUT she also wants a genetically superior man to have sex with her until she is inseminated by him. if she cant get both of these from 1 man she well split each desire with 2 different men. (dual mating strategy.)

SO. women want commitment yes. but preferably from a genetically superior man. if not she will look for that commitment else where. again all relating to biological security.

WilliamWyattD · 2020-11-12T14:32:50+00:00

This is true in terms of our basic biological impulses, though there is lots of overlap.

But don't discount the ability of a strong culture to push things one way or another, if perhaps only temporarily, especially among certain demographics.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-11-12T14:58:12+00:00

False.

Men value sex but also (sometimes) a stable LTR with regular sex and other stuff.

Some men value sex and not much else.

Women have a DUAL mating strategy. They want Mr. Genes (Chadly) and they also want Mr. Cash in Jeans. (Beta Brad). Their lifelong dream is to find both these qualities in the same guy - to land a 1% man - the quintessential Christian Grey. But, most women are vastly underqualified for such a magnificent beast, and at best they can only sample his goodness in the bedroom when our lazy lion decides to 'slum it and go for a hamburger". That's what Bulging Becky^tm is to Christian Grey - a fast, convenient, sloppy hamburger. She's the McDonald's drive thru of human beings in his eyes.

Guys go after lower SMV women for sex because they're smart. A male 7 chasing other 7's - that's a Herculean effort - he's got to have fitness, cash, decent game, good personality... When I was a young playboy Peter Pan type, I recall chasing some higher SMV women, but for sex, women with lower SMV were much more accessible. We shit on Chad for picking low hanging fruit, but how many of us men did exactly the same thing?

Men are like water - they find the easiest path downhill to the lake or ocean.

ratherjerkoff2000 · 2020-11-13T08:09:59+00:00

False. Men only value sex because it’s all most women offer.

Men in the 50s valued women’s company, because they were generally pleasant to be around. Now the average woman is a permanently aggrieved feminist who thinks everything a White man does is secretly racist and the only reason she’s not CEO of Google is because patriarchy. Not a fun date.

2020-11-14T11:51:21+00:00

CMV: It is actually the opposite, as men will sleep with anything they dont value sex, but as they are very hesitant to get emotionally invested, they value that much much more.

As women will have sex only with the best, but want commitment from any man they ain't actively fucking, they value sex far far more than emotional investment.

AutoModerator · 2020-11-11T04:26:46+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a CMV. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to have your view challenged may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Asking few or no genuine questions;

Seeming more interested in arguing or convincing others than understanding opposing views;

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Explicit statements of an intent to change the other posters’ minds; or

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to CMV OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

tiposk · 2020-11-11T06:24:58+00:00

[deleted]

Willow-girl · 2020-11-11T12:44:32+00:00

WTF is "emotional investment"? Is that like where you show me how much you love me by spending 37 hours rebuilding my truck's engine?

If so, I can be down with that.

DesertWolf45 · 2020-11-11T14:30:47+00:00

Is there any science to support this position?

Women are more selective, but I suspect the reason to be that promiscuity, more often than not, is socially discouraged in women while encouraged in men. (IMO it should be discouraged in both.) The gender gap in the number of lifetime sex partners is narrowing.

Men value commitment too. There's a reason many of us don't want sluts. For us, sex tends to be "symbolic" (for the lack of a better term) -- while we enjoy the pleasure, it signals acceptance and commitment to us. It demonstrates that a woman found us physically and emotionally attractive enough to take into their beds.

Meanwhile, women who sleep around demonstrate that they're committed no more to us than they are to anyone else.

Sigma1979 · 2020-11-11T12:34:43+00:00

/u/Meetrocket8 watch this video and tell me if these women are looking for 'emotional investment' (warning: you WILL lose your faith in humanity after watching):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSq54f2JT_U&feature=youtu.be&t=240

Women seek emotional investment when they are a) older and b) dating a simp beta they want to lock down with marriage so she has access to resources. With chads, they just want to fuck.

Title	Men value sex, women value emotional investment CMV
Author	Meetrocket8
Upvotes	62
Comments	204
Date	November 11, 2020 4:26 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/js1btc/men_value_sex_women_value_emotional_investment_cmv/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-value-sex-women-value-emotional-investment-cmv.324397 https://theredarchive.com/post/324397

Comments